Turning Defeat into Victory | Mufti Abdul Wahab Waheed | Miftaah Circle

Turning Defeat into Victory

As we grow up, we are oftentimes taught the definition of what it looks like to win in a game, and what it looks like and what it feels like to lose in a game. And then we grow a little older, then we realize the definition of what it truly looks like to be a winner in sports, to be a winner in academics, to be a winner at school. And we oftentimes also feel, understand, and even experience what it feels like to lose at school, to lose in academics, to lose within the professional fields that we're in.

Meaning that we were not victorious. The definitions of what it looks like to be victorious, and what it looks like to be a failure has already been predefined for us from the moment that we were born in this world. That if you're unable to do this, that means you have failed. And if you're able to do this, that means you are indeed victorious. You have won, because the world has said you have won. And you have lost because the world has said you have lost.

However, one of the purposes and the objectives of the coming of the Quran and the seerah of the Prophet ﷺ was to redefine the definitions that we are used to. It was to redefine what poverty looked like. It was to redefine what richness looked like. That true richness is the richness of the heart. It was to redefine what beauty looked like. It was to redefine what honor looked like. That honor belongs in Allah's hands — honor belongs to Allah, His Rasul, and all the believers.

One of the objectives of the Deen of Allah was to reframe the mindsets and the mentalities of the sahabas and the believers — to teach them the true definition of what words were and what words are. There are books upon books and seminars upon seminars to teach people the definition of the mentality and the mindset of a millionaire, the mindset of a successful entrepreneur, the mindset of a person who is a CEO or a director. It's all about mindsets — and the Quran came down to also structure what is the mindset of a believer. What is the mindset of a believer in the ummah of the Prophet ﷺ? And in that process, it redefined what a win looks like and what a loss looks like.

That at times we think we won but it's actually a loss, and at times we think we're losing but we're actually victorious. Success in the form of loss. Victory in the form of defeat. Strength in the veneer of weakness. This is what the Deen of Allah taught us — that there are moments where the world sees us to be losing, but we're actually victorious.

The Treaty of Hudaybiyyah: Victory Disguised as Defeat

There was a moment in time when the Prophet of Allah ﷺ gathered all the Muslims in Madinah al-Munawwarah and he was so excited that after six years of being thrown out of the city of his forefathers, he sees a dream and they decide to march towards Makkah al-Mukarramah — to once again be in the presence of the Ka'bah, to once again walk through those streets that his grandfather Ibrahim ﷺ once built, to once again be in the beautiful presence of the Ka'bah. And he gathers his companions. They march towards Makkah, excited — and though our belief and our level of faith is nowhere near their faith, that happiness and joy in the anticipation of being around the Ka'bah is so powerful that just speaking about it and thinking about it allows our heart to feel a sense of excitement. The pictures of the Ka'bah allow us to feel strength.

The Prophet of Allah ﷺ enters into the outskirts of Makkah al-Mukarramah. He resides and rests in an area called Hudaybiyyah, and the people of Makkah decide that they will not let this man enter Makkah. They will not let the companions enter into their city. They gather a convoy and they gather diplomats and they come out to the Prophet ﷺ and say, "We will not let you come into our city." And the Prophet ﷺ says, "I have come with no weapons. I have come with no intention to fight and to engage with you in such a manner. I simply wish to perform Umrah. Let me do Tawaf and I'll leave."

Just let me do my thing and go. And this is how we are in this world — we don't want to bother anyone. We don't want to take away from their lifestyles. We don't want to tamper with the way that they see success to be. But we do wish to continue doing what we see to be right. We do wish to continue marching on, because the system that we've been given has worked since the beginning of time.

They say don't fix a system which was never broken. This was a system that allowed individuals that the world saw as unworthy of ruling and made them the rulers of the world. This was a system that took individuals who were not able to take care of a herd of sheep — like Umar رضي الله عنه — and made him the Khalifa of one third of the world. This was a system that allowed a man who was seen to be the symbol of persecution, disgrace, and dishonor, to become the symbol of honor when he was told to climb on top of the Ka'bah and call the Adhan. "Bring peace to us, oh our master Bilal. Bring peace to us." This was a system.

We don't need to search and explore when we have the system in front of us. And they come to him and say you're not allowed to come into our city. Then they build the treaty — and the treaty is completely lopsided. The treaty tells him that you have to go back, and next year you can come and enter the city for three days, and then you'll have to leave again. And the Prophet ﷺ agrees to the treaty and he agrees to all the points of the treaty, and the Muslims are broken. They've reached. They can smell the fragrance of Mecca, but the opportunity of Tawaf has been stripped from them — like those at the beginning of COVID who had already reached Abu Dhabi or Dubai or Qatar where their connecting flight was going to Mecca, and they were told there is no way through. Despite how much they'd spent to get there, and now they can't go anymore.

The Prophet of Allah decides that we are not going. And Umar رضي الله عنه stands up and he goes to the Prophet of Allah and says, "Ya Rasulullah, are we not on the truth? Are we not on the truth? So why are we hiding?" As Muslims today we say the same — we echo the sentiments of our leader. Are we not on the truth? If we're on the truth, then where is the help of Allah? If we're on the truth, then how come the persecution continues? If we're on the truth, why is this continuing? These were the sentiments of our leader Umar.

And the Prophet ﷺ didn't respond in the way he expected. He said to him, "Oh Umar, I didn't say that we were going to perform Tawaf and Umrah this year." And Umar is upset to the point that he doesn't know what to say. He goes to Abu Bakr, asks the same question. And they return from Mecca. And on their journey back, Allah reveals:

"Indeed, We have given you a clear victory." This clear victory was not the conquest of Mecca. This clear victory was the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah — which the world thought to be a loss. Success in the imagery of loss.

Today we're saying, why are we still losing? Because this is our Hudaybiyyah. This is our moment of recognizing that this is not a loss. This is not a defeat. This is actually a victory that Allah is preparing for us believers. Victory in the form of loss.

Victory in the Loss of a Child

When the Prophet ﷺ was informed about people who lost their children and the struggle that they have — when you lose your own child, he narrates to them a hadith. Losing a loved one is difficult, but losing your own children — there are no words that can describe it. They have names for those who lose their spouses: widows. They have names for those who lose their parents: orphans. But they don't have names for those who lose their children, because that normally shouldn't happen or doesn't happen. But when a person does lose his child, it's a loss. It looks like a loss, and it seems from every angle that it's a loss.

But Allah says in a hadith, when the Prophet ﷺ narrates that when Allah does take the fruit and the apple of the eye of a parent — he takes that child from his parents, he takes that child from her parents — and in that moment, in the epitome of anguish and pain and absolute disbelief, Allah says to the angels, "What did my slave say? In that moment of apparent loss, what were his remarks? What were their sentiments?" And the angels respond by saying, "The slave said…" and then praised Allah:

"It never belonged to us anyway."

The Story of Suhayb al-Rumi: Leaving Everything for Allah

The stories continue of how the sahabas dealt with victory that the people of the world sought to be loss. One day, during the hijrah of the Prophet ﷺ, there was a man by the name of Suhayb al-Rumi رضي الله عنه — a great companion. He was wealthy amongst the wealthy merchants of Makkah, having become one of them. And as the hijrah began, he attempted to leave to go to Madinah al-Munawwarah. The people of Makkah held him back and said, "You cannot leave. Our economy will be rattled if you leave. We need you to be here. You uphold the economy. You can't leave." He said, "I have to leave. My Prophet is leaving."

They hold him. One night he happens to get away and he leaves and he rushes outside of Makkah and he turns towards Madinah. On his journey, he's intercepted by the Quraysh of Makkah. And he's standing on top of the hill, looking down upon the Meccans in front of him, and he says to them, "You all know for a fact that if you want to go back and forth with me in a battle, I can defeat you. I'm ready to fight you. I'm ready to go down shooting. I'm ready to go down with my arrow hitting you and your arrow hitting me. I'm okay with that. I'll live with it. However, you're not really after me. You don't really want me to stay in Makkah. What you really want is my money and my wealth. You want my treasures."

"How about if I give you a proposition — that I will give to you all of the wealth that I have hidden in Makkah and I will hand over to you all of that which I have left in Makkah. I have no money with me. All you have to do is let me go to Madinah. Just let me go to the Prophet. I don't want anything from you. I'm done with you. I don't want anything from the world. We only want from Allah. We only want from the one who can truly give."

Ibn al-Qayyim says when a person truly understands what munajat looks like — what speaking to Allah looks like — they will forget the enjoyment of speaking to the creation, because now they enjoy speaking to the Creator. "Now I will complain to Allah." What can the world give us if Allah chooses not to give? If Allah decides to give, no one can hold it back. And if He decides to hold back, no one can give.

And he leaves and he goes to Madinah, leaving all of his wealth behind. We can't create change in the world by wanting to be victorious by the definition of the world and to be victorious by the definition of Allah at the same time. There are differences. And whenever Allah uses the word "loss" in the Quran, He only uses it for people who lose in the Akhirah. He does not use the word loss for dunya.

These words of loss — خُسْر — are only used in attribution to that which we lose in the Akhirah. Because loss in dunya is not considered to be the true loss. We can't be victorious on both sides of the coin. We choose a side.

Suhayb chose: "I am ready to leave that which pleases the people for that which brings Allah's pleasure." And he turns towards Madinah. The Prophet is informed of his sacrifice. He welcomes him outside of Quba. And as he is entering into the city, the Prophet of Allah is standing there. He welcomes him. He hugs him. And he says to him, "What a profitable transaction! What a profitable transaction!" And Suhayb says, "Ya Rasulullah, how do you know of this?" And the Prophet of Allah says, "Allah has revealed to me." Allah had revealed:

There are those who will sell everything and leave everything for the sake of earning the true victory. For the sake of earning the true W. Not the W that they say. The W that Allah says.

The True Definition of Success

What does that W look like? What does that definition look like? People will continue arguing the definition of success till death do us part. One will say success is in having the best bank balance. The other will argue it's in being happy in this world — whatever that looks like. Another will say it's in having progeny and children. Another will say it's having the best degree. And the PhD holders in seven different subjects will argue success — and therefore people are still writing books upon it. But the definition of success when a person leaves this world cannot be argued even for a moment. Because that definition will be understood the moment a person leaves this world.

Whosoever is able to protect themselves, their family, their progeny from Jahannam and are able to find their entrance into Jannah — that is success. That is the greatest success.

We find victory in losses because we know the true victory is in that which Allah has kept for us in the Akhirah. How is it so that when the Prophet ﷺ speaks about charity he says you're losing it but you're actually gaining wealth? How is it so when the Prophet ﷺ speaks about giving time for the sake of Allah — you're giving it, but you're actually gaining barakah? Whosoever leaves something for the sake of Allah — though it looks like a loss — it's actually victory.

And the epitome of this — the highest form of what the world sees to be a loss, and on the flip side what Allah and our Deen see to be a victory — is leaving this world in a state that Allah is pleased with. Leaving this world in a state in which Allah is happy with.

Ja'far ibn Abi Talib and the Battle of Mu'tah

When Ja'far ibn Abi Talib رضي الله عنه became shaheed in the Battle of Mu'tah, Mu'tah was a battle where the Prophet of Allah ﷺ sent three great companions to be the leaders of an army. He chose Zayd ibn Harithah, Ja'far ibn Abi Talib, and Abdullah ibn Rawahah, and he sent these three.

Ja'far was extremely beloved to the Prophet ﷺ. When he went to Habesha and was there for about 13 years, and he returned — at the very moment the Prophet and the sahabas had conquered the fortress of Khaybar — for the first time in the history of the Muslim ummah, they finally saw true wealth. They saw what it looked like to have wealth. The Prophet was extremely happy, and as he was celebrating the victory of Khaybar, he saw from a distance a group of people returning to Madinah. And as they came closer and reached the gathering of the Prophet, a man by the name of Ja'far descended from his mount. After 13 years, the Prophet had seen his cousin again — who looked like him, who sounded like him, who walked like him, and who talked like him.

The Prophet ﷺ stood up and came close to him, and out of excitement and happiness he kissed him between his eyes, then hugged him, and then said the statement: "I don't know what makes me more happy — the conquest of Khaybar or the return of my cousin Ja'far. I don't know what it is."

Ask a father who's earned everything in this world but has lost a son what would make him truly happy. Ask a mother who's lost a child what would truly make her happy. My dear friends, if we were to remove the veil between us and the Prophet ﷺ — if we were to see that the Prophet, the greatest man the world has ever seen, and simply ask ourselves, was he a man who lived a happy life without any struggle — we would return with the answer: No. He was not. He was a man that lived a life of contentment. He was a man that lived a life being content with the Qadr of Allah.

One year later, the Prophet ﷺ sends him to Mu'tah. And as the battle of Mu'tah unfolds, the angels have removed the veils of the unseen and the Prophet is standing in front of all the sahabas, narrating the entire battle as it takes place — he's giving live commentary. He's saying, "Zayd has taken the flag. Zayd is fighting with such bravery." Zayd becomes shaheed. And when the Prophet ﷺ announced the martyrdom of Zayd, he was unable to control himself and he sat down.

Emotions are real. Let it not fool us. The people in Palestine say Alhamdulillah on the loss of their loved ones — it doesn't mean that the pain is any less. The pain remains the same. But the words are simply controlled. If we were to take an MRI of their heart we would see nothing but pain. But despite that pain, our tongues will not utter except for that which brings Allah's pleasure — which is extremely difficult. Extremely hard.

I lost my younger brother three years ago on October 5th — one brother out of five, at the age of 22 years old. My parents don't have four or five sons to say it doesn't matter. If I were to say my mother is the same, that would be the biggest lie. How can a mother be the same after losing one son in a car accident that no one would have expected? After he left us — we didn't leave him, he left us, because he's moved forward and we're stuck behind — my younger brother came to me at the peak of when my tongue was difficult to control. He grabbed me by the collar and he said, "Don't you know — for Allah is what he gave us, and for Allah is what he takes. Your brother never belonged to you anyway. He was never yours. He always belonged to Allah."

And this is how the sahabas were able to sacrifice for Deen — because they realized the victory was a true victory. And now Ja'far is continuing his journey. He grabs the flag. Ja'far loses one arm. Then Ja'far loses the second arm. Then Ja'far becomes shaheed.

And the Prophet of Allah ﷺ, when he goes to tell the family, he goes to Asma's house. He knocks on the door. And Asma' says, "Which glad tidings are you coming with?" And he said to her, "I am coming with the glad tidings that your husband has become a shaheed." But it's not a loss — Allah took two arms from him in this world, and now in the heavens he is flying as Ja'far the bird. Allah has replaced his arms with wings that allow him to fly. Allah gave him the title:

(Ja'far al-Tayyar — "Ja'far the Flyer" — reported in Sahih al-Bukhari)

The Shuhada of Palestine: They Are Not Losing

The epitome of the disparity in the definition of loss in this world versus victory in the next — victory in the form of loss — is a person leaving this world in a manner where Allah is pleased with him. When we see these young children and these brothers and sisters that are pulled out of the rubble, even simply looking at those images makes it difficult for us to eat the next meal, makes it difficult for us to sleep at night. And the world is saying that they're losing the battle. We understand that they're winning the battle, because Allah says:

Do not — don't you dare — say that those who left this world as shuhada, as those who earned Allah's pleasure, who left this world in a manner that Allah was pleased with them — don't you dare say that they lost, that they're dead. Even our terminology, our verbiage, needs to be better. We don't say five thousand, ten thousand Palestinians are dead. We say five thousand, ten thousand of them are shaheed. They're alive. We control the verbiage. No one controls the verbiage for us. We control our understanding of where they are. They are alive.

Jabir ibn Abdillah and the Conversation of His Father with Allah

When Jabir ibn Abdillah's father became shaheed in Uhud, Jabir was a young youngster who was left behind with an entire family to take care of. He was looking down, struggling with his grief. He had no money to serve his family. The Prophet ﷺ saw his struggle. He comes to him. He says, "It looks like you're down." He says, "I lost my father, and I'm stuck with all of these challenges." The Prophet ﷺ says, "Do you want me to tell you what the conversation of Allah was and the victory your father was given?" He says, "Please — tell me what's happening with my dad." And the Prophet ﷺ says:

"When your father left this world and he became shaheed and he was brought up to the court of Allah, and Allah spoke to him — Allah asked him, 'What do you want from Me? Make a wish and it will be yours.' And your father responded by saying, 'Oh Allah, I would wish that You give me lives equal to the hairs on my body so I can become shaheed for You that many times. That is what I want.' Because he sees victory in that. He sees success in that. Because he sees the pleasure that You gain from him. He sees the happiness that You have from him."

(Quran 3:169 — referenced in the context of this hadith, reported in Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3010)

The Stories of Hanzalah, Sa'd ibn Mu'adh, and Bilal

They earned the pleasure of Allah. When Hanzalah رضي الله عنه — a sahabi that no one recognized, nobody knew — became shaheed, he was washed by the angels. When Sa'd ibn Mu'adh رضي الله عنه became shaheed and they were carrying his body, some said, "This body seems very light," meaning, "he doesn't seem that important to us." And the Prophet ﷺ said, "Are you okay? Don't you know that right now you're not carrying his body — his body is being carried by angels. I cannot see any space around us because angels are fighting for space to pray for him." The Arsh of Allah shook out of happiness when Sa'd left this world. When he left this world, Allah was happy to meet him. The Prophet ﷺ and the sahabas were happy to see him.

When Bilal رضي الله عنه was leaving this world and the people around him started to say, "What a day of grief! What a sad day that Bilal is leaving this world," he looked back at his wife and the people around him and he said to them, "Don't you say that! What a happy day! What a day of joy! Because tomorrow I will see the Prophet and his companions."

Asiyah: The Palace of Jannah in the Face of Death

We need to allow ourselves to connect and to submit ourselves to the definition of what a successful story looks like and what a victory looks like by the definition of the Quran. And they are not losing — rather, the losers are those who think they're doing the best thing. They think that they're winning at life. But the moment they leave this world, they know they've lost.

When the Prophet ﷺ asked his companions, "Who is a bankrupt person?" — this is him redefining what it looks like to be victorious and what it looks like to be a loser. He says, "Who is a bankrupt person?" And the sahabas respond, "Well, it's pretty straightforward — he has no money, he's broke." And the Prophet ﷺ redefined it entirely.

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2581)

Bankrupt is he or she who thinks they won at life — but the moment they enter into the gathering of Allah, all of their deeds will be taken from them.

We must redefine what victory looks like. When we bury someone into the ground, we lay them to rest, and on top of the ground it seems like it's dirt, it's rubble. When we finally plucked up the courage to lay our brother to rest — and he was in the ground — we were reminded about the hadith: that it looks like dirt, it looks like rubble, it looks like there's nothing to write home about. But if we were to be on the opposite side of that grave, we would see a yard of Jannah. We would see gardens from the gardens of Jannah. We would see greenery and lushness. We would see the windows of Jannah open for them. And it is narrated that when this person is asked, "Do you wish to return to your family, because they're missing you?" — they'll respond by saying, "How can I? After being in the gathering of the Prophet and the sahabas?"

We have the final story that I will leave us with. Our great mother, Asiyah رضي الله عنها — when she lost what we call life, she was destroyed by the Pharaoh himself. When Pharaoh found out that she was a believer, he took her to the highest level of his palace. On the bottom, there were spears and daggers. And he said to her, "Either you denounce the faith of Musa, or that will be your outcome." And in that moment, Ibn Kathir says that Allah removed from her the spears and the daggers, and all she saw was Baitan fil Jannah — a house in Jannah — the du'a that she had asked for. And what she saw was her house in Jannah. And when she was released she left this world smiling, because she saw herself entering into her palace in Jannah. And the mufassirun agree that before she had touched the ground, her soul was already taken from her.

The Child Who Spoke: Jump Into the Garden

When the child was being held by the mother and they were being told to jump into the fire — by the emperor who had destroyed the believers and was telling them to jump into the fire — the mother, as she was about to jump in, hesitated and stopped. And the child spoke, saying, "Mother, jump! Because you are not jumping into a fire. You are jumping into a garden. You are entering into Jannah." This is the definition of victory for us.

We Choose Our Side: The True Victory

We have simply been shown a mirage of what victory looks like, and therefore we feel like we've lost. The greatest honor and strength that we have is to always believe we're victorious — until we are not victorious. And that is only in the Akhirah. Until that moment, no one can strip our victory from us. No one can tell us that we've lost. No one can say that the Palestinians have lost these many lives. That verbiage is absolutely incorrect. Palestinians have become shaheed in these many numbers. And we've earned ten thousand more Jannatis that are enjoying Jannah, enjoying palaces, and they're with Allah and the Prophet ﷺ.

Why is it that when we see the highest degree in this world, they're smiling — why are they smiling? Because they saw their victory. They saw what they gained. And they saw that what they left was nothing in comparison to what Allah has given them. The angels say to them, "Don't you be afraid of what is to come to you, and don't you be sad about what you've left. We were your best friends in dunya and we will be your best friends in the Akhirah."

Closing: Which Team Are We On?

We were not worthy enough to be the clouds that covered the Prophet ﷺ when he walked. We were not worthy enough to be the sand beneath his feet. We were not fortunate enough to be the ride that he rode, for the dates that he tasted, for the tree that he held upon. We were not fortunate enough. But what we do hope for is that if we leave this world honoring the legacy of the Prophet ﷺ, honoring the definition that he has given, honoring the Shahadah, honoring the believers — there is no system, there is no ism, there is no ideology that is superior to the system of Allah's Deen. Because it will never change, it will never be altered. The packaging can change but the content will always remain the same.

And when this person leaves the world, just like how Ja'far was given a hug, and just like how Zayd was given a hug, and just like how Suhayb al-Rumi was given a hug — because they left things for Allah — Ja'far has two arms to show Allah that he lost. Suhayb has all of his wealth. Mus'ab ibn Umayr has everything that he gave up for this world. Talhah has his hand that was paralyzed. Hamzah has spears that rushed through his back. What will we have to show Allah?

We are a part of this fraternity. We're a part of this gathering. We're a part of this team. It's like someone who won the championship ring sitting on the bench the entire season — they didn't break a sweat. People will look at them and say, "You don't even deserve it." But all we want is to be the 11th man on the bench, as long as the star is the Prophet ﷺ and the sahabas. We simply wish to be amongst them.

This is why when we leave this world, we want that victory. As mentioned — when he asked his friend, "Tell me something that will increase my yearning and desire for Jannah," he said three words:

"In Jannah is the pleasure of Allah."