Beautiful Ayyah Regarding Nikkah - Mufti Minhaj | Islamic Reminder | Jummah Khutbah

Opening Praises

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ، الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى سَيِّدِ الْمُرْسَلِينَ وَخَاتَمِ النَّبِيِّينَ، وَعَلَى آلِهِ الطَّيِّبِينَ الطَّاهِرِينَ، وَمَنْ تَبِعَهُمْ بِإِحْسَانٍ وَدَعَا بِدَعْوَةِ مِلَّةِ يُنَبِّذِينَ، أَمَّا بَعْد.

My dear respected brothers and elders and sisters in Islam, assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Human Relations and Our Obligations

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created us as human beings with different relations. He has not created us in isolation — to live by ourselves — but rather we live in societies and we have many obligations toward our fellow creation, the Ibadullah. And our salvation and our najah is pending upon not only fulfilling the huqooq of Allah, the rights of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, but also we have to fulfill the huqooq of Ibadillah, the rights of the creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And the more we interact with an individual, the more time we spend with an individual, the greater their rights will be upon us.

Since the greatest amount of time we spend is with our own families, therefore the rights of the family is one of the greatest of the huqooq al-'ibad that have been enumerated by the ulama.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says:

He is the One who has created you and He has made you nasaban wa sihran — He has given you relations and relatives. Both nasabi — those that are through the bloodline — and sihran — those relations through marriage. And we have to uphold both of these relations.

When it comes to blood relations, we have the relationship of parents to children, children to parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, nephews, cousins — all of them have rights upon us. And when it comes to in-laws, it starts with the spouse itself, to the parents of the spouse, the siblings of the spouse, and the relatives and family members of one's spouse.

Rights of the parents is such a topic that we have to remind ourselves of over and over again, especially because of the environment we live in. But normally we tend to talk on such topics when the youth are here — when they are off of school in the summer time or in the winter break. The majority of the children who need to learn about the rights of parents are perhaps not with us today.

But when it comes to other relations — particularly the relationships with one's spouse — the majority of us are, Alhamdulillah, married, and so it is a good opportunity to remind ourselves regarding this aspect of our deen.

The Khutbah of Nikah: Why These Ayahs?

Rasulullah ﷺ, in his noble seerah — if we look and search through all the nikah ceremonies he performed for the Sahabah — whenever he would perform the nikah, he would always recite three ayahs. This is the standard khutbah of nikah that we might have heard at our own nikah or at any other nikah we attended, if the person performing the nikah recited the khutbah of Rasulullah ﷺ.

He always recited three ayahs. This is a particular lesson that Mufti Taqi Uthmani has mentioned in his Islahi Mawa'iz and his spiritual discourses. He says that if you think and ponder over this fact — that Rasulullah ﷺ never recited two ayahs and never recited four ayahs, he always recited three ayahs — from three places in the Quran (actually four ayahs, as one of those places contains two ayahs). He never recited from two different places or four places or five places; he always recited from those same three places. This is something significant.

Those ayahs were the same every single time he repeated them. In fact, this is known as the Khutbatul Hajah — at the beginning of any important task, Rasulullah ﷺ would recite this, including at nikah.

And if you look at those ayahs, at first glance apparently none of them have anything to do with nikah — which is very surprising. Because there are numerous ayahs in the Quran that deal with nikah, that talk about the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife.

Beautiful Ayahs on Marriage Not Recited at Nikah

For example, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says:

Live with your wives in a kind manner, in a good manner. And if there's something about your wife that you dislike, something that turns you off — perhaps you may continue to dislike that thing, it might be irritating you — but there could be a lot of other khair and goodness hidden in your wife. So reflect on that which is good, and learn to forgive and forgo that which is bad. This is a beautiful ayah giving practical advice for married couples — but this was not an ayah recited by Rasulullah ﷺ.

Or likewise:

This is an ayah that is very often quoted on wedding cards and recited at weddings. Allah says: Indeed, amongst the signs is that He has created for you, from amongst yourselves, spouses so that you can gain comfort from them — لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا — and He has created between you love and mercy. Indeed, therein there are signs for those who reflect.

And the scholars say that Allah is talking about the two stages of the relationship. The first stage is مَوَدَّةً, and the second, later stage is رَحْمَةً. مَوَدَّةً is a strong, passionate love, and رَحْمَةً is compassion and mercy for one another. So — from passion to compassion.

This passionate love, مَوَدَّةً, is such a strong bond between the married couple in the beginning stages that it helps them overcome all their differences — the change, the adjustment for the wife who has to leave her home and come and join her husband's home, and all of the challenges they have to face as a new couple. It is this strong passionate love that Allah Ta'ala places in the heart that helps them overcome that.

And رَحْمَةً is as they become old and feeble and need help — then they are there to help each other, to aid one another, to comfort one another in old age, as they have grown old together and love each other for the sake of Allah Ta'ala. These are some of the beautiful blessings of nikah. And if nikah is done with the correct intention, then Allah Ta'ala has attributed this to Himself and He has said وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً — He is the one who places love in the hearts.

A Response to the Youth: How Can Strangers Fall in Love?

This is a side tangent. Sometimes the youth of today ask the question — based on the environment that they are exposed to — they find it very strange: how can you marry someone you don't know? How can you love someone you don't know? You didn't get the chance to spend time with them, date them, go out with them. How can you start from having a stranger relationship and all of a sudden become husband and wife?

This is a very strange matter! How can this happen? So instead of just saying, "No, no, this is just the way it happens — be quiet, you don't know," sometimes we say, "When I got married, I just saw a black and white picture of your mother and that's it; I never even met her until the nikah" — and this may not be easily digestible for the youth of today.

So instead of saying, "You are wrong, this is just how it happens," acknowledge that it is right and they have a valid question. It is very strange, and how is it possible for two strangers to fall in love and go from a complete stranger relationship — having no relationship — to becoming as intimate and closely related as a husband and wife is supposed to be?

You can tell them: this is a very good question and a very valid point — and it is very strange. And the Quran also says it's strange. The Quran says in Surah Ar-Rum that this is a miracle. This is a sign of Allah's greatness. If something were very easily understood, very logical, and we could see all the mechanisms of it, then it would not be considered a miracle. The fact that you sleep eight hours and wake up in the morning — that's not a great miracle in the supernatural sense. Everything is a sign of Allah's greatness at that level, but it's not a supernatural event.

But if you sleep for 309 years and remain alive, and then wake up:

A group of young men go to sleep in a cave for 309 years:

They turn on their right and left sides while sleeping, and SubhanAllah, they remain alive without any nourishment, without any food, continuing to sleep for 309 years — and then they wake up. Now that is a miracle. That is a supernatural event. And Allah Ta'ala uses the word ayah:

He says: Do you believe that this is a strange, 'ajeeb sign? I can do even stranger things. This is not the limit of how strange an event could occur. I can produce even more supernatural events — something even more difficult for you to comprehend. I have the qudrah and power to do that, says Allah Ta'ala.

So the same word ayah — a sign, a miracle of Allah — Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala uses in this ayah in Surah Ar-Rum when He says وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ — indeed it is amongst His signs, a sign of the greatness of Allah, a miracle — that when a man and a woman have taqwa and fear Allah, and want to remain chaste and pure, want to fulfill the Sunnah of the Anbiya, have the correct intentions, want to have righteous progeny that will become a means of honor for Rasulullah ﷺ on the Day of Judgment, and want to protect themselves from haram — and they get married — that even though they are absolute strangers, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala — He is Al-Wadud, the greatest Lover and the source of all love — puts that love in their hearts. That is why He says: this is a sign of His greatness.

You may gain comfort from such spouses. And وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم — what is interesting to note here is that جَعَلَ is a verb, and every verb has a subject — a doer. So who is the doer? Who is the one placing the love? It is not me or you. It is not the roses or the chocolates. It is not the limousine. It is not any of these material things. Rather, it is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. He is the one who places the love in the heart of the bride for the groom and in the heart of the groom for the bride.

So if you find it strange — yes, it is strange. Don't say it is not strange, because you will not be able to go far with that argument. Say it is strange, and this is the miraculous nature of nikah: that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala takes the couple from zero to one hundred — instantly — after the acceptance, provided the correct niyyah is there, provided the disobedience of Allah is not taking place, provided the nikah is done in the correct manner. They go from being absolute strangers — it is called in Arabic a complete stranger — to a halal wife. How does this happen? This happens from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

The Leadership of the Household

For the women, they have rights just like the men have rights — and Allah has given the position of head of the household to the husband, to the father. This is another beautiful ayah regarding nikah. We are going through all the different ayahs that were not recited by Rasulullah ﷺ at the time of nikah, just to remind ourselves.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that in this journey of life there has to be a head of this unit, a head of this family — and the head of the family Allah has made the husband, the father. This is something very clearly mentioned in the Quran, something mentioned in the hadith, something shown through the Sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ.

Now when we say that the man is the head of the household, this does not by any means imply that he would be a hard-fisted dictator, or that he will be cruel, inhumane, or inconsiderate. Rather, it means that he will take mashwarah — he will take opinions from his wife and from his kids, and he will take into consideration everyone's happiness, well-being, needs, and even their permissible desires. But at the end of the day, somebody has to make the decision and call the shots. If there is going to be no leader, then Shaytan will become the leader.

Even when travelling with a companion for a short distance, Rasulullah ﷺ used to always appoint an Ameer and say, "This will be the Ameer of this journey, the Ameer of this expedition, the Ameer of this particular caravan." You need to have an Ameer, you need to have a leader. So what about this journey of life — where a couple, and inshallah they will be blessed with children, will be engaging in this journey of life — should they not have an Ameer? The Ameer is the husband, the father of the family. He is the one Allah has made the head of the family.

The wife has her role — she is the heart of the family. She is the one who has a passionate love for the children, will bind the family together, and she has, of course, her great responsibility, great duty, and great maqam. But at the same time, Allah has given the responsibility of caretaking and maintaining upon the men — they are the maintainers, the caretakers, the responsible figures over the women. This is the duty for the men. They have to understand their duty and their responsibility and fulfill it, rather than abusing it. May Allah Ta'ala guide all the men and the women.

The Three Ayahs Rasulullah ﷺ Always Recited at Nikah

So we have covered so many ayahs that he did not recite. Now we need to come to those ayahs that he actually did recite — Rasulullah ﷺ. What ayahs did he mention? Every single time he performed the nikah, he recited these three ayahs — for those joining us late, from three places in the Quran — and he always recited those same three places. And they all have to do with taqwa.

The strange thing is: they don't have to do with nikah — they have to do with taqwa. And this is the time of nikah. And Rasulullah ﷺ was baligh — very eloquent — and he knew how to speak. One of the requirements of balagha is that what you are speaking should be appropriate to the audience, appropriate to who you are addressing, when you are addressing, the time, the place, the audience. You would not speak about divorce or death at a wedding. You would not speak about happy occasions at a janazah. Every occasion has a particular speech. Every place has a particular word, a particular type of kalam that should be given. So why is Rasulullah ﷺ speaking about taqwa at the time of nikah?

The three ayahs he recited — from Surah Ali 'Imran, Surah An-Nisa, and Surah Al-Ahzab — are:

Taqwa: The Only Guarantee of a Successful Marriage

These ayahs — from Surah Ali 'Imran, Surah An-Nisa, and Surah Al-Ahzab — all have to do with taqwa. And the reason Rasulullah ﷺ is reciting these ayahs is to remind us that the only way this marriage, which is now beginning, can remain successful, prosperous, happy, and preserved from zulm and oppression — from both sides, because it is possible that the husband can do zulm and oppression on the wife, and yes, it is also possible that the wife can do zulm and oppression on the husband — the only way to protect this couple from zulm, to protect from cruelty, to guarantee success and a flourishing, blissful, happy, prosperous marriage — the only, single way to ensure this is if both partners — husband and wife — are inculcated with taqwa.

And taqwa is normally understood as just the fear of Allah. But beyond fear of Allah, it literally is a sense of accountability — that there is a Yawmul Qiyamah. There is a Yawmud Deen. We recite it all the time — مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ — the Master of the Day of Judgment. Yawmud Deen is the Day of Judgment. Yawmul Jaza — the Day of Recompense. Yawmul Hisab — the day Allah will take account.

The day people will have to stand in front of Allah, the Lord of the worlds.

You regard it to be very far away, and Allah is saying: I am saying it is very near.

The time for giving account of your deeds is drawing near — yet people are heedless and turning away from all the signs of Allah. Any new ayah is revealed and recited, they hear it and it goes in one ear and out the other — their hearts are full of heedlessness, لَاهِيَةً قُلُوبُهُمْ.

So the thing is this: if the husband is conscious of the fact — Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is going to ask me, "This amatullah — this little girl of Allah — was brought into my care, was raised by her parents, and was then given to me, brought into marriage and into my home. I have to answer Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for how I treated her, every morning, every night." Likewise, if the wife is aware and conscious of the fact: "Every day, every night I will be responsible to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala — have I fulfilled the rights of my husband? Have I respected my husband? Did I honor my husband?"

If they have within them this taqwa, this is the only way to guarantee the marriage will be successful. That is why Rasulullah ﷺ — every single nikah in the entire seerah — perhaps we cannot find a single incident where he did not recite these ayahs at the time of performing nikah. The same message he keeps hammering in, hammering in, hammering in, wanting us to realize this ultimate reality. And if we still do not take heed from the advice of Rasulullah ﷺ, then we have no one else to blame but ourselves.

The Unique Power of the Fear of Allah

Fear of society will only go so far. Fear of a domestic abuse division of the police department will only go so far. Fear of the father-in-law, the mother-in-law, this one and that one — will only go so far. But the nature of the relationship between the husband and wife is so delicate that the only fear which can guarantee 100% that no oppression will take place is the fear of Allah, and Allah alone. Because Allah is the One we cannot deceive.

You can try to deceive your father-in-law, your mother-in-law, your brother-in-law — but you cannot deceive Allah. As Allah says: they try to deceive Allah and the believers — you are not deceiving anyone but yourself. You do not understand, you do not perceive. We cannot deceive Allah. He knows the secrets that are hidden and that which is hidden beyond the secrets. In fact, SubhanAllah, whatever thoughts are crossing your heart — that is also known to Allah. The actions of the day, the actions of the night, that which is done publicly and privately.

We find so many examples of people who live double lives — they are smiling, friendly, and so nice, the best companion of their friends outwardly, at work with colleagues — but they have a completely different face at home, a different behavior at home. So you are deceiving the people, but we can never deceive Allah.

Conclusion: Marriage as the Cornerstone of Civilization

We have to know that Allah is watching us at all times. Once the sense of accountability enters our hearts, then inshallah our marriages will become successful and there will be absolutely no oppression done from any quarters.

May Allah give us the tawfiq to uphold our marriages — which is the cornerstone of the family, which is the cornerstone of civilization. If the marriages will be upheld, the families will be sound, and our civilization, our culture, our society will be strong and prosperous, and we can have hope in the next generations. May Allah give us the tawfiq to make amal. Let us perform Sunnah inshallah.