Luqman's (AS) Advice to His Son- Mufti Minhajuddin Ahmed

The Importance of One's Own Iman

If a person through his bad actions is not able to enter into Jannah, then having the most pious relatives will be of no help, no avail.

No one has to their credit except for the effort they do on their own. This refers to the sa'i of iman.

This is a question that comes up. This is an ayah mentioned several places in the Quran and it's a principle — no one has to their credit any good deed except for what they have earned themselves.

Then how do we explain isal of thawab? Doing good deeds and sending the thawab of that to the deceased ones. Or these ayahs where the pious children will help their parents, or pious parents will help their children.

So how do we reconcile this? How do we make tatbeeq and reconcile this with the principle that no one has anything to their credit except what they earn on their own? The simple answer is that when the sa'i is mentioned in this ayah — that no one has anything to their credit except for their own effort — it refers to iman. Meaning, if you don't have your own iman, and don't die on iman, then the most pious relatives will be of no avail. And all of these relations have been mentioned in the Quran.

Examples from the Quran: Pious Relatives Cannot Save Without Iman

The son is Khalilullah, the father is Azar — the father of Ibrahim عليه السلام. He will go into the fire of Jahannam. It is mentioned in the Quran that he was a mushrik:

Remember when Ibrahim asked his father Azar — "Do you take idols as gods?" In fact, he was a maker of idols.

And then we have the father being Nuh عليه السلام, and the son being Kan'an:

"O my son, come on the ship. Don't be among the losers." And he said:

"I'm going to go to the top of the mountain. I'll be safe from the flood." The father says:

"No, my son. No one can save you if you don't board the ship and become a believer."

A wave came and overcame the boy Kan'an and he died. His father is Nuh عليه السلام, a Prophet of Allah, yet the son died as a mushrik — died in the flood, in the azab of Allah in this world and in the hereafter.

And when Nuh عليه السلام made an error of judgment and made du'a for him, he said:

"My son is from my family. And your promise is true, O Allah. You said you are going to save my family." Then Allah reprimanded him in the Quran and said:

"He is not your family. He does not have righteous deeds. Even though he is your biological son, he is not from your family. Don't ask from Me such things of which you have no knowledge." This is Allah speaking to Nuh عليه السلام.

Then we have the example of husband and wife. The husband is the worst enemy of Islam — Fir'aun, the one who killed generations of Bani Israel and did not believe in Musa and Harun عليهما السلام. Everyone is aware of Fir'aun, the greatest enemy of Islam. Yet his wife is a great believer:

"O Allah, build for me a palace near you in Jannah." And she was granted that du'a. She became a shaheed in Islam and has a very lofty status. Her name is Asiyah عليها السلام.

And we have Lut عليه السلام — his wife remained with the mushrikeen and with those who were involved in the hideous act of homosexuality. She was along with them in the shirk at least. And Allah speaks about her as a mushrik. The wives of both Nuh and Lut are mentioned together in Surah At-Tahrim:

"They were married to My righteous slaves, but they did not listen to them. They did not believe in their own husbands as the Prophets of Allah. The fact that their husbands are prophets was of no avail to them."

So these examples — father and son, husband and wife — all show that without having one's own iman, having pious relatives will be of no avail, will be of no help on the Day of Judgment.

But once a person enters into Jannah through their own iman, then having pious relatives can help in elevating the status. So that is the good outcome.

The Bad Outcome: When Children Curse Their Parents

What is the bad outcome? The bad outcome on the other hand is that on the Day of Judgment, those who did not make an effort in training their children, in making the tarbiyah, will be faced with a terrible situation. The children will say:

"O Allah, we have listened to our elders. Our parents, our elders, they are those who misguided us. They did not show us the right path."

"We wish we had obeyed Allah and the Rasul, but I listened to my father, I listened to my dad, I listened to my mom." So now what?

"O Allah, we beg from you — give them double the punishment and curse them a great curse."

So either these children will be a means of elevation of status, or a means of curse. How can we ensure that our children do not become a curse for us on the Day of Judgment? How can we ensure that they become a means of salvation for us, a means of elevation of our status in the hereafter? This is a very, very big responsibility that we all have on our shoulders.

Five Lessons from Luqman's Advice to His Son

The Quran itself teaches us how to raise children. I wanted to quickly go over just the highlights of five different points — five different points in the tarbiyah of children that we can learn from Luqman عليه السلام. Luqman عليه السلام is of course known for his wisdom — Luqman al-Hakim, the one who is full of wisdom — and how he made tarbiyah of his children, and in particular his son, as Allah has revealed in the Quran in Surah Luqman.

Allah first starts out the passage by saying:

"Indeed, We had given Luqman wisdom." And he was a very wise person. Allah himself is saying:

"Whoever is granted wisdom is granted a great good." خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا — a lot of good. So whoever is wise, in the book of Allah, has been granted a great khayr, a lot of goodness. Allah himself is testifying and giving Luqman the certification: this slave of mine is deserving. He is full of wisdom. I am the one who has granted him hikmah.

And then Allah further says:

"Remember when Luqman spoke to his son." So the first thing we learn from here — before we even get to the first point — we see the word قَالَ لُقْمَانُ, that Luqman عليه السلام is speaking to his son.

What's the first observation? All the child psychologists, all the educationalists, and all the family counselors always emphasize that we have to have communication. We should talk as a family. Husband should talk to wife, wife should talk to husband. Parents should talk to children, children should talk to parents. Siblings should talk to each other. We have to have communication. This is the day and age when people are being divorced from communication with their own nearest, dearest family members, siblings, children, parents. Everyone is glued to the smartphones and technology and getting farther and farther away from human touch, human communication, direct human communication.

So قَالَ لُقْمَانُ لِابْنِهِ — Luqman عليه السلام is speaking to his son. He's communicating. This is a lesson we learn.

And then the jumlah haliyyah, the condition — how is he speaking to him? It's not وَهُوَ يَغْضَبُ عَلَيْهِ — he's angry at him. It's not وَهُوَ يَأْمُرُهُ — he's ordering him. Rather, وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُ — he is giving him wa'dh. And wa'dh is an Arabic term which is very deep. It means he is giving heartfelt advice. Wa'dh is that advice which comes from the heart and penetrates the heart. It is that advice which is based on sincerity. It's not there to ridicule a person, not there to make a person feel bad or to criticize a person. It is with a sense of genuine well-being, a well-wishing attitude. When harshness is required, sometimes to be harsh. When softness is required, to be soft. When correcting publicly is required, to correct publicly. When speaking privately is more appropriate, to speak privately. All of these meanings are included in the word وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُ.

Lesson One: Tawheed — The Oneness of Allah

From the five lessons, the first lesson is found in his words:

In the Arabic language, the word for son is ibnun, not bunayy. But bunayy is tasgheer, which means "dear son." So he is addressing him with love — "O my dear son." He says: "Do not assign any partners unto Allah. Verily, shirk is the greatest oppression, the greatest injustice, the greatest zulm that could ever be done."

This means that the first lesson we have to teach our children — and implant in our own hearts as well — is the lesson of tawheed, the oneness of Allah, that Allah is wahdahu la sharika lahu. He is one, He has no partners.

لا في ذاته ولا في صفاته — Neither in His being nor in His attributes.

We have to fill the hearts of our children with the oneness of Allah — that Allah is the one who created the heavens and the earth, that Allah is the one who created you and me, that Allah is the one who created your parents and your grandparents, that everything you're enjoying is a gift from Allah. Keep on talking to the children when they're at that age — when they are impressionable, when they are ready to learn, when they are like a sponge soaking in knowledge from the environment — and provide them the correct aqeedah. Until they reach the age when they do not want to listen and they don't care what we have to say, if you start then, it is obviously too late in the game.

We have to start as early as the child begins to speak. The first word that a child should speak is Allah. As in the well-known hadith:

And in case that wasn't our first words, then there is another narration which can help us out — it just mentions the last words:

But we have to ensure we live a life holding up to the spirit of lā ilāha illallāh, only then can we hope to die with lā ilāha illallāh on our tongues.

So filling the heart with tawheed, with the oneness of Allah — speaking about Allah so the child knows Allah, recognizes Allah, is aware of Allah, is conscious of Allah, knows that He is All-Hearing, All-Seeing, All-Watching, has full power and qudra, and nothing can escape His knowledge, nothing can escape His power. And this is what Luqman عليه السلام is continuing to do. He says:

"O my dear son, look — if there is one deed that you do that is so small that if you gave it a physical shape, it would be like a small little seed. And if this small little seed is hidden under a boulder, or anywhere in the heavens, or anywhere in the earth — lost, thrown out — Allah will bring it forth on the Day of Judgment."

"Whoever does a mustard seed's worth of a good deed will see it. Whoever does a mustard seed's worth of a sin will see it." It's not going to be lost. What is this implanting in the heart of the young boy? That Allah is watching me. Allah is fully aware of what I'm doing in my entire life. If I go and hide to do some action out of fear of what people will say, I have to be aware that Allah is watching and will bring it in front of me on the Day of Judgment.

This is also what Rasulullah ﷺ taught the young boy Abdullah ibn Abbas رضي الله تعالى عنهما. When Rasulullah ﷺ left this world, Ibn Abbas was 9 or 11 years old. So when Rasulullah ﷺ was speaking to him, he was maybe 5, 6, 7, or 8 years old. The young boy was sitting behind Rasulullah ﷺ on the same camel. As Abdullah ibn Abbas رضي الله عنهما says: "I was sitting piggyback behind Rasulullah ﷺ on the camel, and he said:"

He is teaching him the aqeedah about Allah. He is teaching him the tawheed of sifat — that the One we ask help from is Iyyaka na'budu wa iyyaka nasta'in. Only You do we worship, only from You do we seek help. Then he said:

Know that if all the human beings and all the jinn of the entire world gathered together to benefit you, they cannot benefit you in the least without the order of Allah. This is what turns the heart away from anyone besides Allah — qat' al-raja' 'an siwa Allah. You have no hope in anyone besides Allah, once this enters your heart. La marja' illa Allah.

And then: if all the human beings and all the jinn of the entire world gathered together to harm you, they cannot harm you in the least without the will of Allah, without the permission of Allah. Now the fear of the creation is removed from the heart. First you remove hope in the creation. Now you don't hope in anyone besides Allah, nor do you fear anyone besides Allah. If you hope in anyone, you hope in Allah. If you fear anyone, you fear only Allah. The pen that was writing the taqdeer, the Lawh al-Mahfuz, has been uplifted, and the parchment has dried. He talks about taqdeer.

So this is the first lesson that we have to learn ourselves and teach our children.

Lesson Two: Ibadat — Worship of Allah

"O my dear son, do establish the salat." Teaching him the ibadat. After the aqeedah is corrected, the second lesson is ibadat — worship of Allah. We have to teach the salat.

Rasulullah ﷺ said:

So we have to make the tarbiyah of our children to perform the salat. The second lesson is not limited to salat alone but includes all forms of worship. The child may not have savings in his bank account upon which a year has passed, so there is no zakah. He may not be able to go for hajj. Yes, if he is physically mature, then sawm, fasting, does apply. Whatever ibadat applies at whatever level and age, we have to start focusing on ibadat as lesson number two.

Lesson Three: Amr bil Ma'ruf wa Nahy 'anil Munkar — Commanding Good and Forbidding Evil

"Do invite towards good and forbid that which is evil." You cannot be so self-centered — only worried about your own ibadah and your own aqeedah, having no concern for what is happening in the community and in the society. That's why lesson number three is: do have concern for your society.

Like in the hadith where Allah asked Jibreel عليه السلام to go and turn over a particular city — like the Qawm-ul-Lut, the town of Sodom. So then Jibreel عليه السلام said: "O Allah, in that city there is one slave of Yours who has never disobeyed You even for the blink of an eye." Of course Allah is aware. He is just mentioning this person. Then Allah said: "Go ahead — start with him and then with the rest of the city." Why? Because his forehead never frowned with worry about the condition of the disobedience all around him. He was just worried about himself. He didn't care which way society was going.

So aqeedah, then ibadah, then amr bil ma'ruf. And when Luqman عليه السلام speaks to his son about inviting towards good and forbidding evil, he mentions: be patient on the trials you will face. Because as long as you're doing your own ibadah and you have number one and number two correct, no one is going to bother you.

Like Rasulullah ﷺ was the most popular person — As-Sadiq al-Amin, the most truthful, the most trustworthy, the most beloved person in Makkah. Everyone was pleased with him when he came to decide who would place the Hajar Aswad, when he was 30 years old, ten years before prophethood. When he was doing ibadah in Ghar-e-Hira, everyone loved him. No one had a problem with him. But when he started inviting towards truth, when he started amr bil ma'ruf, nahy 'anil munkar, then the opposition began. Then they said he is a sha'ir, he is majnoon. As-Sadiq al-Amin — truthful and trustworthy — became sha'ir, majnoon, kazzab, kahin. Fortune teller, liar, madman, poet — all these titles came when the amr bil ma'ruf started. Because now you are telling people to leave their comfort zone. You want them to change. People are happy with the status quo; they don't want to change.

That's why whenever amr bil ma'ruf is mentioned, sabr is mentioned at the same time:

Invite towards truth, invite towards patience. So his father tells him:

"O my dear son, it is a very hard task. It is a very serious thing if you are able to do it." Lesson number three is done.

Lessons Four and Five: Akhlaq and Adab — Character and Etiquettes

Lessons four and five we put together: akhlaq and adab. Akhlaq are internal characteristics. We have to train our children that they have love of Allah from their heart. They have love of the akhirah. They do not have love of the dunya. They have zuhud in their heart. They have tawadu', humbleness. They do not have takabbur, arrogance. They have fear of Allah. They have hope in Allah. These are internal qualities that have to be developed — these are akhlaq.

And then there is adab — the external manifestations of character through etiquettes and social etiquettes. How to give salam. The younger should give salam to the elders. How to eat, how to walk, how to wear clothes. Simple things like how to wear shoes — wear your right shoe first, son, then wear your left shoe. When you sleep, say alhamdulillah. When someone sneezes, respond by saying yarhamukallah. All of these adab — etiquettes of entering the house, etiquettes of leaving the house, etiquettes of salam, etiquettes of eating, etiquettes of sleeping, etiquettes of wearing clothes, etiquettes of all mundane activities in our lives. They are detailed etiquettes that we learn from the Quran as well as from the Sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ. Etiquettes as a host. Etiquettes as a guest.

That is what Luqman عليه السلام teaches his son. He says:

"Do not turn your face away from people in a haughty manner. Don't walk on the earth in an arrogant manner. Allah does not like those who are arrogant. Walk in a measured pace." He teaches him how to walk. "Do not raise your voice unnecessarily. Do not shout at people. The most despicable sound is the braying of the donkey." He gives him an example from physical life that he can compare to. When the donkey starts braying, making loud sounds, no one likes it. Everyone closes their ears and says, "Not again — look at this donkey braying." Those who live in industrialized Western countries may not have heard the braying of a donkey, but those with experience outside will know what we are talking about.

Summary: The Five Points of Tarbiyah

So these are the five lessons:

First is aqeedah — correct belief and the oneness of Allah.
Second is ibadat — worship of Allah.
Third is amr bil ma'ruf wa nahy 'anil munkar — inviting towards good and forbidding that which is evil.
Fourth is akhlaq — character development, the internal qualities.
Fifth is adab — social etiquettes and external manners.

These are the five ways we have to make tarbiyah and training of our children, so that we can ensure that they become a means of elevation of our status in the hereafter and not a curse for us on the Day of Judgment.

May Allah give us tawfiq. InshaAllah.