The Beginning of Guidance | Session 1

The Beginning of Guidance — Session 1: Abstinence from Sin

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ، صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ مَا دَامَتِ الْكَوَاكِبُ تَسِيرُ، أَمَّا بَعْدُ

Allah, the Blessed and Exalted, says in the Noble Quran:

I greet everyone with the universal greeting of Islam. As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

On the previous event that was hosted via the Miftah Institute, it was in preparation for the month of Ramadan and dealing with the lockdown-related issues. Now we commence a four-week series, inshallah, over the month of Ramadan where we're going to be discussing different aspects. In the program and in this session, we're going to be looking at some extracts and snippets of the book of Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah — Bidayatul Hidayah (The Beginning of Guidance).

Introduction: Imam Ghazali and Sincerity of Authorship

Abu Hamid Ghazali, rahimahullah, was an amazing scholar. I often speak about a very personal encounter that I had, and for me this is a strong message of sincerity. On a particular trip of mine to Toronto — I was flying between Dubai and Toronto on a long-haul 14-hour flight — I was relaxing in business class, had a nap, then got up and was browsing through the in-flight entertainment, listening to some recitation of the Quran and then some Arabic audio. SubhanAllah, they had a book in audio form of Imam Ghazali — his famous book, Ayyuhal Walad (Oh My Beloved Son).

This is a book that the imam had dedicated to one of his disciples. After having spent a lengthy time in the company of the imam and returning home, the disciple asked the imam for some advices — how he should internalize his knowledge and how he should execute it amongst his people. So a book was authored in this regard. This was a simple, basic booklet that the imam had authored to his particular disciple — and this is centuries later. Centuries later, I'm flying 40,000 feet above sea level and this book is now in audio form and I have my headphones on and I'm tearing.

I opened the window shutter and I looked out and I could see nothing but just the atmosphere, and I said to myself with a tear in my eye and a crack in my voice: Oh Ghazali, Oh Ghazali, I marvel at the sincerity with which you authored this book of yours. If it were to be told to Ghazali at the time he disseminated these advices — that today you write it privately to a single disciple of yours, but a time will come where this book of yours will literally be heard in the skies, in the atmosphere, above the clouds — it would be unthinkable at that time. But SubhanAllah, the pious are those that Allah preserves their words and transmits their words across times and ages.

The Primary Theme: Abstinence from Sin (Ijtinab al-Ma'asi)

I have before me the book Bidayatul Hidayah and we endeavored to do a section pertaining to fi ijtinabil ma'asi — abstinence from sin.

The Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, has said:

There is no act of nobility and piety that can equate abstinence from sin.

This was a question posed to one of the companions, radiallahu anhum, as well — that if you were to compare two people... There is a very famous hadith where a person came to the Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and said: "O Prophet of Allah, what is compulsory and mandatory?" The Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: the five prayers, the fasting, and so on. Then the man said:

"I don't want to go into all the details — I'm not going to add to this and I will not subtract from this."

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1891; Sahih Muslim, Book 1, Hadith 14)

As he left, the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said:

"This man is successful if he is honest in his claim."

So there was nothing additional, nothing optional, nothing surplus — it was the basics which were obligatory, compulsory, mandatory, the tenets of the faith — but it was coupled with abstinence from the disobedience of the Almighty. And for him, the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam pronounced the verdict of salvation.

That's my motive and that's my focus and that's what we're going to speak about here. Yes, it's great and it's meritorious to engage in optional actions — but if you were to compare the two, you are way better off to limit yourself to the obligatory actions and abstain from the forbidden.

Imam Ghazali on the Two Branches of Faith

Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah, says we should understand that there are two branches to the faith. The first is the performance of noble deeds — the mujibat. The other is al-salib — abstinence from the wrong.

He says it is a greater feat and a greater accomplishment to abstain from the forbidden than to perform the mandatory. In terms of stimulating yourself to action, it is easier to rise early, perform the ablution, and discharge the Fajr prayer — although there's a degree of challenge and difficulty. But then comes the element of resisting temptation. That is the most difficult thing.

When the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, spoke about the seven people that will be under the throne on the Day of Qiyamah — when there will be no shade other than the throne of Allah — the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said one is:

A young man who is invited by a woman of prominence, of status, of beauty — and he desists, he abstains, and says: "I fear Allah."

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 660; Sahih Muslim, Book 5, Hadith 2248)

At that time, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not highlight or profile any act of virtue he would engage in — no prayer, no recitation. Rather, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam spoke about him resisting and desisting from evil.

That's the focus, my brother and my sister. The first primary aim of our fast is: how can we eliminate sin from our life?

The Ability to Abstain Belongs to the Rightly Guided

Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah, says:

It is only the noble and the pious and the rightly guided who are endowed with the ability to abstain from sin.

And for this reason he quotes the hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam:

"The true immigrant is the one who migrates from a life of sin and evil, and the true mujahid is the one who strives against his own desires."

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 6650; al-Tabarani, al-Mu'jam al-Kabir)

Disobeying Allah with His Own Bounties

Now, whenever you disobey Allah — and we are all guilty of it — let me say something here: it is human to err, but it is devilish to persist. Fallibility is intrinsic to our nature. But what we want to advocate is: prior to committing a crime, we reflect over the torment of Allah; and after committing a crime, we reflect over the pardon and the clemency of Allah.

If we reflect over the torment of Allah prior to committing a crime, hopefully it will become a deterrent — what if I do this, my Lord can strike, my Lord can seize, my Lord can punish, my Lord can hold me accountable. But on the reverse — prior to committing a crime, if we think of how forgiving Allah is, then unfortunately the devil will exploit that, and our minor sin will become a major sin. Hence the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said:

"If you were not to sin, Allah would have taken you away and brought a nation that would sin."

(Sahih Muslim, Book 37, Hadith 6621)

But the qualifying statement here: as believers we don't premeditate a sin, we don't orchestrate a sin, we don't sleep over it planning and hatching it. We might succumb to it in the moment — we might perpetrate it — but we do not calculate it, we do not premeditate it.

So Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah, says:

"Know that you disobey Allah with the very organs that Allah has given you as a bounty and a trust. To use the bounties of the Almighty to violate Him — that is the pinnacle of ingratitude."

This is one of the definitions given under the verse in Surah al-'Adiyat:

Lakanood — loosely translated as ungrateful. But the scholars expound: some say kanood refers to a person who remembers the bounty but forgets the giver of the bounty, while others suggest it refers to a person who uses the bounties of the Almighty to disobey Allah.

Imagine — and this is an example I use often — in the world today where so much focus is on cosmetics, people go for orthodontics, plastic surgery. You spend an arm and a leg to straighten the jaw of your son, to design his teeth so that it looks pleasant and beautiful cosmetically. Then that very son uses that very same teeth — which you spent a fortune to straighten — to hurl nasty things at you: "Dad, you're useless, Dad you've done nothing for me." And the father is like: "Wait — the teeth with which you are talking, and the jaws which you move, your tongue and your lip — by the way, I've spent an arm and a leg to try and get that into some shape!"

Allah says in the Quran:

I created man from a fluid and then he becomes argumentative. He grows up and says: "Who said this?" — while Allah gave him the very ability, and then he uses it against Him.

Here is the point of reflection, my brother and my sister: if you abuse your sight, or your hands, or any faculty — you are abusing the bounty given by the Almighty, against Allah. That would be the height of ingratitude.

Your Organs as Divine Witnesses

Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah, continues:

"Your organs are your flock — consider how you shepherd them. Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for his flock."
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 893; Sahih Muslim, Book 20, Hadith 4496)

Your organs, as much as they are an accomplice to your crime, are also divine cameras planted by the Almighty — monitoring your actions. Imam Ghazali then brings the verse:

On that Day, their tongues and their hands and their legs will give evidence against them for what they perpetrated. Allahu Akbar. And yet in another verse, Allah says:

On that Day we will seal their mouths. So it appears in the hadith also — the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, says: his mouth will be sealed, and his limbs will be told to speak.

The Story of 'Urwa ibn al-Zubayr and His Amputated Leg

I have a flash of an incident of 'Urwa ibn al-Zubayr, rahimahullah. He was a great legend, stalwart, and son of Islam. He had lost his leg — it was amputated because that was the only way to safeguard and rescue his life. The doctors of the time, as he was a tabi'i, decided that the only way to save his life would be to amputate.

Now I beg for your undivided attention, my brother, my sister, wherever you've logged in — listen to this. This is just profound and amazing. As believers, we've been taught that part of the preservation of human dignity is that we bury any organ or limb — whether it is nail clippings, trimmed hair, afterbirth when a woman gives birth, or any organ or lump that is amputated. The teaching of Islam is that you bury it, and that is the preservation of human dignity.

(Side note on the question asked: his brother Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, radiallahu anhu, was a companion. 'Urwa ibn al-Zubayr was a tabi'i — the son of Zubayr ibn al-Awwam and the son of Asma, radiallahu anha, the daughter of Abu Bakr, radiallahu anhu. Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr was the companion; 'Urwa was the tabi'i. His incident comes in the chapter of Hayat al-Tabi'een.)

Now SubhanAllah — look at the words of 'Urwa ibn al-Zubayr. When his leg was amputated, he said: "Before you bury my leg, bring it here." So he gently stroked his leg which had now been severed from his body — detached, amputated, separated because of the gangrene.

What a rich dialogue between 'Urwa ibn al-Zubayr, rahimahullah, and that severed leg. He said: "Oh my leg, as we part ways — and hopefully we meet in Jannah — I am happy to say at the point of separation: I swear by Allah who gave me the ability to benefit from you, that you have been a part of my anatomy, a part of my composition. Upon you I rested my weight and I walked to the masjid. I have never put my weight on you once, not an inch, towards any act of sin, vice, or transgression."

Then he recited the famous couplets of Ma'n ibn Aws — stanzas brimming with faith. The sentiment of those verses: I swear by Allah, I have never stretched my hand out towards any vice, and my legs have never taken me towards any wrong. Nor have my eyes seen anything forbidden, nor have my ears heard anything. And I take solace from the fact that if I have been tested, surely others have been tested as well.

A Digression: Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr and 'A'ishah, radiallahu anha

Regarding Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr — there is a great incident in Bukhari. He used to spend very generously on 'A'ishah, radiallahu anha. 'A'ishah, radiallahu anha, and Asma, radiallahu anha, are sisters — they share a common father, Abu Bakr, radiallahu anhu, but most historians say the mother was different between them.

'A'ishah, radiallahu anha, used to spend very generously from what she received. So Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, radiallahu anhu — who was her nephew — said: "'A'ishah will have to start spending slowly, or else I will limit the money I give her." This is in the hadith of Bukhari.

'A'ishah, radiallahu anha, heard this and said: "Did Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr really say this?" They said yes. She said: "I will not speak to him." And she vowed, because she was obviously hurt and offended — and the sentiments of Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, radiallahu anhu, were not correct, in that he gave money and then sought to control it. We say this with utmost respect to both companions, in the context in which it appeared.

As time moved on and the gap of communication persisted, Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, radiallahu anhu, spoke to Miswar ibn Makhrama and another companion from the Banu Zuhra tribe — the family of Aminah, radiallahu anha — and asked them to go and negotiate with 'A'ishah, radiallahu anha, for reconciliation. They agreed.

They came to her door, knocked, and asked: "Can we enter?" She said yes. Then they said: "Can all of us enter?" And 'A'ishah, radiallahu anha — unaware that Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr was with them — said yes. As they entered, they began beseeching and imploring her — tafiqa yunashidaniha — please forgive your nephew. As they were imploring, Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, radiallahu anhu, went behind the curtain — for there was no hijab required between him and his maternal aunt, the maternal aunt having the role of a mother — and he fell upon 'A'ishah, radiallahu anha, and they both wept.

Until her tears drenched her scarf.
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 138)

He begged for forgiveness. She had taken a solemn oath, and an oath is severe. But he besieged her and subsequently she pardoned him and forgave him. Thereafter she liberated 40 slaves as an atonement and expiation.

On that objective digression — we derive another message: use the month of Ramadan to reconcile between yourself and any person with whom you have had ill feelings. It is human to have difference of opinion. The greatest of the great, the noblest of the noble — SubhanAllah, Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr had the courage to reconcile. Let us do the same.

What is Taqwa? The Goal of Abstinence

What is taqwa? Taqwa in Arabic basically means abstinence. It literally means to abstain. Allah refers to the occupant of hell in the Quran — and what an amazing, scary expression Allah gives:

The one who will try to shield himself from the evil torment by presenting his face — because there is no other way to shield yourself — and in essence he will only be intensifying his own affliction.

On that note I have a reflection of Sayyidina 'Uthman, radiallahu anhu, when the rebels had surrounded his house. Sayyidina Hasan came in and said: "O Amir al-Mu'minin, 'Uthman, tell us and we will mobilize and rally and engage these rebels." And 'Uthman said — these words of his make me cry — "I will not shield myself by endangering the lives of the believers. I will rescue the believers by endangering my own life."

The root of taqwa literally means to fear. That is why the entry level of taqwa is: a person who believes in tawheed — monotheism — and abstains from polytheism. That would be the beginning, the entry-point — yuṭlaq alayhi ismu al-taqwa. If he abstains from the forbidden, it is even greater. If he abstains from the doubtful, it is even greater. If he abstains from the undesirable, it is even greater. And so you continue ascending — there is no limit to it.

When Mecca was conquered, Allah told the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam — referring to the completion of bounties upon him:

There's a fine linguistic distinction worth noting: in Arabic we have the word itmam and the word ikhmal — both loosely translated as completion and culmination, but academically and linguistically there is a fine line between the two. Ikmaal can involve an interval — you can complete something but with a gap. But itmam means something that continues uninterrupted. Hence, when Allah says regarding the fast:

Atimmu — uninterrupted. You cannot commence your fast and then end it and resume it. And when you perform Hajj:

Once you don the ihram and enter the sacred state, it continues uninterrupted. Now look at the beauty of the Quran: al-yawma akmaltu lakum dinakum — this was revealed 80-odd days prior to the demise of the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in the farewell Hajj on Friday after 'Asr prayer in the plains of 'Arafat:

Allah says: today We completed (akmaltu) your deen — using ikmaal because Islam was revealed gradually and there could be intervals in revelation — but the bounties of Allah persisted throughout without interruption, hence atammtu for the bounty. SubhanAllah, the beauty of the Quran.

And on the question of guiding the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to the straight path — there is no contradiction between the verse of the 25th juz' in Surah al-Shura:

And the verse in Surah al-Qasas:

The scholars reconcile: guidance has two dimensions — iraat al-tariq (showing the path) and isal ila al-maqsood (taking people to the destination). The Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, can show the path — but he cannot take the person to the destination. That belongs to Allah alone. There is no contradiction.

The scholars say: the straight path has stations and levels, and you continue ascending it. You can be walking on it and aspire to climb higher and higher — like a person who is a millionaire in dollars and wants to become a millionaire in pounds and then in Kuwaiti dinars, and it just goes on and on.

The Seven Organs and the Seven Doors of Hell

Alhamdulillah, you've been fasting since the age of puberty or earlier — that's great, noble, meritorious. Thumbs up. But in terms of that propelling me to the greater goal of abstinence from sin — that is the yardstick and the benchmark with which I need to measure myself.

Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah, says: Endeavor to protect your body — and in particular your seven organs. For indeed Hell has seven doors:

Jannah has eight doors and Hell has seven. Those seven doors of Hell will be assigned for the one who disobeys Allah with these seven organs:

The eye, the ear, the tongue, the belly, the private organs, the hands, and the legs.

So set a target not just for how much Quran you will read or how much nocturnal prayer you will engage in — though those are meritorious — but more importantly: set a timetable to wean yourself of sins. Delete the trail of evil. As Allah says:

Man will be informed that day of what he sent forth and what he left behind.

Ramadan as a Race Track

What did Hasan al-Basri, rahimahullah, say?

"Allah has made Ramadan as a race track for His servants, in which they compete with each other to excel in earning His pleasure. Some have raced and won; others have lagged behind and failed."

Fal 'ajabu min al-dahiki al-lahiq — I am astonished at the person who finds time to indulge in futile things on the day when winners and losers are being announced.

Protecting the Gaze: The Words of the Scholars

When it comes to abstaining from sin — particularly the sin of the eyes — Ibn 'Ata' said:

"I would prefer being privileged with the ability to restrain my gaze from the forbidden than to own the entire world from its inception to its destruction, and give it all in charity."

And what did Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak, rahimahullah, say — as I read in the writings of Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali, rahimahullah:

"I would prefer declining one doubtful dirham than spending 700,000 dirhams in charity."

What is Imam Ghazali telling us in this book? Abstain from the wrong. We need to seriously ask ourselves — Riyad al-Kasi, rahimahullah, was a great sage. He said: "I did an audit on myself, looked at myself carefully, and I realized I have about 40 odd sins. Then I asked Allah forgiveness for every crime 100,000 times."

La ilaha illallah! My brother, my sister — I can talk about myself. I have 100,000 crimes, if not more, and unfortunately I have not asked Allah forgiveness 40 times.

A scholar writes on the importance of protecting the gaze from haram: it is insufficient to say "I did not have the intention of looking at haram." If you just casually walk into the marketplace, then inevitably you are predisposed and vulnerable and susceptible to the abuse of your gaze — because you are in an environment of immorality and you have not consciously programmed yourself. It is necessary, it is integral, it is of paramount importance, that you program yourself: I am going into an area where the risk levels are greater, I need to align and prepare myself accordingly.

Sin: Cold Turkey

When it comes to sin, you need to leave it cold turkey. The idea of gradual weaning — it doesn't happen. We have become such an addictive society that the tobacco industry can boldly print the harms of tobacco yet not fear a drop in sales. You have a billboard: "Beware, it kills. It causes cancer. Not good for pregnant women." And yet people walk in and say: "Can I have the one that causes cancer please?" That is the reality of the world in which we live. We've become so addicted.

I know of a young man who had confided in me about a particular social ill that had created an impediment in his life. He was utterly embarrassed and ashamed of this crime. He said: "The excitement or the euphoria or the thrill of the sin was over. Now it was just habit. But I would be so depressed with myself." That is the nature of sin.

I shared an incident of a sister who emailed me. She said she was very inspired by one of my lectures — "Courage to Control the Lustful Soul." She was 20 years of age when someone approached her wanting to date and get to know her — hinting at the possibility of marriage. She had never had any relationship with anyone. She hesitated, and he said: "Look, it could end up in marriage." It went back and forth. But then she recalled the hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam:

"Whenever you forsake something forbidden for the pleasure of Allah, Allah will substitute it with something wholesome."

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 22565)

She told the boy: "If you are serious, come meet my parents, formally propose. But in terms of dating and courting — this is not going to happen." He backed off. She says she used to cry and wonder if it was the right move. Her friends had boyfriends, fiances. She didn't. But she kept praying to Allah to bless her with a good spouse.

She wrote to me — and may Allah bless her — that it is five years into the marriage, she is the mother of two children, and by Allah, Allah has given her a divine husband. This man is beyond my description.

If you're not married, my sister — give up the wrong, pray to Allah, and see the magic in your prayer. And even if you are married — all of us can abandon some wrong, pray, and see the impetus and the strength and the clout and the muscle it injects into your supplication.

Khubaib, radiallahu anhu: The Ultimate Expression of Loyalty

When Khubaib, radiallahu anhu, was about to be executed, Abu Sufyan — who was not yet a Muslim at that time — said to him: "Would it not please you that Muhammad be executed in your place, while you are at home in comfort and safety?"

Khubaib, radiallahu anhu, got up and said:

"By Allah, I would give my life to avoid even a thorn prick reaching Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, while I sit comfortably with my family."
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3045)

And Abu Sufyan — who subsequently became radiallahu anhu — said at that time: "I have never seen the reverence, honor, love, and obedience of anyone to another like the companions of Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam."

Consciousness of the Creator

The goal is to become conscious of our Creator. The scholars mention about guarding the gaze — and I have a flash of what Ibn 'Abbas, radiallahu anhu, explained about the verse at the opening of Surah Hud, which is mentioned in Bukhari as well:

Some of the companions — when they would change their clothing in isolation and seclusion — would be so overwhelmed by modesty and bashfulness that they would literally crouch down and bend down, covering their private organs with their own body as they undressed and changed. They displayed modesty for the Almighty. Allah then revealed this verse — that even if you were to clad yourself entirely, you cannot escape the eye of Allah. But imagine the consciousness of the companions!

You are sitting in seclusion, my brother, and there is this urge to commit a crime. The world tells you "just do it" — the billboard tells you, the advertisement tells you, your friend tells you, your peers tell you. What does the hadith say? When you are in isolation, in your hotel room, on a business trip, and family is not there — and you think you're away and hidden:

When you are in isolation and your ego is provoking you to rebel — then fear the gaze of Allah.

Questions and Answers

Q: When Allah forgives a sin, is it completely wiped away?

SubhanAllah — there is a hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam:

"When a servant repents from a sin, Allah erases that sin from the memory of the angels who recorded it, from the memory of his limbs, and from the location of the earth on which it was committed — until he meets Allah on the Day of Qiyamah and no one bears witness against him for that crime."

(al-Tabarani, al-Mu'jam al-Kabir; also referenced in al-Haythami's Majma' al-Zawa'id)

How often does it happen — and I deal with these cases — where a partner was cheating and there was infidelity. He says: "I deleted the phone." She says: "But it was still captured in your archives and I retrieved it." He says: "For the life of me, I don't know — I deleted it but it was stored somewhere."

Well, my brother, my sister — when you repent to Allah, your WhatsApp gives you the option to delete only within a certain time frame. After that, you've forfeited the option. But Allah's window of forgiveness is open until death. See how long Allah waits for us.

Let me qualify: the tawbah needs to be genuine and sincere. I marvel at the clemency of Allah — you commit a sin and you mean well when you repent. You say: "Allah, I'm not going to do this, I mean it." And you know you mean it, and Allah also knows that as a fallible mortal you may default in three weeks. But Allah also knows that at this moment you are genuine — and so He still forgives you. People judge based on the external. Allah knows the full story.

Q: When Allah forgives — are the ill effects of that sin in this world also withdrawn?

Brilliant question, profound question. Certain acts, when we commit them, have catastrophic implications in this world. For example, the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said that if you disobey your parents you will be subjected to consequences in this world.

The point I want to say here is that sheer regret is inadequate. Qabil — the eldest brother, the son of Adam, alayhis salam — when he killed his brother, the Quran says he regretted. But the Quran does not say he was forgiven:

This dalla on the fact that not every regret is a tawbah. In fact, the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said:

"Every unjust murder until Qiyamah will rest on the eldest son of Adam, for he was the first to initiate unjust killing on this earth."

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3335; Sahih Muslim, Book 28, Hadith 6741)

So regret which is followed by active measures of atoning — that is the tawbah. As it is written in Tafsir al-Uthmani in Urdu: jitna mail, itna saaboon — the soap must be in proportion to the impurity. Your entire body is soiled, and you have a single drop of sanitizer to clean it — it doesn't add up. You need to balance your purifier against the impurity on your body. Then indeed Allah will remove the effects of that wrong, will forgive you, and will pardon you.

And the second point quickly: Allah says He will forgive you — and He makes it sound as though it is no big deal.

Allah says "I'll forgive you" — and it doesn't mean much to Him in the sense of His magnanimity — and then wa 'afa — it's fine, it's done, it's over. Humans, if they forgive you, they'll remind you. People without forgiving, they taunt. Allah forgives without taunting. Amazing.

Q: Is it permissible to avoid an abusive person even if they are a parent?

That is a very valid question. This is a brutal truth — in many instances parents can be condescending, can use nasty language, can run down the esteem of a person. Islamically, the challenge is: you remain obligated to your parent. The crime of your parent remains a crime. The wrong of your parent remains a wrong. We cannot mince our words. But Islamically we are told we have to be kind to them even if they tell you to perpetrate the most heinous of crimes.

That was in the context of Sa'd, radiallahu anhu, when he reverted to Islam. It is a verse of the 29th chapter, Surah al-'Ankabut:

And if they compel you to ascribe partners to Me — do not listen to them. But be kind to them in this world.

I don't have the full details of this particular case, but I deal with this very often. I would say: minimize your time if you know that typically when you go there an outburst will happen, nasty things will be said, and it will provoke you. Rather do a telephone call or minimize the visit. Pray for them, send them a gift — the hadith tells us that gifts remove the malice of the heart. Send money, send something. In that way you keep a safe distance, an arm's length, so you don't predispose yourself to potential nasty words.

The wrong of your parent will remain a wrong — but does it justify you cutting ties? No, not at all. You still have to maintain. Find the fine balance: spend less time, go less often, compensate in other ways. But we cannot sever ties.

Look at Ibrahim, alayhis salam — Abu al-Anbiya, the father of the prophets. His father was an idol merchant. He gave him the da'wah, and his father said:

"If you don't desist, I will stone you. Go away from me for a long time." And how did Ibrahim, alayhis salam, respond?

"Peace be upon you. I will continue asking my Lord to forgive you. Indeed He has always been gracious to me." This is salam al-mufaraqah — the peace of parting. He said: okay, peace be on you, my dad. I'll give you your space. I'll move away. And I'll keep praying for you.

And hence in the 11th juz', Surah al-Tawbah, where Allah speaks about seeking forgiveness on behalf of a non-Muslim in the context of Ibrahim, Allah clarifies:

The reason Ibrahim sought forgiveness for his father was only because of a promise he had made to him. So in a nutshell — his father was harsh, uncouth, obscene in manner, with strong nasty words. And Ibrahim, alayhis salam, said: okay, peace be upon you, I'll move away, give you your space, and I'll keep on praying for you.

Closing Reflection: Ramadan as the Opportunity of a Lifetime

I think we can call it here today, inshallah. Jazakallah khair to the Miftah team — to Abdul Wahhab who is pressing the buttons on the other side — and jazakallah to our brothers and sisters for connecting from the US primarily and wherever else around the globe.

Remember — Ibn al-Jawzi, rahimahullah, said: if the occupants of the grave were told "reveal one of your desires" — if they were revived and asked to express one desire — the dwellers of the grave would say: "I wish we could be privileged with one day of Ramadan."

My brother, my sister — Allah has given us that day. Let us value it, let us capitalize on it, and let us see how we can move forward, inshallah. The goal is: I need to rid my body of sin. Every time you succumb to a vice, you get temporary relief — but the vice gets a tighter grip around you.

What is our message? What are we taking away? I need to focus on abstaining from wrong. While it is noble and meritorious to excel in optional actions, it makes no religious sense to continue excelling in optional actions at the cost of persisting on evil and wrong and sin. It would be more meaningful, more wise, more calculated, and more rewarding for you to abandon a wrong than to engage in an optional action.

May Allah keep you safe, may Allah protect you, may Allah keep you strong.

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.