Speaking Truth: Protecting Our Children From Sexual Abuse

Opening — Khutbah Muqaddamah

In the name of Allah, the most merciful and most gracious. All praise is due to Allah, we praise Him and seek His aid. We seek His forgiveness, we believe in Him and rely on Him. And we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the misdeeds of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whosoever Allah leaves misguiding, none can guide him. We bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and that Muhammad is his servant and Messenger, peace be upon him and his family and his companions.

Introduction: Why We Must Speak About This

My dear respected brothers and sisters, as parents and elders, I wanted to speak about a very important topic that many times we shove under the rug and we do not like to speak about. And that is not part of the solution — to ignore it. But we have to seek guidance from the Qur'an and Sunnah, the Qur'an, the Kalam of Allah, the Sunnah, the words of Rasulullah ﷺ, regarding this.

Number one, to set the stage for all of us, is that Allah says in the Qur'an:

And Allah is not shy from speaking the truth. So if Allah Himself is not shy from speaking the truth, then how can we?

There is a hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ again about this matter. Umm Sulaym narrates that Rasulullah ﷺ used to be asked very sensitive questions. And that is why I want to also state on the record: if you have young children with you, then you may want to take them to the side hall and have another discussion with them with respect to the topic. So this is a disclaimer for everyone.

So Umm Sulaym — she says that the Ansari women, she made du'a for them, she said: how great are the Ansari women, how excellent they are. Their haya would not prevent them from gaining fiqh and understanding of their deen. So they would ask very, very explicit questions to Rasulullah ﷺ regarding different biological functions, and regarding relationships with their husbands, etc. So we must maintain modesty in our language, but this should not prevent us from learning the deen.

Convey from me even if it is one ayah. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3461)

Likewise, Rasulullah ﷺ not only gave us these instructions, but he commanded us to share it with others.

If we see something wrong happening, Rasulullah ﷺ said: you should change it with your hand. If not, you must speak out against it with your tongue. If that is also not possible, then to regard it evil in one's heart — this is the weakest form of iman.

Whoever amongst you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is unable to do so, then with his heart — and that is the weakest form of faith. (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 49)

The Topic: Sexual Abuse of Minor Children

So the topic I wanted to speak about and am coming to is about sexual abuse of minor children and how prevalent that has become.

After addressing these introductory points as a muqaddamah for the topic itself — we have this cultural silence, and we think that this is the solution. When some of these reports come, our first knee-jerk reaction is: what will people say? So we are more concerned about people's feelings versus the victim himself. Our primary first reaction should be: how do we protect this child? And we continue to allow the aggressors to perpetuate these types of crimes against others.

So let us understand that speaking about this, raising awareness about this matter, is not part of the problem. Sometimes we think: okay, if you're talking about this, now all of a sudden are we going to give ideas to people who would not think about doing this, and now they heard about it? We are hearing about it in the context of how haram it is, how destructive it is. So how would this be encouraging anyone? Na'udhu billah. Rather, talking about it is part of the solution.

There is no particular scandal in the news within the Muslim community right now. Some of you may be thinking: okay, what happened? Why is he talking about this today? Precisely — the reason I'm talking about it today is because there is no scandal that is dominating the news, at least for now, and Allah protect us near and far, forever. But when something happens, if we speak about it, then it is perceived as reactionary. And then when these events happen, there are people who believe the person is wrongfully being attacked, and other people believe the accusations are true — they're both sides of the opinion. So if you take any position, you will invite the anger of the other party.

So I don't believe there is any story currently in the news about a sexual predator, and that is why this is not reactionary — this is a proactive reminder for all of us.

Another reason I'm speaking about it is: there could be an objection to the selection of the topic that it's so rare, the occurrence is so few amongst us, then why do you have to talk about it? Unfortunately, I wish that was the case. On the flip side, this is becoming more and more rampant.

Rasulullah ﷺ said that you will be following the footsteps of the other nations, the Yehud and Nasara, step by step, until if they go into a hole and they get bit by a snake, then you will want to follow them and get bit by the same snake. So whatever is happening around us in the culture, unfortunately the reality is that we as a Muslim community are not immune. If we are living in a hyper-sexualized environment, then we are also not immune from those effects.

You will follow the ways of those who came before you, step by step, to the extent that if they entered a lizard's hole, you would enter it too. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3456; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2669)

So this is something that is happening. And it is destroying children, it is destroying families. In confidence, many, many people have come and have shared stories of what has happened to them, and the impacts of that are drastic, terrible, and lifelong scars. There are cases where people are married and they cannot consummate their marriage for a whole year, two years, because of abuse they experienced as children, and they end up getting divorced. We have a psychiatrist and psychologists in the community who are very much aware of what I am speaking about. We receive these cases from the shar'i perspective; they receive it from the psychiatric and psychological perspective. There is a lot of damage going on.

Children as an Amanah from Allah

Children are an amanah from Allah. Allah says:

O those who believe, save yourselves and your family members from the fire of Jahannam.

All of you are shepherds and all of you will be asked about your flock. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 893; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829)

The Statistics: How Prevalent Is This?

Let us look at some statistics. The objective of going over these stats is — I don't want for us to feel: oh, this does not happen in Muslim families — and to remain in denial. Because this denial leaves our children unprotected. These are very sobering facts.

Global research published in 2025 estimates the worldwide prevalence of childhood sexual abuse is 18.9% for females — almost 20%. That is one in five girls. If there are five girls, one of them has been abused. And 15% for males — one in seven boys. Before the age of 18, they have been a victim of sexual abuse.

According to the CDC, 90% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts. Sometimes if you talk about this, people say: oh yeah, that's some weirdo in the park, some pedophile is going to grab the kid. No — this is actually perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts, because they are the ones who have much more access. This is where we are blinded to the fact that this can happen in our gatherings, in our sleepovers, even with cousins, even with uncles — a family member, family friend, teacher, neighbor. It's not 51% to say majority. It's actually 90%.

Amongst the reported cases, 93% of child victims knew their perpetrator: 59% were acquaintances and 34% were family members. Only 7% were strangers. So this whole "stranger-danger" model is absolutely incomplete.

Between 70% to 90% of child sexual abuse cases are never reported. So for every case we hear about, about ten we never hear about. The median age for the abuse victim is 9 years old. And 85% of child abuse victims never report their abuse at all.

The Age of Innocence and the Role of Pornography

There is another fallacy: "We are very practicing Muslims, this cannot happen in our family." We have to realize that the so-called age of innocence is rapidly shrinking. Allah speaks about this age of innocence in the Qur'an as well, in Surah An-Nur, when Allah is speaking about the maharim — those individuals in whose presence a woman is not mandated to cover herself:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze. But the ayah that comes after that is:

Tell the believing women as well to lower their gaze and guard their private parts, and not to display their adornments — except for their husbands, their fathers, their fathers-in-law, their sons, their stepsons, their brothers, their brothers' sons — all of them are mentioned. And then at the end Allah says:

Or those young children who do not know about the private matters of women. They would remain in that state until they reach bulugh or near it. But unfortunately the stats are very alarming with regard to the prevalence of pornography — 15% of children were exposed to online pornography at age 10 or younger. 9-year-old kids, 8-year-old kids, 7-year-old kids — they are exposed to this. Amongst young people who have seen pornography: 10% by age 9 have seen it, 27% by age 11, and 50% by age 13. And what they are seeing, they end up experimenting and doing to others.

Questions We Must Ask Ourselves

So what are some questions we have to ask ourselves?

• Does my child have unsupervised, unrestricted access to the internet?
• Have I had a clear, calm conversation with my child about their body parts?
• What is safe touch? What is unsafe touch?

We have to have these conversations, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem, how difficult it may be. It is obligatory upon us, given what is going on.

If my child came and reported something about someone that I know, or trust, or am acquainted with — whether it is an uncle, whether it is a teacher, whether it is someone from the family — we must take it seriously. A child who is victimized can then become a willing participant, and after that can become an aggressor themselves, and the chain continues. Particularly when puberty hits and the hormones come — between the ages of 9 and 14 on the boys' side — it is an extremely dangerous age. This is our own experience with all the children in the community and what we deal with.

Initially when we start off, we may think: okay, a child is born absolutely innocent. And then as you grow older, you get exposed to more things and you become more and more obscene and corrupt — and it just goes up. But actually that's not how it is. We have learned — not just from reading books, but by experience — that the ages of 13, 14, and 15 are absolutely critical. 8th grade, 9th grade, 10th grade — more obscene thoughts and obscene actions take place at these ages. And then when they are hitting 11th grade, 12th grade — 16, 17, 18 — you would think that now they have more freedom, they will actually be doing more. But actually it tapers down. They gain some maturity, they calm down, and their behavior levels off. But right when puberty hits, it is a very, very dangerous time. And we think: oh, Habiba Chai is still a kid.

Lifelong Wounds and Warning Signs

I already alluded to some of the lifelong wounds — physical wounds, psychological wounds, emotional wounds, and spiritual wounds — that impact these children as they are growing up. They are hiding this, they keep this shame. Some of the data shows that the average amount of time, particularly in Muslim families, that passes between the incident of the assault and the person — who is no longer a child by that point — being willing to speak about it is:

23 years. 23 years go by, and then they begin to speak up.

Warning Signs of a Potential Aggressor

If someone — an older youth or an adult — is giving an unusual amount of time, gifts, money, snacks, rides, or special attention to a child: why is this child getting special treatment? There may be a special, secret relationship. There is a whole discussion on how grooming happens — the aggressor keeps testing boundaries through jokes, comments, rough play, tickling, and wrestling.

Warning Signs in the Child

• Suddenly expressing fear — they don't want to meet someone, they don't want to go somewhere, they don't want to go to a particular activity anymore, they don't want to be near a specific adult
• Nightmares and sleep disturbances
• Sudden anger, sadness, anxiety, or withdrawal
• Sexualized language, knowledge, or behavior beyond their age
• Fear of changing clothes
• Extreme distress at routine medical examinations (e.g., a child crying violently for a whole week over a routine check-up that their sibling went through without issue — that is a sign something is wrong)
• Self-harm — many girls are cutting themselves
• A drop in school performance

What Do We Do? Solutions and Precautionary Measures

We have to start talking about these issues with our children. Have frank conversations. Teach them about permission and consent. And understand that Allah in the entire Qur'an, and the Nabi ﷺ in the hadith, never said "do not commit zina" — there is no ayah وَلَا تَزْنُوا. Rather the command is:

Do not even come near unto zina. So all of the things that would potentially lead to zina, or would be a condition for zina — all of them are declared haram. So we have to have clear, calm, and repeated conversations. Make the message very clear: your body belongs to you, it is an amanah from Allah, nobody should be touching you. And keep the channel of conversation open, strong, and clear with our children.

And supervise gatherings and sleepovers. It is phenomenal — it is mind-blowing — the wisdom of Rasulullah ﷺ. Not because he was just a very wise person, but of course the foundation of that is that he was receiving wahy from Allah. He talked about seeking permission before entering a room. The Nabi ﷺ went so far as to talk about separating the beds of children when they reach the age of seven. He talked about this before pornography existed, before any of these things — Allahu Akbar, subhanAllah!

Order your children to pray when they are seven years old, and discipline them for it when they are ten, and separate them in their beds. (Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 495)

Just as fathers, mothers, and teachers — we have to have that concern for our children, for our students. Rasulullah ﷺ had more love for us than 70 mothers, and he gave us all these very, very specific warnings.

We have to teach the boys that having the desire itself is not sinful. Acting upon that desire in a haram manner — that is what is prohibited. You need to control yourself. That is the reason why you have this test from Allah.

Then there is another whole world of online predators — gaming chats with strangers, children being manipulated by strangers into taking pictures of themselves, exposing themselves, and sending it. Those pictures are then used to blackmail them. Then the shame comes on the child. There are cases of girls committing suicide. These are the types of things that are happening.

If the aggressor is a child, we need to speak to their parents right away and make sure that they get help. And if the aggressor is an adult, they need to be reported. This is not something to be shoved under the rug.

Closing Du'a and Supplication

May Allah make this an opportunity for us to begin to reflect, and may it be so that by taking some of these precautionary measures — that I was just able to touch upon very quickly — we are able, insha'Allah, to protect our children, our most prized gift from Allah, from ever being such a victim of what we discussed. And may Allah protect all of our young boys and girls, and give us the wisdom to be able to fulfill our responsibility.

If children are our greatest blessing, then we have to remember:

Then you will be asked regarding these blessings. And let us take this seriously. Begin to think — with your wives, with your husbands, with your spouses — how will we address our children? When will we have this conversation?

May Allah give us the tawfeeq to make amal.

Announcements

Please pass the donation boxes. Sadaqah during times of calamity draws the mercy of Allah. Sadaqah is a means of protection for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our children. In light of what we were discussing, along with proactive measures, we need to make du'a for them and give sadaqah on their behalf. We can take as many measures as possible, but we do not know where the evil is lurking, near or far. So sadaqah and du'as of protection are essential for our survival.

Recite the Mu'awwidhatain — قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ الْفَلَقِ and قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ — and Ayat al-Kursi. Recite these and blow on your children every morning when you send them off.

Please note there will be a Fiqh of Hajj workshop with Mufti Azimuddin Ahmad, Sunday, May 10th, insha'Allah at 1:30pm. Registration for all the summer programs is open. Applications for the 10-year program are open. The weekly programs are continuing:

• Monday night podcast — Mufti Azimuddin
• Tuesday night tafsir — with myself
• Thursday night Urdu program — with Mawlana Abdul Basit
• Saturday team Fajr program

Jazakum Allah khair.