The Influence of Environment and Companionship on a Muslim's Character

The Influence of Environment and Companionship

And now if the same person, he then goes while he's smelling, and then he goes to a perfume shop, and even if he doesn't do anything, he doesn't put any perfume on, but just by being in there for some time, at some point his smell will start changing, and he'll start having a fragrance smell. And then to top that off, he starts applying perfume on his body, and he puts perfume and he changes his clothes, then his entire outlook, and his fragrance, and his odor will completely change. So the fragrance, the perfume this person is putting on is the actions he's doing, is the actions that we do as people, as Muslims.

And the blacksmith shop, and the perfume shop, these are the environments that we are around. No matter what actions we do, yes, they might help us, they might help dispel the different environments that we're in to some level, but at some point the environment will have an effect on us, and how we act, and how our character is. So the environment we are in has a great effect on the a'mal we do.

The Qur'anic Guidance on Friendship

And the first — so we know that the environment is very important — so now what do we do? Well the base step, the number one step, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions in the Qur'an:

Who should we have as friends? Who should we have? What environment should we be around? Well in the Qur'an, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says — He mentions explicitly one environment, and one group of friends that we should definitely not be around. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that the believers should not — it is not appropriate for the Muslims to take disbelievers as friends over believers. That a believer should not make his close friends disbelievers, instead he should make sure that they are Muslims, they are people who believe in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and Nabi ﷺ.

And Mufti Shafi'i rahimahullah, he mentions under this ayah, he says that this is not talking about any friendship. This ayah doesn't mean that now we should completely cut off ties with all disbelievers, we should not have any of them as friends. No, this does not mean that. Why? Because us being friends with disbelievers, many times that makes them warm up to Islam, and it makes them accept Islam at some times.

And when we live our life, we have to interact — we have colleagues, we have students, our classmates, people we see, whether it's in the store, wherever it is — we interact with them, and we should be kind to them, we should show them the beauty of Islam, the beauty that we learn from Islam. This is very important.

But Mufti Shafi'i rahimahullah, he mentions that this ayah, it is referring to muwalat. It is referring to that friendship which is a very intimate and close friendship. It is those people that we call our best friends — that when we put our guard down, and we talk about our intimate life with them, we speak about our problems, that whatever problems we have, we vent to them about it. And we let them influence our decisions, that you go to them and you seek mashwarah from them, that I'm going through this problem, what should I do? These people that we have in our life, we should make sure that they are believers.

Why? Because yes, we might have a very — we might say that, okay, my friend, he is not a Muslim, but he's a very good person. He has his religion, and he's a very righteous person, he doesn't commit sins, and he makes sure that he helps people around. He's a good person.

However, the person we want influencing our decisions must have the same understanding and same belief as us. That if I say that, oh, I want to come to the masjid, then we should have some person that says, yes, that's a very good thing, that you should go — and he'll come with you as well. If we have an important decision in our life, we must want someone that is looking through the understanding of Nabi ﷺ, through the understanding of the Qur'an, and making sure that our decision is right.

The Story of 'Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayy and the Danger of Bad Companionship

And also in the Qur'an, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala shows us what happens if we go along this path of having these sort of people as our close friends. There's a story, and an ayah comes from it — that one time there was an individual from the Meccan Jahiliyyah, his name was 'Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayy. And this person, he was a very good friend of Ubayy ibn Khalaf, who was also a staunch enemy of the Muslims, a staunch enemy of Nabi ﷺ.

So 'Uqbah, he one time was having a waleemah. He got married, and now he's trying to invite people to come to his waleemah. So he wanted to invite all the Quraysh, because the Quraysh, they were a very noble tribe, and it would be a great honor if they would come and partake in his waleemah. So he invited all the Quraysh, along with Nabi ﷺ, who was also from the Quraysh.

Nabi ﷺ told 'Uqbah that, I will only come to your wedding, I'll only come to your waleemah if you accept Islam. If you accept Islam, then I'll come to your waleemah. If not, I'm not going to come.

Now 'Uqbah thought to himself that, what a disgrace, how dishonorable it will be to me if a person from the Quraysh does not come and partake in my food. Because the Arabs, they had a lot of importance — even the non-Muslims, even the jahili Arabs, the disbelievers — they had a lot of importance towards hospitality, that they would invite people to their house, and when people were their guests, they would give everything that they had towards them. So even though 'Uqbah was a staunch enemy of Islam, he could not bear the fact that a person from the Quraysh, this noble tribe, was not going to come to his wedding and partake in his food.

So just because of this, he came to Nabi ﷺ and he recited the shahada:

Yes, he might not have had the complete belief in his heart, but he said the words. And it's mentioned that he was even inclining a bit towards Islam now — that he said it, and now he was thinking that maybe he should accept Islam. And then Nabi ﷺ heard him say the shahada, so he ate from his food.

Now his friend, his best friend Ubayy ibn Khalaf, he heard about this. He heard that 'Uqbah accepted Islam and had Nabi ﷺ eat from his food. So he came to him and he said, what did you do? How could you have done this? This is a staunch enemy. This person has gone against our forefathers. How could you have done such a grave thing and accepted Islam?

And 'Uqbah said, no, no, I just did it to make sure that he ate from my food. No other reason. I only did it so he came and ate from my food. I do not actually believe in any of it.

Ubayy ibn Khalaf said, I do not believe you. To make up for what you did, to make sure that you're actually not a Muslim, I need you to go back to Nabi ﷺ, go to him right in front of him and spit directly in his face. Na'udhu billah.

So 'Uqbah, he was thinking about this. He said, this is my best friend. I do not want to lose him. So he went to Nabi ﷺ and — na'udhu billah — he spat in his mubarak, blessed face.

And at this time Allah, because of this action, He revealed the ayah:

Allah mentions that on the Day of Judgment, the zalim, the oppressor — Allah says the zalim, referring to 'Uqbah — he will not merely be chewing his fingertips, but he will have his entire hand in his mouth and he'll be chewing his entire hand out of grief and sorrow. And he will say, "Woe to me, how I wish I had accepted Islam and accepted the message of Nabi ﷺ." And the next ayah: "Oh, woe to me, how I wish I did not take this individual as my friend" — referring to Ubayy ibn Khalaf.

We think about it — he was about to accept Islam, and just because of this individual coming to him, just because of his friend, he completely derailed his life and now he will be in eternal damnation in Jahannam. That he was about to accept Islam and become a sahabi of Nabi ﷺ, and have eternal Jannah and Paradise. But because of this friend who influenced him in the wrong way, he became a person who is damned — Allah says that he will be in Jahannam in the Qur'an.

So this is the kind of importance that Allah shows in the Qur'an of how a friend can have an impact on a person's life.

The Three Characteristics of a Good Friend

So now we see the importance of having a good friendship. So what kind of friend should we look for in our life? Who should we find as a close personal friend? Well, Nabi ﷺ in the hadith, he even mentions who we should take as a friend. May Allah reward the sahabah radiyallahu anhum who would come to Nabi ﷺ and ask him these important questions, so we can benefit from them as well.

One sahabi came to Nabi ﷺ and asked him:

That which people should we sit with? Which friendship is the best? Who should we make as our close friends?

Nabi ﷺ mentioned three characteristics of a person who will be the best friend:

First Characteristic: He Reminds You of Allah When You See Him

The person that when you see him, when you look at him, he reminds you of Allah. That this could be in a literal sense — that when you see them, they are wearing a sunnah attire, they are wearing things that make you remember Allah. That you're walking in the street and you see a person — he might not be in a masjid — but you're just walking in the street and he's wearing a sunnah garment, or he's wearing a kufi. He's wearing something that reminds you of Allah and you say, oh, this person is a Muslim. That he has a beard, he has different attributes. Or for a sister, she's wearing her abaya, she's wearing a niqab, she's wearing a scarf — to remind you of Allah, and you say, oh, this person is a Muslim.

Second Characteristic: His Speech Increases You in Knowledge

The second characteristic of the person is that his speech — whatever he says — it increases you in ilm, it increases you in knowledge. That whatever he speaks, it isn't just vain, it isn't just to pass time. Rather, every single time he speaks, it increases you in your knowledge. That he's speaking, that you're doing an action, and he reminds you — oh, say you go out to eat, and he reminds you, oh, make sure you recite the du'a before eating. So then you recite it, and then you gain this knowledge. Or you're doing a certain action, and he mentions, oh, I heard some person say something, and then again, you become closer to Allah through gaining that knowledge.

Third Characteristic: His Actions Remind You of the Akhirah

That his 'amal — the actions he does — reminds you of the akhirah, reminds you of the Day of Judgment. That you see this person, he's your friend, and whatever actions he does, he reminds you that at the end of the day, this dunya is limited, but the eventual goal is the akhirah.

That you go out with a few of your friends, and say the time of salah comes. Now you see — what do they do? Do they say, oh, we'll go out, we'll have fun, then we'll come back and we'll pray? Or is the first thing they do when they hear the notification of salah, when they know that the salah time comes in — they open their phone and they see what is the closest masjid around me, so we can go pray our salah. And then after that we can go out and eat, and we can go have whatever things we're going to be doing. They're both praying their salah, but one reminds you of the akhirah — that as soon as the salah time comes, we know that we should turn towards the masjid.

Just as Nabi ﷺ — 'A'ishah radiyallahu anha mentions that whenever the adhan for salah came, it was as if he was a different person, that his entire focus would be Allah. Because he knows that now is his time for Allah, so it's time to go and pray towards Allah. So similarly a person — that as soon as the salah time comes, he makes sure to find the closest masjid for us to go and pray our salah, to get connected to Allah.

So these three characteristics — number one, that his appearance and when you see him, he reminds you of Allah. Number two, when he speaks, whatever he mentions, it is not in vain, rather it makes you gain knowledge about Allah, about the deen. And number three, the actions he does, his characteristics, how he holds himself — he doesn't backbite, he doesn't curse, he doesn't do anything which is against Islam. Rather all of his actions remind you of the akhirah.

This is the person that Nabi ﷺ has vetted. This is the person who we should spend our time with. This is the person who we should confide in. That a person, if you confide in them, they are a well-wisher for you. If you confide in a person, and yes, they might be a good person, but they don't want the best for you — they're thinking they have ulterior motives, that, oh, maybe he should do this and he'll help me out there. But the person that you should confide in is someone who is a well-wisher for you. They want the best for you. They don't have ulterior motives. They want you to be the best person you can. And insha'Allah, by them doing that, you can also do the same towards them.

A Call to Reflect and Act

So we should all take a moment to reflect today — that we go home and we sit down, we think about: who are my close friends? Who are the people I spend time with? When I have a problem in my life, who do I talk to? Who is the first person I message? And we should see — is this person a person that fits these three categories that Nabi ﷺ mentioned? And if they do, then it is great — you should get closer to them, you should spend time with them, and make sure that you thank Allah for putting you in their companionship.

But if it is not, then we should see how we can find someone like that. How we can make sure that we distance ourselves from those people who will lead us not towards a good path, but towards a path that Allah does not want. And how can we find people that will be the best for us, that will show us, that will get us closer towards Allah and remind us that this dunya is temporary and the akhirah is infinite. And our main goal in this world is to worship Allah.

I ask Allah that He makes it easy for us to all have the best environment. And leading up to Ramadan, insha'Allah, may Allah put us all in the best environment and allow us to get ready to make sure that these next few months are the best months of our life. Ameen.

Second Khutbah

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all the worlds. And the salutation and peace be upon the one after whom there is no prophet.

Allah says in the Glorious Qur'an:

And Allah says:

O servants of Allah, may Allah have mercy on you. Indeed Allah commands justice, and ihsan, and giving to close relatives, and He forbids immorality, wrongdoing, and transgression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.

فَاذْكُرُونِي أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوا لِي وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ — So remember Me, I will remember you. And be grateful to Me, and do not be ungrateful.

Announcements

One clarification: the full name of the person in the story was 'Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayy. 'Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayy.

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