Dealing With Grief & Sorrow - Dr Ahsan Hanif

The Greatest Creation: Worries and Grief

Al-Imam At-Tabarani reports a narration on the authority of Ali ibn Abi Talib, the famous companion of the Prophet ﷺ, his son-in-law and the fourth Khalifa of Islam. That he was once sitting with a number of his companions, a number of his friends. And he was sitting and he was pondering over the creation of Allah.

And he was thinking in particular about the greatest of that which Allah has created in the dunya. And so he said that there are ten things that Allah has created, and these are the most magnificent, tremendous creations of Allah. Number one is the mountains — that Allah created these mountains. These formidable structures, they are the greatest creation of Allah in the dunya.

But then he said if we were to think about this and ponder over this, we would find that Allah also created iron and steel. And we use this iron and steel to break down these mountains, to go into these mountains and to make them crumble and dust. And then he thought about this and he said, but when we look at this iron and steel, then if you were to use fire, the fire would melt this iron and steel. So the fire must be stronger than the iron and the steel.

And then he said if you were to think about the fire, you would find that if you were to pour water over this fire, that the water would extinguish the fire. And thus the water must be stronger than the fire. And if you were to think about this water, then no doubt water comes down from clouds — the clouds that Allah has placed between the heavens and the earth. And so the clouds, from where the water and the rain descends, they must be a stronger creation of Allah.

And then if you were to think about these clouds, you would find that a gust of wind, some breeze would come and it will take these clouds to wherever Allah wills. So therefore the wind must be stronger and it must be more formidable than the clouds. But then when you look at this wind, you find that a person can easily protect himself from a gust and a breeze. When the wind comes, a person places his hand in front of his face, he puts his hands out, and he protects himself from the wind that comes. So therefore a person is a stronger creation than the wind.

But if you were to think about a person, a person is also a weak creation. Because only if he was to drink some type of intoxicant, he would become intoxicated. He would lose his mind. He would no longer understand what he is about to do. So therefore intoxicants must be stronger than a person. And then if you were to look at these intoxicants, you would find that if a person was to sleep, then their sleep would take away the effects of intoxicants. It would allow them to regain their mental faculties. And so therefore sleep is stronger than intoxicants.

And then he said — and he came to the last and final tenth point — that if you were to look at sleep, then the thing that prevents sleep the most is the depression that a person suffers. The worries and the griefs and the sadness that a person has within themselves. It will cause a person to stay awake and not enjoy their sleep. So therefore the strongest thing that Allah has created in this dunya are the worries and griefs and sadnesses we have.

When we look at this narration of Ali ibn Abi Talib, what it says in essence is that the griefs and the sadnesses that we have, the different worries that come upon us, things that come upon us every single day — whether it's to do with our families, or our children, or our businesses, or our wealth, or our parents, or the other things that go around us in our lives — these worries and these griefs, even though they can't be measured, even though you can't see them, you can't visualize them, even though you can't touch and feel them, there's something which is hidden within your body, within your heart, within your mind. They are the greatest things that cause a person distress. One of the main reasons that a person can't enjoy life is because of these griefs and worries and distresses that they face in their daily life.

And Allah says in the Qur'an:

Indeed, of a surety, We have created mankind in turmoil. This is the life of a person. One day you have problems and griefs, and the second day they will double, and the third day they will triple, and they will continue to build and build. And when you solve one worry, ten others will come. And when you solve those ten, a hundred more will come upon you. And this is the way that we live our lives.

The Prophets and Companions Also Faced Grief

Even if you were to look at the example of our Prophet ﷺ, we would find that he too would have these worries and griefs. He would worry about his companions, about the persecution that they suffered, about the oppression that they had to deal with. He would worry ﷺ about the non-Muslims, and what they were plotting and planning. He would worry about the creation and the fact that they weren't accepting the message of Allah.

Look at the examples of the companions. All of them went through some type of worry or distress or grief. Look at the story of Ka'ab ibn Malik, when he didn't go and participate in the battle of Tabuk. And then for forty days, the Muslims boycotted him. Imagine being the only person in a Muslim community, or one of the only few people, where the whole community boycotts you. Worries, distress, grief, depression.

Look at the story of Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, when she was slandered, and how she had to deal with this slander. How she had to wait for Allah to reveal verses in the Qur'an to declare her innocence. How difficult that narration is in Sahih al-Bukhari, when even her own father and her own mother don't know what to say in her defense. When they're sitting with the Prophet ﷺ, and they don't know what to say to defend the honor of their own daughter, waiting for the decree of Allah.

And then even after Allah declares her innocence, the grief and the worry and the distress of Abu Bakr, her father — رضي الله عنها ورضي عن أبيها — who has to deal with the Muslim community, those people who slandered his daughter. How should he now deal with them? How should he deal with them and respond to them? How should he interact with those people who slandered his own daughter? Distresses and worries and griefs.

There Is Always a Way Out

But from the beauty of Allah, from the mercy of His religion, is that Allah doesn't place these worries and griefs upon us except that there is some way out. Except that there is something that you can do about this. Some way that you can relieve yourself from these problems and these worries.

The Du'a of Anas ibn Malik: Eight Things to Seek Refuge From

Anas ibn Malik, رضي الله عنه, mentions in a beautiful hadith one du'a — a simple du'a. Eight things that we should seek refuge from. Eight things that we should constantly seek refuge in Allah from.

Anas ibn Malik, رضي الله عنه, narrates in Al-Bukhari and Muslim that his stepfather Abu Talha al-Ansari, رضي الله عنه, was asked by the Prophet ﷺ that he should find for him a servant, a young boy to serve him and look after his needs. So he took Anas ibn Malik to the Prophet ﷺ and handed him over. And Anas ibn Malik would say: when the Prophet ﷺ was in Medina, I would tend to his needs. I would go and look after him and serve his needs ﷺ. And I would often hear him making this du'a — not because there was a specific reason, or something specifically would come upon him. It was a du'a that he would make every day. And he would constantly repeat this du'a because of its power, because of its benefits, because of the mercy contained within it.

He would say that the Prophet ﷺ would often make the du'a:

Eight things that the Prophet ﷺ would seek refuge from. He would say: Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from al-hamm wal-hazn — from grief and from sadness. And I seek refuge in You, Oh Allah, from laziness and from weakness. And I seek refuge in You, Oh Allah, from al-jubn and al-bukhl — being stingy and being a coward. And I seek refuge in You, Oh Allah, from being indebted and from other people overpowering me.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6369; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2706)

The Story of Abu Umama

The Prophet ﷺ, in another narration collected by Abu Dawud — about which the scholars of hadith have differed over its authenticity, but its meaning nevertheless is correct — it is reported that the Prophet ﷺ once entered into his masjid and he saw Abu Umama sitting there. And so he said to him:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 1555)

What has caused you to sit in the masjid at a time when there is no prayer? Why are you sitting in the masjid? There is no prayer coming up. What has caused you to sit here? And so he replied: Oh Messenger of Allah —

— because of worries and griefs that have overpowered me, and because of debts I have that have overcome me. And so the Prophet ﷺ said: Shall I not teach you a number of words, which if you were to say, then Allah would protect you from all of these worries and griefs, and Allah would pay off for you your debts that you have? And so he said: Yes, Oh Messenger of Allah. So the Prophet ﷺ taught him this exact same du'a — to seek refuge in Allah from these exact same eight things.

Ibn Qayyim's Analysis of the Eight Things

The great scholar of Islam, Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullah, looks at this hadith and this beautiful du'a. And he asks: Why is it that the Prophet ﷺ combined between these eight things? Why is it that the Prophet ﷺ would order us to seek refuge in Allah from these eight things?

He says, rahimahullah, that the first thing the Prophet ﷺ ordered us to seek refuge from was al-hamm — griefs and worries that you have. And these are things that you worry about in the future. Things that have not come to pass. Things that haven't happened to you but may happen to you. And so you have this grief and this worry. Perhaps it's to do with your children and their future. Or the future of your marriage. Or the future of your business. The future of your job. Wherever it may be. These are distresses and worries that you have about the future. And so as Muslims we are ordered to seek refuge in Allah from such things, because these are the things that keep us awake at night. These are the things that stop a person from enjoying their life. That stop a person from being able to worship Allah and to come closer to Him.

And then he mentions al-hazn — sadness. And Ibn al-Qayyim said this refers to those things that worry you from the past. Things which have already taken place — with your children, or your family, or your job, or your community, or your friends, or your relatives. Whatever that issue may be. Things that happened in the past that now keep you awake. That now stop you from being able to come closer to Allah, because all of your time is spent worrying about these issues.

And then the Prophet ﷺ mentioned two other things that he also joined between — and that is that a person seeks refuge in Allah from laziness and from weakness. Weakness meaning that you're not able to do good. That you can't go and do those acts of good that Allah has ordered you to do, because you're weak. You don't have in you the ability to go and to worship Allah or to come closer to Him. And also laziness — that even if you are able to, it's just that you don't want to. You don't have that motivation and enthusiasm in you to go and to come closer to Allah.

And these four things are linked. Because when a person is overcome by distress and worry and grief, that will cause a person also to become weak and to become lazy. They can't be bothered. Nothing motivates them anymore. Nothing will give them that enthusiasm to wake up in the morning and to come closer to Allah. Everywhere they look they just see their worries and griefs. Everything they think about just depresses them. And so they lose any hope in life.

And we know from the Qur'an that Allah orders us never to despair in the mercy of Allah. Never to allow ourselves to reach that extent where we don't hope for the mercy of Allah. Allah says in the Qur'an:

Do not despair from the mercy of Allah. For indeed Allah will forgive all of your sins. He is the Forgiving, Most Merciful.

The Prophet ﷺ then ordered us to seek refuge from being stingy and also from being cowardly. Being cowardly in the sense that you're not able to go and to do those things that require courage and bravery so that you come closer to Allah. And this doesn't just refer to fighting or to going and performing jihad. It could be anything. The fact that you're too cowardly to go and to do da'wah for the sake of Allah, to call this person to do good, to order the good or forbid the evil. You see something that's wrong but you don't have the courage to go and to stop it. This is the cowardice that the Prophet ﷺ ordered us to seek refuge from. And also that you're miserly — not only do you not have the physical ability and courage to go and do good, but you're stingy. You don't even spend your wealth. This money that Allah has blessed you with, you won't even use to come closer to Allah.

And the final two things that the Prophet ﷺ ordered us to seek refuge from are debt — that you become overpowered by debt — and that you become overpowered by what other people do towards you. Debt: the money that you take from others and are unable to repay back. And we know from the Prophet ﷺ that one of the reasons that a person within their grave is withheld from the mercy and the reward of Allah is because of the debts that they have incurred. The Prophet ﷺ would not pray the janazah of a person if they had a debt. And he said ﷺ that even the martyr is withheld from the mercy of Allah in his grave until his debts are paid off. And so debts — the rights that others have upon you, the money that you took by choice and then you don't pay it back or you're unable to pay it back — these are also issues that cause you to worry and that cause you to have distress and grief.

And then other people overpowering you. Other people oppressing you. Transgressing against you. Doing injustice against you — perhaps for no reason, perhaps simply because they want to. And so they oppress you. And so this keeps you awake at night as well.

And so all of these issues that the Prophet ﷺ ordered us to seek refuge in Allah from, all of them lead back and they increase your worries and your distress.

Difficulty Is a Test and an Expiation

The Prophet ﷺ said that a Muslim or a believer does not have any difficulty come upon him, nor does he become ill, nor does he become sad, nor does he have worries or griefs — and that he is patient upon all of this — except that Allah will expiate for him his sins in return.

And so from the aqeedah of a Muslim, from the iman of a believer, is that when these issues come upon us — these worries, these distresses, these griefs, all of these issues that come upon us — it is a test from Allah. Does Allah need your distress and your grief? Does Allah need you to be in debt? Does He need you to be miserly or stingy? But Allah wants to test your iman. What will you do in this situation? Will you come closer to Allah? Will you make du'a to Allah? Will you return and repent to Allah? Will you have patience upon this issue? Or will this drive you further and further away from Allah? Will you think that there is no hope? Will you despair in the mercy of Allah?

The Du'a of Yunus (Dhun-Nun)

And that is why the Prophet ﷺ would say that no one comes upon difficulty except that he makes the du'a of Dhun-Nun — that he made in the belly of the whale — and that Allah will replace for him his difficulty and will make it into ease. What is the du'a of Dhun-Nun? That Allah mentions in the Qur'an, the du'a of Yunus, peace be upon him, when he was stuck in the belly of the whale:

There is no god worthy of worship except You, O Allah. Glory be to You. Indeed, I am from those who have committed oppression. So a person returns to Allah. We attach our hearts to Allah. We come closer to Allah and we humble ourselves before Him. We use the names and attributes of Allah to come closer to Him. We show Him our humility and our humbleness and our weakness. And then we make du'a to Allah — there is no one in the heavens and the earth, no one besides Allah that has the power and the ability to remove our worries and griefs. We don't attach ourselves to people. We don't attach ourselves to our money. We don't attach ourselves to worldly means before we attach ourselves to Allah. So we return to Allah and ask Him to relieve our worries and griefs.

And when a person does this and they take this step to Allah with yaqeen and with tawakkul and with iman, then Allah will respond. And He will remove their griefs and their distresses. And that's why Abu Umama said that when I made this du'a that Allah's Prophet ﷺ taught me — these eight things that I sought refuge from — then Allah removed from me my worries and distresses, and He paid off all of my debts.

The Story of Zubair ibn al-Awwam

It is reported in Sahih al-Bukhari that Zubair ibn al-Awwam, the famous companion, said to his son on his deathbed, Abdullah ibn al-Zubair: I am dying and I have many debts upon me. So I want you to pay them off for me. And every time you're unable to, when it becomes difficult for you, I want you to make du'a to Allah and say: O Allah, the one who is the Protector of al-Zubair, my father, pay off his debts. And so Abdullah ibn al-Zubair would say: I would not come across any difficulty in this issue except that I would do as my father ordered. And I would make du'a to Allah in this way and Allah would help me clear off all his debts.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3129)

The Second Great Du'a: Attaching Ourselves to the Qur'an

The Prophet ﷺ also taught us another du'a, and these two du'as are du'as that we should be reciting every single day — in the morning and in the evening, and every time we have any issues and distresses and worries. These two du'as not only should we memorize, but we should understand them, and we should be teaching them to our families and our children.

In this other du'a, the Prophet ﷺ taught us these words:

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 3712 — authenticated by al-Albani)

The Prophet ﷺ said: Oh Allah, I am Your servant, the son of Your male servant, the son of Your female servant. My forehead is within Your grasp. Your decree overcomes me and Your rule is just concerning me. I ask You with every single name that You have — that You have given to Yourself, or that You have revealed in Your Book, or that You have taught to one of Your creation, or that You have kept with You in the knowledge of the unseen — that You make the Qur'an the spring of my heart, and You make it the light of my chest, and You make it the banisher of my worries and my distresses, and You make it the conqueror of any grief that I have.

This beautiful, concise du'a — just a number of words — is so powerful that the Prophet ﷺ said: No one will make this du'a except that Allah will relieve for him any worry or distress that he has.

When a person returns to Allah and they have that iman and that certainty and that trust in Allah and that hope from Allah — that no one is left in the dunya that can help me besides You, O Allah; there is no one, no one can help me, there is only Allah — especially in those issues when you know that there is no one that will stand by you, there is no one for you, not your family, not your parents, not your children, not your friends, not your relatives — no one can come to your aid except Allah. And then you make this du'a with that sincerity and that yaqeen and that tawakkul, then Allah will respond to your du'a and He will relieve for you your distresses and your worries.

And look at what a beautiful du'a it is. You start off by showing your submission to Allah, your humility to Allah, your humbleness to Allah. O Allah, I am Your servant, the son of Your male servant, the son of Your female servant. You show your submission to Allah. And then you speak about the decree of Allah — that it is Allah that decrees everything that happens to us, good or bad, from that which benefits us and that which harms us. No one can decree except Allah, and where Allah decrees will come to pass, and the decree of Allah is just in every way. So you submit yourself to the decree of Allah.

And then you call upon Allah using His most beautiful names — the names that He has called Himself with, the names revealed in the Qur'an, the names that He taught to the Prophet ﷺ, and even those names that no one knows except Allah, those names that are in the knowledge of the unseen. You invoke upon Allah using all of these names. And then you ask Allah to allow His speech — which is from His attributes — to be the reason that these distresses and these worries leave you. That the Qur'an should be the light of your chest, it should be the spring of your heart, it should be the very reason that all of these worries and distresses leave you.

Conclusion: Attach Yourself to the Qur'an and Sunnah

And so it shows us, my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, that we should attach ourselves to the Book of Allah and to the Sunnah of our Prophet ﷺ. All of these du'as that we need are either mentioned in the Qur'an or they're mentioned by our Prophet ﷺ. And the way that we use these du'as, the ways in which we make this du'a, the state that we're in when we invoke upon Allah, and the way that we are when we call upon Allah — all of this is also taken from the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of our Prophet ﷺ.

So ask Allah by His most beautiful names and His most lofty attributes that He relieves us from any distress that we have, and any worries and griefs that have overcome us. And that He helps us to pay off our debts. And that we seek refuge in Him from miserliness and stinginess and cowardice, and from laziness and weakness. And that He protects us from others and the injustice and oppression of others.

Second Part of the Khutbah

The Prophet ﷺ also taught us another du'a, and these two du'as are du'as that we should be reciting every single day — in the morning and in the evening, and every time we have any issues, distresses, and worries. These two du'as not only should we memorize, but we should understand them, and we should be teaching them to our families and our children.

So ask Allah by His most beautiful names and His most lofty attributes that He relieves us from any distress that we have, and any worries and griefs that have overcome us. And that He helps us to pay off our debts. And that we seek refuge in Him from miserliness and stinginess and cowardice, and from laziness and weakness. And that He protects us from others and the injustice and oppression of others.

O servants of Allah — Allah commands the good and commands kindness to one another, and forbids immorality and evil and transgression. He warns you that you may remember. So remember Allah, the Great, the Glorious — He will remember you. And thank Him for His blessings and His favours — He will increase you. And remember Allah, the Great. And Allah knows what you do.