Saving Our Kids Faith During the New School Year | Jumu'ah Khutbah | Sh. Yaser Birjas

Saving Our Kids' Faith During the New School Year

Brothers and sisters, Allah is entrusting us with our children. He says:

O you who believe, protect yourselves, guard yourselves and your families against the fire. That is Allah protecting us from the fire of hell, ya rabbal alameen.

Brothers and sisters, insha'Allah next Friday will be the first Friday for our children as they start going back to school. A lot of families don't have the privilege of having their kids in Islamic schools. Many people will be sending them to private schools or sending them to public schools. And even within the Islamic school environment.

My dear brothers and sisters, many people think as long as my kids, alhamdulillah, are in my home and they're still in my house, they're safe — they're under my protection, under my instruction. But if they have access to the internet, no, they're not. There are many, many teachers now educating your kids on your behalf.

And if you look at the statistics today, on average our children spend in school — the school year — about 1,200 hours throughout the school year here in Texas. And ironically, I looked at the statistics about other states and I find that here in Texas we have the highest number of hours of instruction in schools. Some other states have around 900 over the year, around 1,000 hours. Here in Texas the average is 1,200 hours.

Our kids are being taught by someone else besides their parents for more than 1,200 hours throughout that year. That's just instruction hours in the school — preschool preparation, after-school curriculum programs, extracurricular activities, you name it. So most of their life is going to be spent with somebody else, my dear brothers and sisters.

And in a time like ours, when we look at the environment that our kids go to — does it draw them closer to Allah? Is it safe enough for their iman and their faith? Do they even have access to a musallah where they can pray when the salat time comes? Especially in the winter time when the times of salawat become so close together, and they don't even have time to pray Dhuhr before Asr toward the end of the school day. Can you imagine how much stress our kids face — if they would like to stay faithful to their iman and their Islam — how much they have to do in order to be safe?

Is that environment bringing them closer to Allah? Are we as parents prepared for that school year, whether you're married or not, have kids or not? These kids — all of them are ours. These are our community. We all support one another. And if, la qadarAllah, our kids or our neighbor's kids are not having that proper environment to raise them as good, faithful children of this community — can you imagine when your turn comes and you have kids going to school as well?

Brothers and sisters, we need to make sure that the environment that we send our kids to is healthy. Or at least, when they come back from these schools, that we do our best to keep our kids strong in school and strong after they come back from school, insha'Allah. Keep in mind, my dear brothers and sisters, the political environment and climate that we live in right now is very charged. With the circumstances in Gaza and Palestine — may Allah make it easy for them — as we know, the debate online is intensifying, the circumstances are becoming even more dire, and the conversation is becoming stronger even at the school level.

Many kids are complaining. SubhanAllah, we heard about what happened in Houston last year toward the end of the school year — in middle school, when kids attacked a few girls who were wearing hijab. Allah al-musta'an. All of this again because of the climate and environment we're living in.

It is extremely important for us, my dear brothers and sisters, that we make sure our kids stay strong and stay grounded in their faith, insha'Allah. And this is for all of us. So what can we do for them?

I would like to share five points, insha'Allah, for the parents and for those who one day, insha'Allah, will start having kids — to prepare yourself when the time comes to raise these children and send them to schools.

Five Points for Parents

1. Instill Their Islamic Identity — With Pride

The first thing we need to do is make sure that we instill their Islamic identity with pride from a very young age. And I repeat the word — with pride. What does that mean? They need to be proud of who they are. They need to be proud of their identity. They need to be proud of their names, the way they dress modestly — in every way we need to make sure that we instill that culture in their hearts and in their lives regularly.

Obviously, to do that, you as parents need to first of all be proud of who you are. You need to have that culture established in your household. Whenever there's a conversation about iman and Islam and faith, you don't hide. You don't ask your kids to hide their opinions or hide their identity or hide their names. No — you be the one who encourages them to be proud of who they are.

Guard yourself. Protect yourself and your children against the fire of hell. And Rasulullah ﷺ is telling us to do that from a very young age, from the very beginning. He said ﷺ:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 495)

That you order your children to start praying when they are seven. Nowadays, when you look at how kids are growing up in this society — Allah al-musta'an — they stay young and they're treated as kids for as long as they're still in school, no matter how high they go. But here, we have been taught to make them responsible — personally responsible — from a very young age. Responsible for their salah, for their ibadah. And when they become ten, you discipline them. Did you pray? No? There are consequences for that now. It's not like when you were much younger. You need to be responsible from a very young age.

My dear brothers and sisters, we need to make sure that we raise our children from a very young age being proud of who they are. Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullah, in the book that he wrote regarding children, he says that unfortunately most children's corruption — when they go off the right path — comes from their parents' negligence in teaching them their faith and their deen from a very young age. And there is no age too young to start learning about their deen, Qur'an and so on — but with moderation, obviously, with moderation and age-appropriateness.

2. Build a Bond of Trust and Love

Number two, my dear brothers and sisters — the relationship with your children should be based on building the bond of trust and love. Because there is no doubt, nothing is more effective in the relationship with your children and your family than knowing: you've got my back, I've got yours, and we are supporting one another.

If that trust is broken, safety in the relationship goes away. And if you feel unsafe with your children, you will not be able to speak with them freely. And if your kids feel unsafe with you, they are not going to speak freely to you. So it is extremely important that we build that relationship based on love and mutual respect and trust.

Obviously, we're not asking parents to come down to the level of their children so that we become equals. No — you're still a parent, and you need to act like a parent. You need to make sure they are responsible. And fear is the worst motivation. You don't motivate your tarbiyah based on fear — that your kids will run away from you. You make them responsible to Allah, but with kindness and with love.

The Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6927; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2593)

Allah is Rafiq — meaning He is most gentle — and He loves gentleness in all matters. And he ﷺ also said:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2593)

That Allah will give with gentleness more than you will get from a rough attitude. So make sure to embody that. At the end of the day, we're still human beings and you make mistakes — it's okay, as long as you recalibrate, fix it, and make things better, insha'Allah.

Al-Hasan al-Basri, rahimahullah, said:

That only a noble person truly honors his family or her family.

3. Be Vigilant — Stay Alert

Number three, my dear brothers and sisters — with the access to the internet, there are so many ways that children specifically can unfortunately go down different paths. A wrong door or a wrong entry on the internet can lead them, subhanAllah, into a path that only Allah knows where it leads. Therefore, it is very important for parents to be vigilant. That is your duty as a parent.

Your job as a parent is not to make your children happy — it is to make them responsible. Happiness is their business. Whatever you provide for them from your means, if they're not happy with it, that is their problem. But your duty is to make them responsible so that, insha'Allah, they always do the right things and make the right choices.

Allah says:

Order your family — command your family — to pray. وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا — and remain steadfast upon it. Notice the word is istabir, not merely isbir. Istabir requires from you extra effort. Isbir means be patient with them, but istabir means you be patient and also make sure that they exercise patience and steadfastness to remain on the path of praying to Allah. So you remind them. And as they age, your responsibility becomes simply to remind. But when they're young, you make sure that they fulfill their duty to Allah.

That is our duty — to stay vigilant. And it also implies, of course, watching what they do, whether they have done their homework, whether they've fulfilled their duties to Allah, to their school, to their teachers — making sure to keep them safe, bi'idhnillahi tabaraka wa ta'ala.

Don't be negligent. Don't neglect your children. Otherwise, if they enter the wrong path, who is to blame? As a parent, our duty to Allah, first and foremost, is to make sure our kids become responsible and observe their huquq — the rights of Allah upon them and the rights of the people around them.

4. Surround Them with the Right Company

Number four, my dear brothers and sisters — in order for this to happen, or at least to facilitate part of these duties, we need to make sure that we surround our children, ourselves, and our families with the right company. Companions are very important. The Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4833; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378)

He says: you are going to be following the religion, the path, and the practice of the culture of your companions. So make sure to watch who you are befriending in your life. And usually they say you are the average of the seven people you surround yourself with. So ask yourself — who are your seven people? Whether they are real or virtual. If you are always watching certain people online, even though they are not physically your friends, you are still bombarding yourself with the attitude and culture you absorb from those people.

As a parent, look for like-minded people — people who truly care for their children and want success for them in the dunya and the akhirah, not just success in the dunya. It's not always about passing exams and excelling in classes and doing extracurricular activities. I need to make sure that my kids are also spiritually strong, and I want companions who will always take them there.

Umar ibn al-Khattab, radiyAllahu anhu, said:

He said: do not accompany the wicked, for he will teach you from his wickedness. Because these habits rub off on each other. So when you have someone who is always going down that path, how do you expect your children to find a better way?

Therefore, make sure to create that environment — whether it's at home by having trustworthy families and friends come to your place, visiting them, bringing the kids to the majlis and so on. However, let's be real: just because the parents are good and the majlis is amazing, it doesn't mean you drop your guard down. Because we know nowadays even good parents, subhanAllah — if their children have access to the internet — may not be the primary educators and murabbin of their own children. So still, do not drop your guard. Keep them protected, insha'Allah.

5. Build Moral and Intellectual Immunity

And finally, my dear brothers and sisters — we need to make sure that our kids grow up, insha'Allah, immune: morally and intellectually. What does that mean? You have to build self-confidence in them. Their self-esteem needs to be high. Make them proud of who they are. Constant criticism is not healthy, but instruction toward what is best is good as well, insha'Allah.

Allah is commanding us in the Qur'an, in Surah an-Nisa:

O you who believe, take your precautions. We need to make sure that we strengthen our moral code, our intellectual morality, and our immunity as well. So, alhamdulillah, they have the right information about what is going on in the world and how they can speak in these positions and circumstances. Do not hide this information from your family and children. Make sure to strengthen, empower, and equip them with the right information, as well as the right practice, the right etiquettes, akhlaq, and morality.

Ibn Abbas, radiyAllahu anhu, said:

He said: preempt your children with the truth before the agitators reach them first. You need to be the one who gives them what is right. Otherwise, somebody else will reach them first and teach them something completely different from your path and the path to Allah.

May Allah protect our children and save our families, Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem. We ask Allah to guard them from any evil of this dunya, Ya Rabb al-alameen. Keep them on the path that leads to Him, and only to Him.

Second Khutbah

My dear brothers and sisters, do not forget the advice of Rasulullah ﷺ:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 893; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829)

You are all shepherds, and one day you are going to be questioned about the people that Allah put under your care. So make sure to have the proper answer for this.

My dear brothers and sisters, today, before the school year starts — as you prepare your children for school by buying their backpacks and school supplies, making sure the schedule is right and all the material aspects of preparation are in order — make sure to be ready as a parent as well. How are you going to run your household? What is the schedule before school, after school, on the weekends? How are we going to make sure that our kids, as they go through the school system and have their recreational time, are still being taught what is right and are kept strong and grounded, insha'Allah?

Make plans. Because if you don't make plans, you're planning for failure. Make sure that you plan for the right thing, insha'Allah. May Allah make it successful, ya rabbal alameen.