Having Empathy for Others - Shaykh Aqeel Mahmood

Khutbah: Having Empathy for Others

Praise be to Allah. We praise Him, seek His help, and seek His forgiveness. And we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds.

Whom Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whom He misguides, none can guide him. And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, with no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.

O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared. And you will not die except as Muslims.

O you who have believed, fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul, and created from it its mate. And He spread among them many men and women. And fear Allah, whom you ask about, and the wombs. Indeed, Allah is ever watching over you.

O you who have believed, fear Allah and say the right words. He will amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has won a great victory.

As for what follows, the best of speech is the Book of Allah. And the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him.

Empathy vs. Sympathy

Brothers and sisters, I wanted to talk to you today about empathy. The words empathy and sympathy are words which sound similar, and their meanings are similar, although there is a slight difference between the two.

Sympathy, when you show sympathy to somebody else, is feeling compassion for someone — for someone's situation, for someone's predicament. Feeling sorry for them, and their state, and whatever it is that they're going through.

Empathy, on the other hand, is recognizing, understanding, and sharing the feelings that somebody's going through — namely, putting yourself in that person's shoes. As if those very same things were happening to you. So when you put yourself in that person's shoes, you're imagining how you would feel if you were there — in his place, experiencing what he's experiencing, hearing whatever it is that he's hearing, going through whatever it is that he's going through.

And when you have this sense of empathy, brothers and sisters, you want to help that person more than if you just had sympathy. Because sympathy is simply just feeling sorry for somebody. When you have empathy, you're putting yourself in that person's shoes. And knowing how that person feels, because you're empathizing with him, you want to do more for them. You're more proactive in helping that person — brother or sister, husband or wife, mother or father, friend or neighbor — go through, alongside you, that trial or predicament that they're going through.

The Believers Are Like One Body

In fact, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ told us in a hadith about how the believers are towards one another. And he gave a beautiful example of the believers:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6011; Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 84)

The example of the believers between one another — in their love, in their mercy, in their compassion for each other — is like the example of a body. When one part of the body feels pain, the whole body ends up feeling pain and the whole body is affected — with fever and sleeplessness.

Meaning when one part of your body feels pain, the rest of the body experiences that pain. Even if that pain is on a tiny part of your body — if it's a paper cut on your fingertips, for example. The whole body feels that pain. There are some actions you're not able to do, things you're not able to touch or pick up, because of that small amount of pain — but it's affecting your whole body. It's affecting your way of life, the way you do things. And when a person is suffering from a pain, sometimes he can't sleep.

And this example which the Messenger of Allah ﷺ has given us shows us that when a person is going through something, the way we should feel is such that if we were sleeping, it's on our minds what that person is going through — so much so that we can't even sleep. This is empathy. This can only happen if a person has empathy with another individual, when he's empathizing with them, putting himself in another person's shoes.

The Empathy of the Prophet ﷺ

Of course, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was from the greatest people who showed empathy towards others. And Allah told us about how he would have empathy for his fellow Muslim brothers and sisters:

Verily, a Messenger has come to you — it is grievous to him what you go through, what you suffer. Whenever he saw a companion suffering, it affected him, it hurt him, because he had this empathy for his companions, may Allah be pleased with them all. He is someone who has care and concern over you. With the believers, he has love and mercy — he shows love and mercy towards those who are around him.

The Tribe of Mudar

And when we look at the seerah, brothers and sisters, we'll notice many examples of how the Messenger of Allah ﷺ would show empathy towards others. And sometimes he would react and help people before they even said anything, because he understood what they were going through — he would see their state, he would see their condition. They wouldn't have to ask. He would be proactive in helping them.

Once, a companion said: we were with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ in Medina, in the early hours of the morning. And a group of people came wandering into the city. These people were barefooted, and they were so skinny their skin was attached and clung to their bones — like they hadn't eaten for days. They had rags and torn garments draped over their bodies, which weren't covering their awrah. And they had swords wrapped around their necks because they had no bags or anything to carry their possessions in.

As soon as the Messenger of Allah ﷺ saw this, his face changed. He stood up and he told Bilal, may Allah be pleased with him, to give the adhan, because it was the time for Salah. And then when the iqamah was called, he led the Muslims in prayer. And after the prayer, he stood up and he advised and told the companions to give whatever they could give for these people — for this tribe who had come, and they were from the tribe of Mudar.

And so the companions, after the Salah, rushed into their homes. They came back with food and with money, and whatever they could gather. To the extent that there were piles of food and piles of clothing in front of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. And when he saw this, he relaxed. The companions saw contentment on his face, and he was happy, because they had responded and reacted in the correct way.

But when we look at this incident, brothers and sisters — simply looking at their state, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ understood what condition they were in. He never waited for them to ask. Many times we see people in difficult circumstances, in harsh situations, in times of poverty — we know they're struggling. There may be homeless people on the street. We know they're going through times of difficulty. But we turn the other way. We may ignore them, we may not turn to them and wish to help them — unless maybe they ask, and then maybe we'll consider it.

Empathy for His Enemies — The Battle of Uhud

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ would even show empathy towards those who weren't friendly towards him — to his own enemies, even those who fought him in battle. At the Battle of Uhud, the situation became so severe for the Muslims that one of the enemy soldiers struck an arrow, and it flew into the air and landed in the face of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, piercing through his cheek and breaking one of his teeth. And when the companions saw this, they thought the Messenger of Allah ﷺ had been killed. The non-Muslims shouted out:

"Muhammad has been killed! Muhammad has been killed!" And eventually when they realized he was still alive, they rushed towards him in anger. They said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ: "O Messenger of Allah, make du'a against these people. Look at what they're doing to you. Make du'a against them, that Allah punishes them." And so the Messenger of Allah ﷺ raised his hands, looked up into the heavens, and said:

"O Allah, forgive my people, because they don't know. They don't understand. They don't know what they're doing. They're ignorant — they don't know about Islam, they don't know about the truth. O Allah, forgive them. Overlook their faults."

And this was towards his enemies who were physically attacking him. Not only does this show his empathy — he's putting himself in their situation, understanding the amount of rage and anger that they're feeling. They're thinking this man is the one who's splitting up Quraysh and splitting up the Arabs, whereas in fact he was uniting the Muslims — uniting not just the Arabs but people from other nationalities and other countries and other continents. But from their perspective, he could understand. He had empathy. Even though they were his enemies, and even though they were wrong, he would make du'a for them.

Empathy for Animals

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ would even show empathy towards animals. Once he went into a garden and he saw a camel — very thin and very weak. And the camel was sobbing, making a sobbing sound. And when the Messenger of Allah ﷺ saw it, he went up to it and he started to cry — crying because of how he saw this camel behaving, because of the state of the camel. An animal, not even a human being. And he went up to the camel and started to pat and stroke its head. Then he called the owner of the camel and told him: "Don't you fear Allah about this beast that Allah has put in your possession? This camel is complaining to me that you keep it hungry and you overload it."

This was the empathy of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ — empathy to his enemies, empathy to his companions, empathy to the poor and to the needy, empathy even to animals. Understanding where they come from. When you understand where someone is coming from and their position, you can help them more effectively.

Shortening the Prayer for a Crying Baby

Another incident shows us how empathetic the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was when he was leading the companions in Salah. While he was reciting during the prayer, a baby started to cry and scream. And when this baby started to cry, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ shortened the prayer — shortening the prayer because of a baby crying.

And when he finished the prayer, he turned around and told the companions: "I started the prayer and I wanted to make it long, I wanted to prolong it. And then I heard the crying of this baby, the crying of this infant. So I made my prayer short because I know the distress caused as a result of this baby crying to its mother."

Empathy to the mother — praying in the masjid, making the effort to come with her baby in difficult circumstances, wishing to pray behind the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. And when she starts praying, her baby starts to cry. And sometimes when we hear babies crying in Salah, we tend to think: where is the father, where is the mother? Why don't they take control of their children? This isn't a place to bring your children. You should control them. I can't even focus on my Salah anymore. Yet the Messenger of Allah ﷺ ended up shortening his prayer because he understands the mother's perspective — he has empathy for the mother. The mother in that situation might be thinking: what's happened to my baby? The baby was fine a minute ago. Why is he or she crying? Maybe they've been hurt. Maybe something fell on them.

So when we see this empathy that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ shows — not just to his enemies, not just to his companions, not just to animals, but also within the family unit — things that we tend to neglect: our parents, our siblings, our spouses, our children, and the whole community around us. When he heard the crying of the baby, he shortened the prayer, understanding the perspective of the mother and the distress she might be going through. She doesn't want to leave the prayer because she's praying behind the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. And so instead, he accommodates — he shortens the prayer so that the mother can turn to her baby and tend to the baby's needs.

The Companions Learning Empathy

All of these examples, brothers and sisters, show us the empathy of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. And the companions learned from him — they would have empathy towards one another.

Umar and Abu Sufyan

Umar, may Allah be pleased with him — when they were about to liberate Mecca, Al-Abbas was coming into the camp with Abu Sufyan, the leader of the enemy, who had covered his face so nobody would recognize him. When they approached the tent of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was there, and straight away he noticed Abu Sufyan. He stood up and said: "Abu Sufyan — alhamdulillah, the one who has brought you to me without me having to do anything. This war is over. Allah has brought you to me — this is a favor from Allah."

So Al-Abbas told him: "Take it easy — calm down. He's under my protection. I'm taking him inside the tent of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ." And while they were going inside, Umar and Al-Abbas quarreled. And Al-Abbas became angry and said: "Umar, if this was somebody from your own tribe, you wouldn't be behaving like this. You wouldn't be threatening to kill him."

So this tribal mentality came in — and Al-Abbas was someone who had just recently accepted Islam. When Umar heard this, he took a step back, surprised and shocked. And he said: "Take it easy, Al-Abbas. For by Allah, the day that you accepted Islam was more beloved to me than if my own father had accepted Islam — because of how much happiness it gave to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ that you, his uncle, became a Muslim."

So Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, understood what made the Messenger of Allah ﷺ happy and sad. Sometimes the Messenger of Allah ﷺ would cry, and the companions would say: "O Messenger of Allah, tell us why you're crying so we can cry with you — so we can understand why you're crying as well." Because they wanted to understand and have empathy, especially for the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.

Abu Bakr and the Liberation of Makkah

Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him — when they finally entered and liberated Makkah, his father was brought to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, very old in age, and he accepted Islam at the hands of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. And Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, looked sad and started to cry. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said to him: "Why are you crying? This is a happy occasion." He said: "O Messenger of Allah, what I would do to replace my own father with your uncle Abu Talib." What he would give to replace his own father, who had just become Muslim, with the Prophet's uncle Abu Talib — who was like a father to him — because Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, understood what made the Messenger of Allah ﷺ happy.

Second Part of the Khutbah

We were talking about empathy — and how empathy differs from sympathy, because sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, showing compassion to somebody who is going through something. And we said empathy is of a higher level, because empathy is when you understand the feelings that a person is going through — putting yourself in another person's shoes. And when you do this, you're feeling that sadness, you're feeling that embarrassment, you're feeling that anger. And when you have those same feelings that that person has, you want to do whatever you can to help them.

We gave examples from the life of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ — when he would show empathy and compassion to those around him: the mothers of babies, the companions who were poor, his own enemies, even animals. When we reflect, brothers and sisters, on our own state, we have to ask ourselves: how much empathy do we show? How much do we actually put ourselves in another person's shoes? What exactly is it that they're going through? How exactly are they feeling? If I was in that situation, how would I feel? And how would I like others to treat me, and help me?

Empathy in Everyday Life

The Homeless Person

If we look, for example, at the homeless person — doesn't it ever cross your mind how this person ended up on the street? About his story, what made him go from being in a home, possibly with a job, maybe with a family, and then ending up on the streets? What exactly happened?

Brothers and sisters, when we talk about homeless people, we will be severely misunderstood if we thought this issue only affects non-Muslims. There are many Muslims who are poor, and many Muslims who are suffering from homelessness — because these societal issues affect non-Muslims and also Muslims.

When we see a homeless person, maybe he had a family, maybe he lost his job, maybe he was sick — maybe as a result of his sickness he couldn't work, and then he couldn't pay the bills, he couldn't pay the rent for his home, his family left him, he became homeless, he was evicted, and he has nowhere else to go. And so out of desperation he has to sit on the ground, asking other people for food, asking other people for money.

Can you just imagine being in a situation where you are sitting, and that embarrassment, that humiliation of asking somebody for a pound, for some change — "Can you spare some change please?" Many of us have heard this. And then on top of this humiliation, somebody completely ignoring you, not even looking at you, as if you don't even exist. How would this person think? How would he behave? How would he react? His morale would go all the way down — it wasn't high in the first place. And he would think to himself: "If I killed myself right now, nobody would realize. Nobody would miss me. I'm not very significant in society."

So putting yourself in another person's situation — having empathy for others — makes us want to help other people.

Empathy Within the Family

As family members, recognizing what our spouses go through. When a person works to provide for his family and he comes home, and his spouse is nagging, arguing, not giving the person any rest. Or the wife at home, taking care of the children — something which is looked down upon in society today. One of the most praiseworthy things a woman could do is to raise children to be righteous individuals, with the correct tarbiyah. When she's in that situation, taking care of a number of children — one, two, three, four children — tiring herself out: feeding, clothing, teaching, educating them. And then the husband comes home and just starts complaining about how the house looks. Not recognizing, not empathizing with her — not realizing her state and her situation, and what she's been going through with the children all day.

Empathy for Our Neighbors

When we reflect on our neighbors — when they're quarreling with their family members, when there are signs of sadness on their face. How many times do we reflect on their situation? They don't have a car. They're old in age. Nobody comes to see them. How difficult it must be for them to make ends meet.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ told us:

(Al-Adab al-Mufrad, al-Bukhari, Hadith 112; also reported in Al-Mustadrak, al-Hakim)

He is not a true believer — the one who eats till he's full while his neighbor is hungry.

So when we reflect, brothers and sisters, there are many people that we tend to think are better off than us, or we tend to reflect on our own state but we fail to reflect on how other people are coping — what other people are going through.

Allah Helps Those Who Help Others

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ told us:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 35, Hadith 6853)

Allah helps the slave so long as the slave helps his fellow Muslim brother or sister. You're going through a family issue, a financial problem, you can't find work, you're suffering from a sickness — help others who are going through similar things. And Allah, your creator, your sustainer, will end up helping you.

When we reflect on all these incidents, brothers and sisters, it shows us the importance of empathy — and how when you empathize with people, it increases the bond of brotherhood, it increases the love between one another. It increases your love with your spouse, with your family members, with your neighbors, with your friends, with your fellow Muslim brother and sister. It increases that compassion, that mercy. And then you want to help them more, because you wouldn't like to be in those situations yourself.

We ask Allah that He gives us the ability to show empathy to those who are around us, and to the believers, men and women, the living and the dead.

Indeed, Allah commands justice, and goodness, and giving to relatives, and He forbids immorality, and bad conduct, and oppression. He admonishes you, so that you may take heed.

So remember Allah, the Magnificent, the Majestic — He will remember you. And be grateful to Him for His blessings — He will increase you.