Honoring Parents: A Cornerstone Of Islamic Submission And Gratitude

Khutbah: Excellence Towards Parents

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Him and we pray for His Noble Messenger after this. Allah, the Exalted, has said in His Noble Book, after we seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan, In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and to parents do good. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, so do not say to them a word of disrespect, nor repel them, and speak to them a noble word.

The Cornerstone of Islam: Submission to Allah

The Prophet ﷺ taught us that the cornerstone behind all of the actions of Islam, all the commandments of Islam, is upon the submission to Allah. And when we compare that to the Western paradigm, it is starkly different, where we see the motivating factor behind everything in the Western paradigm is the complete opposite.

It is a person's desires — what a person wants in this world — that if I want something, I will take any means to achieve that goal. And this is reflected in the verse of Allah, where Allah says:

Have you not seen the person who takes his own desires as his own God? When a person sees what is motivating him to do a certain goal, he goes to such a point where that becomes his god, and it becomes as if he is worshipping that goal.

A person who has Iman in his heart — every single action that he is going to do, whether it is Salah, or whether he is at work, or whether he is with his family — he will make sure everything is in accordance with the deen, everything is in accordance with what Allah wants from him, because Allah is his Lord and he recognizes that. Now, when you take a person from the West, where a person has a materialistic understanding, every single thing that he is doing is for his desires.

So that is why Allah has drawn this parable: أَفَرَأَيْتَ مَنِ اتَّخَذَ إِلَٰهَهُ هَوَاهُ. And when we are looking at the aspect of submission to Allah, when a person is doing any action, he must submit to Allah, whether he realizes why he is doing it or not. If Allah has commanded me to do a specific action, whether I understand the wisdom behind this action or not, I have to do it regardless. And that is at the core of submission.

There are certain actions that we have been commanded to do but we do not understand the wisdom behind them. But there is another category of actions where we are commanded to do them and the reason is so blatant that it cannot be ignored.

The Command of Ihsan Towards Parents

One such action is obedience to one's parents — having ihsan, having excellence towards one's parents. Yes, Allah has commanded that we show excellence to our parents, but anyone who stops to think even for a second will automatically recognize why — it is so blatantly in his face.

From before a person was born, his parents already suffered so much, already endured so much pain because of that person. A mother, from nine months before this child was born, was already enduring pain. And now when this child is born, raising that child, the mother spending countless hours at night taking care of that child, and so on throughout his entire life until he grows up. The parents have sacrificed so much for this child, especially the mother who has unconditional love for this child.

The Hadith of Abu Hurairah: Who Deserves Our Service Most?

And that is why in this hadith, Abu Hurairah mentions that a man came to Rasulullah ﷺ and said to him: "Who is the most worthy of me serving?" Rasulullah ﷺ mentioned:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5971; Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 2548)

A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked: "Who is most worthy of my good companionship?" He said: "Your mother." The man asked: "Then who?" He said: "Then your mother." The man asked again: "Then who?" He said: "Then your mother." The man asked once more: "Then who?" He said: "Then your father."

Rasulullah ﷺ could have just sufficed by saying it once, but he repeated it three times to really draw that point, to really emphasize that it is your mother who has this unconditional love for you, who sacrificed everything for you — she is the most worthy of your service, the most worthy that you drop everything and go to her.

The Hierarchy of Commands in the Quran

When we look at the commandments of Allah, we see that there is a hierarchy in the actions. For example, Allah says in the verse that your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And we know in the eyes of Allah, the most heinous of actions, the worst of actions, is shirk with Allah — to ascribe partners with Allah. Allah is ready to forgive anything. If a person passes away doing a ton of sins, there is still potential for Allah to forgive that person. But if a person dies upon kufr, dies upon ascribing partners with Allah, then there is no hope left for that person.

And after Allah addresses this in that ayah, He follows it up with what? That you show excellence towards your parents. The point of this is that Allah, right after mentioning the most important thing in our deen — not ascribing partners with Allah — He follows that up with showing excellence to your parents, showing the importance of placing that right after that.

Why Allah Emphasizes Old Age

And then He continues, emphasizing that when your parents are reaching an advanced age, make it a point to do khidmah, make it a point to do their service, to show excellence towards them, to be humble in front of them. Why does Allah emphasize this? Because when a person is young and in front of his parents, he can see that his parents are providing for him, that he is completely dependent on his parents. So it is natural for a person to listen to his parents, natural for him to already do what his parents are telling him to do. His following what his parents say is not necessarily reflective of his love for them, because he is dependent on them.

But when a person's parents reach an advanced age, when they are old, now a person sees himself as independent from his parents. He does not see anymore that he is dependent on them. The same favors they were showering upon him when he was young, he can now provide for himself. He does not necessarily need his parents anymore. So it is a reminder that even when your parents reach an advanced age, when you seemingly have no need for them anymore, still you must serve them, still you must humble yourself before your parents.

Allah is describing:

Do not speak sharply to them, and only say the best of words to them — such that you cannot even say the word "uff." The word "uff" denotes the smallest level of displeasure a person can verbally express to his own parents. Now, if a person, when his parents reach old age, when they are hard of hearing, when they are seemingly a burden upon him — if even at that age you cannot verbally show the smallest level of dissatisfaction towards your parents, then what of when they are younger? At that point, to a greater degree, you cannot say anything to your parents.

A Often Overlooked Part of the Verse

And the final part of this verse — which is something that is often overlooked:

Your Lord is most aware of what is in your hearts. إِن تَكُونُوا صَالِحِينَ — if you are righteous towards your parents — فَإِنَّهُ كَانَ لِلْأَوَّابِينَ غَفُورًا — then to those who repent, Allah is ready to forgive them.

What is the significance of mentioning this? As we spoke about before, the previous part of this verse highlights that when a person's parents get old and it is hard for a person to recognize the status of his parents, Allah is coming back to remind him: in whatever state your parents may be, you must show unconditional love towards them. Whether you see the bounties your parents place upon you now or you do not see them, still you must respect your parents.

It is at this point — when a person's parents become old — that a person's true love will now manifest. Because when a person is younger, he can show love, he can follow what his parents are saying, he can listen to them, but it is not necessarily reflective of his love because he might just be doing it because he is forced to, because he is living under his parents' roof. The only true love will show when his parents are older — will he now put them in a nursing home, or will he welcome them into his own home? Will he take time out of his job, of his own family, and go serve his parents, or will he ignore them?

Allah is aware of what is in your heart. So if you make an effort to continue to serve your parents, and mistakes happen along the way, that is fine — we know a person might make mistakes while serving his parents, and it is okay. But if a person is making an earnest effort to serve his parents, if any mistakes happen along the way:

Allah is ready to forgive.

The Story of Uwais al-Qarni

Perhaps the most reflective story for obedience towards one's parents is the story of a tabi'i by the name of Uwais al-Qarni rahimahu Allah. He was a tabi'i, and he had been traveling with his tribesmen from Amdad from Yemen, and they came to perform Hajj in Mecca. The khalifa at that time, Umar radi Allahu ta'ala anhu, was making an announcement: "Is there a tribe from Qarn?" And they came forward. He asked: "From amongst you, is there a man by the name of Uwais?" Uwais stepped forward, wondering how he knew his name.

Umar radi Allahu ta'ala anhu — we all know his status — requested Uwais al-Qarni rahimahu Allah to make du'a for him, for forgiveness. Imagine this: a sahabi of the caliber of Umar radi Allahu ta'ala anhu is requesting Uwais al-Qarni to make du'a for him. What special thing had he done?

The reason — as Rasulullah ﷺ had told Umar — was because of his devotion and his khidmah towards his mother. Uwais al-Qarni rahimahu Allah had the chance to become a sahabi. What greater blessing can we imagine? What greater ni'mah is there than becoming a sahabi — a person who is guaranteed Jannah, guaranteed the rida of Allah and Rasulullah ﷺ? But he left that, he gave up that opportunity, because his mother was in need of him. And it is because of this reason that Rasulullah ﷺ commanded Umar radi Allahu ta'ala anhu to seek Uwais's intercession and ask him for forgiveness.

The Heights of Serving One's Mother

This shows the heights that devotion towards one's parents — especially one's mother — can take a person. There is a narration in Ibn Majah where a person by the name of Jahima came to Rasulullah ﷺ and said: "I want to go and fight in the path of Allah. What do you say?" And Rasulullah ﷺ told him: "Is your mother still present?" He said yes. And then he said: "Rather, go do service of your mother. By doing the service of your mother, you will be able to attain Jannah."

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2781)

Similarly, in another narration in Ibn Majah, Rasulullah ﷺ mentions that your father is the middle door to the doors of Jannah — either you can protect that door or you can discard it.

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3663)

So when we see constantly in our lives the favors our parents have upon us, and the different ways of reaching Jannah that our parents provide for us — ways that cannot be found through any other means — we need to realize and take this opportunity before it is gone. We should not realize the value of our parents only when they have passed away.

Practical Steps to Serve Our Parents

Some practical points on how we can start serving our parents: if we are students, for just 15–20 minutes a day — even 10 minutes — we dedicate a specific time to serve our parents in whatever capacity we can. Even for those who are older and away from their parents, just one phone call a week, checking up on how they are. We do not know — maybe that phone call means the world to them. And we do not know that might be our last phone call with our parents.

Beyond that, to serve our parents, we first must know how to serve our parents. There are many books of Fada'il, many books of virtues written on how a person should serve his parents. Read the hadith of Hasan radi Allahu anhu on how he used to serve his father. In the seerah of Rasulullah ﷺ, he teaches us how one should serve his father by teaching the sahabah radi Allahu ta'ala anhum.

So I ask Allah to grant us the ability to serve our parents in the highest capacity and to realize the true value that our parents have.

Second Khutbah

All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, we seek His help, and we seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evils of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whoever Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whoever He leaves astray, none can guide him. We bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone without partner, and we bear witness that our master and our Maula Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger.

O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except in a state of Islam.

Allah says: وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا

And the Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3791)

The most merciful of my ummah towards my ummah is Abu Bakr. The most severe of them in the command of Allah is Umar. The most truthful of them in modesty is Uthman. And it is said: the most judicious of them is Ali. And Fatimah is the leader of the women of the people of Jannah. And al-Hasan and al-Husayn are the leaders of the youth of the people of Jannah. And Hamzah is the lion of Allah and the lion of His Messenger. May Allah's pleasure be upon all of them.

O Allah, forgive al-Abbas and his descendants with a complete forgiveness, outward and inward, that leaves no sin behind.

Fear Allah regarding His companions. Do not take them as targets after me. Whoever loves them, loves them by virtue of his love for me. And whoever hates them, hates them by virtue of his hatred of me. And the best of generations is my generation, then those who follow them, then those who follow them.

O Allah, honor Islam and the Muslims, and humiliate shirk and the polytheists. O Allah, aid those who aid the religion of Muhammad ﷺ and make us among them, and abandon those who abandon the religion of Muhammad ﷺ and do not make us among them.

O servants of Allah, may Allah have mercy upon you. Verily, Allah commands justice and excellence and giving to one's relatives, and He forbids immorality and wrongdoing and oppression. He admonishes you so that you may take heed. Remember Allah the Exalted and He will remember you, and supplicate to Him and He will answer you. And the remembrance of Allah the Exalted is the greatest. And Allah knows what you do.