Believing Men And Women: Mutual Support And Family Roles

The Believing Men and Women as Allies

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah. Peace be upon His chosen servants.

Allah, the Exalted, has said in His decree — after I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan, in the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:

My dear respected brothers and sisters in Islam, peace and blessings of Allah be upon you. Allah, the Exalted, our creator, our nourisher, our provider — the one who sent us into this world for a test and a trial amongst us as human beings. He created two genders, the male and the female, and Allah, the Exalted, made us as supporters and friends of one another to help us in the struggles of life, to help us fulfill this test of life. This life itself — Allah, the Exalted, made it very clear. The system of life and death, He has created it for which purpose? To test you — who amongst you are the best in their deeds.

So in this test, as human beings, there are two genders He has created. Allah, the Exalted, reminds us about Adam and Hawwah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon them. The first human beings were also created in pairs. The first relationship between any two human beings is that of the husband and wife. Adam and Hawwah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon them, did not have any parents or siblings. They, being the first and the second human being in existence, had the relationship of husband and wife. And thereafter the relationship of children came into being — with their first child, and with their second child, the relationship of siblings came into being.

Allah, the Exalted, created Adam, and from Adam, Allah, the Exalted, took the bone — the rib — and created Hawwah, and from both of them Allah, the Exalted, created this human race: many men, many women. And Allah, the Exalted, in His infinite wisdom, He created the system of interdependence amongst these two genders such that the life of one is incomplete without the other and cannot be as fulfilling without the other.

In the ayah that I quoted in the beginning, Allah, the Exalted, says that the believing men and believing women — they are supporters and friends of one another, not only in fulfilling their worldly needs but more importantly in fulfilling this great test that we are all going through. How did they help one another? They invite one another towards good and they forbid one another from evil. And they believe in Allah, the Exalted. And these are those who Allah, the Exalted, has guided. These are those for whom Allah, the Exalted, has prepared the Jannah.

The Responsibility of Men as Heads of the Household

Allah, the Exalted, in particular, has given an additional responsibility to the men — that Allah has granted them this privilege and authority, which is also linked with the responsibility of being the head of the household. Allah, the Exalted, addresses the men and says: O those who believe, save yourselves and save your family members from the fire of Jahannam. And the man, being the head of the household, is not only responsible for himself or his children but — from an Islamic perspective — is also responsible for the deen and the tarbiyah of his wife as well.

(Quran 19:55 — regarding the Prophet Isma'il, peace be upon him)

As it comes regarding the Anbiya of the past — that they would take the responsibility not only of the training and upbringing of their children but also the tarbiyah of their wives. This may be different from the family understanding that is more prevalent today, but this is the true Islamic concept.

Keeping this in mind, when we are speaking about the roles of women, the responsibilities of women, the tarbiyah of women — this would be not only a lecture dedicated to our sisters but also to our brothers. Because as a man, it is not only your responsibility to see to the tarbiyah of your daughters but also of your wives. So it is relevant to both. This is just a preface to the actual hadith I wanted to share.

The Four — and Five — Greatest Women of All Time

That Rasulullah ﷺ, when identifying the greatest women of all time, said in one hadith:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3411; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2430)

That amongst all the women of all time — نِسَاءُ الْعَالَمِينَ — from the previous generations up to his time, and from his time till the Day of Judgment, the best women of all time are four. Two of them he identified as women of the past nations, and two from this ummah of Rasulullah ﷺ. And the scholars of hadith, when they reflected on these words of Rasulullah ﷺ, the commentators have mentioned that these four women embodied many sifat, many attributes, many beautiful qualities that we need to focus on and bring within ourselves — but each one of them personified, to an exceptional degree, a particular trait.

So the four women represent four traits, four sifat. The two from the previous ummah that Rasulullah ﷺ identified were Asiya and Maryam, peace be upon them. And the two from this ummah he mentioned in this hadith were Khadijah and Fatimah, his own daughter, may Allah be pleased with them both.

There are other ahadith when we are speaking about being the best women of all time or having superiority over other women — and the Prophet ﷺ has also mentioned Aisha in those. In case you are looking forward to her name — her name is also mentioned, but not in this particular narration. There is a hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ that the superiority of Aisha over all other women is like the superiority of the thareed dish — which was a very exotic and rich dish, with meat and bread and soup, the bread soaked in the meat broth — particularly when you have an environment where, in the house of Rasulullah ﷺ, they see the hilal, then they see the hilal, then they see the hilal — two months go by and they are surviving on aswadain, just water and dates. So in that time and place, thareed was a very royal dish. Just like the superiority of thareed over other foods is the superiority of Aisha over other women — amongst many other manaqib and virtues of hers.

A Note on the Kitab al-Manaqib in the Books of Hadith

So in the books of hadith there is a particular division called a Kitab — a bigger unit. Within books of hadith we have Kitab al-Manaqib, virtues that Rasulullah ﷺ has given to different segments of the Ummah, different groups as well as individuals. Then you will have fusul — sub-chapters. So you will have a chapter on, for example, the Fada'il of the Quraysh, or Fada'il of the Ansar, the Muhajirun — the entire segment.

Then smaller groups — Fada'il of Ashab al-Bay'at al-Ridwan, the companions of Hudaybiyyah. As Jabir ibn Abdullah narrates:

That the Prophet ﷺ addressed the 1,400 Sahaba and said: "You are the best people on the surface of the earth." Then you have the Fada'il of Ashab Badr — 313 — and the hadith:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3983; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2494)

"You are free — Allah has promised Jannah for you." Then smaller categories — the Ashara Mubashara bil-Jannah — and then particular individuals: virtues of Abu Bakr, virtues of Umar, virtues of Uthman, virtues of Ali, virtues of Abu Bakr and Umar together — so ahadith where both are mentioned, etc. So we have virtues of all of these women and this is not limited to the one hadith I shared — many, Mashallah, ahadith are there.

So if we add Aisha Siddiqa to the mix, then we end up with these five women. And these five women represent — as I said — five qualities. Of course, every single individual has many attributes, but this one attribute, one sifah, they were well known for. It was more prominent in them — they exemplified these qualities to an extreme level, Mashallah, as an example for the rest of the Ummah to follow, to aspire to, to be inspired by.

The First: Asiya (Imra'at Fir'awn) — Sabr in the Face of Great Hardship

The first one — chronologically — is Asiya, Imra'at Fir'awn. Her unique attribute is none other than sabr 'ala al-shada'id — to be patient despite great difficulties and great hardships. Her husband, of course, being none other than Fir'awn, whose name is synonymous with tyranny — the ultimate dictator who committed atrocious crimes the world has never seen before nor after.

Allah says in Surah al-Dukhan that when he died, no one in the heavens nor the earth shed a single tear about the departure of Fir'awn — that is how much he had filled the world with his dhulm. Amongst the very few universally accepted beliefs is the belief in the innocence of children — that children are innocent and need to be preserved and safeguarded. He was the one who, in cold blood, ordered the assassination of not one or two children — any one of whom would have been a great crime — but of an entire generation of children. Allah mentions this repeatedly in Surah Al-Baqarah:

He would keep the girls alive — not because he had any mercy on them — but he was raising them for further exploitation and for other evil purposes. In so many places Allah mentions this, reminding us of how great a criminal he was.

And his wife, Imra'at Fir'awn — her story in itself can take so much time, and we have to cover all four or five of them — but the gist of it is: despite knowing how grave and how tyrannical her husband was, being closely associated with him at the level of being a wife, knowing fully well what he was capable of, she was sure of the fact that by declaring her Islam and believing in Musa (peace be upon him), she knew what fate awaited her. But Alhamdulillah, Allah inspired her with that courage, that determination, that azm, that quwwa of iman — which is an example not only for all women for all time, but for us as well — that she accepted Islam, openly declared her Islam, and thereby secured her shahada.

Allah mentions in Surah al-Tahrim:

Allah is giving an example for those who believe — and over here, Allah did not say لِلَّاتِي آمَنَّ — for the women who believe — but He said لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا — for all those who believe: male and female, female included and male included. Explicitly, Allah said: for all the believers, this is an example. So that first disclaimer I made in the beginning — that when we are talking about women, it is the responsibility of men to make the tarbiyah of our daughters and tarbiyah of our wives — we do not even need that disclaimer. If you look at the ayah, this is an example for all of us.

One particular scene is depicted here. إِذْ قَالَتْ — "remember when she said" — she called out to Allah as she was slowly being tortured to death. Because this was a personal insult for Fir'awn — that his own most beloved and dearest queen had now accepted the faith of Musa (peace be upon him), his enemy. Not only accepted his faith, but also denied his religion — of which he himself claimed to be the deity worthy of worship. So she was now denying his being the god and believing in the Rabb of Musa, the Rabb of Bani Isra'il, the Rabb al-'Alamin. Imagine the insult upon injury for him. So he was torturing her to death, and she called out to Allah.

You make du'as, I make du'as — how many individuals until the creation of Allah have made du'as, in the past and the future? How many of those du'as has Allah immortalized till the end of time by including that specific du'a in the Quran? And this Quran being the kalam of Allah, the sifah of Allah, it is there eternally — the kalam nafsi of Allah. It is in the Lawh al-Mahfuz:

So this du'a has been in the Protected Tablet. Jibril (peace be upon him) — نَزَلَ بِهِ الرُّوحُ الْأَمِينُ عَلَى قَلْبِكَ — Rasulullah ﷺ is being addressed: the trustworthy angel brought this du'a down from the heavens, from the Lawh al-Mahfuz, and it was revealed upon the heart of Rasulullah ﷺ. This is the du'a that Rasulullah ﷺ recited with his noble tongue. How beautiful is this du'a, how accepted is this du'a, that Allah reveals it in the Quran — our recitation of the Quran would be incomplete without repeating this du'a of this woman as she is being tortured to death.

She called out to Allah. Just speaking the truth, not doing any action in front of a tyrannical king — Rasulullah ﷺ said:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2174; Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4344)

The highest form of jihad, of struggle, is to speak the truth in the face of a tyrannical ruler who has the worldly means to take revenge and punish you — but you do not fear in the matter of Allah: not only the blame of those who cast blame, but even the torture of those capable of enforcing it upon you. So she called out.

What a beautiful du'a — the fact that it is there and beloved by Allah, accepted by Allah, is something to consider. And also the words are so phenomenal. She said:

O Allah — she did not just ask for dakhul al-jannah, "O Allah, enter me into Jannah." She did not say, "O Allah, the current crisis is overwhelming — save me from this dhulm that I am facing." She brought that later in her du'a. But she started off by saying: Rabbi ibni li 'indaka baytan fil jannah — "O Allah, I ask from You that You grant me a place to stay near You in Jannah. Grant me a palace, grant me a home, grant me a place to stay near You."

So when you are asking from Allah, we do not need to hold back. We do not need to worry that Allah will be upset with us for asking more than what we deserve. Of course, we naturally need to include in our du'a — not only as lip service but from the bottom of our hearts — "O Allah, we do not deserve anything. We do not deserve even to raise our hands to seek forgiveness from You, for we have committed so many sins with these hands, with this tongue." But at the same time — not looking at who we are and what we deserve, but looking at You, how great You are, and how You are the greatest of all givers. So why hold back? Why are we shortchanging ourselves when we are in the court of the greatest Giver of all?

She did not hold back. Someone was mentioning, "Oh, if I just get a little side hut, a little place in Jannah, I am okay with that." Why would you be okay with that? When it comes to the dunya we want to strive so much to get the best — and here, when we are asking Allah, then ask from Allah the best. This is something not only implicitly implied from all the nusus of Quran and Sunnah but rather explicitly — the Prophet ﷺ has instructed us, where the hadith comes to mind:

"When you ask Allah for Jannah, ask Him for Jannat al-Firdos." We all know that al-Firdos is the highest level of Jannah — فَوْقَهُ عَرْشُ الرَّحْمَنِ — it is right under the Arsh of Allah. So ask from Allah Firdos. That is what she said: رَبِّ ابْنِ لِي عِندَكَ بَيْتًا فِي الْجَنَّةِ. عِندَكَ is a very unique word here — "O Allah, a place in Jannah very near to You." وَنَجِّنِي مِن فِرْعَوْنَ وَعَمَلِهِ — "Save me from Fir'awn and his tyranny and his dhulm upon me." وَنَجِّنِي مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ — "Save me from the tyrannical people." So Allah accepted her du'a.

The Second: Maryam (peace be upon her) — Iffah and Chastity

The second one — and I am going to have to wrap it up quicker — is Maryam (peace be upon her). The first thing everyone knows is that the sifah she manifests the most is her iffah — her chastity, her purity, her tahara. And Allah mentions her in the very next ayah in Surah al-Tahrim:

A lot of things are going on in this ayah, but the key take-home point for us is her chastity and her purity — not only of her body but also of her heart, also of her mind. Not even desiring, thinking, imagining, or fantasizing about anything even remotely haram. Pure eyes, pure glances, pure heart, pure mind — such a level of purity that just imagining it is something that may be hard for us to even conceive, given what we are all going through and suffering from today. May Allah keep us and our daughters and our wives and ourselves and our youth all pure — protect us all from all forms of zina: that of the body parts, that of the eyes, and so on.

The Third: Khadijah — Khidmah and Sacrifice for the Deen

The third one is Khadijah. Her greatest contribution was her khidmah — of her wealth, of her life, of her assets — whatever Allah had given her — for the khidmah of the deen and of her husband. Her husband, of course, being the Prophet of Allah ﷺ. She gave all of that and did not hold back when it came to the service of her husband and the service of the deen of Allah. I feel so bad that we are rushing through this in just thirty seconds on each one when they deserve hours and hours of reflection — but since we started off with five, we have to just mention them.

The Fourth: Fatimah — Taqwa, Ibadah, and Zuhud

The fourth one is, of course, Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her). Her unique quality and attribute is her level of taqwa, her ibadah, and her zuhud as well — when it comes to how great her sacrifices were. Despite being — from a worldly perspective, you would say "princess," but that is not a good term, I do not even want to use it with respect to Fatimah. She is not even a queen — beyond a queen. Sayyidatun Nisa'i Ahlil Jannah — the queen of the women of Jannah. But how much she sacrificed in this worldly life.

The Fifth: Aisha Siddiqa — The 'Ilm of the Deen

And the fifth one is Aisha Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with her). The unique quality she manifests is her ilm — the knowledge of the deen. Some have mentioned that one third of knowledge is narrated through her. The great Sahaba, when they had difficulties in important matters of the deen, would say, "Let us go ask our mother" — Ummahat al-Mu'mineen, Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), Umm al-Mu'mineen. From behind the hijab, from behind the curtain, they would ask her and gain knowledge from her.

Summary and Closing

So these are the attributes of sabr, of istiqamah, of khidmah, of iffah and chastity, and of ilm — that we have to imbibe within ourselves and in our women: our wives, our daughters, our children. May Allah allow us to be inspired by these beautiful examples, and allow our daughters — who will, inshallah, be taking care of the next generation — to keep the deen alive in this country. We have to ensure that our daughters have the proper tarbiyah. Otherwise, whatever beautiful deeni environment we have will be lost.

May Allah allow us to fulfill this responsibility of the tarbiyah of our daughters. Alhamdulillahi Rabbil 'Alamin.

Announcements

Please pass the donation boxes on your left to the right side. Please ensure the box reaches the other side. Please donate generously — sadaqa tadfa'ul bala', it wards off calamities and draws the mercy of Allah. The hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ that the sadaqa given on the day of Jumu'ah is more rewarding than any other day — so we do not want to miss out on this opportunity.

We also have an Essentials Arabic Program — separate classes for brothers and sisters — starting from this coming Monday at the end of this week, July 22nd to August 9th. This is an opportunity for our daughters, as we were talking about the tarbiyah of our sons and daughters both. We have a beautiful environment, we have scholars teaching Quranic Arabic so they can unlock the message of Allah and benefit directly from the Quran. We should not miss out on this opportunity. Please visit the website and enroll your daughters and your sons, inshallah.

There is also the Maktab After School Program — registration is open for young children, boys and girls, seven and above. We have a weekly program continuing after Fajr. Tomorrow, Saturday mornings, we have our Tazkiyah Talk. Tuesday Tafsirs after Maghrib Salah — Surah Ghafir. Weekly salawat and khatira every Thursday after Maghrib.

We have a very special event: Mufti Mu'adh Shetty from the UK is visiting us on Friday, July 26th after Maghrib. He will have a special talk on introduction to hadith sciences, Imam Abu Hanifa and his methodology. He is a great scholar who has published a beautiful book about the ulema of hadith — the ulema and students of knowledge are aware of it — so we are very excited to be hosting him.

We also have Burhan Academy — inshallah one of the largest Islamic schools coming up in America — selling fundraising tickets today for their fundraising dinner featuring Mufti Tariq Masood and Sheikh Uthman ibn Farooq. Please support them by taking a flyer and touring their facility this Sunday. We all need more and more Islamic schools in every region. No Islamic school is competing with another Islamic school — all the schools are needed. The ummah is so great, the numbers of students are so much that no one school can fulfill their needs. So there is no competition here — it is all cooperation. We need more and more schools. A school in every single suburb is still insufficient. No one can fulfill the demand of how many students there are — with all that is going on, more and more parents, rightfully so, want to send their children to Islamic schools. So we need to support one another.

We also have: the Islamic Center of Wieden is hosting Islamic Games for the first time — July 27–28 at Ackerman Park, Lynn Allen — for a weekend of sports, celebration, and community spirit, coupled with their annual Eid Fest.

Also, du'a requests remain for Palestine. Continue to make du'a. We are looking forward to the day where we can, inshallah, not have to specifically mention this — but the tragedy is ongoing. No matter how long it has been, it is still continuing, and we need to never forget them.

Also make du'a for the father of our brother Ismail Amjad, one of our Ansar brothers — and Muhammad Iqbal Ali Khan, who passed away in Dallas. Please make du'a for his maghfirah.

Please fill in the gaps, inshallah. Stand shoulder to shoulder.