20170106-1st Khutba-Shaykh Arsalan

Opening — Khutbah al-Hajah

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ تَعَالَى نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَسْتَهْدِيهِ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ تَعَالَى مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ سَيِّدَنَا مُحَمَّدًا صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَصَفِيُّهُ وَخَلِيلُهُ بَلَّغَ الرِّسَالَةَ وَأَدَّى الْأَمَانَةَ وَنَصَحَ الْأُمَّةَ وَجَاهَدَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ حَقَّ جِهَادِهِ حَتَّى أَتَاهُ الْيَقِينُ

أَمَّا بَعْدُ، فَإِنَّ أَصْدَقَ الْحَدِيثِ كِتَابُ اللَّهِ وَخَيْرَ الْهَدْيِ هَدْيُ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَشَرَّ الْأُمُورِ مُحْدَثَاتُهَا وَكُلَّ مُحْدَثَةٍ بِدْعَةٌ وَكُلَّ بِدْعَةٍ ضَلَالَةٌ وَكُلَّ ضَلَالَةٍ فِي النَّارِ

Brothers and sisters, before I start with the topic for the khutbah I am reminded of the statement of the ulama: الْأَجْرُ عَلَى قَدْرِ الْمَشَقَّةِ — that rewards are given according to the amount of hardship that we endure in obeying Allah azzawajal. The more difficult it is for us to obey Allah azzawajal, the more reward. And as the weather is becoming more and more difficult outside, I pray to Allah azzawajal to multiply our rewards for coming here to worship Him.

The Prophet as Our Role Model in Family Life

That indeed in the Messenger of Allah is the best example for you to follow — for those of you who hope to meet Allah, who hope to meet Him on the Last Day, and whoever remembers Allah much.

Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam is our role model in every aspect of our lives — in the way that we worship Allah, in the way that we conduct ourselves in the masjid, the way that we dress, the way that we obey Allah azzawajal. But not just in the masjid — at work, at home. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam is our role model in the way that we conduct ourselves with our family as well.

Insha'Allah, today what I would like to do is look at a few elements from the life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam in how he conducted himself with his family, because Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam said to us: the best of you are those who are the best to their families.

(Sunan al-Tirmidhī, Hadith 3895; also recorded in Sunan Ibn Mājah, Hadith 1977)

There are four elements that I would like to look at from the life of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam so that we can learn how to build a prophetic household, how to build a prophetic family — how can we have a family at home that mimics the family of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam.

Element One: Worship at Home

The first element is worship. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam worshipped Allah azzawajal at the masjid, but he also worshipped Allah at home. At home, he set the example to inspire others from his family to follow. And we have to do the same thing. We come to the masjid and we worship Allah, but we also have to be worshipping Allah at home. We have to take the initiative to do that, and we have to set that example to inspire other members of our family to follow.

Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam would wake up from his bed in the middle of the night and ask permission from his wife to worship Allah next to her — next to her bed, he would do that. He sometimes would also wake up his family to worship with him, and he also encouraged us to do that with our spouses.

But often times what happens with us is that we are waiting for the other side to take the initiative. The husband is waiting for the wife and the wife is waiting for the husband to take that initiative. We have to take the initiative. We have to set the tone. We have to set the example. We have to move forward if we want to build a prophetic family and a prophetic household.

One of the salaf by the name of Abdurrahman ibn Thabit, may Allah have mercy on him, used to say:

"The houses in which the Qur'an is recited shine for the people of the sky as the stars shine for the people of the earth. And the houses in which the Qur'an is not recited become constricted for the family — they invite the devils and push away the angels. Indeed the emptiest of homes are those deprived of the Book of Allah."

Sometimes we wonder why there are so many problems in our homes, why there is so much conflict, why there is so much darkness. Perhaps this is an answer to that. Do we recite the Qur'an at home? Is the Qur'an recited in our home? Do our children see us reciting the Qur'an, or are we simply telling them to recite the Qur'an? Do they see us, as parents, engaged in the worship of Allah and in the recitation of the Qur'an at home — or all they see is us flipping through the channels of the TV, or going through the newsfeed on our phones, or browsing the internet on the computer?

Again, we keep waiting for somebody else in the family to take the initiative so that we can be inspired. We need to take the initiative. We need to inspire others.

So that is the first element of the prophetic household — it was a household of worship, led by the example of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam.

Element Two: Adab — Respect, Kindness, and Humility

The second element is adab — which is an attitude of respect, kindness, and humility towards another person. Let's be honest, brothers and sisters. Many of us, if not most of us, have very poor adab at home. We are rude, we are short-tempered. We may have very beautiful adab in the masjid, or at work, or at the store, or in front of the police — but at home, many of us show very poor adab.

And yet the way that we conduct ourselves at home is what really counts, because again Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam said:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhī, Hadith 3895; also recorded in Sunan Ibn Mājah, Hadith 1977)

He did not say "the best of you are those who are the best with their brothers and sisters in the masjid," or "those who are the best with the authorities," or "with strangers," or "with people of other faiths." He said: "the best of you are those who are the best to their families — and I am the best of you to my family."

We have to show beautiful adab to our family — to our spouses, to our parents of course, and even to our children. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam — even the way that he dealt with his own children was full of adab. His youngest daughter Fatima, radhiallahu ta'ala anha — it is related that when she would enter a place where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam was sitting, he would stand up for her to greet her, then kiss her between her eyes, and then seat her down in the place where he was sitting. And he was khayru khalqillah — the best of creation — sallallahu alayhi wasallam. He did not think, "I am the old man, the old father, and I don't do that for my child." He did that in front of others for his youngest child, who was a girl, who was a daughter — Fatima, radhiallahu ta'ala anha. That is adab.

The way that he would help out around the house — he would milk the sheep, and he would sew his own clothes, and he would fix his own sandals. When he would come home after a hard day of jihad, of working fee sabeelillah, of debating with the mushrikeen, with so much work to do — he does not recline on a chair, put one foot on top of the other, and order his wives and children around: "do this, do that," because he is tired. If anybody was entitled to do that, it was him. But he did not do that.

Rather, by the testimony of his own wife, when she was asked what he would be doing when he came home, she said:

(Sahih al-Bukhārī, Hadith 676)

That he would be serving his family at home. And this was said by his own wife after his death — lest anybody might think that she said it because she was afraid of him. After he had died, this is the testimony of one who knows. Why would he do that? Because of adab towards his wives. He believed, he realised, and he wanted to teach us that we need to help out at home. Yes, we may have had a hard time during the day outside — but people at home have also been working hard in their own ways. And this is part of adab with our family members.

After the Battle of Khaybar, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam married Safiyya, who was a convert from a Jewish family. When it was time for the Muslims to go back to Medina and it was time for everybody to mount their animals, Safiyya had to mount a camel — and it is difficult to mount a camel by yourself, especially for a lady. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam helps her in front of everybody. He doesn't care. He kneels down, puts his knees on the ground in front of his wife, so that she can step on his blessed thigh and mount the camel. That is adab. This is the best of creation — kneeling on the dirt of the desert to help his wife mount the animal — while most of us, many of us, find it difficult to even open the door for our wives.

And Safiyya, radhiallahu ta'ala anha, also reciprocated with beautiful adab. She did not step with the bottom of her foot on the noble thigh of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wasallam, her husband — but rather she placed her shin on his thigh and then pushed herself up and jumped to mount the camel. Again — beautiful adab between a husband and a wife. And this is what we need to emulate, brothers and sisters.

Element Three: Genuine Interest in Family Members

We are going over some examples from the family life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam to see how we can take him as a role model in developing a prophetic home, a prophetic family, and a prophetic household inside our own homes. We are looking at four elements from his example. The first was worship — the fact that he worshipped at home with his family and instituted that as a practice for us to emulate. Number two was adab — showing adab to the members of our family and reciprocating adab with adab.

The third element that I want to highlight is genuine interest — taking a genuine interest in what our family members are doing and going through. Our wife, our husbands if we're women, our children — even our in-laws. We shouldn't say, "Oh, I don't like my wife's family so I don't want to hear what they're going through." I may or may not like my wife's family, but the thing is that they are her family, and therefore what they go through concerns her — and since it is a concern for her, I need to show genuine interest in that which is a concern for her.

It might be that our family members — our spouses, our children — they may be interested in something that we have no interest in. But the fact that it is a matter of interest to them means we need to show interest in it.

Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam — when he married his wife Aisha, she was a very young girl and he was an older man. Naturally, what interests a young girl is different from what interests an older man. So Aisha, radhiallahu ta'ala anha, at that age especially, likes to have some fun, likes to race. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam has no interest in these things — he has many important things to do. But when he is alone with his wife Aisha, he indulges her in that. He races with her multiple times, as is recorded in the books of hadith, to show genuine interest in what pleases his wife.

During the days of Eid, people are celebrating and there is a show put together by the Abyssinians who are performing in front of some companions and entertaining them. Aisha, radhiallahu ta'ala anha, wants to observe the show. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam obviously finds more enjoyment in other things — he said, "My recreation, the coolness of my heart, is in salah." But his wife would like to see the show. So he goes with her. He accompanies her and helps her watch what the Abyssinians are doing — until she is satisfied.

We need to take a genuine interest in what our spouses and our children are going through — what's going on in their lives. We need to take an interest in the lives of our children — not just their grades, not just their grades — but their lives: what they like, what they don't like, what interests them, what they do during the day, what they think about, what they worry about. We need to take an interest in that.

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam did that — he took interest in the lives of children, even the children of others, not just his own children. When he visited his friend Abu Talha al-Ansari and his wife Umm Sulaym, and he found out that their little boy's pet bird had died and the boy was extremely sad because of that, he went up to the boy, sat down with him, talked to him, and tried to make him feel better. In that famous hadith he said:

(Sunan Abī Dāwūd, Hadith 4969; also recorded in Sunan al-Tirmidhī, Hadith 333)

What is this Prophet of Allah doing — talking to a child about a bird? Teaching us that we need to show genuine interest in the children in our families.

And of course the famous story of Umm Zara — when Aisha, radhiallahu ta'ala anha, sat down and told this long story to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam of eleven women talking about their husbands. It was a long story. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam listened to every word of that story and had a comment to make at the end of it which would bring delight to the heart of Aisha, radhiallahu ta'ala anha. He did not doze off while she was telling the story, did not fall asleep, did not get distracted by something else — and there were so many things he was concerned about. Why did he do that? Because he wanted to show genuine interest. This is his wife. This story is interesting to her. He wants to listen to it — it does not matter whether it interests him or not. He is going to make himself interested in it.

This is how we develop a prophetic family, a prophetic household, brothers and sisters.

Element Four: Education as a Family

The fourth element insha'Allah — and there is so much that can be said, but just for the purpose of this khutbah — is education. Not just focusing on the education of our children, but education as families. As families, we have to learn our deen. We have to take it seriously.

The way that we learn our deen is also important, because people nowadays go to two different extremes when it comes to learning the deen. One extreme to the left is to reject 1,400 years of scholarship and reinvent the wheel — to say we are going to go back to the original sources and reinterpret them according to our own intellect and our own passions and desires, because we know better than 1,400 years of ulama. That is one extreme.

The other extreme to the right is to simply take what scholars over 1,300 years have written, take that and regurgitate it, without paying attention to our circumstances and our unique situation.

These are two extremes, and we need to strike a balance between them. We need to learn the deen, and learn it and teach it and practice it properly — in a way that is balanced. We need to connect as families to traditional knowledge. We need to seek out opportunities to learn — not just send our kids to Sunday school while we hang out at the mall, or send our kids to hifz school while we are playing badminton or table tennis or whatever it is that we play. We as families — all of us — need to make an effort to learn our deen.

Because unfortunately, and again this is the truth, many of us have a lot of interest in the learning of children but we do not take enough interest in our own learning. Once we start doing that as families insha'Allah, then again we will bring another element of the family of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam into our households.

Closing

Indeed, as Allah azzawajal said:

That indeed in the Messenger of Allah is the best example for you to follow — in all aspects of your lives: in your worship, in your daily activities, and in the way that you develop your family.

May Allah azzawajal help us emulate his example. May Allah azzawajal return the love and affection in our homes. May Allah azzawajal reconcile our hearts. May Allah azzawajal remove the shaytan and the evil of shaytan from our homes. May Allah azzawajal make our households and our families ones that mimic the household of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam — so that our families be those that worship Allah together, that pray together, that traverse the path to Allah azzawajal together, that we motivate each other and inspire each other and help each other in what is righteous and what is obedience to Allah azzawajal.

قُومُوا إِلَى صَلَاتِكُمْ يَرْحَمُكُمُ اللَّهُ