20160422 - 1st Khutba - Shaik Khalil Abdul Rashid

Khutbah: The Family, the Hard Heart, and Allah Who Hears

All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, we seek His help, we seek guidance, we believe in Him, and we put our trust in Him. And we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whosoever is misguided, none can guide him.

And we bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, with no partner. And we bear witness that our Master, our Prophet, our Greatest, our Beloved, Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

أوصيكم وإياكم بتقوى الله. قال تعالى:

وقال تعالى:

وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Book 67, Hadith 94; see also Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 2146)

Amma ba'd.

The Story of Khawla and the Revelation of Surah Al-Mujadila

There was a sahabi, a great sahabi, whose name was Ubadah ibn Samit رضي الله تعالى عنه, and he had a brother named Aws ibn Samit رضي الله تعالى عنه. And Aws had remarried and married a woman named Khawla رضي الله تعالى عنها.

As the famous story is narrated, there was an ongoing dispute between the both of them that had not really been resolved. It's commonplace in many families — there are problems that never really get resolved; they just sort of get pushed into the closet, swept under the rug, and these challenges sort of build and build and build over time.

And so on one occasion, when Aws رضي الله تعالى عنه was attracted to his wife and he approached her and she resisted, there was an argument between the both of them. And the argument ended in such a way that he had divorced her using the Jahili method — the old method of divorce in the pre-Islamic time — which had a dual effect. The effect of this divorce was the kind of divorce that left her hanging, meaning she could never be remarried again. This was the practice of the old pre-Islamic Jahili time. And so it was a divorce, but paradoxically she had to stay in the marriage, and it deprived her of all of her rights in the marriage. That was the kind of divorce that he gave her — she was stuck in a marriage with no rights and prevented from living out the rest of her free life by remarrying if she wanted to. And on top of that, she really loved him.

We have disputes and arguments with people all the time — family members, people we care about — but we never want long-lasting harm. But the effect was done. So they sat down and they talked about what to do, and Aws رضي الله عنه said, "All I know is you are haram for me." That's what he said. That was the old Jahili result.

So she went to Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم, and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had not received any new revelation on that particular issue. And he صلى الله عليه وسلم wanted to solve her problem, but he was cautious not to make a new hukm — a new judgment — on something that Allah had not decided upon already, especially given the fact that the Quran was still being revealed. And so he said, "All I know is that he is haram for you."

And then she said, "I'll take my complaint to Allah Ta'ala." And she raised her hands and she said:

"Allahumma ashku ilayk ya Rabb — I send all of my complaints to You." In other words, at this point she had lost all hope of any help from the khalq, from creation. She was turning only to Allah.

The mufassirun say that on a daily basis she would make this du'a to Allah Ta'ala, and then she would go to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم to check and see if there had been any answer, any wahi that had come down. And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم would tell her, "Not today" — there was no answer today. He too صلى الله عليه وسلم was expecting something.

She said, "Ya Rasulullah, we have a child together." He said, "All I know is you are haram for each other." She said, "Ya Rasulullah, I love him." That's what she said — "I love him." He said, "All I know is you are haram for him." But he was waiting too.

She persisted in her complaint to Allah Ta'ala about her affair — silently. She took it straight to Allah Ta'ala. And then finally, Allah Ta'ala revealed not just an ayah, but an entire chapter of the Quran that would be recited forever.

The Power of "Qad Sami'a" — Allah Has Heard

And He begins in a very striking but profound way — He begins with Qad. قَدْ سَمِعَ. And the ulema say that قَدْ here, as the first word of the ayah, is a dalala — it is an indicator that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was anticipating and expecting an answer. In other words, he صلى الله عليه وسلم saw that injustice to her as well and was waiting — anticipating — the same way as the musallun, the people in the masjid sitting in the rows waiting for the salat, and then the iqamah comes: قد قامت الصلاة. Everyone is waiting for the salat, now the salat time has come. Your anticipation, your waiting has been relieved. قد قامت الصلاة — now you rise for the salat. Five seconds ago you wouldn't rise, but now قد قامت الصلاة. قَدْ is used in anticipation, and to relieve the listener from further waiting.

Now Allah has revealed to you the fact that indeed He has heard the concern that woman mentioned to you about her husband — and He heard the complaint she made to Allah.

First He mentions قَدْ سَمِعَ — the time of anticipation has ended, Allah has heard it — سَمِعَ. Then He mentions the word sami'a, "to hear," a second time in the same ayah: وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا — "and Allah hears." But here He mentions it in the present tense. Before it was in the past: قَدْ سَمِعَ — Allah heard, done. Now وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ — the معنى is istimrar, continuity. Not only did He hear that woman, but He hears, and it is constantly resonating with Allah. He didn't hear it the way we hear things — forget stuff, place it on the last list, put it on the to-do list, maybe we'll do something, maybe we won't. "Yeah, I heard you. OK, let me think about it." No. It has been heard, and Allah hears it continuously. He is doing something about it — it just takes time in your world, not in His.

He heard her تَحَاوُرَكُمَا — the discussions, the conversations that both of them had. Allah knows he loves her and she loves him. Allah knows they had a child together. Allah knows they were upset, things happened, she was disenfranchised, there was cruelty to her. Allah heard — and He hears. What goes on is not forgotten in the maqam of Allah.

Then hearing comes a third time in the same ayah: إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ — Allah is the All-Hearing, All-Seeing. قَدْ سَمِعَ — He heard. وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ — He hears. إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ — He is All-Hearing. This is really powerful.

The Month of Rajab and the Isra' wal Mi'raj

Especially in this month of Rajab — this month which is the month of the haram, one of the sacred months — and also, profoundly, the month of the Isra' wal Mi'raj, which we'll discuss next week insha'Allah. But there is a connection between the Isra' wal Mi'raj and the fact that Allah hears things, and the importance that this deen places — not only on the protection and the salvation and the concern of the individual — but also on the importance of the protection and the salvation of the family unit as a whole.

Our mother Khawla رضي الله عنها said when this ayah came down: "Look at how Allah hears!" Allah didn't say He sees first — He saw what was going on, He noticed what was going on — that came at the end of the ayah. The important thing is the hearing. Because the victim wants to be heard. People in need want to be heard — not observed, not seen. Often they want anonymity, they want not to be seen. But they want their complaint to be heard by someone. They want their concern to be heard. And not the kind of hearing that is external — the kind of hearing that is internal, meaning you hear and you are really concerned about it, and that hearing moves you to do something. This is what is being presented.

The Du'a of the Victim — A Warning to All of Us

In this month we begin the time of du'as to Allah — Ya Allah forgive me, Ya Allah do this, Ya Allah this, Ya Allah that — and Allah hears all of the du'as of all of the believers. But there are two kinds of people making du'as. There is the du'a of the person who perhaps in their mind hasn't done anything — and then there is the du'a of the mazlum, the victim, as well. So we have to be very careful. All the du'as that we are saying to Allah, we have to be careful that others are not making du'as about something that we have done — particularly and specifically family members.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم — a group of women came to him in Medina and they said, "Ya Rasulullah, our husbands are hitting us." That's what they said — "Our husbands are hitting us." And he صلى الله عليه وسلم went to the masjid, ascended the minbar — you can read this in Bukhari as well, the text that I'm about to quote — and he said to the audience of men, to the sahabas:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Book 67, Hadith 94; see also Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 2146)

"By what right do you hit your women? What gives you the right to domestic abuse, to strike your wives?" — And this, by the way, was after the ayah which mentions darb in it came down. It was after that. "What gives you binah? By what right — tell me what right you have to strike your wife?" He said: darbul fahal — "the way you hit an animal, like you'd strike an animal — go, go, go — the way a slave is beaten, as if your wife is a slave, as if your wife is some animal, some beast that you control, that we subjugate, when they don't do what we want them to do, we beat them." By what right do you do that? This is in Bukhari.

Then he said the most profound part: "And then after you beat her, you expect her to embrace you? You expect her to embrace you — you expect everything to be OK with her, you expect closeness from her — as if nothing happened?" This became a profound text that the scholars talked about at length.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم never struck his wives, never. He never even struck his children. That is a serious bar to live up to, particularly with kids.

The Hard Hearts — Stones in Jahannam

Scholars of Tafsir mention in Surah At-Tahrim: "O people of Iman, save yourselves and your Ahl and your families." By the way, Ahl in the Arabic language has two meanings. Your Ahl — one meaning is family, as in wives, kids, parents, etc. The other meaning of Ahl is a specific reference to your wife. So it can mean save your family from the Hellfire; it can also mean save your wife from the Hellfire.

The ayah continues: save yourself from the Hellfire, and then save your family — which includes obviously your wife specifically, and the family generally — from the Hellfire. And the fuel: what keeps that fire going? The reference is to Jahannam. Observe this, reflect on this — what keeps the fire going are people and stones. In other words, on the Day of Judgment, what keeps the fire going are people being constantly thrown into Jahannam.

So the question is: what about the stones that Allah Ta'ala is talking about here? There is a narration from some of the sahabas that talks about certain kinds of stones in the Hellfire. But then most of the ulama relate something different. They say the stones being referenced here are not actual stones — this is another interpretation, a different ta'wil. The other interpretation is that it refers not just to human beings who've committed cruelty to people, to themselves, and to their families, but the stones are the قُلُوبُ الْقَاسِيَةُ — the hard hearts. Hearts that are just as hard as stones. Those hard hearts that were not soft towards people.

People and stones — قُلُوبٌ قَاسِيَةٌ — hard, rock hearts. Those rocks, those hearts which are not soft, which have never been moistened by any compassion — compassion towards the wife, compassion towards the husband, compassion towards the children. Hard hearts that have no idea what rahmah is, because they are so cruel, and further acts of cruelty are constantly perpetuated. So the hard heart just keeps getting harder and harder and harder. That tough, hard قَلْب that is not سَلِيم, that is قَاسٍ, that is solid, tougher than steel.

Some would say, "That man doesn't cry." بَكَى رَسُولُ اللهِ — the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم would cry. "How can you cry?" one of them said. He صلى الله عليه وسلم said that tears are a dalala — they are a sign of a soft heart and a heart that has rahmah in it. So if tears and emotion from a man are proof of rahmah and softness, then the rock hearts destined for Jahannam are proof of the absence of compassion, the absence of mercy, the absence of feeling.

Decisions that are made by many of us that have no regard for people's lives and the consequences — no care about kicking people, family members, out on the street. Abusing kids. A brother came home to his family the other day and said — after years of marriage — "I can't stand to be 40 and be with you anymore. I have to leave. I paid this month's rent — you're on your own. Goodbye."

لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ. What kind of قَلْب? What kind of قَلْب? What kind of قَلْب? It is the kind of قَلْب that Allah Ta'ala references as a hajara — a stone — in Jahannam. He wants to give those of his family hell in this life because of his hard heart — but there is a bigger hell in the next life that is going to be consuming those hard hearts. That is one meaning of the ayah.

So save yourself from having a hard heart so that it puts you in the Hellfire, and save your family from your hard heart so that they are not put in hell in this life — and do bad things that put them in hell in the next life. Allah Ta'ala hears, because those family members can make du'a.

The Preservation of the Family — A Maqasid of Islam

One of the maqasid — one of the objectives of everything in the deen of Islam — is the preservation of the family. The deen of Islam has priorities. Six, and at the top is the preservation of the deen itself. The deen itself has to be preserved at all cost. If the deen goes away — if a person doesn't know their deen, there are no masajid, no concern about Allah — then everything else is useless. So at the top is the preservation of the deen itself.

And after that is the preservation of life itself — what good is the deen if nobody is around to practice it? And after that is the preservation of the mind, because the deen requires not only living people but thinking people. You have to know about salah, you have to have intentions for fasting, you have to have a sound aql — a sound mind. This is why khamr and all alcoholic beverages and drugs and intoxicants are prohibited — because they disrupt and distort and destroy the function of the mind. So the deen seeks to preserve that. This is why education is so important. This is why freedom of opinion is very important in the deen — it has to do with the preservation of the intellect. Some homes have no opinion — one opinion, that's it.

And at the fourth level is the preservation of the family. The family itself — which means that anything that can contribute to the destruction of the family must be warded off and protected against. It is a harm. And protecting the family against harm is one thing, but benefiting the family is another thing.

Protecting your family against harm in the sharia is not the same thing as benefiting the family. In other words: if I want to protect myself from the cold, putting on a jacket — protecting myself — is one thing. But actually being warm is another thing. Putting on a jacket doesn't guarantee that I'm going to be warm. So protecting yourself against corrupting and harmful things is different from — and prioritized over — deriving benefits. Protection from harm is more important than deriving benefits.

So it is of ill consequence if a family has a big home, a wonderful car, bills are paid — but abuse is going on in the house. It doesn't matter. The fact that someone is living in a nice home and a nice place does not justify abuse, does not make it better, does not make it right, does not make it correct. If there is harm in the home, it has to be removed.

A Call to Our Community — From Rajab to Ramadan

I mention these things in conclusion because this year I would like for us — as a community, as individuals and as family members — to strive to protect our families: our wives, our children, our inner household. To protect them from being victims of the fire — from our own nafs, and obviously from the fire of Jahannam — from the fire of our own hard hearts, the cruelty that can emerge when we are without compassion, without sound judgment, without proper akhlaq.

This year, as we go from Rajab to Sha'ban to Ramadan, and we make a lot of du'as in general — that same concern we have for ourselves, let us have that same concern for the well-being of our wives, of our children, everybody in our family. Let's look at each other as a community the way that we look at our own salvation, our own benefit. What we want for ourselves, let us want the same thing for our spouses.

Insha'Allah, later this evening after Maghrib, we'll be talking more in detail about this issue of family matters and giving concrete advice from the sunnah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, from examples of the sahabas, as to how we may better improve our lives and the lives of our families in this life.

And we may honor that as we honor the time of Rajab and the time of the Isra' — so that we ascend, we practice reaching Allah Ta'ala, getting near to Allah Ta'ala, ascending to Allah Ta'ala — not just as men, not just as husbands, but as husbands with their wives together, with their children together, all of us together.

And to be kind to one another, and to forbid immorality and evil and transgression.

أَقِمِ الصَّلَاة.