Embracing Haya: Modesty, Shame, And Reverence For The Divine

The Quality of Haya: Modesty, Shame, and the Modern World

There are certain qualities, attributes that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala orders insan to acquire. And then there are certain attributes, certain qualities that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala orders insan to remove from his heart. For example, shukr — showing gratitude to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala — and sabr — patience. These are qualities that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala orders insan to have.

These come in the Quran. Then there are certain qualities Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala prohibits — you cannot have them. For example, takabur — pride, arrogance — and hasad — jealousy. If a person has these feelings in their heart, they have to remove them. They have to work towards removing them.

And very often these internal qualities play a role on our external actions — on the actions that we do, that we perform. For example, a person who is jealous of another individual. Depending on the degree of jealousy that a person has, it may cause him to hurt the other person. If a person is jealous of another individual, that jealousy may propel him to violate the other person's right.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions in the Quran regarding the two sons of Adam (alayhi al-salam) — Habil and Qabil. Qabil was essentially jealous. He was not happy. It's a longer story, but the main point of it was he was jealous of his brother. And that jealousy was so extreme that it led him to kill his brother. So very often these internal qualities play a role on our external actions — what we do.

What Is Haya?

Among these qualities that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala orders and the Prophet ﷺ mentions is the quality of haya. And haya is one of those words that is a little bit difficult to capture in one word. It's difficult to capture with just a translation. Although in English we will either use the word "shame" — haya means shame. Or in Urdu, for those who know Urdu, we use the word sharam.

The Two Degrees of Haya

There are two degrees of haya. One degree of haya is where you are mindful and conscientious about other individuals. This degree of haya is often found in both Muslims and non-Muslims. For example, a normal individual, an average individual — a common individual would not like to come out in public without any clothes on, Muslim or non-Muslim. What's preventing him or her from doing that? This is a sense of haya. That feeling of discomfort that you have — that is haya. But this is haya at the level of being in relation to other people. Obviously, that same individual, if they're at home alone, maybe they don't care.

Then there's a higher degree of haya — and that is a haya with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Where you are worried and concerned about what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala thinks of you.

Junaid al-Baghdadi rahmatullah alayhi — as Imam Nawawi rahmatullah alayhi quotes him in his Riyad al-Salihin — he says that haya is this quality where the person is looking at all the blessings of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, all the blessings that Allah has given him, and at the same time he is looking at his own deficiencies. And the sharam that he feels — the shame that he feels — that Allah gave me all of these things, and look at my deficiencies. He says: this is haya.

Imagine just in our interactions with other individuals. There are people in our life who've done us so many favors — so many favors — we can't repay them. No matter what we do, we can't repay them. But what do we try to do? All of their favors that they've done to us — they've supported us financially, they've helped us in times of difficulty — what do we try to do? We try to make sure that that person never sees us in a situation where he is displeased. That feeling that comes — that I don't want that person to be disappointed with me — that feeling is haya.

When that feeling of haya is gone, you don't care. You don't care whether the person did favors on you. It doesn't matter who that person is, it doesn't matter what rank that person holds. When the feeling of haya is gone, the person doesn't care at all as to what he or she does.

The Prophetic Teaching on Haya

That's why the Prophet ﷺ said in one hadith:

"From the teachings that the people learned from the beginning" — this is not something unique to Islam. Haya is not something that is unique to Islam. This is something that people learned from the anbiya in the past. "If you do not have this feeling of haya, do what you want." In that case, the person doesn't care. And obviously, if a person is not going to care about what they do in front of other people, why are they going to care about what they do in front of Allah?

The Erosion of Haya in Society

This is where we're seeing our society kind of headed to — the removal of haya from people's minds. Under whatever slogans and banners that you see today, whether it's freedom, whether it's being independent — what is essentially happening? Haya is being removed. Haya is being removed.

Take some examples. In schools, colleges, at workplaces. The relationship that a husband has with his wife — this intimate relationship — is not something that should be shared with other people. This is haya. You don't share that. That's private. But subhanAllah, you have people at workplaces — what's their conversation? Talking about their spouse to other individuals, especially matters that are private. This is against haya. And of course, it brings about so many other problems.

Today, when this discussion comes that because of freedom, "I can wear whatever I want, I can dress however I want" — this is against haya. Remember, morality — these are things that are determined by Allah. For us, these are not things that are subjective. We don't choose them. We don't determine them. These are things that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has already preordained and predetermined.

Lowering the Gaze

Part of haya is that men and women lower their gaze.

"Tell the believing men that they should lower their eyes and they should guard their private parts." And likewise for the believing women. These are the commands of Allah ta'ala — and in them there is divine wisdom, hikmah, that sometimes we are not completely able to grasp.

Do Not Even Approach Zina

Similarly, Allah ta'ala says in the Quran:

Allah ta'ala did not say وَلَا تَزْنُوا — "don't commit zina." No, what is commanded? وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَىٰ — "Don't even approach zina." Which shows you that anything that could potentially lead to zina, anything that could lead to a situation where a person ends up committing this unlawful crime that Allah dislikes — Allah ta'ala is saying no. All of those things that could lead to that are also impermissible.

At a workplace, at school — there is no separation of gender. What happens? Two people — colleagues, classmates — they talk. Eventually, over time, the ball moves forward. Two individuals start talking, they get very comfortable with one another. The formal relationship becomes informal. Now you're shaking hands. Oh, a little pat on the back. It gets to hugging. It gets to something else. SubhanAllah. One thing leads to another. This is how Shaytan takes a person and removes the haya.

When people are exposed to these things again and again, haya is removed. Within our communities — not just within our Muslim communities, this is a problem in general. Pornographic material. Anywhere where a person is not covering themselves according to the standards set by sharia, you cannot look at. What effect will these things have on a person's heart? It's going to remove the haya. It's going to remove the nur from the person.

Then we wonder: when I'm praying salah, why is it that I'm not able to concentrate? Why is it that my salah does not have that nuraniyya, that spiritual effect? Why do my du'as not have that? Why is it that I feel disconnected with the Quran? Why is it that I cannot pick up the Quran and recite? All of these things play a role. We're putting our eyes where they shouldn't be. We're listening to things that we shouldn't be listening to. What's the effect that this is going to bring in the heart? A person goes further and further away.

And finally these things happen. Why do we have this issue of abortion? It's not a black-and-white issue, and not every case is the same. But where does the wider discussion come from? It's coming from zina. Where is zina coming from? Lack of haya. Transgender. LGBTQ. What is the base of it all? Lack of haya. People are lacking haya.

To such an extent — among the worst things that a person can do is that if they've ever committed a sin and Allah ta'ala kept it hidden, the worst thing that person can then do is go around telling people, "I did this, I did this." What is that a result of? It's a result of a lack of haya. That shame — we don't feel it. That sense of: what have I done?

How to Develop Haya

That's why Sheikh Junaid al-Baghdadi's teaching is so profound — he also teaches us how to develop haya. What does he say? Haya is that quality where you are looking at the blessings of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala — all the favors of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala upon you — and at the same time you are looking at your own deficiencies. Are you doing as much as what those ni'mahs demand from you?

Of course, all the ni'mah that Allah has given — there's no way that we can repay Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. It's not even a question. But are we making an effort to try to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala? Or are we completely sidelining it and not caring about it?

So this is one of the ways that we develop haya. Follow the commands of Allah ta'ala — these commands are according to the fitrah of insan, the natural disposition that Allah ta'ala created within insan. And number two: think about all the blessings that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given us.

He taught you. He created you. He taught you how to speak, how to communicate. He created the sun for you, the moon for you, the stars for you, the trees for you.

These are the worldly blessings. Then look at the blessings of the akhirah that Allah ta'ala has prepared for those who follow His commandments.

"Is there any reward for good other than good?" Two gardens for the person — and on top of that, two more gardens. فَبِأَيِّ آلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ — "Which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?"

Look at all of that on one hand, and look at our own selves on the other hand. What have I done to deserve this? What am I doing to show my gratitude to Allah? That shame that a person feels — that is the very essence of haya.

Du'a

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us tawfiq. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bring within us the quality of haya, and allow us to truly recognize the blessings of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and our deficiency in not fulfilling those rights — whether they belong to Allah ta'ala or to other human beings.