Guarding Marriages from Shayṭān | Isha Khatirah | Dr. AbdulRazzak Junaid

The Prophet ﷺ as a Father-in-Law: A Model of Reconciliation

I gave yesterday, the title or summary, the Prophet ﷺ as a father. So there's one particular riwayah I wasn't able to mention because of the time, and I'm going to share it with you all today insha'Allah ta'ala. Very profound riwayah and hadith, and I'll expand on it as well insha'Allah ta'ala. The Prophet ﷺ, sallu ala rasulillah, اللهم صل وسلم وبارك على سيدنا محمد.

In one instance, the Prophet ﷺ as I mentioned, you know, he wasn't just a father in the early childhood years. That fatherhood and that parenting remains until your children are your children. Until either they pass away or you pass away. And may Allah unite us all together with our families in Jannah. Qul ameen.

The Incident at Fatima's Home

In one instance, the Prophet ﷺ visited the home of Fatima at the time of Qaylulah. At the time of Qaylulah, where usually the family men are at home because that's when they rest. And the Prophet ﷺ, he noticed something was wrong with Fatima. You know, he could tell something was bothering her. And Ali wasn't there at a time where usually he would find both of them there. And so he asked her, he said, أين ابن عمك؟ Where's your cousin? Where's Ali?

And the Prophet ﷺ, you know, he knows something's wrong. And so Fatima, she said that, كان بيني وبينه شيء. Something happened between me and him. You know, he made me upset, فخرج. غضبني فخرج. He made me upset and then he left. And he didn't do Qaylulah with me at home.

Abu Turab - A Father-in-Law's Wisdom

And so the Prophet ﷺ, he sent, you know, to find where Ali رضي الله عنه is, where his whereabouts are. And he's in the masjid of Rasulullah ﷺ lying down. And, you know, back in the day they had the izar and the rida. Very rarely would you have the qamis, like what you wear a thobe today, or shawar, you know, the shawar qamis, where you put your head through and you have, you know, your sleeves. They would have just cloth that they would wrap themselves around, similar to how we wear ihram. And so Ali رضي الله عنه is lying there. He has, of course, the bottom piece on and the top is off and it's turab. He's lying on the dirt and so his back gets dusty, gets dirt on it.

And so the Prophet ﷺ, he sees him lying down in this situation. And subhanAllah, look at what a father-in-law he was. If someone were to make our daughters upset, what would we do? I gave you this amanah, you didn't treat my daughter right. This is why I give you my daughter. They would make the problem way worse. Instead of bringing fire and taking sand on top of the fire, they take instead gasoline. والعياذ بالله حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل.

And so the Prophet ﷺ, he goes, he calms the situation down. He goes to Ali رضي الله عنه, affectionately gives him a nickname. And this is one of the most beloved nicknames to Ali رضي الله عنه. He says to him, قم أبا تراب Stand up, get up, Abu Turab. Get up, O father of Turab. Because his back had Turab and the Prophet ﷺ is wiping it off of him. Wiping it off of him.

Lessons in Conflict Resolution

So there is of course a lesson for the men from Ali رضي الله عنه and his action. You know they say, don't touch the frying pan when it's still hot. Wait till it cools, then touch it. If there is a problem at home, if you stay at home, what's gonna happen? You're gonna see something that upsets her. She's gonna see something that upsets you. Rather, Ali رضي الله عنه looks, subhanAllah, at the wisdom. He left the home so that what? He doesn't say anything that may hurt Fatima رضي الله عنها more. That's also from the prophetic wisdom.

And then you look at the Prophet ﷺ as a father-in-law, how he comes to reconcile between his daughter and his son-in-law and fixes and mends their marriage together. This is a sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ. He would fix the individual hearts of people and he will also mend their homes.

The Threat of Shaytan to Muslim Families

And we know today how much divorce has skyrocketed. They say for every two marriages, one of them is going to end up into a divorce. May Allah protect our homes, Ya Rabb. اللهم اجعل بيوتنا بيوت مودة وسكينة ورحمة May Allah protect our homes, Ya Rabb العالمين, and protect our homes from the shayateen, الإنس والجن.

Shaytan, he loves divorce. In fact, there is a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ where shaytan, he has his throne in the ocean. And he has his minions, the small shayateen go around and doing his tasks and then they bring the report card to him. They bring the report to him. Oh, I did this, this, this, that. And he would say to them, Iblis, he'll say, nah, you didn't do anything. ما صنعت شيئا. You didn't do anything.

And then the different minions are coming, coming, until one of them comes and he said that I stayed by that person until I became the reason and I separated between him and his wife. حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل. And then what does shaytan say? What does Iblis say? That's the one. نعم أنت. You are the one. This is what I was looking for. And then يُكريمه and you know what Iblis, you can imagine what he would do to that shaytan celebrating the destroying of a household and the destroying of a marriage.

Why? You know, there's a hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ in the Sunan: The worst of the halal, what is permissible to Allah is what? الطلاق. لماذا? Why? It's permissible, yes, depending on the circumstance. A person might have to do it. But other than that, when you preserve the Muslim family, then you are preserving the Muslim community. What is a community except a wall that is built up of many bricks and each brick is a family. Once a family is removed from that community, then the community starts to collapse.

The Community's Foundation

That's why shaytan, he goes always after the community. That's why the munafiqoon, the Jews, they always attack the Muslim women. Why? Because once the Muslim family collapses, the community collapses. The community collapses, the ummah collapses. So it's very important for us to do as Rasulullah ﷺ did, to follow his sunnah of islah, to follow his sunnah of reconciliation and coming to mend hearts instead of separating them further.

Examples of the Prophet's Reconciliation

If you look at the life of Rasulullah ﷺ, he did this over and over and over again. He mended the hearts of people, and he mended the homes of people, and he even mended the tribal feuds that existed between the people. You all know. Who joined Ansar and Khazraj? Who joined Al-Aws wal-Khazraj? Rasulullah ﷺ.

At one time in his seerah, the people of Quba, they were hurling, throwing rocks at each other. Community, they got into a fight. Rasulullah ﷺ, what did he do? He immediately told his companions, and he left to Quba to stop the situation, to stop the fighting. And so he ﷺ went there to Quba, which is about how long of a walk? It takes time. It means he ﷺ put effort in it. So sometimes doing islah, coming to mend the hearts of people, takes effort.

He ﷺ tells his companions, they go to do sulh between the people of Quba that are having that feud and throwing rocks at each other. And in the meantime, those that are in Masjid al-Nabwi, they're waiting for the Prophet. They're waiting, they're waiting. And then they say, you know what? We're just gonna have to pray salah. Bilal رضي الله عنه does the adhan. Who did they push forward for imamah? Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه. This is foreshadowing his khilafah. Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه is leading the prayer of Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sallu ala Rasulullah.

Would he ever delay the prayer? No. Unless there was a big reason. And so here Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he comes in the middle of the salah because of doing sulh, because of reconciliation between people. He comes in the middle of the prayer, Abu Bakr goes back, the Prophet ﷺ goes forward. You see?

Aisha and Ibn Zubair: A Lesson in Forgiveness

Another example of our pious predecessors, Aisha رضي الله عنها. She was very generous. She followed the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ, the family of Rasulullah ﷺ, the most generous. And at the time of the khilafah of Muawiyah رضي الله عنه, he gave her a big lump sum of wealth. And what did she do? She kept giving it in charity, giving it in charity to the point where everything she had she gave. That all that wealth she got, she gave it to all of the poor people. And at the time of Maghrib, she had asked her servant girl, bring the food. She said, there's no food, you gave everything away. You gave everything away.

And her nephew, Abdullah ibn Zubair رضي الله عنه, he was upset at this. And he said, by Allah, unless Aisha doesn't stop doing this, then I'm going to limit her finances. Does the nephew have the right to limit the finances of his khala? Of course not. It's actually, it's an offensive thing to say. You do Hajar, and you limit the finances of someone like a child or an orphan who hasn't yet to grow up or someone who isn't fully intellectually there. And so this is like an insult.

Aisha رضي الله عنها, she hears this, and she says, لله علي نذر ألا أكلم ابن الزبير أبدا By Allah, I take an oath that I will never speak to Ibn Zubair ever again. That's her nephew. That's the khala, like a mother. The khala is like the mother.

The Reconciliation

And so Ibn Zubair, time had passed, time had passed, and he's so sad, so depressed because of the fact that connection to his khala, that motherly love is no longer there, that connection is gone, and time has passed. And Aisha is not going to break an oath that she makes with Allah.

And so Ibn Zubair, he goes to the students of Aisha, the tabi'oon, scholars, or the tabi'oon studying with Aisha رضي الله عنها. And you know, they would study من وراء حجاب There would be a curtain, and they would study behind the curtain, and Aisha رضي الله عنها would teach them. And so one time he asked them, please come in between and help me do sulh so I can get back my relationship with my khala. And so they agreed.

So they brought the tabi'oon, they came, Abdullah Ibn Zubair is there, Aisha رضي الله عنها is behind the curtain, and they asked, السلام عليكم And they said, can we enter? She said, yes. Then they said, كلنا, all of us? And then she said, yeah, of course, كلكم And so they all go in behind the curtain, and Abdullah Ibn Zubair enters to Aisha رضي الله عنها, his khala, in the curtain, and then he goes and he kisses her, he's asking for forgiveness, asking for forgiveness, please forgive me.

And she keeps repeating, النذر شديد النذر شديد I made an oath by Allah. I made an oath by Allah. And the setting is so emotional. He's connected to his khala, there's been a separation. And those students of her, they're also encouraging her, لا يحل للمسلم أن يهجر أخاه فوق ثلاث You're not supposed to, you know, separate from your Muslim brother more than three nights. You're not supposed to do hujran of him for more than three nights. And they're repeating the same hadith that they learned from Aisha رضي الله عنها.

And they said to her, there is a مخرج, there is a way out. Just give the kafarah, do the expiation. And so finally she agrees, and she does the expiation, but not one slave, 40 of them. She does, in order to what? Bring back the hearts together. Do islah between the people.

Guidelines for Reconciliation

So when it comes to doing sulh between people, يا جماعة, there are a few rules that we should remember, a few adab that I'm going to end the khatira with, a few action items. It's one of the most rewarding things that a person can do.

Number one, when you lie for the sake of islah, it's okay. ليس الكذاب الذي يصلح بين الناس فينمي خيرا ويقول خيرا He is not a liar, the one who lies in order to mend the ties and bring the hearts together. If you go for example, two brothers are fighting and you know that it's something very small, it's not really a big deal. And you go to one of them, you know that brother, he was mentioning you in khayr. He was mentioning you in so much khayr and he misses the relationship that you once had. Why don't you make things better?

Then you go to the other person and you do the same thing. Unfortunately now, what do people do? Instead of doing that, they do the opposite. You know, he was saying this about you. Or you know, he put you down. Or you know, your husband, he did this. Or you know, your wife, she did this. They make it worse instead of making it better. والعياذ بالله

The second thing we can take when it comes to doing islah, is don't wait. Don't wait for the volcano to erupt. Make sure you go beforehand and as soon as you see the problem, go forward and don't wait. Just like Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم صلوا على رسول الله When the people of Quba were fighting, he went immediately. So if a person is having issues at home or having issues with someone, don't wait for the issue to become bigger and bigger. Solve it right away. Solve it right away.

Number three. Before you get into the business of others, make sure you know the full story. Are you even the right person to enter in? Or are you a stranger? Know the full story. Don't jump the gun. Sometimes people, when they try to do sulh between others, they start to jump the gun instead of taking some time and realizing the full situation, and then giving assistance.

The fourth thing is one-on-one nasiha has a big role here. One-on-one nasiha. That you go to this person, you go, for example, to the husband, you say, she's the mother of your children, she's done so much for you, be forgiving, be like the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and character and elevate that person when you give them advice. Don't put them down. How can you do such a thing? How are you like this? Rather say, you are a person of prophetic character. Be a person of forgiveness. Elevate them rather than putting them down.

Number five, the muslih, the one who comes to do islah between people, you cannot just expect to talk to them once and the situation will be fixed. It requires mutaba'ah. It requires following up with them as well. If you truly care for them, if you really want to build a prophetic community, you want to make our communities and our homes strong, then we also have to have that consistent care, not just one time and then you forget them, but having that mutaba'ah.

And the last thing, the last thing and perhaps the most important, is for couples, that if you have an issue with your spouse or if you have an issue with your friend, don't start to spread it around because when you have an issue with someone, you're able to forgive them, they're able to forgive you. But as soon as you start to add people, the problem becomes bigger. You add your parents, then you add your in-laws, then you add the extended family, then you add the community, then it's on social media, khalas. How are you going to fix that?

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, what does He say about the spouse?

What does the cloth do? It gives you honor, it dignifies you, it covers you from being exposed to others. So when you go and expose the faults of your spouse to others, they won't be as forgiving as you are. So keep the problem within you and your husband. Keep the problem between you and your friend. Don't spread it to other people because a lot of times people don't have the right intention and they are not from المصلحين, they're from المفسدين. والعياذ بالله