20161223-1st Khutba - Abdul Rahman Chao

Khutbah Opening

Verily all praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, we seek His assistance, and we seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil that resides within ourselves and from the evil that results from our sins. Whomsoever Allah guides, none shall ever misguide. And whomsoever Allah allows to be led astray, then none can guide them back to the straight path. I bear witness that there is no God worthy of worship except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ is His Messenger and Prophet.

Allah tells us in the Quran: O you who believe, be mindful of Allah as He should be, and do not die except as Muslims. O mankind, be God-conscious, for it is He who has created you from one soul, and from it its mate, and from it many men and many women. And fear Allah through whom you ask one another, by the wombs that bore you. Verily Allah is ever watchful over you. O you who believe, fear Allah and speak the truth — you will render your deeds righteous and forgive your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has indeed achieved a great victory.

Verily the best of speech is the speech of Allah, and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ. And the worst of all affairs is that which is innovated, and all innovation is misguidance, and misguidance leads to Hell. May Allah protect us.

The Story of Prophet Musa and Fir'aun

One of the most defining events that occurred during the lifetime of Prophet Musa عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ — that perhaps completely shifted his entire focus and entire life as well as his mission — was one day he entered the city. The Qur'an does not tell us exactly what city it was, but we will assume that probably it was the capital city.

Prophet Musa عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ entered the city as the Qur'an tells us:

It doesn't say which city, but some city. So he entered the city at a time when the people were unaware, and there he found two people in a very heated argument — pretty much a fight. So he found two people that were fighting. One of the men was a Hebrew like himself — as you know, Musa knew that he was a Hebrew. The other one was from one of the henchmen, one of the soldiers of Pharaoh.

And to keep the story short, the Hebrew sought Musa's عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ help in this argument. So Musa proceeded forward and simply pushed the Egyptian, one of the soldiers of Pharaoh:

So as a result, when he pushed him — Musa, obviously, عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ, is very, very strong — this resulted in this person's death. "This is from the actions of Shaytan. He is indeed a misguiding, clear, manifest enemy." He's talking about Shaytan.

So now Musa had this fear inside of his heart — he has this fear inside of his heart, he knows he has done something. Now, sometime later, he hears at another time another fight going on, some days later. No one in the city actually knew that this tragedy had occurred, no one knew about it — this first incident. But this time, Musa finds that it's the same Hebrew that was arguing and fighting that previous time — it's the same one again, it's the same one.

So Musa wanted to intervene, and this Hebrew — instead of actually understanding that Musa is trying to help him — says something that is quite ungrateful:

So this Hebrew man, after receiving Musa's help in this previous incident, turns at Musa and exposes what he did. He says: "Oh, so you want to hurt me? You want to kill me like you killed that person last time?" At this moment, Musa feared for his life — he was scared. And now the whole city heard, because that man said it so loudly. Other people heard it and thought: "Oh, we did hear of that incident some time ago — now we know it's Moses that did it. Now we know it is Moses that did it."

Musa fled the city — he was fearing for his life, he was scared. And as you know, he fled to the city of Madyan, and he asked Allah to guide him to the best path. He went there, he got married, and he was working there for so long. And then he comes back — he comes back to Fir'aun, like over a decade later.

But this time, as you can see, when Musa left there was an element of guilt inside of him — he felt guilty for what he had done, he knew that he had killed this person by accident. So when he left, he left with guilt, and there was an element of shame inside of him. But over the decade, Allah prepared him to become one of the greatest prophets that we know in Islam.

Musa Confronts Fir'aun

When Allah made him a prophet, in another surah Allah tells us that He sends Musa to go and confront Fir'aun. Now, for a lot of us, we have not addressed Fir'aun as his proper title — he is the one who is the stepfather of Musa, the one who raised Musa when he was young. So this is technically his stepfather. So Musa is afraid to now face his stepfather, now with the authority of prophethood with him.

He goes back and I want you to focus on the words that Fir'aun says to him. After Musa says to Fir'aun, "Let my people go — release with us the children of Israel, relieve them and release them from this bondage of slavery," what is Fir'aun's response? And this plays right into our topic today of shame and guilt:

"Weren't you the one that was brought up by us as a child? And you lived amongst us, and the mufassirin say that he had lived up to 30 years." So Fir'aun is trying to remind him of his place — "You are my adopted son, you grew up in my palace, you ate my food, you wore the clothes that I gave you." In other words: "You need to know your place." This is what Fir'aun is saying to Musa.

And then Fir'aun continues the verbal assault:

He says: "And you did the thing" — he didn't even want to say what he did, he just said وَفَعَلْتَ فَعْلَتَكَ الَّتِي فَعَلْتَ — "you did the thing that you had done" — in other words, the accidental murder — وَأَنتَ مِنَ الْكَافِرِينَ — "and you are from the most ungrateful." He is accusing him of being ungrateful.

Musa responds:

"I made that mistake of killing that person" — because if you were to compare that past to now, that he is a prophet, of course this is a huge difference — وَأَنَا مِنَ الضَّالِّينَ — "I was from those who were mistaken. And I fled from you when I was afraid of you. But then my Lord granted me wisdom and made me from among the Messengers."

So this is what I want to focus on: Musa fled Fir'aun over a decade ago with fear and guilt in his heart, but now he returns with حُكْمًا وَجَعَلَنِي مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ — authority and wisdom as a God-sent prophet. So Allah takes this mistake that Musa did and turns it into a positive, to strengthen him, to change him for the better.

But instead, when he meets Fir'aun, what does Fir'aun do? He guilt-trips him, he reminds him of what he's done, he shames him. And then Musa says:

"Are you going to remind me of how nice you were to me as a foster parent, in comparison to how you enslave the children of Israel? Are you trying to say that just because you were nice to me as an adoptive father, therefore what you're doing to the children of Israel — by enslaving them for hundreds of years — this is an acceptable matter?"

So if you look at these verses that we've discussed, you see Allah tells us about two themes: the theme of guilt as well as the theme of shame. And we will talk a little bit more about how Islam addresses these two issues, and how sometimes one can lead to something worse — in other words, shame and guilt can actually lead us to something that is better, and that is tawbah and change.

Second Part of the Khutbah

Before we go into the deeper analysis of guilt and shame and how Islam addresses these two issues, we have to look at the beginning of humanity — we have to look at when humans were created.

The Story of Adam and the First Experience of Shame

When Allah first created Adam, what was the situation, what happened? As you know, after Allah had created Adam, Allah said to Adam: "Don't eat from the tree." So how did Iblis — in addition to Adam forgetting — how did Iblis trick him into eating from the tree? He used two tactics. He said: Allah did not forbid you from eating this tree except:

"Except that you will be like angels" — wow, perfect beings — "or that you will live forever." And after Adam ate from that tree, what happened? The wisdom of Allah was that when he ate from that tree, his body parts would be exposed — him and his wife. And at that moment, Adam experienced shame. He started grabbing the leaves, he started trying to cover himself. And there was a bit of shame, and then following this shame was guilt. And he didn't know how to deal with this guilt because he had disobeyed Allah's commandment.

So Allah taught him how to get over this guilt of sin, of disobeying Allah. So Adam and Hawwa both said:

"Oh Allah, oh our Lord, we have transgressed upon ourselves, and if You do not forgive us then we will surely be among the losers." These are the words that Allah taught Adam in order to move forward.

Allah taught Adam the words that he should say. And in Islam, the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ has taught us that whenever you make a mistake there are things that you say in order to move forward — like you say أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ, to do more good deeds, to follow a sin with a good deed — a good deed will erase the sin. So it is a very, very normal thing for us as humans to feel shame and guilt. Adam عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ felt shame and guilt when he ate from the tree.

How Islam Distinguishes Between Shame and Guilt

So how does Islam address this issue of shame and guilt? When it comes to shame, it is usually a very negative kind of feeling. It is usually associated with fear of abandonment, it is usually associated with fear of loss — fear of loss of love, loss of closeness with friends, fear of being exposed. That's usually the feeling that you feel in regards to shame. You don't want people to see it because you are worried about their reaction.

Now, in comparison, when you feel guilt — that remorse — it is a more private feeling. You're not worried so much about how people are going to respond to you. It is a feeling inside of your heart, knowing that you've done something that's not right, and there is this urge inside of you to rectify it — there is this deep urge and feeling to want to change what you have done wrong to something good. This is the difference.

So the former — that is shame — is unhealthy, and guilt is a healthier version of what Islam wants us to deal with. And as a result, Islam teaches us to focus on guilt. The Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ tells us that to have remorse in your heart is the beginning step for repentance. And this is what Islam teaches us — that if we make a mistake, we should feel guilty for what we have done, but we shouldn't hold on to that feeling of shame over and over and over again and feel worthless and devalued and feel that we are not worthy of Allah's mercy.

Allah's Invitation to Repentance

Allah teaches us in the Quran how to deal with guilt — this idea of when you do something wrong and you try your best to change it:

"When someone repents, arising from the guilt that they have done — this remorse — then Allah will forgive them." In another verse:

That Allah will flip the sin that you have done into a good deed for you. And we know one of the names of Allah, when He forgives us, is Al-Ghafoor — that Allah is the one who forgives. And what does this mean when you say Allah is Al-Ghafoor? It means that Allah not only forgives you for the mistake that you have done, the sin that you have committed, but Allah is now happy with you.

You look at the name:

Allah is the Most Forgiving and the Most Loving. Because after He forgives you, He doesn't remind you again of what you did. When Allah forgives you, on the Day of Judgment He is not going to come back 10,000 years later and remind you, "Well, you did this or you did that." The relationship between you and Allah is restored, and that is what tawbah is.

Tawbah — to repent to Allah, to ask Him for His forgiveness — is meant to liberate you. It is not meant to shackle you down and make you feel worthless for the rest of your life. Repentance is meant for you to remember who you are so you can continue to move forward, not wallow in your self-misery and pity: "Oh, I did this, I did this, I don't deserve Allah's mercy." That is a very dangerous trait — when you shift from the guilty feeling to a shameful feeling, and then you fall into the mistake of despair. Yes, to fall into despair — this is what we have to be careful about.

How Islam Teaches Us to Deal with Others' Mistakes

So what does Islam also teach us about dealing with others when they have made a mistake? The Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ tells us that when someone else makes a mistake, you don't bring it up, you don't expose them, you don't air out the dirty laundry and remind them: "Oh, you did this and you did this and you did this, and shame on you — you did this and you did that, and I'm never going to forgive them." This is not from the way of the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ.

And so the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ tells us, even in the way when we give sadaqah:

(Quran 2:264 — also referenced in hadith literature regarding the etiquette of giving charity)

"Do not destroy your charity in two ways — either by reminding people of the charity that you have given them, or by forcefully and rudely pushing them away." Because when you remind people of their charity — of their vulnerability — you are invoking a feeling of shame inside of them. So when they really have a need to ask for something, you are going to say: "Oh well, I gave you this last time." This is not the way we treat other people, because you are going to bring this feeling of shame inside of them.

The Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ also tells us:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2442; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2580)

"Whoever covers the mistake of one Muslim, Allah will cover the mistake of that Muslim." So if someone you know has done something wrong, it is not right for the community or someone to start talking: "Did you know this person did that? Did you know 20 years ago they did this and did that?" This is what Fir'aun did to Musa — a decade later, he is still reminding him of this.

And finally, one of the characteristics that we said about Allah is that He is forgiving. We said that earlier. The best thing that you can do when it comes to dealing with other people's mistakes is to forgive them — is to forgive them.

In fact, there is a narration on the authority of the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ regarding Aisha رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا. There is some weakness here, but we can benefit from it. There was an incident where something was stolen from her, and so she was very upset — naturally, her rights had been violated. So she started making du'a against the person that did the harm — the alleged thief, if you want to put it that way. So when the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ heard her, he said to her: "Don't do that, because on the Day of Judgment, by you making du'a and cursing that person, you are lessening your reward on the Day of Judgment. You are lessening your chances of reward because of the patience that you should have exercised. And you are actually decreasing the judgment that Allah will give to them, because why? You've already given your hasanat over."

Conclusion

So this is the way that the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ and the Qur'an teach us about guilt and shame. And that is: if you have done something wrong, you ask Allah to forgive you. You sincerely come to Allah, you ask Him to forgive you, and you try your best to never return to that. But you don't let that guilty feeling turn into an unhealthy feeling of shame, where you hold on to it and feel that you are not worthy of Allah's mercy.

All of us — all humans on earth — are worthy of Allah's mercy. We ask Allah to forgive us. We ask Allah to guide us. We ask Allah to give us the ability to follow the truth. We ask Allah to protect all of us. We ask Allah to deliver us to Jannah. We ask Allah to give us a good life and a good hereafter. We ask Allah to grant us what is the best in this world and what is the best in the hereafter, and protect us from the Hellfire.