What to do in Summer with your kids | Imam Nadim Bashir | Jumuah Khutbah

You want your kids to become stronger, you want them to become more in control of their emotions, you want them to have stability in life, give them time. If you want your children to have better confidence in life, give them time. If you want your children to have a very healthy religious connection with Allah, give them time. And if you feel like you want to minimize the anxiety within your children, the worries of your children, spend time with them.

The Father's Role in Parenting

Fathers, this is not only the responsibility of the mother. This is a cultural baggage that we unfortunately... I hate it honestly. We bring this nonsense from overseas, from our countries. Father just only makes the money, mother is responsible for the child. No, you are responsible for your child also. This baggage that we bring from overseas, leave it overseas. This is not Islam.

Unfortunately in our countries, in our Middle Eastern countries, in our subcontinent countries, there is more culture than religion. I say it openly, and I'm not afraid of saying it. There is more culture there than religion. They give preference to culture over religion. They give preference to culture over Quran and the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ. And then we think that is Islam and we bring that nonsense from overseas. We leave it overseas.

The Prophet's Example with His Family

Our deen taught us that we need to give time to our children. No matter how busy was Rasulullah ﷺ, he had time for his family every single day. And when people came and they were knocking on the door of the Prophet ﷺ, they wanted his time. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says:

That if they are standing outside, they should wait. The Prophet ﷺ is spending quality time with his family. Just because he is Rasul does not mean that you don't spend quality time with your family.

Taking Responsibility as Parents

So we need to give time to our family. If we see our children out of control, we don't blame anyone else. Don't blame anyone else, blame yourself. You made this happen. You did this to yourself. Yes, I understand that sometimes our kids will go to school and they will learn things that we have not taught them. But if we give quality time...

I never went to an Islamic school in my life. Never did I go to an Islamic school. There were no Islamic schools when I was growing up here in America. My parents did my tarbiyah. My parents did my tarbiyah. That's why, because they gave time. That is why I am who I am today. Because I give my parents that credit.

Brothers and sisters, you don't need to have an Islamic school. You don't need to have madrasah and all that kind of stuff. It starts with you. You need to give them time. Take them out. Go spend some quality time with them. This is how we build a connection with our parents.

Creating Structure in Summer

The other third thing that is very important when it comes to... especially when it comes to our children and spending time in summer is that we make sure that it is structured. Their summer is structured. They have a plan in place. There's a very well-known saying in English, if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail.

Leaving your children idle, not creating a structure, that is detrimental to the child. Basically you're saying, let them do whatever they want to do. I ask you, when you were growing up, did your parents let you do whatever you wanted to do? No. You are who you are today because your parents were strict with you. Now today we have become very flexible with our children.

So that is why brothers and sisters, we need to make sure that our children have a structure in summer. Keep them occupied. At the same time, you cannot keep them overly occupied. You have to create somewhat of a balance. Keep them occupied for certain hours of the day. Give them free time for some certain hours of the day.

The Value of Time in Islam

Allah says in the Qur'an, that if there's one thing that He talks about that where people will waste and they're in the state of loss, He talks about time:

That verily He swears by time. And then He says, most of humanity is in a state of loss. Why? Because they waste their time. We all are victims to this problem. We all waste time in a certain degree. We need to make sure that we use our time wisely. We use the time that we have, especially for our children.

Make sure that they're doing something in summer, that they are not wasting their time. Make sure they have a sleep schedule. Make sure they have a Qur'an time. Make sure there's reading time, there's exercise time, chores time, family meals, masjid attendance. These are things that are extremely important.

Don't Worry About Their Initial Resistance

And here, let me say this also. So many parents come to me and they say, "Oh, when I put this pressure on my children, they get upset." Of course they're gonna get upset. You give a child today a gadget, unlimited Wi-Fi, free food and a bathroom, they're happy for life. They will say they're happy in life.

If you make someone do something, you take someone out of their comfort zone, of course they're not gonna like it. But you as a parent, you know, deep down inside, that when your parents were strict with you, you did not like it. But now you turn around and you appreciate them for that. You appreciate them for that.

It is not our job to give our children whatever they like. It is our job to do their tarbiyah in a way that they have a better future. That is our job. So do not be worried about, "Oh, my kids are gonna get upset." Let them be upset. Who cares? But you as a parent, you need to make sure you make the right decisions for them.

Teaching Akhlaq and Adab

That brings me to the next topic, the fourth topic, which is that making sure that we use this time to teach our kids akhlaq and adab. We teach our kids everything else. We teach them the qaeda, the Quran, we send them to school, we send them to Islamic school, Sunday school, we do all these kind of things. But the most important thing that I see that our kids don't have today is simple things such as akhlaq and adab.

And I highlight this every single time, time after time. And no matter how many times I talk about this, I see that people are still not taking this seriously. And guess what? I will keep on talking about this. Because if your kids don't have akhlaq, they don't have mannerisms, they don't have adab, they don't have respect and etiquettes of certain places, teach them all the Quran that you want. Teach them everything. Make them a sheikh. But if you don't have mannerisms and you don't have etiquettes in life, wallahi, there's a saying in Urdu:

A person who has adab and akhlaq in their life, Allah will open up many doors for them. And a person who does not have any adab, no respect, no mannerisms, Allah will close many doors for them. And in reality, you look at those people who have akhlaq and adab, there are so many opportunities that open up for them. And people who don't have any akhlaq and adab, there are so many opportunities that shut on their face.

Setting Boundaries at Home

We got to teach our kids akhlaq and adab. And while they're at home, you teach them. When they raise their voice in front of you, no, that's unacceptable. Why do you as a parent allow your child to raise their voice in front of you? And what is the excuse? "Oh, they are the kids here." That's the excuse that we hear every single time. "Oh, these are the kids of today. What can we do? What can I do?" This is unacceptable.

How can you allow this? Would you talk like this in front of your father? You talk like this one time in front of your father, you'll get a slap. Five fingers to the face. You will never talk to your parents like that. But you allow your children to talk to you like that. Your kids don't have a structure, you're okay with that. Your kids go out whenever they want, come whenever they want, you're okay with that. And then you come to the shaykh's office, "Oh, my child out of control." You did it yourself.

Teaching Respect in Different Places

So that is why, brothers and sisters, we need to make sure we teach our kids akhlaq and adab. When you bring them to the masjid, the masjid is not a babysitting place. You do not just drop your kids off and leave. There's no babysitters here hired to look after your noble child. You come here, you bring your child, and you make them stand next to you. And you teach them how to behave inside the masjid. This is what we need to teach.

When they go to the library, they know the akhlaq and the adab of the library. When they go to a museum, they know the respect of a museum. They know what to do, what not to do. Even if they drop a candy wrapper, they'll pick it up right away and put it in the trash. Why? Because this is the museum.

But come in the house of Allah, all because I pay donations. Oh, mashallah. You want a pat on the back? Like you saying, "I give donations to the masjid, now I don't need to come and respect the rules of the masjid." What kind of a donation is that? You're using your donations to allow you to legitimize the fact that you can come and do whatever you want inside the masjid. That's not the way it works.

So if you're gonna come, you come, you bring your children, teach them akhlaq and adab. You go anywhere to someone's house, they misbehave, you do not admonish them in front of everyone, but you admonish them in privacy. And you teach them how to behave.

Persistence in Teaching

It happens. And by the way, you might teach them once, twice, three times, four times, ten times, twenty times. Still, you keep on teaching them. We have so many parents who say, "I've told them so many times, I'm done." No, you're not done. What kind of parenting is that? You gotta keep on reminding them. They're children at the end of the day.

Developing Skills and Purpose

And that brings me to the last point, which is that when it comes to developing skills and purpose, there's so many things our kids want to learn. There's so many things that we want our kids to learn. You know how many parents come to me and they tell me, "Oh, my child, he is so lazy. He sits down all day long. He will eat, his sugar will shoot up, he will sit down, he's lazy, he's a couch potato, he's this, he's that, he does not want to go anywhere, he does not want to do anything."

No, get him up and get him moving. Get them moving. Do something. Tell them you will not get privileges until you don't fulfill your responsibilities. These are things that we got to do. You want privileges inside this house, you gotta earn those privileges. So far in life, you have been given everything you wanted. Now, you want privileges, you want certain things, you gotta earn for it now. Now, you gotta work for it now. You just don't get anything you want in life anymore. You want to go somewhere, first you gotta do certain things, then you'll get to go somewhere. This is the way.

Adapting Your Approach to Each Child

And by the way, I will finish on this too. That when it comes to our children, you cannot treat all the children the same way. You treat the teenage children a certain way, you treat the small children a certain way, you gotta treat everyone differently. Sometimes you might show certain anger to the young one, that you have to understand as a parent, that if you show the same level of anger to an older one, it may backfire. You as a parent, you need to know, in what capacity do I admonish them? How do I correct the mistakes? That is something that you need to know as a parent.

Closing Du'a

We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to grant all of us tawfiq inshaAllah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make our kids successful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make our children successful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant them the tawfiq to do something productive inshaAllah in their life, that will be an inspiration for other generations inshaAllah.