2014-12-12 - Friday Khutbah - Brother Riad Lareef

Raising Children with Knowledge, Righteousness, and Good Character

We bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and we bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, I thank and praise Allah for giving us the opportunity to be gathered here on this day of Eid al-Jumu'ah. Alhamdulillah Rabbil Alameen. Out of all the blessings that Allah has given to us, one of the blessings that we relish, one of the blessings where we place a lot of emphasis, a lot of importance, is our children.

No one can deny that our children are the best of blessings that we have. Alhamdulillah Rabbil Alameen. And it is very common, it is very natural for a person to desire the best of things for one's children. Even before the marriage, a husband is thinking about the wife, the mother that he wants to give to his son or daughter.

After marriage, when they are born, we want to give them the best of names. We want them to have the best of homes, the best of food, the best of school, the best education, the best profession. It is very natural for us to desire all these things for our children.

There is nothing wrong in desiring and wanting these blessings for our children. Yes, we want our children to have the best education, the best profession, best wives. But we also, on top of all these things, we should also desire, we should also long for one thing that matters to Allah.

The Importance of Good Manners

Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: on the Day of Judgement, nothing will be heavier on the scale of deeds except good manners. Look at what Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is telling us. He is saying that nothing will be heavier on the Day of Judgement, on the scale of deeds, except good manners.

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4799; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2003)

And he continued and said that Allah does not like foul or coarse language. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says that the best thing a person could have is the best of manners. And we also know from another hadith where he was talking about his own purpose — he said that he was not sent but to perfect the morals.

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 8952; al-Adab al-Mufrad, Hadith 273)

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was sent to perfect the morals of humanity. So my dear brothers and sisters, it is very important that we give our children the right morals, the right values, the right virtues.

So as we bring up our children, what should we focus on? What should be our goals? What should be our methodology for tarbiyah — training and education? I am just going to borrow a few verses from the Quran to expand upon some of the general principles of bringing up children, of where we should be focusing on, inshallah. By no means is this an all-inclusive list. These are just some general principles that we could follow in our life, inshallah.

First Principle: The Correct Knowledge

The first thing that, my dear brothers and sisters, we want to impart on our children is the correct understanding — the right knowledge. I am not saying knowledge, I am saying the correct knowledge. The correct understanding of knowledge, which is very, very important.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said that seeking knowledge is mandatory upon every male and every female.

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 224)

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said in another hadith that contemplating for one hour — really sitting down and contemplating about Allah — is better than 70 years of mechanical worship. One time, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was addressing Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) and he said: O Abu Darda, if we were to understand one verse from the Quran, it is better than 100 rak'ah of mechanical worship. If we take the time to understand one verse from the Quran, it is better than 100 years of mechanical worship.

And this is the emphasis that Allah puts on knowledge. And the way Allah says in the Quran, in Surah Az-Zumar:

Say: Are those who know equal to those who do not know? Only those of understanding will take heed. Allah also confirms in the Quran that He will elevate the ranks of those people who have knowledge.

So in Islam, it is very important that we seek out knowledge — but seek out correct knowledge.

What is Righteousness?

All of us want our children to be righteous, to be truthful, to be patient, to be pious. This is very natural for us to want these things for our children. But what is righteousness? Unfortunately, we as Muslims have restricted Islam to the boundaries of the masjid. If you see someone coming to the masjid regularly, you think that that person is righteous — because that is our definition of righteousness. We limit ourselves, we limit Islam to the boundaries of the masjid. It doesn't matter what we do outside the boundaries of the masjid. Islam is a way of life. It should influence you in all aspects of life. That is why Allah says in the Quran:

O you who believe, enter Islam completely in all aspects of life. So we have to understand these things in a comprehensive way. When we want our children to be righteous, what does righteousness include? What does it encompass? Is our definition of righteousness the same as the definition of Allah? Allah in the Quran, in Surah Al-Baqarah, says:

Allah is telling us in this ayah that it is not righteousness for you to merely turn your faces towards the east or the west. Even though this particular verse is talking about the direction of prayer, it also includes other forms of worship that you just do mechanically. And Allah is telling us: it is not righteousness for you to simply and merely turn your faces right and left.

But righteousness is — and Allah is including the pillars of faith within the confines of righteousness. The first thing that Allah includes in the boundaries of righteousness is that we have the right belief. That we believe in Allah. That we believe in the Day of Judgement — that one day we are going to stand in front of Allah and we are going to be asked for our deeds, good or bad, in this life. We believe in that. We believe in the angels, we believe in the messengers that Allah sent to mankind, and we believe in the books that Allah sent to mankind. So the first element that Allah includes in righteousness is that we have the right belief.

And sometimes, my dear brothers and sisters, we think Islam is all about just ourselves. As long as we take care of ourselves, we are good. As long as I do the things that I ought to be doing, I am good. I don't have to worry about my neighbors. I don't have to worry about my relatives. But immediately after Allah emphasizing and defining what righteousness is, He switches and says:

After including the pillars of faith within righteousness, Allah brings another component that is part of righteousness: that you take care of the people around you. That you give your wealth — the wealth that you love — you give it to the people around you, your relatives. Allah is giving us the categories of people that we ought to be giving to.

Immediately after telling us that your pillars of faith and your belief are part of righteousness, after that you have to turn and do action. Because most of the people that we see around us, they go after knowledge. Everyone desires knowledge. But what comes after knowledge? We have to act according to that knowledge. Allah is defining righteousness as having the right belief and taking care of the people around you.

Then that ayah continues:

Allah says: you establish prayer, you give zakah, and when you make a covenant, you fulfill that covenant. That is also part of righteousness. Your prayer, your zakah, and your being truthful — these are all part of righteousness. Then Allah says:

Allah then adds patience as part of righteousness. You be patient under any kind of hardship or affliction, and you be patient when there is a struggle going on between truth and falsehood. They are the ones who are truly righteous, who are truly pious, who are truly God-conscious.

Look at how Allah defines righteousness. It includes an element of belief. It includes you taking care of the people around you — it is not just about you. Then you take care of your prayer, you give zakah, you be truthful, when you give your promise you fulfill your promise, and you be patient. These are all elements of righteousness, my dear brothers and sisters.

So as we look for knowledge, we have to look for the correct knowledge, the correct understanding, the comprehensive knowledge. That is what is going to help us. Most of us come from back home, from areas where we are not taught the deen of Allah that clearly. But we have a responsibility — we live in this world, and we have an opportunity to give our children the right knowledge, the knowledge with the right understanding. So we should focus on that.

Second Principle: Acting Upon Knowledge

Like I said, my dear brothers and sisters, after we gain knowledge, we should focus on implementing that knowledge. We see people attending lectures after lectures, but what comes after attending these lectures?

Allah calls us the best of people ever produced on the face of this earth for mankind:

Why does Allah call us the best of mankind ever produced on the face of this earth? Because Allah gives us an immediate responsibility: do you really want to be part of this great ummah, this best of nations? Then we forbid all that is evil, and enjoin all that is good, and we believe in Allah. You have to go out and work. Just having knowledge is not sufficient. You have to act upon that knowledge. You have to act within yourself, and you have to take care of the people around you. Then only can we become that best of nations.

Because that particular ayah is a very strong ayah — it's a scary ayah if you look at it. Because after Allah giving us this greatest title, He immediately gives an example of what happened to people who did not keep their promise, who did not keep up the covenant:

It would have been better for the People of the Book if they had truly believed, if they had discharged their duties and the responsibilities that were given to them by Allah — taking care of themselves, taking care of the people around them. But they did not. Allah is telling us: among them there were some believers, but the majority of them were defiant transgressors.

My dear brothers and sisters, we should not fall under that category — may Allah protect us. We want to be part of this Khairu Ummah.

Third Principle: Working Together as a Community

So now, we talked about two principles: the first one is getting the right knowledge, and the second is working on that knowledge, acting on that knowledge. Now how should we act? Here comes the important point. Because we live in a country where people adore individualism. We adore individualism. We want to be by ourselves. We don't want to work with people. We want to be famous just for ourselves. We want to do everything by ourselves.

Even at work — if you are in the IT industry, you have a project manager, a set of developers and analysts, people working as a team. If you are a doctor, there are nurses around you, there are other doctors around you. We all work as a team. So similarly, my dear brothers and sisters, we cannot be by ourselves. Indeed, it is a command from Allah. Allah says in Surah Al-Kahf:

Allah says: keep yourself with those people who call upon Allah in the morning and in the evening, seeking just the face of Allah, seeking just the pleasure of Allah. This is a command from Allah. Allah is emphasizing that we should work together as a community, that we should come together as an ummah and work for the sake of Allah. And our goal of living, our goal of struggle, is just to seek the pleasure of Allah.

As we teach our children about the principles and the virtues, and asking them to work, we always have to encourage them to work together as a team, as a community, as a jama'ah. Allah puts a lot of blessings in working together as a jama'ah. And that's why we come together — not only on Fridays, but all other obligatory prayers we come together and stand in front of Allah. Because Allah puts more blessings when we come together and pray. Similarly, when we come together and work, Allah will give us good results.

We have to work together, with the same mindset, with the same belief, with the same frequency. And our frequency is that we keep Allah's pleasure as our focus. That is what brings all of us together. And Allah, in the same ayah, after telling us what we should be doing, also tells us what we should not be doing:

After telling us to find the right people to work with, Allah says: do not follow, do not obey the one whose heart is completely heedless of Allah. Do not follow them, do not obey them. There is a great lesson in this ayah for all of us, especially our youth. When we find companions, when we find friends in schools or in other places, what kind of friends ought we to be looking for? Allah says in this ayah: don't follow the one whose heart is heedless, who follows his desires, and whose affairs are always in neglect.

Choosing the Right Companions

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was once asked: Ya Rasulullah, who is the best companion? And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: the best companion is the one that when you see him, he reminds you of Allah. When he speaks and when he acts, he reminds you of the Hereafter. When he speaks, he increases you in knowledge.

(Al-Mu'jam al-Awsat, al-Tabarani; reported with similar wording in various collections)

Now I am asking this question to the brothers, to the adults and to the youth: who are your companions? When you see the people that you spend your time with, day in and day out — do they remind you of Allah? Do they increase you in knowledge? Do they remind you of the Hereafter? The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: the person who does all these things for you, he is the best of companions.

So my dear brothers and sisters, we have to teach our children to find the right friends. Because the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم also gave us a warning: you will be on the religion of your companions.

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4833; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378)

Very true. This is very true, my dear brothers and sisters. We just heard a story about a month or so ago. A sister called and said: my brother was in contact with some Christians, and the Christians started asking him some questions. Those questions were very simple and could have been answered very easily, but he was not able to answer — he didn't have the right knowledge. And this prolonged for a long time, until he gave up his deen. And now he is studying to become a Bible scholar. SubhanAllah. May Allah bring the brother back to his deen, to Allah's deen, inshallah.

This is what is going on, my dear brothers and sisters. We have to make sure that we give the right companionship to our children.

So the first thing is we give the right knowledge. The second is that we want them to practice what they learn. And the third is we want them to work together, because they can strengthen each other and keep the deen within the boundaries of Islam.

Second Part of the Khutbah

Alhamdulillah Rabbul Alameen. Alhamdulillah wa salatu wa salam 'ala Rasulillah wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi wa man wala.

Why do we want to do all these things? Why do we want our children to have the right knowledge, to be with the proper people, to be with the proper company, and to practice the deen of Allah? Because we want them to be with us in Jannah. And this is a promise from Allah. He says in Surah At-Tur:

The people who believe, and whose offspring follow them in belief, Allah will join them together in Jannah. Let's say a father reaches Jannah, and Allah, because of his good deeds, places him at the highest level in Jannah. And the son who followed him also did some good deeds and was worthy of Jannah — he entered Jannah as well, but at a lower level. But Allah's promise is that He will join them together. And how does Allah join the parents and the child together? Allah does not bring the father down from the highest level to the lowest level where the son is. But He will elevate the level of the son, bring him to the highest level, and join him with his father. And this is also applicable if the son enters the higher level and the father is at a lower level. This is the promise of Allah.

As a matter of fact, the angels are making this du'a. In Surah Al-Ghafir, Allah says:

The angels are pleading to Allah, making du'a: Ya Allah, make them enter Jannah — not just themselves, but their fathers, their spouses, their children. This is the du'a of the angels. Because Allah is able to make us enter Jannah.

Indeed, Allah and His angels send salutations upon the Prophet. O you who have believed, send salutations upon him and salute him with a worthy salutation.

Indeed, Allah commands justice and good conduct and giving to relatives, and He forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded. So observe the prayer.