How the Qur’an Teaches Parenting | Jumu'ah Khutbah | Dr. AbdulRazzak Junaid

Opening Praise and Testimony

Allah says in the Holy Qur'an:

And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, وحده لا شريك له and He alone has no partner. جلَّ عن الشَّبِيهِ وَالْمَثِيلِ وَالْكُفْئِ وَالنَّظِيلِ

And I bear witness that our master Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger and His advisor and His friend and the best of His creation and His trustee in His revelation. He was sent as a mercy for all worlds, and a proof for all people. Allah guided him out of misguidance, and made him see out of ignorance, and strengthened him after weakness, and honored him after the afflictions, and comforted him after fear, and enriched him after hardship. So blessings be upon him and peace, and upon his pure and good family, and all his companions, and whosoever follows them with good to the Day of Recompense.

All praise is due to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, our creator, the originator and designer of the heavens and the earth. And upon the best of creation, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam we send our salutations upon him, his family, his companions and all those that follow them in goodness till the end of times. اللهم اجعلنا منهم

The Challenge of Modern Parenting

My dear beloved brothers and sisters of Islam, we live in a time of information overload where we're constantly bombarded with new information. New news articles, new things that appear on our gadgets and our devices. And the people are starving for meaning. They're starving for guidance. They're starving for wisdom. They're starving for that wisdom that comes through the revelation and that comes with wahi.

And our children, they may actively have parents at home, but they, when you look at it really, they are being raised by those same devices. By those algorithms, by those influencers, by all of those creators on those web spaces. They're being raised by them instead of the parents at home. وَاللهُ الْمُسْتَعَان

Quranic Guidance for Parenting

And so there is a very important question that comes to mind: Did Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us any guidance for us as to how to raise our children in the Qur'an? Is there anything in the Qur'an that tells me and gives me guiding principles as to how I can be a successful parent and make sure that the children I love so much will be raised the proper way? Is there any guidance in the Qur'an?

Of course there is. Dozens and dozens of ayat where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us direction as to how to be good parents to our children. And one particular place is the place where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions to us the advice of Luqman alayhi as-salam to his son.

The Perfect Placement of Surah Luqman

But before we dive into the advices themselves, we must understand where the advice and where Surah Luqman takes place in the Qur'an. The order of the Qur'an is not arbitrary. Just as everything in the solar system is so perfectly placed by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, every ayah, every word, every letter in the Qur'an is perfectly placed. Just as we look into the solar system and we observe the world around us and we say subhanallah, just like a person who knows truly the Qur'an - لَا تَنْقَضِي عَجَائِبُه - they will say the same thing: subhanallah, this cannot be a book from a man. This has to be from Allah azza wa jal.

Surah Luqman comes in the stretch of surahs that are called mathani. The Qur'an is in four parts: The first, as-saba'u tiwal from the beginning, Baqara all the way to Tawba and Anfal. And then you have mi'in - the surahs that are 100 ayahs and above from Yunus all the way till Qasas. And afterwards you have something that is called mathani, and then you have mufassal.

Mathani repeats the themes and what Allah azza wa jal already had previously taught us in the beginning of the Qur'an to firmly place it in our hearts. Why is this important?

Surah al-Baqara and Surah Luqman are alike. Surah Luqman is like a small Surah al-Baqara. Allah azza wa jal in Surah al-Baqara tells us that this book is huda - this is the guidance. Surah Ali Imran tells us to be like the family of Imran. Surah Luqman and Surah as-Sajda also are surahs that begin with Alif Laam Meem.

And you have after them a surah that begins with "Ya ayyuhal..." - "Ya ayyuhan nabi" - and just like that you have in the beginning of the Qur'an Nisa and Ma'idah: "Ya ayyuhan naas, ya ayyuhal lazeena aamanu." Those surahs tell us about the rights of the people and the covenants that we take. Surah al-Ahzab tells us about the right of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam.

Then you have in the beginning of the Qur'an Surah al-An'am which is a surah of tawheed - "Alhamdulillahi..." You have then after Luqman, Sajda, Ahzab, you have Saba and Fatir which also begin with "Alhamdulillahi, alhamdulillahi..." They are literally mirroring the teachings that come early in the Qur'an.

And so Surah Luqman mirrors Surah al-Baqarah in that way. It begins the same way almost: الم ذَٰلِكَ الْكِتَابُ لَا رَيْبَ فِيهِ - الم تِلْكَ آيَاتُ الْكِتَابِ الْحَكِيمِ هُدًى لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ - هُدًى وَبُشْرَىٰ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ. Amazing this Qur'an, amazing!

The Concept of Khalifa

And in Surah al-Baqara Allah azza wa jal tells us the main theme of Surah al-Baqara is that you and I are khulafaullah alal ard - Allah has made us khalifa. What does khalifa mean? Imam Hassan al-Basri, that great scholar and tabi'i, said it means that you are people that are successive in generations. You come from parents and you will have children, and you have children, and you have children.

Surah Luqman tells us how to be khulafaullah alal ard and how we raise our children, because we know iman does not begin later on but it begins from the moment of childhood.

The Wisdom of Luqman

Now let's look into the advice of Luqman alayhi salam. Allah azza wa jal says of Luqman:

"We gave Luqman wisdom." What is wisdom? When you have knowledge and you are able to act with it appropriately as Allah intended or as Allah wants - وَضْعُ الشَّيْءِ فِي مَحَلِّهِ.

And when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala describes the wisdom of Luqman alayhi salam, how does he describe it?

That he is grateful to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So we must all be grateful to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for all of the blessings that he has given us.

Taking Responsibility for Our Children's Tarbiyah

But really the wisdom shines when Allah azza wa jal says in the ayah right after:

And that wisdom - the wisdom of a parent, of a father and a mother - is when they sit their child and they give them advice. They don't outsource their tarbiyah of their children. "My children will get the tarbiyah from the masjid. My children will get the tarbiyah from their teacher, from the school, from the ma'had, from this..."

Luqman alayhi salam did not outsource his tarbiyah. He took responsibility of it. And so us as parents, we must take the responsibility of the tarbiyah of our children. And just as Luqman alayhi salam gave advice to his son, we must also be there to give advice to our children.

Don't let social media and these gadgets give them advice. You as a parent who truly loves them and wants them to be people of jannah - may Allah make us from people of jannah - you know what's best for them. And so it's important that you give advice.

You know, a personal story of mine where my mother and my friend's mother Hafiz Abdul Jabbar were attending a lecture of Sheikh Muhammad Al Sharif - Allah have mercy on him ya rab - many years ago, two decades ago almost. And they came to him and they said, "You know Sheikh, our sons they play too many video games. Can you give us some advice? Can you give them advice? Go speak to them."

They brought us with them. And Sheikh Muhammad Al Sharif, subhanallah, so powerfully he said: "Who bought them the video games?" Immediately turned the direction onto the parents. "You're the one responsible over the tarbiyah. You're the one responsible when you gave them the phone, when you gave them that full access. So take that tarbiyah under your own responsibility, under your own wing, because it's an amanah from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. May Allah allow us to fulfill this amanah ya rab."

Speaking with Love

Subhanallah! Throughout the advice of Luqman alayhi salam, you constantly see him saying "Oh my beloved son." My dear brothers and sisters, speak with love to your children. Speak with mercy to your children. You know how much you love them - why doesn't it show in your words? Why doesn't it show when you talk to them?

Instead of insulting them, hoping that that will change them, give them those loving words. Give them that positive feedback. Give them that rahmah that Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam and Islam taught us.

The First Priority: Aqeedah

"Oh my beloved son, don't associate partners with Allah, because shirk is a great oppression" - first with you, and then to your khaliq, and to the rest of the creation.

Look at Luqman alayhi salam. What is the first thing he advises his son? This is important. We need to learn the fiqh of prioritization. As parents, if we're more concerned about our children waking up for school and we're like, "You know, let him sleep five more minutes for fajr. It's okay, it's okay. You know he's tired, he has school in the morning." If we're more concerned about the dunya than the akhirah, are we following the advice of Luqman alayhi salam?

Those same parents - when their children are failing school, how hard do you think they would make sure to discipline their children to make sure they get those good grades? Those same parents - if their children fall sick, they wouldn't hesitate to take them to the hospital. Where are those parents in bringing their children to the masjid? Where are those parents in teaching their children the Qur'an? Where are those parents in connecting them to the divine guidance?

May Allah make us murabbeen ya rab. اللهم اجعلنا بررة ومربين - may Allah make us righteous to our parents and allow us to do good tarbiyah to our children.

The Three Circles of Education

So he begins first with establishing aqeedah. When you look at the advice of Luqman alayhi salam, there's three circles: aqeedah, ibadah, and mu'amalah.

It's important as a parent that you make sure that you nurture your child's relationship with their creator Allah, and you nurture their relationship with you as parents, and then you nurture and you teach them how to be with the rest of mankind. That is essentially the advice of Luqman alayhi salam and the lessons of parenting that we can take from Luqman alayhi salam.

The Divine Interjection: Rights of Parents

After Luqman gives the advice about shirk, Allah azza wa jal - there's a divine interjection, jumla itiradiya. All of the advice is "my beloved son, my beloved son," but over here Allah azza wa jal says:

Allah azza wa jal now speaks: "And we have commanded insan to be good to his parents. His mother carried him difficulty after difficulty, pain after pain, cramp after cramp, and his weaning in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents."

Subhanallah! Allah azza wa jal here is giving us a subtle lesson, my dear brothers and sisters, that if you take care of your child's relationship with their creator, Allah will guarantee you that they will be good, obedient children to you.

Sometimes we wonder: "My child doesn't listen to me. My child doesn't want to respect me. My child doesn't this, my child doesn't this." But if we really build in their hearts taqwa of Allah and awareness of Allah, Allah guarantees for us that those children who truly fear Allah will not be impacted by any liberal world views. They will not be impacted by the society around them. Why?

The Fear of Allah: Foundation of Righteous Children

Because their fear of Allah will make them obedient children. Their fear of Allah will prevent them from abandoning their parents when they become older. Their fear of Allah is what will guarantee بر الوالدين (birr al-walidayn). Nothing else, because everything else you cannot rely on, only on Allah.

I ask Allah to make us from those that truly have توكل (tawakkul) in Him.

If they truly, those parents, they are disbelievers and they strive, and they strive, and they strive to make those children, their children disbelieve in Allah - don't listen to them in that affair. But you still must be in their company with kindness. وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا (wa sahibhuma fi'd-dunya ma'rufa).

Compare the Quranic Worldview with Liberal Views

Compare what the Quran has to say about the Western and liberal world views that exist about parents. Where once their parents are old - khalas, rayiht nafsi - I'm done with them. They're old, now I have no responsibility due to my parents.

Allah says even if they're disbelievers, even if they're so persistent in making you disbelieve, even still, even still you must be in their company with kindness. Then what about an annoyance or something that bothers you? Even still you must be in the company of your parents.

And then Allah says: وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ (wattabi' sabila man anaba ilayya) - "And follow the path of those that have turned to Me."

The Importance of Righteous Company

Why does Allah mention this? This is the importance of having righteous company, righteous صحبة (sohbah), a righteous community. Because when you see practicing believers taking care of their parents, you see a community that is concerned with the elderly. Naturally it will come in your heart that I also have this responsibility.

But if the circle that is around you is one that does not care about their parents, is a circle that the moral compass is not Quran and Sunnah, then they will say self-care. You need to take care of yourself. Who cares? They can take care of themselves.

وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ (wattabi' sabila man anaba ilayya)

And then a warning: ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ (thumma ilayya marji'ukum) - "To Me you will return." فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ (fa unabbi'ukum bima kuntum ta'malun) - "And I will let you know what you used to do."

May Allah forgive us of our shortcomings. Ya Rabb al-Alameen. اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الْبَارِّينَ وَمِنَ الْمُرَبِّينَ (Allahumma aj'alna min al-barreen wa min al-murabbeen).

Second Khutbah: The Advice of Luqman

Foundation: Aqeedah

My dear brothers, the first thing we need to embed in the hearts of our children is عقيدة (aqeedah). They need to know who Allah is. Strengthen your children's bond with their Creator. And then you must work on their عبادة (ibadah) - that they be obedient servants to Allah.

Immediately then the advice of Luqman comes:

That no matter how small a deed may be, good or bad, if it's hidden beneath a huge boulder or somewhere in the heavens or somewhere in the earth, Allah will bring it forward.

Teach Fear of Allah, Not Fear of People

Don't teach your children to be afraid of people. Teach your children to be afraid of the Lord of people. What will people say? What will people say? This is why you find so many hidden addictions that exist in our communities. Why? Because we're not afraid of Allah - we've become afraid of people. What will people say?

We must put in the hearts of our children to be aware and cognizant that no matter where they are, no matter how hidden they may be, no matter what they do in the privacy of their homes, Allah sees everything. Allah sees everything. إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ (inna Allaha latifun khabeer).

Command Good and Forbid Evil

And then Luqman tells his son: Reform yourself, fix yourself, and don't stop there - command good and forbid evil.

The Sahaba they asked Rasulullah: "Can we be destroyed and we have righteous people amongst us?" The Prophet said: "Yes, when there is so much evil in the society and no Muslims speak up, then you will see everyone will be destroyed."

And when you command good and you forbid evil and you are a Muslim that lives by the Sharia, you will have people speaking ill against you. You will have مصائب (masa'ib) coming towards you. Be patient. إِنَّ ذَلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ (inna dhalika min azm al-umur) - because that is a quality of those of great determination, a quality of those that don't hesitate.

We need to teach our children to be strong in their deen, to have pride and عزة (izzah) in their Islam. اللَّهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الْإِسْلَامَ وَالْمُسْلِمِينَ (Allahumma a'izz al-Islam wa'l-Muslimeen).

The Importance of Akhlaq

And then Luqman ends his advices with his son with أخلاق (akhlaq). Yes, as parents, as we teach them عقيدة (aqeedah) and عبادة (ibadah), we must also teach them how to carry themselves as human beings.

Our علماء (ulema) used to say my teachers taught me how to be إنسان (insan). Wallahi, this statement is so profound.

Because when you look at the advices of Luqman, the root of those words where he says don't do this - they go back to different animals.

He says to his son: "Don't turn your cheek against the people with pride." تصعر (tasa'ur) is the quality or a spasm that happens in the neck with camels that prevents them from looking forward. Meaning if you don't have أدب (adab) in talking to people, what's the difference between you and an animal?

And then he says Allah does not love مختال فخور (mukhtal fakhur). مختال (Mukhtal) comes from خيال (khayal) - someone who thinks so big of himself from the خيال (khayal). He imagines himself so big. And the word of the horse خيل (khayl) because the خيل (khayl) stands so big comes from this. Meaning when you don't have أخلاق (akhlaq), what's the difference between us and the animals? What is the difference between us and the animals except the روح (ruh) that Allah puts in our hearts?

And the last thing he says to him: Lower your voice. Why? Because the ugliest of voices is the bray of a donkey. SubhanAllah, it's amazing. Wallahi, الْقُرْآنُ الْكَرِيمُ لَا تَنْقَضِي عَجَائِبُهُ (al-Quran al-kareem la tanqadi aja'ibuh) - the noble Quran, its wonders never cease.

Summary: Three Pillars of Parenting

And so my dear brothers and sisters, to summarize the advices of Luqman: As parents we need to cultivate the relationship of our children with Allah, to teach them and to cultivate the relationship with us as parents, and number three, we must teach them how to be in society amongst the people.

I ask Allah to make our children righteous. I ask Allah to protect our children from الفتن (al-fitan). I ask Allah to protect our children from the evil that may exist within the society that we live in. I ask Allah to make them people of Quran, to make them people that even after we pass away they remain on Islam.