Emulating The Prophet's Perfect Character And Gentle Teaching

Opening Praise and Quranic Foundation

الحمد لله رب العالمين، والصلاة والسلام على أشرف الأنبياء والمرسلين، نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين، أما بعد:

فقد قال الله تعالى في القرآن المجيد:

And the Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895)

And from Zayd رضي الله عنه, he said: We entered upon Aisha رضي الله عنها and we said, "O Mother of the Believers, what was the character of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ?" She said:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 746)

The Prophet as a Perfect Role Model

When you look at the life of Nabi ﷺ, we see perfection all around.

That Allah sent Nabi ﷺ as a perfect role model for everyone. That He could have easily just sent down the Quran and said, "Okay, here's the Quran, now figure it out. It has everything you need, so why don't you just figure it out?" But Allah with His immense grace, He sent us Nabi ﷺ to teach us how to implement the Quran. That in every aspect of our life we have an answer to what to do.

Last week we spoke about the bad conditions and good conditions — that Nabi ﷺ taught us what to do in all aspects of our life. And in every aspect he was the perfect person for that task. He was the perfect Imam. He was the perfect teacher. He was the perfect husband. He was the perfect father.

The Prophet as a Perfect Teacher

If we look at his teacher aspect, we look at the hadith of Muawiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Sulami رضي الله عنه. At this time he was a new Muslim — he had just accepted Islam — and he was praying behind Nabi ﷺ, praying behind the Sahabah رضي الله عنهم. And he heard a person sneeze, and as we know when a person sneezes we say يَرْحَمُكَ اللَّهُ. But we also know that in salah we don't talk — that in salah we are focused on Allah. It is not appropriate for someone to talk. But as we said, he was a new Muslim. So he heard a Sahabi sneeze and he said يَرْحَمُكَ اللَّهُ.

So the Sahabah started looking at him — side glancing at him — like, what are you doing? So then Muawiyah رضي الله عنه saw them looking at him and he said, "Why are you looking at me?" Then the Sahabah رضي الله عنهم started slapping their hands on their thighs to make him stop talking. Now Muawiyah رضي الله عنه got the hint, but he didn't like how they reprimanded him — he didn't like the way they told him to stop talking.

But then Nabi ﷺ after the salah took him to the side and said nicely:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 537)

He took him to the side and said, "O Muawiyah, indeed this salah — it's not appropriate for us to speak in it, and it's not appropriate for us to say anything in it. Rather it's only appropriate to do tasbeeh of Allah, takbeer of Allah, to recite the Quran — the words of Allah. Because we are praying in front of Allah."

So Muawiyah رضي الله عنه in his hadith says:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 537)

That he said, "I have never seen a teacher that is better, that is more perfect, than Nabi ﷺ. For by Allah, he did not scream at me, he did not curse me, he did not hit me. Rather he spoke to me in a very kind and nice manner."

So we should also learn this — that when we are teaching someone, when we are talking to someone, whether it's our children, whether we are teaching someone Quran, whether we are teaching someone anything, we should speak to them, we should teach them in a kind manner. For as we see, the same information if it's given in a harsh manner can turn the person away. But if it's given in a nice and kind manner, then that person will take it and run with it.

The Prophet as the Perfect Husband and Father

Then we see — look at his family life. Nabi ﷺ said in a hadith:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895)

Nabi ﷺ said that the best of you is the one who is most kind to his family, and I am the best of you in terms of his family — in terms of taking care of his family, in terms of being nice, and knowing what to do with his family.

If you look at that — it's very easy for a person to put on a show, put on a facade, to put on a face to other people outside. That he goes to his work, he goes to the school, he comes to the masjid, and everyone thinks he's a pious, righteous person. He's a very nice person. He doesn't scream. He's not angry. But how many of us can translate that niceness and that show to the four walls of our home?

That our family — our families are the people that know us the best. Because when we are with someone for a long time in a close and private setting, then they see the true person. That's why it is said that if you want to know the real character of a person, then the wife of a person is the person who knows him the best. Why? Because she spends the most time with him. She lives with him for years on end. And they say that, you know, you see a scholar and mashallah you think, "Mashallah, his wife is so lucky to have this scholar as her husband, that she spends so much time with him, she can have a lot of sohbah." But then she hears this and says, "Yeah, I'm not sure if it's lucky." Because she sees the real qualities of this person.

So we need to make sure that our act and how we look outside is the same as we look inside. And this is what Nabi ﷺ was best at.

That we see Aisha رضي الله عنها, the wife of Nabi ﷺ, was once asked, "What was the character of Nabi ﷺ? How did he act in the house?" Aisha رضي الله عنها said that the character of Nabi ﷺ was the Quran — that he was a walking, talking, living Quran, that every part of the Quran you could see in Nabi ﷺ.

In another hadith, Aisha رضي الله عنها was asked again: what did Nabi ﷺ do in the house? She said that he was just a regular man — meaning that he would help out like a regular man does. He didn't think he was too great. That he would take off the fleece from his own thawb. He would milk his own sheep. He didn't have someone else doing it for him.

So we see Nabi ﷺ — outside he was receiving wahi, outside he was a leader of the entire Muslim nation, that he had the job of spreading the deen across the entire nation. But inside the house he was simple and humble. That did not stop him. That objectively Nabi ﷺ would have the most right to say — to come home and say, "I'm tired. I've spent my entire day working for Allah, trying to spread the deen." But no — he showed us. He showed the men how they should act in the household, how they should act when they're with their family.

And we see many times in the life of Nabi ﷺ where he would help out around the house. So this is something that we should do as well.

And we look at Nabi ﷺ — he is the only person that the deeper you look into his life, the more private and secret you go into his life, those secret parts of his life, we only see even more patience, even more beauty. That his interaction with his family was beautiful. But with anyone else, the more deeply you go into their lives, the more faults and flaws you start seeing. And this is because Nabi ﷺ was sent down to show us how to live our life in the most perfect of manners.

Practical Ways to Build the Family Bond

So now we see that the winter break is coming, and this is a time where the parents are there and the children are there — everyone's off from work, everyone's off from school. So this is a time when the entire family will be together. So what are some practical ways that we can create the same family relationship as Nabi ﷺ had in his family?

1. Pray Together

Number one is that we should make sure that we pray together. That the men of the house — they should try and go to the masjid obviously and pray Salah in jama'ah. That even the women of the house, they should encourage the men, they should push the men to go out and pray Salah. That the wife should push the husband, should push the children to go out and pray Salah in jama'ah in the masjid. And then the husband, whatever he learns in the masjid, he should go home and teach his wife, teach his mother, teach the daughters.

But if they're not able to go to the masjid, if they can't pray in the masjid, then they should have a set time in the house, a set place in the house where they pray together as one family. Because what better thing to create bond and create love in one's heart, in one family, than praying together? And after that, perhaps they can read some Quran, they can read a hadith of Nabi ﷺ, learn about the seerah of Nabi ﷺ — how was he with his family, how was his akhlaaq, how did he act with people. We should do some collective dhikr, collective dua — whatever we can to bring the mercy of Allah into our house.

2. Eat Together

Number two — what we should do is we should try and eat together. This might not seem like some big thing, but we see in the hadith of Nabi ﷺ that he says:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2059)

That Nabi ﷺ said in the hadith that the food for one person is sufficient for two people — meaning that if you have two people eating together, then the portion for one person will suffice both of them. And the portion for two people will suffice four people. And the portion for four people will suffice for eight people. So we see when we're eating together, it creates barakah and again brings the mercy of Allah into the home.

And also when we eat together, this is a time where the entire family is going to be in one place. There's not many times — normally the father is out for work or there's children at school — but at least once a day the entire family comes to eat. But our houses shouldn't be such that they're like hotels, where we just go in and we go to our room, we seclude ourselves in there, we sleep in there, we eat in there, we do our work in there, and the only time we see each other is when we're coming out to leave. Rather our houses should be a place where there's unity, where everyone's together.

3. Be Truly Present — Put Down the Devices

And even when we're in one place, it should not only be physical presence but it should also be emotional presence. Many times you see that they're all in one place, but the father's in Japan, the mom's in Italy, the children are in Europe, and the two-year-old daughter is in some other world — because everyone's on their devices.

So even if we're in one place, we need to make sure that there are times where we have device-free moments where we're able to talk to each other. And at first it might seem kind of weird, because the father hasn't spoken to his son for four years — or he's just been texting, "Come down for dinner," "Come outside, I'm here" — but it hasn't been actually face-to-face conversations. And the son hasn't spoken to his father. And many times the son comes to speak to the father but the father's on his phone. So the son thinks, "Okay, what's the point?" So he goes out, he goes to talk to other people, he goes to ask his friend something — a very important matter — and his friend gives him an opinion which isn't the best thing. The father could have given him a better opinion, but he wasn't paying attention to his son.

So many times the father says, "Why is my son so detached from me? Why is he so distanced?" The children learn it from their parents. So as parents, they need to make sure that they have times where they're away from their devices. Do we know what they are doing? Do we know what they're looking at? What they're watching? What are they spending half their day on? And they only learn it from their parents. So if the parents are on their phone, that's where they're getting it from. So as parents you need to make sure that you stay away from your phone, and the children will follow suit, insha'Allah.

So these are the things we need to make sure — that we create this familial bond in our lives, and have that presence in the family.

The Prophet's Emotional Connection with His Family

And we look at Nabi ﷺ's life again — we see perfection. That whenever he was with his family, he would make sure that he had that physical and emotional connection.

Then we look at the hadith of Aisha رضي الله عنها regarding when Fatimah رضي الله عنها and Nabi ﷺ would interact. We see that:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 5217; Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3872)

That when Fatimah رضي الله عنها would come to Nabi ﷺ, then he would immediately stand up and he would hug her, he would smile at her, he would welcome her, he would kiss her, and he would make her sit down where he sat. And the same way, when Nabi ﷺ would come to the house of Aisha رضي الله عنها, again she would stand up, she would take him by his hand, she would greet him, she would smile, she would kiss him, and make him sit where she sat.

So we see that this love that they had — that they always had the presence of what the other person meant to them. That if the father is in the room, if the daughter is in the room, they always recognized each other. That's why Nabi ﷺ — the Sahabah say that they felt that he loved them the most. That every Sahabi felt that Nabi ﷺ loved him the most, because he would give them his full attention — that when he spoke to him, then he would turn towards them fully.

So just like that, when we are with our family, we need to make sure that we have this physical connection.

Kissing and Showing Affection to Our Children

And then we see another hadith about Rasulullah ﷺ — that he would regularly kiss Hasan ibn Ali رضي الله عنه, his grandson. So Aqra ibn Habis رضي الله عنه once came to him and he saw this and he said:

"O Rasulullah, indeed I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them." So Nabi ﷺ said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5997; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318)

That the one who does not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy himself.

And a similar narration — a Bedouin once came to Nabi ﷺ and he said, "Do you Quraysh — do you Arabs — do you kiss your children?" And then he said, "We do not kiss our children." Nabi ﷺ replied to him:

"How can I give you mercy when Allah has taken away mercy from your heart?"

So we see that it might seem weird for many of us — that if we never had this relationship with our parents — but for us, we see the kind of barakah and the kind of love Nabi ﷺ had with his children. And it's a sunnah for us to kiss and hug our children. So we should try to reciprocate this love and to show this love to our children as well.

The Purpose: Drawing Closer to Allah Together

So all these different things — we see Nabi ﷺ — how he acted with his family. First, it's about creating that familial love, that familial bond in the household. But the purpose of it is that once that bond is created, then everyone can push one another — that the husband pushes the wife, the wife pushes the husband, that the parents push the children, the children push the parents — to always get closer to Allah.

That if everyone's on the same page — if everyone comes home — Allah made the homes as a place of peace and tranquility. That when we're coming home, we need to make sure that it's a place where we can de-stress. But many times people come home and rather than a place of de-stressing, it's a place where there's a lot of fighting, that it's dirty, they do not like coming home. So we need to make sure that our home is a place — it's our safe place — that we are comfortable, we can speak to our family, and we can have good times with our family.

So I ask Allah that He allows us to create these familial bonds with our family, this nurturing household, and that He allows us to have this as well in Jannah. Ameen.

Second Khutbah

الحمد لله وحده، والصلاة والسلام على من لا نبي بعده.

يقول الله تعالى في القرآن المجيد:

وقال الله تعالى:

عِبَادَ اللَّهِ، رَحِمَكُمُ اللَّهُ — إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَيَنْهَى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ — فَاذْكُرُوني أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوني وَلَا تَكْفُرُونَ، أَقِمِ الصَّلَاة.

Announcements

Please pass the donation boxes from left to right and donate generously. Sadaqah wards off calamities and draws the mercy of Allah. The Prophet ﷺ says in a hadith that charity given during the day of Jumu'ah is greater in reward than any other day.

Please join us for our 7th Annual Winter Intensive: "Harmony Within — Cultivating Love and Unity in the Modern Muslim Household." Just as we talked in today's khutbah, this is just one aspect of creating this familial bond and love in the household. But insha'Allah in this intensive, it will be covered from A to Z — from getting married, to having children, to raising children, to the different bumps and hurdles that come across the entire journey. This will all be talked about, insha'Allah, and there will be different programs for everyone.

It will be from December 21st to 23rd at Masjid Darussalam on the brothers' side. Key sessions include:

• Beyond the Spectrum: Upholding Marriage and Morals in an Evolving World — with Dr. Shadi Al-Misri
• Heart-to-Heart: Mastering Marital Communication — with Dr. Hamdun Keshavarzi and Mufti Azimuddin Ahmed
• Safeguarding Marital Bonds: Islamic Guidance and Divorce — from Mufti Munhajiruddin Ahmed
• Simultaneous Winter Intensive for sisters, led by esteemed female scholars and professionals, insha'Allah

You can also register online at masjids.org/winter. Ages 5–7, 8–12, and youth 13–17 — boys and girls will have separate sessions for the Winter Intensive. Some of the topics for girls are: My First Role: A Daughter, Daughters in Islam, and Crowns of the Family. Topics covered for boys include: Fiqh of Social Media and Future Aspirations as Young Muslims. Activities include vision boards, vintage tokens of appreciation, memories in a jar, Q&A, indoor activities, open gym, and more.

Tonight after Isha, insha'Allah, we'll have "The Art of Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets of a Blissful Marriage." This is a special monthly seminar beginning the Winter Intensive with Farhan Ahmed, a licensed therapist and founder of Ihsan Coaching. This session will delve into unlocking the secrets of building a stronger, happier, and more fulfilling marriage. Whether you're newly married, engaged, or looking to improve your current relationship, this event is for you.

Also please join ICCD Masjid Des Plaines, hosting a weekend course with Sheikh Samir Anas, where we'll be discussing a collection of authentic hadith and Islamic jurisprudence, from January 3rd to 5th.

And please join us for our weekly programs. And for those Muslims in Syria, Palestine, and Gaza — may Allah ease their difficulty and give them sabr jameel and Jannatul Firdos in the akhirah. Ameen.