Domestic Violence in the Name of Islam (with Sign Language) - Shaykh Ahsan Hanif

Khutbah Opening

Amma ba'd: Indeed the best of speech is the speech of Allah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad ﷺ, and the worst of matters are those newly invented, and every newly invented matter is an innovation, and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.

The Prophet's ﷺ Practice of Gathering the Community

Our Prophet ﷺ during his lifetime delivered many, many sermons. He gave the Khutbatul Jumu'ah many times — in the hundreds — and he would give sermons at other occasions like we usually do at the time of Eid, or when he made his Hajj on the Day of Arafah, for the eclipse prayer and the rain prayer, and so on and so forth. These sermons are part of the Sunnahs of these acts of worship.

But then at other times he would also give a sermon to his community in Medina, and when he wanted to gather the Muslims together he would make a person call out: الصَّلَاةُ جَامِعَة، الصَّلَاةُ جَامِعَة — which means that the prayer is being gathered. It is a call and a system that they had: if they heard this, it's not the time of the adhan, it's not the time for one of the regular prayers, but it means that the Muslims — all of them — should gather into the masjid because the Prophet ﷺ wants to address a very serious issue.

If you go through the books of Sunnah and you read the sermons of the Prophet ﷺ, this phrase and this statement is something which you will come across — الصَّلَاةُ جَامِعَة. It was a system of gathering the people together, because sometimes something would happen within the community that you can't wait until the Friday for the Khutbatul Jumu'ah, or you can't wait for another occasion. It needs dealing with immediately.

The Hadith: The Foundation of Today's Khutbah

It is one of those examples — in which the Prophet ﷺ gathered his companions in this way — that I want to base today's khutbah upon. A hadith that you find in the Sunan of Abu Dawood, on the authority of a companion by the name of Iyas ibn Abdillah (may Allah be pleased with him). This khutbah speaks about the issue of domestic violence. Just as over 1,400 years ago the Prophet ﷺ gathered the companions with that call of الصَّلَاةُ جَامِعَة because of domestic violence within the community.

The Prophet ﷺ in this hadith had already spoken to the Muslims and had said to them:

Don't beat your wives — your womenfolk.

(Sunan Abu Dawood, Book 12, Hadith 2141; also referenced in Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 9, Hadith 1985)

It was a common practice amongst the Arabs of Jahiliyyah. In that society, within that culture, it was the norm that they would beat their wives — sometimes even their mothers, their daughters, their sisters — they would beat them physically and they wouldn't think twice. The Prophet ﷺ said to them: don't beat your womenfolk.

A number of days passed by. The hadith mentions that a number of companions — a number of the men — came to the Prophet ﷺ and they complained, and they said: "O Messenger of Allah, let us beat our wives again. Let us do what we were doing before." The Prophet ﷺ gave his tacit agreement, gave his approval, and said: "Okay, carry on," because it was the norm and the culture of that way — people don't know how to behave in a different way.

That night, over 70 women — according to some narrations, a narration that is in Sahih Ibn Hibban — over 70 women came and they complained to the family of the Prophet ﷺ, to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ, about the abuse and the physical beatings of their husbands, of their men. The Prophet ﷺ then gathered the companions together in the masjid — called them together. This isn't an issue that can wait until the next khutbah. It's not an issue that can wait until Eid or some other occasion. It's something that needs to be addressed. He gathered them together and he said to them:

"Last night a great number of women came and they complained to my family — complained about the treatment that they were suffering at the hands of their husbands." In the other narration they complained of the beatings — the word darb is used — they complained of the beatings that they were receiving by their husbands. "Those men who do this," he said ﷺ, "they are not from the best amongst you."

(Sunan Abu Dawood, Book 12, Hadith 2141; Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 9, Hadith 1985)

Understanding the Context: The Status of Women Before Islam

We have to understand the context that this hadith is in. Because today, in 2017, when we say "don't hit your wives" — domestic violence and abuse is something which Islam doesn't tolerate, it's not allowed — we think it's probably something obvious. Even though, as we all know, it is still something very common within our communities and in society at large. It's not something which has been eradicated, or is even close to being eradicated. Very common.

The Prophet ﷺ and his companions lived at a time when women had no rights. They weren't given any worth, they weren't given any importance, they had no rights. Their men would beat them, and they would slap them, and they would whip them. They wouldn't allow them to inherit, and as we know, sometimes they would even bury their newborn daughters alive.

This was the statement on the situation of women. In Sahih al-Bukhari, Abdullah ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) mentions a statement of Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), where Umar is describing the situation that the Muslims used to live in at the beginning of Islam:

"Before Islam, in the days of Jahiliyyah — of ignorance — we never considered the women to have any rights. They were nothing — لَا نَعُدُّ النِّسَاءَ شَيْئًا — they were nothing to us. But then Islam came, and Allah mentioned them in the Quran. He spoke about them, He gave them those rights. And so after that we understood the great rights that they had upon us and within our communities."

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5843)

The Equality of Men and Women in Islam

Allah in the Quran makes men and women equal — not equal in the sense in the way that sometimes today we hear in the media, and so on. It doesn't mean uniformity. But Allah made them equal. There is no preference of a man over a woman, or a woman over a man. They are equal in the sight of Allah. They were created in the same way, and both of them were given that same honor. Both of them — their path to Jannah and Paradise is the same path. Their obligations are the same.

Men have to pray five times a day — so do women. Men have to fast the month of Ramadan — so do women. Men have to pay Zakat — so do women. Men have to respect their parents — so do women. Men can't lie and cheat and steal and backbite — and likewise for women. Those laws, even though there is some difference in the minutiae and the detail, generally speaking those laws are the same. They apply the same, and the rewards are the same, and the path to Jannah is the same.

Allah says in the Quran that Allah will not allow the good actions of the believers to go to waste, whether from the men or the women. And Allah says in the Quran:

Whosoever performs righteous deeds and is a believer — whether male or female — then We will give them a goodly life. That is something that Allah gave and afforded to the people.

The Bond of Iman and the Sanctity of Marriage

The companions understood this. They understood that Allah is speaking about them in the Quran, giving them their rights, making them equal to men. Not only that, but then the bond of Islam and Iman comes in. That's their basic dignity — that's their human rights that they have. But then Islam brings an added sense of honor and dignity, makes things sacred. Our bond together as Muslim brothers and sisters — the thing that unites us, our Iman and belief in Allah — it adds another layer of rights, adds another layer of sanctity and honor.

When Allah describes the believers in the Quran He says:

The believing men and the believing women are protectors and allies one to another — not just that the men are protectors of one another, but the men and the women mutually are protectors and allies of one another. Sheikh Abdur-Rahman ibn Sa'di — the teacher of Sheikh Ibn 'Uthaymin — in his tafsir of this verse said that it means that the men and the women are equal in terms of the way that they should have that mutual love and care and protection for one another.

That's just as your Muslim fellow sister or brother — when that man came to the Prophet ﷺ in that famous hadith, wanting to commit zina and adultery, and he wanted to seek permission from the Prophet ﷺ that he should be allowed to commit zina — the Prophet ﷺ played upon his sense of Iman, that bond that Allah has placed between us. He said to him: "Would you prefer that someone did this to your mother? To your wife? To your sister? To your daughter?" And he said: "No." Because that is the way that we treat our fellow Muslims — as if they are our real brothers, our real sisters, our real mothers, our real daughters. This is the bond that Islam places upon us.

That is the sanctity that Allah gives. And then Allah adds a further layer of sanctity and a further measure of honor — and that is that sacred bond of marriage that Allah has legislated for this ummah. As Allah says in the Quran:

And from the signs of Allah is that He created for you your spouses so that you may live with them in peace and harmony and tranquility. That is the whole point of marriage — that the bond between the husband and the wife is a bond which mutually, for one another, it brings to the other person a sense of peace and contentment.

In a world that is full of noise — you go out and you work, you're busy, and the woman goes on and she has all of this drama that plays around in society: the media, our communities, even extended families and friends, all of that stuff that goes on — but then when you come home you know that you have someone there that will bring to you a sense of tranquility, a sense of peace. When the Prophet ﷺ would go out and he would face the oppression and tyranny of Quraysh, who would he come back home to and seek solace and contentment from — after Allah — it was his wife Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her).

وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً — Allah says that He placed between you mercy and compassion. That is what Islam did. It is an added layer of sanctity and honor within the bonds of marriage.

Domestic Violence: A Persistent Reality

But despite all of this, it is still very prevalent within our society, within our communities — and it is very rarely spoken of, because it is somewhat of a taboo subject. Domestic violence is still very common, very prevalent. Men — and sometimes it is women as well, but most likely and most generally — men beating their wives. And I don't mean a small hit — I mean physically beating their wives, leaving scars, breaking bones, to the extent that they have to go into hospital. It is something common.

The United Nations did a worldwide study — an international study — and they found that 40% of women at some time within their lifetime will be subject to domestic abuse. What is domestic abuse and violence? It is not some stranger on the road cursing your wife, or swearing, or spitting at her because she is a Muslim or because she is wearing a hijab and a jilbab — no. Domestic violence is when a husband, a father, a son, a brother — someone that is the closest person to them in terms of relationship — they are the perpetrators of their abuse and their violence. It is their own family members, it is their own husbands that should be looking after them, their own family members that should be providing and protecting them — they are the people who are performing this violence.

A study was done in the United States of America that said that every 25 seconds a woman is subject to domestic abuse and violence — every 25 seconds within that country alone. Only last year in the UK, nearly 2 million people were subject to domestic violence and abuse. It is something which is still common.

The Cycle of Abuse

The Prophet ﷺ understood how dangerous an issue this is — not only because it involves oppression, but because it is a cycle. People who normally abuse are people who are generally victims of abuse themselves. They were people who either saw their parents, or their father, abusing their mother when they were young — they grew up with that same mentality — or they were the victims of abuse themselves, so now they become the perpetrator when they are in that position of power and responsibility. It is a cycle that doesn't break. The Prophet ﷺ understood this, and he placed within the companions a sense of dignity and honor in the way that they treat their womenfolk.

The Example of Ali and Fatimah

One of the most famous hadith that you will read about the life of the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ — Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) — with her husband Ali (may Allah be pleased with him), is when they had a dispute and an argument between them. And that's common in marriages — yes, you have disagreements, yes, you have disputes, yes, you disagree and you have issues that come up between you. It is the way that you deal with them that Islam has legislated.

They had a disagreement, they had an argument, they became upset with one another. Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) became upset and he left the house — didn't make his wife leave the house, didn't make his wife take his children and leave. He left the house. The Prophet ﷺ came and visited later on, and he said to Fatimah: "Where is Ali? Where is your husband?" She said: "O Messenger of Allah, there was between me and him an argument. He became upset and he left." So the Prophet ﷺ said to one of the companions: "Go and search for him." And he came back and said: "O Messenger of Allah, he is in the masjid." The Prophet ﷺ went to the masjid. He found him sleeping — sleeping on the dirt in the masjid. And because he was sleeping in the sand and the dirt of the masjid, his face and his clothing had dirt and dust on it. So the Prophet ﷺ woke him up and said: "Stand up, O father of dust!"

Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) used to say that from all of the names, the titles, the nicknames that he was given, the most beloved to him was that name — the father of dust — because of how the Prophet ﷺ gave it to him. That is how things changed in their society. That's how they used to deal with their issues.

Myths and Misunderstandings About Domestic Violence

Myth 1: It Is Rare Among Muslims

From amongst the greatest of those myths and misunderstandings is that it is rare amongst Muslims — that these statistics of the UN and the US and the UK and all of these countries are about the non-Muslims, about people who don't believe in Allah, who don't understand the Quran and the Sunnah. And that is a great myth. It is as common within our communities as it is amongst the non-Muslims. It is common even amongst people who are practicing — people who have beards, people who pray, people who offer their Salah — people who, if you were to meet them in public, you would think: "This person is very nice, he has good character, seems like a good brother." But then at home, those same people are the people who are beating their wives, and sometimes their children.

It is common. Even in the studies of the UK, it is said that within the ethnicity of the Indian subcontinent — Pakistan, India, Bangladesh — those kinds of ethnicities, where a great number of those people will be Muslim, two calls are received every single day to the police just from that community alone because of domestic violence and abuse. Within parts of this country — and that study, if I'm not mistaken, was somewhere like Scotland, where the number of Muslims in the population is less than the rest of the UK. It is something which is common.

Myth 2: It's Just a Marital Dispute or Part of Their Culture

One of those misunderstandings and myths that we have is that it's an issue between husband and wife — an issue of misunderstanding. The man lost his temper. It's something part of their culture, it's how they used to do things back home. But what needs to be said, and is an important issue as the Prophet ﷺ stressed to his companions, is that it is not an issue of culture. It is something which is haram and not allowed in Islam. So irrespective of what they did back home, it doesn't make it right. Irrespective of your culture and the norms of your family, it doesn't make it right. Irrespective of what you may think or how you may try to justify it, it doesn't make it right.

In Islam, every form of oppression, as we know, is something which is haram.

Myth 3: Justifying Domestic Violence With Islam

The greatest of those myths and the most dangerous are those people who will beat their wives and their children and then try to justify it with Islam — saying it's part of the rights that Allah gave to them, something which Allah legislated and sanctioned in the Quran, something which the Prophet ﷺ allowed within his Sunnah and in his lifetime. Those people will take and cherry-pick one word from the Quran — a single word — or they will take a single incident from the life of the Prophet ﷺ and exclude the rest of the Quran and the Sunnah. And that's what people often do when they want to justify their behavior when it goes against Islam — people who are extremists, terrorists, all of them; people who are liberals — everyone justifies Islam by cherry-picking parts of the Quran and the Sunnah and saying that it's part of our religion.

It is not part of our religion. Domestic violence and abuse is not something which is tolerated or accepted in Islam. There is no verse in the Quran that allows domestic violence and abuse. No single scholar of Islam in the history of 1,400 years ever said that it's allowed for you to beat your wives and your children like this.

Our Prophet ﷺ said in the hadith of Abdullah ibn Zam'ah, collected in Sahih al-Bukhari:

"Why does one of you come and beat his wife like she is an animal, and then expect to go to bed with her at night — to sleep with her at night?"

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5204)

It's not something which is allowed in Islam — that a person would come and treat their wives in that way, beat them the way that they would beat their animals. And by the way, we know in our religion that even those animals have rights. It's not allowed for you to harm your animal in that way. It's not allowed for you to break the bones of an animal, to whip the animal to such an extent that you leave scarring on its body, to harm it in such a way that you deprive it of food or security or anything else. It's not allowed in Islam. But the Prophet ﷺ is giving this example: that people sometimes treat their own womenfolk like they would treat an animal — and then at the same time they expect them to extend love and emotion and affection and care. How is that possible? How does that even work?

Physical and Emotional Abuse

The Prophet ﷺ spoke in his community about this issue because it is an extremely important issue, and it's something that we need to also become aware of. Not only is it in terms of physical abuse — which is something which is common and easier to quantify and qualify because you have markings and so on (and by the way, all of these statistics that I've mentioned to you are estimates, because the cases that probably go unreported are much more than those that are reported, especially within our communities, within our families, within our society as Muslims — it is such a taboo issue that you probably don't even hear the extent of what's going on) — our Prophet ﷺ didn't just speak about the physical violence and abuse that is carried out. He even spoke about the emotional side of this — emotional, psychological abuse — which is often done in such a way that the woman is made to feel like she's worthless, she doesn't have any self-esteem left, any self-confidence left, because of the way that her husband will speak to her and treat her every single day, and so she becomes programmed like this, she's in this difficult situation.

The Prophet ﷺ, speaking to the men concerning the rights of their wives, said:

Don't demean or belittle her. The word تُقَبِّحْ comes from the literal word in the Arabic language of قَبِيح — qabeeh means ugly. Don't make her feel uglier about herself. That's the literal meaning. Don't belittle her, don't demean her, don't take away from her her self-worth.

That was the way of Jahiliyyah. That's how they used to view their women, and that's why they were then able to beat them in that way — able to bury their daughters alive within the ground, wouldn't even kill them, bury them alive and throw dust and mud on top of them until they suffocated — because in their eyes, they're worthless anyway, they don't mean anything. In our religion, Allah gave us equal honor — men and women. We have equal paths to Islam.

Our Collective Responsibility

Our role — especially as Muslims — is to look out for one another, to help one another. So when we see oppression within our communities, when it's a problem within our families, amongst our friends, it's something that needs to be spoken about, something that all of us need to be made aware of. It's something that needs to be on our radar, so that when it happens to someone that we know — whether that person is the perpetrator or the victim — we know that we need to step in and do something about it.

We ask Allah that He protects us and our families, and that Allah allows us to understand Islam and to act upon it truly, and that Allah improves our character and makes us from those people who have beautiful character.

Second Khutbah

The Right to Walk Away From Oppression

One of those myths that we have about domestic abuse and domestic violence — and it's something which often those people who are suffering that domestic abuse are made to feel — is that they feel that they are somewhat responsible for the situation that they're in. We often think: "Why don't they leave?" We often think: "Why don't they just walk away?" Or if they do want to leave or walk away, we make them feel guilty about it. We make them feel like they're doing something wrong by breaking apart their family.

The purpose of this khutbah is not to break someone's marriage or their family apart. But the purpose of the khutbah is to tell everyone that oppression isn't allowed in Islam — it's not justified under any shape or form — and therefore if a person is in that situation of oppression and they try to rectify it, and it's not something which can be rectified, then it is within their rights as a Muslim to walk away from their marriage, to say: "I'm not going to stand for it." And they are not responsible in any way.

This is something even if that person isn't practicing — anyone in any marriage, irrespective of their religion, or irrespective of their Iman or their practicingness — it is something which is their right. But especially when that person is a practicing Muslim and you find that this is their character, it is their right — that victim — to walk away.

The Duty to Intervene

I also want to say that we as a community, we as people — every single one of us, I think, within this masjid today — will know someone who is suffering from domestic violence, someone that we suspect is having problems in their marriage because of domestic violence, either because they are the perpetrator or because they are the victim. It is our family members, our friends, our parents, our children — these are the people that are doing this.

And so if you know someone that is the perpetrator and you can step in — you have that authority, you have that influence — it is your duty as a Muslim to do so. Not just something which is an option, something which is recommended, something which if you feel like doing it. It is your duty to step in and to stop that oppression. Our Prophet ﷺ told us:

"Help your brother whether they are the oppressor or the oppressed." He was asked: "O Messenger of Allah, if they are oppressed we understand — but how do we help the oppressor?" He said: "Stop their oppression." If you can stop that oppression, it is your duty as a Muslim to do so.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2444)

The Prophet's ﷺ Du'a for the Orphans and the Women

I want to leave you with the final hadith that is collected in Sahih Muslim, in which the Prophet ﷺ made a du'a — but it is a du'a in which he is stressing to his ummah and his community the importance of the rights of this group of people. He said: "Oh Allah, I implore to You the rights of these two groups of people — the orphans and the women."

(Sahih Muslim, Book 13, Hadith 1619)

The scholars of Islam, when they come to this hadith, say: why did the Prophet ﷺ mention the orphans and the women in the same hadith? One of the reasons that they gave is because orphans normally have no one to look after them — they have no one to protect them, they have no one to love them, they have no one to look after their interests, because their parents have passed away and they have no other family. A woman, oftentimes when she marries into a different family, she doesn't have that same strong connection with her own family — maybe she's moved to a different city or even a different country — she doesn't have that same bond where her parents can look out for her the way that they did when she was under their care. So in many ways she also needs that care and protection, that love and affection.

The Prophet ﷺ made this du'a to Allah: "Oh Allah, I beseech You and implore to You the rights of these two people." These rights are extremely serious in Islam. The scholars of Islam of the past used to say that we don't mind whichever sin we face Allah with, so long as it's not oppression to another person. Any sin between you and Allah — you turn to Allah and ask for forgiveness — inshallah Allah will forgive you. But a sin in which you oppress others is not just about Allah's forgiveness. It is about the rights of those people who have been oppressed, and people are not so forgiving. Those people who are victims of abuse will have their day — whether in this life or the next — and Allah will give them justice, whether in this life or the next.

We need to ensure that it's not us and our family members — the people that we live and care for — that are the perpetrators or the victims of that abuse.

We ask Allah that He protects our families and communities, that Allah guides us to what is good and prevents us from what is evil, that Allah keeps us safe from the traps of Shaytan, that Allah helps those who are being abused and those who are being oppressed and gives them strength, and that Allah gives them the ability to find that strength and courage to come out of their situation. We ask Allah that He stops the oppression of the oppressors, and that Allah makes us all firm and united upon the Quran and the Sunnah.