The Virtue of Serving Parents｜Mufti Abdul Wahab Waheed

Opening & The Purpose of Every Deed

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. And peace and blessings be upon the most honored of Prophets and Messengers, our master Muhammad, the Prophet of the worlds, whose name is written in the Bible and the Torah.

Allah Almighty has said in His precious book, I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan:

Say, "By the grace of Allah and by His mercy, so let them rejoice. It is better than what they accumulate." And Allah Almighty said in another place:

And those who strive in Us, We will surely guide them to Our ways.

My dear brothers, sisters, fellow youngsters — every act and everything that we commit to naturally has an objective. And it has a very clear intended outcome that we wish to secure. When someone starts playing video games, even something as mundane as that, it has a very clear objective: going from level 1 to level 2. When someone starts their schooling career, they have a very clear objective — I want to finish this major, and I want to get into this career. When someone starts their career, there's a very clear objective. Everything worth doing in life naturally has an outcome that is clearly intended.

And anything worth doing in life has an intended outcome. And if it doesn't have an intended outcome, then it's truly not worth doing. A sign of maturity is that whatever I commit my time, resources, and energy to, it's because there's an outcome that I intend from it — not simply for the sake of just doing it. We don't just do things for the sake of just doing things. We do it because it does give us an outcome that we hope to secure from it.

Similarly, the blessed month of Ramadan comes with a very clear outcome. A very clear objective. And that objective, if not secured, quite frankly, means that that Ramadan was not used correctly. If that outcome is not secured, that means that month — though we filled the space of it — we never took from the soul of it. Though we filled the spaces of the masajid, we weren't able to internalize the qualities of the people of the masjid. Though we filled the spaces of the masajid, we weren't able to internalize the qualities that were read inside of taraweeh from the Qur'an.

The Three Du'as of Jibreel

There's a clear objective of this month. And that clear objective was highlighted by the Prophet ﷺ as he climbed upon the minbar one day. As he climbed upon this minbar — his pulpit — he walked up the first step and he said, Ameen. And then he climbed the second step, and once again he repeated, Ameen. And then he climbed the third step, and once again he repeated, Ameen.

And the sahabas that were observing this — they were very inquisitive, very present, and very observant. They had never seen this before. So they said, "Ya Rasulullah, what was this that you just did? Each step you took, you said Ameen. We've never seen this from you, please tell us what you were doing."

And the Prophet of Allah ﷺ responded to them by saying: "The first step that I took, Jibreel ﷺ descended from the heavens, and he made a du'a — rather, it was a du'a against certain people — which was: May Allah's wrath, may Allah's la'na, be upon those people who hear my name and don't respond by saying Sallallahu alayhi wasallam. They hear my name, but they don't send durood upon me."

Because the rule is, wherever we hear the Prophet's name, we're supposed to respond by saying Sallallahu alayhi wasallam. It's like whenever people say MJ's name, they say "GOAT" next to it. If you don't say "GOAT," people get upset. Imagine the greatest human being of this world — if you say his name and you don't say Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, it dismisses his greatness. Not that it makes a difference to him — it makes a difference to our tongue.

Where the poet says: The Prophet of Allah did not become more praiseworthy because I praised him. He did not elevate in his ranks because I said Sallallahu alayhi wasallam. His worth and value did not increase because we praised him. His worth didn't increase because Allah has already told him:

There's no one that can reach your level. You're untouchable. You're the definition of a GOAT when it comes to Allah's creation. Rather, when I praise you, my life becomes praiseworthy. My tongue becomes praiseworthy because I was able to say your name.

And then he walked up the second step and said that the du'a that was made is: May Allah's la'na and wrath be upon those people whose parents are alive at an elderly age, and they are still unable to secure a gateway to Jannah. They have a shortcut — the shortcut is service to parents. But despite having that opportunity available to them, they miss a clear shortcut of earning Jannah without serving their parents. And the Prophet responded by saying, Ameen. Jibreel is the one making the du'a, and the Prophet is the one saying Ameen. This du'a has very low chances of not being accepted, because the Prophet is the one saying Ameen to it.

And the Prophet himself says:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 88)

After Ta'if, when he was pelted with stones, Jibreel ﷺ came to him and said, "Ya Rasulullah, if you send la'na upon these people right now, we will destroy them. They will cease to exist. They harmed you physically and mentally. They tortured you by saying things like, 'Did Allah not find someone better than you?' What a horrible thing to say to someone. But you have the opportunity — just say the word and they will cease to exist." And the Prophet said, "I don't send la'na upon people." But here he's saying Ameen, which shows you the significance of this du'a.

And the third du'a that is made on the third step: Jibreel ﷺ said, "May Allah's la'na and wrath be upon those people who enter into the blessed month of Ramadan and leave the month without being forgiven." Which highlights for us the objective of the month of Ramadan — which is, as sinners, which every single one of us are:

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4251; also reported in Sunan al-Tirmidhi)

As sinners, our responsibility becomes: how can I maximize the high potential of acceptance of tawbah and make sure that I leave this month being forgiven? How can I find opportunities of being forgiven by Allah where, in the month of Ramadan, every single moment is an opportunity of being forgiven?

Two Barriers to Forgiveness

However, my topic is not about forgiveness per se. My topic — continuing from what I spoke about earlier today — is about something a little different. There are a few reasons why a person's forgiveness is halted. There are a few reasons why even in the month of Ramadan — the month of absolute acceptance of tawbah — where even the largest, most major sinner, if he or she chooses to raise their hands, drops a few tears, puts their head on the sajjadah, their tawbah will be accepted — there are still such unfortunate people that despite this potential of forgiveness, they're not forgiven.

First Barrier: Hatred and Animosity in the Heart

And the Prophet of Allah highlights two people that are not forgiven. Number one is a person who is a mushāhin — who holds hatred in their hearts for others, who has animosity in their heart for others. They have a sense of bughd, they have a sense of hatred for Muslim brothers and sisters in their heart. This person is not forgiven. How is it possible that Allah is giving us a fire sale of forgiveness in this month and I'm unable to forgive my own sibling for something that they've done to me? I'm unable to forgive my friends, my brothers and sisters in Islam.

What is this fake delusion — "Muslims are brothers and sisters in faith" — but someone that does me wrong, I cannot forgive them? This is hypocrisy. Because believers are forced to cultivate hearts that are ready to forgive. We're not saying be doormats, and we're not saying to be oppressed. But in the moments of opportunity of forgiveness, this is where Allah forgives. Our deen is cyclical — it has an ecosystem.

Where the Prophet of Allah says:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2580)

It's very interesting. He says: Whosoever hides the sin of a believer, Allah hides their sins. So when we hide someone's sins, Allah hides our sins.

The Prophet of Allah says:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4941)

We forgive people, He forgives us. He says:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2699)

That Allah will perpetually be in the support of someone as long as that someone is in the support of others. So all of these impacts and effects — Allah's support, Allah's forgiveness, Allah's covering of us — are dependent upon us doing it for somebody else. Where He says:

"Would you not wish for Allah to forgive you?" — where He is saying: if you forgive, I shall forgive you.

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924; graded Sahih)

Where the Prophet of Allah says: Allah forgives those who are able to forgive one another. Have mercy on those who are on earth, and the One above the heavens will have mercy on you.

The Prophet of Allah one day — Anas ibn Malik, a young companion, came to him and said, "Ya Rasulullah, tell me one sunnah that I must live by." You know, we always ask: give me that one thing. Give me that one-liner. And the Prophet of Allah said to him:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2678)

He says: "Oh my beloved son, if you can wake up in the morning and go to sleep in the evening without having any hatred in your heart for anyone — that is my greatest sunnah."

We have youngsters in our communities fighting each other over things that we shouldn't even speak about in the masjid because our hearts are so filled with the sense of competition for the world. Our hearts are filled with the filth of this competition. And because of it, we can't forgive someone. We don't struggle with not forgiving someone because of something that has a religious connotation — it all has a dunya connotation. And it's not even worth it. Because dunya comes to an end very soon anyway.

Second Barrier: Parents Being Displeased with Us

The second thing — which I wish to highlight in the time that I have left — is people whose parents are unhappy with them. We're all youngsters sitting here. I am unable to achieve the objective of the month of Ramadan if my mother or father are not pleased with me. Let that sit for a minute. It's not that my friend isn't pleased with me. It's not that my homie isn't pleased with me. It's that my parents are not pleased with me.

How can I commit to such a level of spirituality when the bedrock and the foundation is my mother's pleasure? Where the Prophet of Allah says:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1899; graded Sahih)

The pleasure of Allah is contingent upon the father being pleased with the person. The pleasure of Allah is contingent upon the mother's joy for their children.

We live this entire year fulfilling all of our own desires, spending time with our own friends. Our parents don't have someone to have iftar with. Many of our parents. How many iftars do we do with our own parents? And how many iftars do we do with our friends? How many suhoors do we do for our parents? How many times have we brought iftar home for our parents? How many times have we cleaned the house for our own parents during the month of Ramadan?

What is this fake delusion of spirituality? This tahajjud, this qiyam, this qira'ah, this fasting brings no benefit of forgiveness if my mother is not pleased with me. These are the words of the Prophet. These are not my words. If my father is displeased with me — this is a sign of Shaitan manipulating a sense of spirituality upon us and allowing us to commit to such depths without having the surface level that we need to have, which is our parents' pleasure.

And every single one of us — if our parents are alive, serve them. And if our parents are not alive, go visit them in their graves and say salam to them. Serve your khalas and your uncles. Serve their friends. A man came to Umar رضي الله عنه and said, "My parents are not alive — what should I do to earn their happiness?" He said, "Be kind to their friends." Those same aunties and uncles who are really annoying — they are our parents' friends. Being kind to them also makes Allah happy.

Abdullah ibn Umar رضي الله عنه was traveling one day for Hajj and he had his animals for Hajj. As he was traveling with these animals, he stopped by a certain area and met a man. The man was hosting him and said, "Are you the son of so and so?" And the man responded, "Yes, I am the son of so and so." And he told the people of his caravan, "Take all my animals and give it to him." And as they moved forward, the people asked, "Why would you give all your animals to this person?" And he responded, "This is a man whose father was very beloved to my father." That's it. Nothing more. He hasn't done anything for me. But my father loved being around him, so I love him as well. That's how they sought forgiveness.

Walking on Eggshells — The State of Our Parents

How can a person earn Allah's forgiveness if we are the source of shattered hearts for our mothers? Many of our mothers are walking on eggshells when we live in that house. They're afraid. There are literally parents who are afraid to tell their children what to do because they cannot gauge the type of response they will get from us. If they say something, they're not sure how this child will respond to them, because we respond due to emotions. We don't respond due to principles.

A sign of maturity is that we don't respond based on emotions. We don't have a sporadic spectrum of responses. We have consistency — I know what I'm going to get from this person. Be it a day of ease or a day of difficulty, he or she will not be sporadic in their responses because they respond based on principles and values. The mother or father can say whatever they want. But the child's responsibility is to earn their pleasure.

We ask for du'as. People of the past earned their parents' du'as. There's a difference between asking for a du'a and earning a du'a. Earning a du'a comes from the heart. Earning a du'a means we serve for it. Earning a du'a means that the mother doesn't even have to say it — she just feels it in her heart, and the acceptance is already there.

The Sahaba Who Came from Yemen

More worthy of i'tikaf in the month of Ramadan and jihad in the path of Allah was the mother of a sahaba, where a man came from Yemen. This young sahaba traveled all the way from Yemen and came to the Prophet ﷺ. And as he came to the Prophet of Allah, he said, "I came from Yemen all the way here." The Prophet asked, "Why did you come here?" And he responded, "I came simply to serve you, and to fight in the path of Allah, to learn your religion, to be in your company."

And the Prophet of Allah asked his young companion — the Prophet ﷺ had firasa, he had intuition — he said to him: "When you left, was your mother happy or was she crying? When you left to come to such a virtuous act of serving me, was your mother pleased or was she upset?"

Was she laughing or was she crying? And the man responded, "My mother when I left — she was crying." The Prophet said:

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2781; also reported by al-Hakim)

"Go back." There is nothing in the world more worthy than being in the company of the Prophet ﷺ. Just by being in his company, you are now guaranteed Jannah. We justify leaving our parents for virtuous things. For things that are justified to be virtuous. For things that fall under the framework and the definition of da'wah. The definition of being with our siblings and friends. The definition of hanging out. We can justify. As youngsters in this time and age, I believe we have the ability to justify anything. This man came to serve the Prophet. The Prophet said, "Go back. And make her laugh the way you made her cry. And leave her as she's smiling, not as she's crying."

How many of us leave the home at times when our mothers are upset at us? What if that was the last time we meet our mother? You can craft how you meet people as your first impression. But you cannot craft how you meet people as your last impression. And last impressions are lasting impressions — not first impressions. What if that is the last time my mother meets me? What if that was the last time my father meets me? What if that's the last time I'm able to serve them?

These are opportunities that people who have lost their parents will literally do anything in this world for. Ask a youngster whose mother or father isn't alive in the month of Ramadan — what they would do to have iftar with them again. What they would do to serve them again. What they would do to be in their company again. A friend lost here and there — count it, it's a dime a dozen. They come and they go. Parents are only two. Parents are only there for a certain amount of time. And if I can't build up the courage to say no to a friend to serve my mother, that's not love then. That's not true love.

The Prophet of Allah ﷺ says to his companions: "If I was leading Maghrib Salat, a fardh prayer, and from the corner of my house my mother was to say, 'Ya Muhammad ﷺ,' I would break my prayer and say:"

"Oh my mother, I'm right here — tell me what you need from me."

The Prophet ﷺ at His Mother's Grave

The Prophet of Allah on his journey back from Hudaybiyyah stopped in an area called Abwa'. Abwa' was the area where his mother was buried. He lost his mother at the age of six. And he remembered where she was buried because he loved his mother.

He stopped at this area, and Umar رضي الله عنه says: "The Prophet was always with us — we always knew where he was. But suddenly he disappeared, and we couldn't see him anymore. And we started becoming anxious — did something happen to the Prophet? So we started looking for him. And from a distance we could hear a loud noise as if someone was sobbing. And as we came close, we saw the Prophet of Allah sitting with his head wrapped in his lap, his body shaking from how much he was crying."

And Umar رضي الله عنه came and hugged him from the back. He said, "That's enough, Ya Rasulullah." And the Prophet of Allah said, "Oh Umar, you don't know who is here. You don't know why I'm crying." He said, "Ya Rasulullah, how can we help?" And he said, "This is the resting place of my mother. How I wish she could have seen what has happened with her son. How I wish she could have been here with me."

That is one of the only times the Prophet sobbed at the grave of his mother. If my parents are alive, that is a clear route to Jannah. How is it so that we can justify everything to not obey them?

A Security Blanket We Take for Granted

There comes a point where we tell ourselves: isn't it too much? Isn't it too much to attend to my mother or father when I have this and I have that? If I could redo something — we're five brothers. My youngest brother رحمه الله passed away two or three years ago in a car accident. If I could redo something, as whatever they call a scholar in today's time, and living half the year outside of my house, it would really be staying home and serving my mother more. Some of us don't have that opportunity. And some of us would do anything to have that opportunity.

Those same parents who raised us, who built us up, who took care of us — now that mother's hands shake when she holds a bottle of water. That doesn't break your heart? That same father is unable to walk without a cane. That same father is unable to drive in the cold because his hands shake. It ain't worth it if it means that we can't serve them. Why move out if you can live with your parents? Why not serve them if you have them with you? That is the ultimate source of forgiveness.

Everything else for all of us sitting here that are young is secondary. It doesn't matter what they've said and done to us. As long as we can serve them and live with them to a point that their heart is pleased with us — that is the goal. Of course, sometimes there are complicated relationships. We're not speaking about the exception. We're speaking about the rule.

Musa ﷺ — as Ibn Kathir mentions in his tafsir of the verse:

Musa ﷺ, after losing his mother, one day as Allah is speaking to him, He said: "Oh Musa, be careful." And Musa said, "What do you mean be careful?" He said, "Your mother is now not around anymore. When your mother was around, she was praying for you. And now you don't have a mother's du'a. You have to be wary of how you walk, how you move, what you say — because you don't have a security blanket anymore."

The Companion Who Could Not Recite the Kalima

There was a companion — a sahaba — who was passing away. And the sahabas around him were doing talqeen of the kalima:

And he just couldn't say the kalima. He couldn't recite it. He could not repeat after them. And the sahabas started getting scared. Why are you not responding to us and saying the kalima? Because the goal is to leave this world saying the kalima. And they called the Prophet ﷺ. And the Prophet of Allah rushed. He came to this man and started reciting the kalima — and still he couldn't recite it.

And the Prophet of Allah instantly said, "Is one of his parents alive?" And they said, "His mother is alive." — This hadith is found in al-Nasa'i and other books as well, as an authentic narration. He said, "Call her." And they rushed to call the mother. The mother came. And the Prophet of Allah said to her, "Did your son do something to you that has displeased you and has broken your heart?" And the mother said, "Yes." The Prophet of Allah said, "Ya Ummah, please forgive him. He is unable to recite the kalima because your heart is still broken." The mother said, "Of course, I forgive him." Because a mother would do anything for a child. "I forgive him."

And as she forgave him, the Prophet rushed back to the companion and they recited the kalima again — and he was able to recite the kalima and pass away. Simply because the mother was able to forgive this child. And he was a sahaba. And we are who we are. No one needs to tell us who we are. We know who we are.

Allama Iqbal says in Urdu poetry: Immerse yourself in your heart, and you will find the light of life. Dive deep within yourself and look in the mirror — you know who you are. No one has to tell you who you are. We are not sahabas — for sure. What if our parents are unhappy with us? We have no security blanket. We have nothing supporting us.

The Father's Poem — A Broken Heart Heard by Allah

The man — going back to the story of the youngster — he comes and complains to the Prophet of Allah. A legitimate complaint. My father takes from my wealth. I work hard and he takes from it. The Prophet of Allah said, "I have to hear both sides of the story." And he sent one of the companions and said, "Can you call this person's father?" And the companion rushed and called the father.

The father found out why the Prophet was calling him — imagine what the father was feeling. My son complained to the Prophet about me. And as he was walking, he recited a poem in his head about how he felt. And as he came to the Prophet, the Prophet said to him: "Before you say a word and before I ask you a question, you must recite the poem that you recited in your head to me." And the man said, "Ya Rasulullah, every time I come and see you, my faith increases that you are a Prophet of Allah. How did you even know that I said something?"

And he said that Jibreel ﷺ descended from the heavens and said that Allah said that before he asks any questions, he must ask the father to recite the poem that he had in his head. A father whose heart is broken — they don't have to say anything. Allah hears the voice of their heart. In Urdu they say, dil ki tarab — the trembling of the heart.

Some of our parents are truly — and I'm saying this because we travel quite a bit, and some of the stories that we hear from parents are heartbreaking. Children that are intelligent, rational, logical children like you and I, are unable to find a way to please our father and mother. We can finish medical school, we can make it to the best program, but we can't find the means to make our mother smile — which is equal to an umrah and hajj. That's not a sign of lack of intelligence. That's a sign of lack of will and love. That's a sign of lack of purpose.

The Prophet said, "Recite that poem to me." And the father looked up to the Prophet of Allah, and he said:

He says: "We gave birth to you, and we took care of you as a toddler, and we gave you all of the favors that you would want — till the point that you started to grow. And the nights that you were sick, and the nights that you couldn't fall asleep, and the nights that you had a tummy ache, and the nights that you couldn't find a way to be at rest — it was as if I was the one struggling to sleep. It was as if I was the one who had a headache."

Nobody loses sleep for someone except for parents. Nobody. I don't care how much they love you — when it hits bedtime, they go to sleep as if nothing is wrong. Except for parents — and maybe siblings if you're lucky enough. But most people, all they have is parents. Not even children are of that nature. Parents — if any of you youngsters are mothers or fathers now — would know what that means.

Allah blessed me with a child two years ago. I'm hardly home, but I can tell you — quite often, if this kid can't sleep, the mother can't sleep, the father can't sleep. It was as if I was sick — and now our parents get sick and ask for medication, and we say, "I have a commitment." What does that even mean? I have a commitment more important than serving your mother?

My brother passed away picking up medication from a pharmacy to serve his mother. Do you think Allah will not give him Jannah? The kid passed away picking up medication for his mom — to make sure that his mother has what she needs. "I have a commitment." Have iftar with me today. So what?

If the mother has to ask for something, know that she thought about it at least ten times. Because she doesn't want to make it hard for us. He doesn't want to make it hard for us. When was the last time I turned my father's car on in the winter? When was the last time I put his jacket on?

They say that the Canadian culture is different than the back home culture — you don't have to stand for your parents. Screw the culture that tells us we don't respect our parents. We don't want that culture that tells us don't stand for our parents when they walk in the room. That's not a culture we associate to. The culture that says eat before your father eats — what are you talking about? This is not culture. This is simple etiquette that earns the du'a of a father that will take us from being a nobody to being the greatest scholar or the greatest entrepreneur or the greatest physician.

People that make it in life Islamically make it because their parents make du'a for them. I promise you — us brothers would not have a single thing in our life if our mother wasn't making du'a for us. I'm not saying that out of humility. I'm saying it because we've seen it. Their du'as are fuel for our engine. And if you don't have that du'a, you don't know what you're missing.

And if your parents are not alive, I say it again — visit their graves. Serve your khala. Serve your uncles.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2699)

Your khala is like your mother — has the same ranking as your mother. The older sibling is like the father. Our Prophet taught us that an older sibling is like a father. We don't have the right to raise our voice in front of them. We don't have the right to disrespect them in front of people. The Prophet of Allah says:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919; Musnad Ahmad)

Whosoever does not honor their elders and does not show mercy to those younger than them — the Prophet of Allah's words are: this person is not from amongst us.

Like who are we trying to please? When the hierarchy of honor is compromised. There is a hierarchy of who deserves our good character — and it's not the Tim Horton's server. It's not the person at Sobeys or Walmart. It's not the professor at university who doesn't even know our name properly. It's the person who loves us. It's he or she that wakes up in the middle of the night making du'a for us. When was the last time, as a youngster, we woke up in the middle of the night making du'a for someone? We don't know how to do it. Because our hearts are so fixated on our own benefit that we don't even know how to make du'a for our own parents.

I was in Makkah al-Mukarramah — we took a group of people for Umrah — and a youngster standing next to me said, "Please tell me, I don't know what to make du'a for after 30 seconds." I said, "Did you make du'a for your parents yet?" He said, "No, not yet." What are you making du'a for if you're not making du'a for your parents? That's what got you here anyway. That's what moves you forward.

The man says, "I couldn't sleep because you were sick." And we can't pick up medication because we have a commitment to go to the gym. This is the reality of how we are. This is not some illusion. This is the basic reality of youngsters living in North America right now. Parents are expendable. Parents are treated worse than senior citizens in senior citizen homes. They're walking on eggshells in the home that they purchased — because we don't know how to respond to them when they get upset at us.

Just learn how to listen. I teach us brothers to tell ourselves all the time: our parents are elderly now. Let them speak and just shut your mouth. My older brother says to us: "You live with your mother — your honor is in serving your mother. Because when she speaks to you, you get rewards simply by listening to her."

Three Things That Earn Reward Simply by Looking at Them

Ibn al-Qayyim says there are only three things that, just by looking at them, you get reward. Can you imagine how precious and valuable these three things are?

Number one: the Ka'bah. Just by looking at the Ka'bah, our book of deeds are being filled with good deeds — there is no tawaf, there is no crying, there is no reading Quran. All there is is a sight of the Ka'bah. Number two: looking at the Qur'an — not even reading it, just looking at the Qur'an. And number three: looking at your parents in a way that makes them proud and makes them smile. Just looking at them.

When our parents speak to us, we have students — and my biggest pet peeve is when parents speak to them and they're on their phone. But when their friends speak to them, they're looking dead center in the eyes. And when a parent says something to them, they're looking for the quickest gateway to leave. "Are you done yet?" That is, I don't think you can find a more disrespectful statement. "Are you done yet? Are you finished?" Imagine telling someone's own mother, "Are you done speaking to me yet?" That person doesn't deserve to be forgiven.

The Prophet of Allah's Ameen is real — where he said that the objective of the month of Ramadan will not be reached because this person's parents have not forgiven them.

And this man continues his poem and says: "Then I raised you to a point that when you pointed at a shirt, I bought it for you. You pointed at shoes, I purchased it for you. I took a loan to buy your car. I took a loan to put you through school. I had to borrow money to make sure your Eid was worth it."

Ask youngsters — we have youngsters in our community whose parents have passed away. On Eid they don't experience the hug of the mother. I don't know what that Eid would look like without a mother around. I truly believe we won't be able to celebrate Eid without your mother. And our mothers are alive. And on Eid day — how much time do we spend with our parents? On the day of Eid, which is the most joyful occasion of the year, how much time do we spend with our parents? It's the most joyful day, but the people that deserve it most don't experience any of it. And we wish to be forgiven.

He says: "Then finally you grew up. You got a job. You learned how to speak a little bit. And that same tongue that you learned how to speak with — I taught you how to read, how to spell. I taught you how to say all of these words. And now you use that tongue to disrespect me?" Allah says:

That same tongue should not be used — even the click of the tongue is a sin in front of a parent. We do much more than that. And we can justify anything, as I started. "You don't know what my mother did to me." It doesn't matter. Allah didn't give us a framework in which we could do what we do. We just can't.

And then he finally says: "If you can't treat me like a father, at least treat me like a good neighbor." That's how some of our parents experience their life — neighbors living with us.

And this man looks up — and the Prophet of Allah's beard is drenched with tears. And he's unable to speak. And he takes his hand, places it on the chest of this child, and says: "You and your entire existence belongs to your father. Everything you own belongs to your father." No jurist or scholar has ever deduced from this hadith that a child's money belongs to their parents — that's not a fiqh ruling. It's simply to show that everything you own is because of him. Everything you own is because of her.

The Three Du'as That Go Directly to Allah

It's enjoyable to have a good time with friends — for us, because we are the beneficiaries of it. But sometimes in life we should do things that make other people happy and that become a source of joy for them. And there's no one better to do it for that benefits our dunya — and I say this to youngsters. Benefits our dunya because we care about our dunya. Benefits our dunya because their du'as are irreversible. Good or bad — they're irreversible. There's nothing that can undo them.

Three du'as go straight up to the heavens. The du'a of an oppressed person — there is no barrier between them and the Arsh of Allah. The du'a of a person who is out in the path of Allah, learning knowledge and studying. And number three, the du'a of a parent for their children — it goes directly up to Allah.

So how can I attain the objective of the month of Ramadan if the conditions that apply to being forgiven are simply not being met by me? Those conditions are: A — clean our hearts. We are brothers and sisters not for namesake, not because we like saying it, but because I know how to clean my heart for them. Number two — parents being pleased with us. Majority of us are young. Majority of us are sitting here and hopefully our parents are alive. May Allah give them long healthy lives.

Don't wait for the moment that it's too late and you're putting dirt on top of your father or mother. Because the reality of life is that it's going to happen sooner or later. It's either they're going to be burying us or we're going to be burying them. And most likely we're going to be burying them.

I've been to many janazahs in which children are burying the parents. And every single one of them — without exception — the son or daughter is saying: "I wish I never did this to my father. I wish I never said this to my mother. I wish I never spoke to them like this." Well, if that is the consistent consensus, and we're still alive — why can't we change it? What is the barrier between us and that type of change? Nothing except for an ego that is self-centered and unjustifiable — because we truly have nothing to be egotistic about. We're simple people. We're young. Everything we have is because of our parents. How can it be that I'm using my arrogance against them whilst they were the ones who gave me what I have?

Three Commitments for This Ramadan

So let it not be that we live in this month of Ramadan, my dear friends, and do everything else, while our elderly parents are unable to forgive us. All of us should make a covenant to ourselves. I have not spent a day at home since Ramadan began. And I don't seek sympathy — I enjoy serving the deen of Allah. This is our passion. This is what I wish I died doing. But if I had the opportunity to have iftar with my mother, I would do anything for it. And all of you have that opportunity.

Number one: Take the responsibility to have a number of iftars with your parents. Whatever number you want — 10 iftars with my parents, 5, 7, 3, whatever it is. Do iftar with your parents.

Number two: This is what our teacher taught us — try to drive your parents for taraweeh a number of times. Who drove their parents for taraweeh today? Anyone? That's my point. How many of us have cars? A lot of us have cars. We had three people who raised their hands and said they drove their parents for taraweeh. Force them to come with you. Tell them that you would be honored to take them for taraweeh. We find ways to make our friends love us — but we can't find ways to make our parents love us again.

Number three — last but not least: In this blessed month, serve them — what we call in our language, khidmat. Khidmat is to serve them. Massage their feet. Clean after them. Support them. Khidmat is something where you have no incentive except to make that person happy. Khidmat means you have no incentive from this act except the pleasure of the person you're serving. So do something that is khidmat for your parents. Don't make it awkward. Let's normalize it.

If something as useless as a bottle flip can become viral, why can't something as pure as kissing our mother's hand before we leave the house become viral? Why can't we kiss their forehead? Why can't we hug them? Why can't we kiss them on the cheek? Why can't we buy them a gift? Not on Mother's Day — because formalities take away the beauty of the gift. No one feels beloved when you have to buy them a gift, because they know you have no choice. Love increases when you do something which is not expected. Not when something is expected. Love increases when we do something for someone that they had no expectation for.

Closing — A Mother's Du'a

So let it not be that in these days and nights of the month of Ramadan, we do everything else while our elderly parents are unable to forgive us. May Allah make us amongst those who can please them — who serve our parents, serve our mothers, especially our mothers. May Allah make us such that as they're getting older and more frail, and their hair is turning white and grey, that we are there for them the way that they were there for us. The way they taught us how to walk, we can help them walk. The way they taught us how to eat, we can help them eat. The way they taught us how to live life, we can help them live life at an elderly age.

Most mothers and fathers don't want to live to an elderly age because they know their kids can't serve them. They know that. But why not give them the type of support that says: we're right here. This is our honor. This is what we live for — to earn your du'as. And there is nothing that will decrease from a child that serves his or her mother or father.

My mother — when she heard of my brother's passing — the first thing that she said after inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un, in Urdu she said: "Ya Allah, You are witness that I am pleased with this child. You also be pleased with this child." She said, "Oh Allah, I make You a witness that I am truly pleased with this son of mine — You also be pleased with him."

I don't know if I would have received that du'a. And I'm not sure how many of us are receiving it right now. If we were to leave, are our parents pleased with us? This is not a joke — this is real. Because the reality is they will pass away sooner or later. They have a few years left. Whatever we can do to make them happy, we should do it. And through that — as I started — there is a possibility that forgiveness can be earned by us in the month of Ramadan. Without it, there's not even a possibility. Because our parents are displeased with us.

May Allah make us amongst those who can please them. May Allah make us such that we serve our parents, and that there is nothing that will decrease from a child that serves his or her mother or father. May Allah make us amongst those people. Ameen.