Unlocking the Art of Forgiveness| Mufti Abdul Rahman Waheed | A Ramadan to Remember | Miftaah Circle

Unlocking the Art of Forgiveness

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim. We praise and bless His Noble Messenger. Allah, the Exalted, says in His Book, after seeking refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytan, Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.

Whoever is guided, he is guided for his own self, and whoever is misguided, he is misguided for his own self. And let not a burden fall upon another burden, nor shall We punish until We send a Messenger.

And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to Anas ibn Malik: "O my son, if you are able to wake up in the morning and sleep at night with no ill feelings in your heart for anyone, then do it. And that is from my Sunnah, and whoever revives my Sunnah has loved me, and whoever loves me will be with me in Paradise." Or as he said, peace and blessings be upon him.

A Sunnah of Allah: The Cycle of Pain and Benefit

Brothers and sisters in Islam, before I get to my topic, I want to establish a principle — a sunnah of Allah. Just like there are sunnahs of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, there are also sunnahs of Allah.

These are principles, policies, and you will never find that they will change. These are Allah's sunnahs.

One of which is this: this world that we live in is pretty much a vicious cycle of someone going through pain, and someone else benefiting from their pain. Think about that for a second.

I'll give you a real life example. My youngest brother, Abdur Rahim — rahmatullahi alayhi — he passed away October 5th, 2020 in a car accident. As a shaheed, he was teaching in our school. He was 22 years old, going to serve his mother, and on the way — a mile from my house — he passed away.

This entire family is going through pain and suffering till this day. A mother never recovers, a father never recovers, brothers don't recover. We're five brothers; he was the youngest one. But at the same time, where we were all going through this pain, the tow truck company was happy that they got another customer. The junkyard was excited they got another car. Think about that.

My older brother Sheikh Abdullah says to me, "More difficult than the news of my brother passing away was October 6th on Tuesday — going to the cemetery to choose a grave site." He said the lady was taking the blueprints out and showing the grave sites the way a developer shows plots of land. They're happy. They get to sell another grave site. $2,000 more in the bank.

Someone suffering while someone else is benefiting. A lot of law is about that as well. My father is a physician. He told us once that one of the reasons why he stopped going to the gatherings of dhikr — he wasn't a religious person growing up — was that he went to one of the gatherings and the Sheikh said, "O Allah, grant shifa' kamila, 'ajila, mustamirra — grant full cure and recovery to all the sick people." My father is sitting there thinking: if they all get healthy, then whom am I going to serve? How am I going to get money? They have to be sick for me to get money. And he was grappling with that, because it's their sickness that makes him money. And if he truly meant that du'a, he would be broke.

You Are the First to Benefit from Your Own Good Deeds

But that's not how Allah works. Allah says in the Quran:

A person who is appreciative, a person who does something good — the first person to benefit from that good is that person himself or herself. Allah does not benefit from your harm or your pain. Allah does not benefit from your goodness either.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1427; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1033)

The upper hand is better than the lower hand. We all know from fundraisers that the upper hand means the hand that gives, and the lower hand means the hand that takes.

But when the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would give something to someone — and every single gesture of the Prophet is recorded, to the point where even how he used to comb his hair, how he used to get up, how he used to look — the way he gave was also recorded. When he gave, he gave with his hand extended downward — palm facing down — and the one receiving took with their hand from below. In that moment, isn't the giving hand actually the lower hand? And isn't the receiving hand the upper hand?

So you give with your lower hand, and you take with your upper hand. Even our elders, when they serve their parents, they offer with two hands — out of reverence. Why did I demonstrate that? Because even in the way the Prophet gave, he taught the ummah that the one who is giving is actually benefiting. If it wasn't for that person to take, how would the giver benefit? Who benefits from sadaqah more — the one who received it, or the one who gave it? Who gets ten times more? Who gets the reward? It's the one who gave. This is a principle of Allah. Al-jaza' min jins al-'amal — the reward will be according to the deed.

The Greatest Ni'mah: Allah Hides Our Sins

Now let me get to my topic. Imam Shafi'i, rahimahullah, says: if you were to look at all the ni'mahs of Allah, what ni'mah do you think is the greatest? According to Imam Shafi'i, the greatest ni'mah of Allah is that He hides our sins. He says:

"O Allah, if people were to know my sins, nobody would even stop to say salam to me. Children wouldn't respect their parents. Spouses wouldn't respect each other. Allah hides our faults, He hides our sins. You have made me praiseworthy in the eyes of the public — nasharta li fil 'alamina mahamida — until You have made them all my brothers and sisters."

Now, if the greatest ni'mah of Allah upon His servants is that He hid their sins, what do you think would be Allah's treatment towards those people who hide other people's sins?

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2442; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2580)

A person who hid someone else's faults — right away the reward comes. Who is benefiting from you hiding someone else's fault? Not the person whose fault you're hiding. Get that out of your mind. You are benefiting, because on the Day of Judgment, Allah will call you before Him, knowing your sins, but Allah will cover up your sins on the Day of Judgment.

Forgiveness: Who Really Benefits?

Similarly, when it comes to forgiveness, Allah says:

A person who is courageous enough to forgive — his reward is with Allah.

This discussion is a very simple one when you look at it from two angles. First: who is benefiting? A person who forgives somebody else. Allah says:

Don't look at it from the angle of whether this person deserves your forgiveness. Look at it from this angle: I need Allah's forgiveness. And for me to be forgiven by Allah, the easiest way is that I forgive this person. Don't you want to be forgiven by Allah? Because the one who forgives somebody else — Allah will forgive that person on the Day of Judgment.

That is why the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to Anas ibn Malik: "O my son, it is possible that you wake up in the morning and sleep at night and in your heart you have no ill feelings for anybody — then do it. Because the one who does it shows love to me, and the one who loves me will be with me in Jannah."

Remember — on the 15th of Sha'ban, Allah forgives everyone except two people. Every Thursday as well, Allah forgives everybody except for one. On the night of the 15th of Sha'ban, Allah forgives everyone except the one who associates partners with Him, and second — the one who has shahna', ill feelings, in his or her heart for a Muslim brother or sister.

Don't you want to be forgiven by Allah? The question is not whether the other person deserves it. The fact is that I need it. I need Allah's forgiveness, and for me to be forgiven by Allah, I must forgive the other person.

Fudhail ibn 'Iyad says: "Sahib al-'afw yanamu 'ala firashihi, wa sahib al-intiqam yataqllabu 'ala firashihi." The one who forgives sleeps with peace at night. The one who is thinking of revenge — how can I get back at this person — he is twisting and turning on his bed at night. Whether that other person deserves forgiveness is not the point. You deserve the peace. This is what Islam teaches us.

Sheikh Suleyman Mulla says: "We don't even have enough time to love — where do we find time to hate?"

The Lifeline of Deen: Love and Brotherhood for the Sake of Allah

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was asked — or he asked the companions — about all the different things of Islam and iman: salah, fasting, Quran, du'a, dhikr, everything. Of all the rituals and acts of worship in Islam, which one is the lifeline — the one you cannot let go of? The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

(Musnad Ahmad, referenced in related narrations on the virtue of love for Allah's sake)

Friendship and love for the sake of Allah.

Now if this is such an important pillar of the deen, how do you think Shaytan is dealing with it? You think he's going to allow it to happen?

Shaytan is in it for the long game. He doesn't have the habit of instant gratification. He will put something in your heart and then wait 15 years for the result. He will just plant a seed right now — "this person did this" — and then let it grow. Like weeds when they first appear, they're just a little bit of green. But four years later, it looks like a tree. A huge animosity develops in the heart.

So brothers and sisters, we need Allah's forgiveness — that is why we must forgive others.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal and the Second Reason to Forgive

Now, what is the second reason? I'll tell it through a story.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal, rahimahullah, was over 70 years old. He had been lashed so many times. He had so many open wounds on his back, and he had been in solitary confinement for days and weeks at a time. After that he was released — because they knew he was going to die — and they sent him home. While at home, he could barely move, suffering with open infected wounds and none of the modern healthcare technology we have today.

His student walked in and saw him. He said: "How are you doing?" The Imam replied: "Wallahi, the whips and the lashes did not cause me the amount of pain I am going through right now because of these infected open wounds." The student then began to perform a surgical procedure on him — without any anesthesia, while he was fully awake — burning the wounds with iron to remove the infection. You can imagine the pain he was going through.

When someone goes through extreme pain, what is deep inside comes out. Like the people of Gaza, when they hear about their son passing away, what comes from deep within?

That's what's inside. Deep inside. When a person is leaving this world, you hear La ilaha illallah. You see people in Gaza saying:

That's what's inside their heart. They believe that. So it comes out. Some of us say other things — because that is what's inside.

So now Imam Ahmad is going through this procedure. He asked his student for a pillow to hold onto, because every time that hot iron touched his back, the pain was unbearable. The whole time throughout this procedure, he was making a du'a. At the end, he went to sleep and woke up. The student was completely confused and went up to him and said: "Shaykh — through all the pain that you were put through — what du'a were you making?"

The one who had put Imam Ahmad through all of this was a man by the name of Mu'tasim. He was the one who had imprisoned him, ordered for him to be killed, ordered for him to go through slow suffering, and then sent him home to die.

The entire time during his procedure, Imam Ahmad was making this du'a:

"O Allah, forgive Mu'tasim." The very same one who put him through all of this. "Forgive him. Forgive him. Forgive him."

He said to his student: "My teacher, Imam Shafi'i, rahimahullah, used to say: on the Day of Judgment, if I don't forgive someone, should I be the reason why he doesn't go to Jannah? Should I be the reason that someone could have gone to Jannah, but because of me not forgiving him, Allah stops that person? Is it really worth it?"

And the second thing Imam Shafi'i used to say — and this is the second reason for forgiving somebody — he used to say: should I cause harm to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, in terms of his ummah? Because the Prophet will not rest until he has interceded on behalf of everyone.

Imam Ahmad was saying: "I don't want to be the reason. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, suffered his entire life in Makkah and Madinah — and now I am going to be the reason he is delayed on the Day of Judgment because of one person I haven't forgiven? I forgive him. I want my Habib to proceed to Jannah without having to worry about interceding for the one whom I have not forgiven."

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4739; also referenced in Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2435)

"My intercession will be for those of my ummah who committed major sins." He will go there and intercede on their behalf.

And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 249)

"I wish I could meet my brothers and sisters." He did not discriminate. He did not say, "I love my Muslim brothers and sisters who pray salah," or "those who fast." Everyone — anyone here is someone the Prophet wished to meet. He loved all of us. He loved the one who hurt you. He loved him. He loved her.

Conclusion

So these are two reasons, brothers and sisters. We forgive each other because we need Allah's forgiveness — it's not about whether they deserve it. We want Allah's forgiveness. Because the way Allah operates is not the way the world operates, with its cycle of pain and benefit. We are benefiting ourselves through these deeds.

And the second reason: the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, loved every single person here, unequivocally. And if we love the Prophet, we should love what he loves and who he loves. Because of the love for the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him — forgive them. If you forgive them, then Allah will forgive you on the Day of Judgment, and you will be with the Prophet in Jannah.

What else is better than that?

JazakAllah khair. Wassalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.