20170609- 2nd Khutba- Shaykh Arsalan

Khutbah: Controlling Anger — A Quality of the People of Taqwa

Alhamdulillah, we praise Him, we ask His help, we ask His forgiveness and we ask His guidance. And we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, no one is misguided, and whom He misguides, no one is a guide for him.

And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, no partner for Him. And I bear witness that our master Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is His servant and Messenger, and His chosen one and His friend.

He conveyed the message, and fulfilled the trust, and advised the Ummah. And he strived in the cause of Allah for the truth of his Jihad, until the certainty came to him. O Allah, send blessings and peace upon our master Muhammad, and upon his pure good people and his righteous companions, and upon those who followed them with good till the Day of Recompense.

As for what follows: the most truthful speech is the Book of Allah, and the best guide is our master Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. And the worst of things are its innovations, and every innovation is an invention, and every invention is a misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.

O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared, and you will not die except as Muslims. O you people, fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul, and He created from it a wife, and He spread from it many men and women. And fear Allah, to whom you ask for mercy. Verily, Allah is watching over you.

Amma ba'd.

The Purpose of Fasting: Attaining Taqwa

Brothers and sisters, Allah says in the Qur'an:

O you who have faith, fasting has been prescribed upon you, as it was prescribed upon those who came before you, so that you may attain taqwa. The purpose of fasting, the goal, is to become people of taqwa.

And the qualities of the people of taqwa have been mentioned in different places of the Qur'an. One place in which Allah talks about the qualities of the people of taqwa is in Surah Āl-ʿImrān, when He says:

Allah says — what can roughly be translated as the following — Race with one another to earn the forgiveness of your Lord, and of Paradise whose expanse is as big as the heavens and the earth, which has been prepared for the people of taqwa.

And then Allah mentions a few qualities of the people of taqwa:

• First: الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ — These are people who spend for the sake of Allah, in prosperity and in adversity, regardless of whether the times are easy or difficult.
• Second: وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ — Those who control their anger.
• Third: وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ — Those who forgive one another.

وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ — And Allah loves those who treat each other with benevolence and excellence, with ihsan.

Last week, brothers and sisters, I spoke to you a little bit about the first quality of the people of taqwa that is mentioned in this ayah — that these are people who يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ, who spend in times of prosperity and in times of adversity. And I talked to you about the connection of spending fi sabilillah and fasting and developing taqwa. And I told you that today you will have an opportunity to spend for the sake of Allah towards your own masjid. So after Salatul Jum'ah today, you will have an opportunity to do that, insha'Allah, to practice what we learn, and to develop this aspect of taqwa which has to do with spending, with giving up something even though we love it, for the sake of Allah.

The Second Quality: Controlling Anger

But today, I want to talk to you about the second quality of the people of taqwa, which is that they are وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ — they are those who control their anger.

This is something that everybody can relate to. Sometimes people complain that the khutbahs are not relevant. Well, this is a khutbah that is relevant to every one of us, because every one of us, at one point in our life or another, has lost our temper. وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ — people of taqwa are those who control their anger.

The Hadith of "Lā Taghdab" — Do Not Get Angry

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrates that a man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he asked him: Yā Rasulallah, awṣinī — O Messenger of Allah, please give me some advice. He was looking for something profound, that one piece of advice that he could hold on to for the rest of his life to get close to Allah and attain Jannah.

So the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, gave him this profound advice in just two words:

Do not get angry. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6116)

The man found that insufficient — just two words. He was looking for a profound piece of advice. He asked again: Yā Rasulallah, awṣinī. And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, repeated: lā taghdab. And he kept asking, and he kept giving him the same advice: lā taghdab, lā taghdab, lā taghdab — do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry.

This hadith is related by Imam al-Bukhari in his Ṣaḥīḥ and other collections of hadith as well. Brothers and sisters, this is such a fundamental advice of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that Imam al-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy on him, includes it in his famous collection, al-Arbaʿūn al-Nawawiyyah. In the introduction of al-Arbaʿūn al-Nawawiyyah, Imam al-Nawawi says that he is going to put 42 hadith in this book that are the cornerstones of our faith — hadith that are in his opinion the most essential teachings of our deen, selected from thousands of ahadith. And the fact that he chose this hadith to be one of those 40 hadith shows that this is not a tertiary matter of our deen.

First of all, this is not a secular matter — this is a religious matter. This is a matter that dictates our happiness in this life and in the hereafter. And this is not just any matter of our deen; it is an essential, a fundamental issue of our deen — controlling anger. That is why he put this hadith, even though it is so short, in his collection of al-Arbaʿūn al-Nawawiyyah: do not get angry, do not lose your temper.

Avoiding the Wrath of Allah

In another hadith, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was asked:

O Messenger of Allah, what can keep me distant from the anger of Allah?

And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to him: lā taghdab — do not get angry yourself. This hadith is related by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad.

Because brothers and sisters, as we know, we are treated the way that we treat others — we reap what we sow. And if we do not control our anger with others, then Allah may unleash His anger upon us. May Allah protect all of us. And the way to avoid the anger of Allah is to control our anger with our family members, with the members of our household, with our co-workers, with our brothers and sisters in the masjid — especially in the month of Ramadan.

Because, as we said, Allah says that the whole point of fasting is to attain taqwa, and part of attaining taqwa is to control our anger. So if we fast from food and drink but we are upset and angry with our children, our spouses, our co-workers, our brothers and sisters in the masjid — then what kind of fasting are we doing?

And that is why the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said that when you are fasting and somebody comes to you and abuses you verbally — says something offensive, insults you, offends you in some way — do not react in a way that is ignorant. Do not say something vile, abusive, hurtful, or obscene. But remind yourself and remind the other person by saying: I am fasting, I am fasting, I am fasting. Meaning that I am exercising self-restraint in this month. I am controlling myself from anger, especially in this month. So I am not going to retort back, I am not going to react, and I am not going to lose my temper.

It is especially important in Ramadan. It becomes a test in Ramadan — even though Shaytan is not there, it should be easier for us to control our temper, and it is if we make an attempt. But it becomes more difficult in Ramadan because we are hungry and thirsty, we get agitated and irritated. But that is where the test lies from Allah — to see whether we are just going to be patient against our desire for food and drink, or also patient from these kinds of things.

Anger: A Burning Coal in the Heart

Rasulullah, peace and blessings be upon him, also said in a hadith related by Imam al-Tirmidhi in his al-Jāmiʿ:

(Jāmiʿ al-Tirmidhī, Hadith 2191)

He said, peace and blessings be upon him, in a long hadith — a portion of which states: Indeed, anger is a burning coal inside the heart of the child of Adam. It is a piece of burning coal that resides inside the heart of the child of Adam — which shows that the source of anger is inside the heart. So if we want to treat anger, we have to turn to the heart.

We can have the most religious appearance that we want — long beard, headgear, short pants, a siwak in our pockets, a tasbih in our hands, a niqab, hijab, praying five times a day. These are all external acts. But what is the condition of my heart? How much attention do I pay to my heart? That is where anger lies.

Rasulullah, peace and blessings be upon him, is saying that that is where that burning coal of anger lies. And then he says it expresses itself outwardly: don't you see the redness of the eyes when a person gets angry, and the swelling of the veins when a person gets angry? This is coming out of that burning coal inside the heart. And then he suggests a treatment — he says: Whoever feels that, should get close to the ground.

True Strength: Controlling the Self

In another hadith, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Sometimes when we get into an argument, we feel that if we let go, we will be defeated — that we will be considered weak. And in order to be strong, I have to be the victor. I have to win the argument, win the fight, defeat the other person. So I have to talk back and use even harsher and sharper language.

Rasulullah, peace and blessings be upon him, says: the one who is strong is not the one who can defeat the other person in a wrestling match. The one who is truly strong is the one who can control himself and herself when they feel angry. It is easier to pin down an opponent — anybody can go to the gym, build some muscles, and wrestle down their opponent; it just requires some time and training. But to conquer my own nafs — that is much harder. To conquer my own nafs when I want to talk back, when I have the eloquence and the intelligence to win the argument, and I have the physical capability to pin down my opponent — and yet I control myself and say no to myself for the pleasure of Allah, to develop taqwa inside of me. That is truly the strong person, as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said.

The Causes of Anger — Insights from Imam al-Ghazali

Imam al-Ghazali, may Allah have mercy on him, defines anger as follows:

Anger is the boiling of the blood inside due to a desire for revenge. That is what anger is. And when somebody says something to me that offends me — that I feel insulted by — I react in one of two ways: with anger, or with grief, depending on how I view the other person. If I view my opponent as someone who has authority over me, I react with grief — I become sad and I start crying. But if I view myself to have authority over them, I react with anger and rage.

This shows me that when I am getting angry at someone, it is because I feel I am superior to them — I have a feeling of kibr inside of me. How dare you talk to me like that. Don't you know who I am? I have so much experience. I have so much knowledge. I am much older than you. X, Y, Z — reasons due to which I fool myself into thinking that I am better than this person. And therefore I react with anger.

This is why Imam al-Ghazali, may Allah have mercy on him, says that there are different causes of anger — different things that produce anger inside of us:

• Arrogance (kibr): I consider myself superior over the other person.
• Conceitedness (ʿujb): A little different from arrogance — this means I think myself to be a great person. I am so impressed with my own self, with my talents, with my intelligence, with different qualities that I have. This form of narcissism also leads to anger. When somebody says something that may even contain sincere advice, it hurts my ego and I react with anger.
• Excessive joking: A lot of times a session of joking around turns into someone getting angry — it was all supposed to be humorous and funny, but then somebody gets offended. Therefore, to control our laughter and to be moderate in our jokes is also helpful in preventing us from losing our temper.
• Stubbornness: When we are stubborn and somebody gives us advice, we don't want to change. And if the person insists on giving their nasiha, we become angry. A mu'min is not stubborn — the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said that a mu'min is easygoing, flexible. A mu'min is always looking to change and improve, not to be settled in our ways.
• Excessive argumentation: Some of us have a desire to argue about everything, and too much argumentation also leads to somebody getting angry and losing their temper.

The Cures for Anger

So what is the cure for anger? What are some techniques, what are some tips given by Rasulullah, peace and blessings be upon him, and by our ulama?

1. Remembrance of Allah

First, Allah says in the Qur'an:

ʿIkrima, may Allah be pleased with him, said: idhā nasīta — "when you forget" — means: when you get angry. Allah says in this ayah of Surah al-Kahf: Remember your Lord when you forget — and ʿIkrima said "forget" here means "get angry." Remember your Lord when you are angry.

If we are feeling anger and we are having a hard time controlling ourselves, if I remember Allah, it helps to calm down. And that is why in the Arab culture it is very common — when you see somebody angry, you tell them:

Send Ṣalāh upon the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. Because in order to send Ṣalāh upon the Prophet, I have to start with Allāhumma — remembering Allah:

So remembering Allah and sending Ṣalāh upon the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is one way to control our anger and protect ourselves from losing our temper.

2. Remember the Wrath of Allah

The other thing to remember when we get angry is to remember the wrath of Allah. Remember that Allah is al-Muntaqim — the Avenger — that He can seek revenge if He wants at any time. So remember the wrath of Allah and ask yourself: do you want Allah to unleash His wrath upon you for the many mistakes that you make every day? Or do you want Him to forgive you? If that is the case, then control your temper with the other person with whom you feel angry at the moment.

3. Look at Yourself in the Mirror

Another tip that is given is to just go and look at yourself in the mirror. Get out of the argument, go in front of a mirror, and look at yourself. Ask yourself: is the way that I look right now the look of Prophets? Is this the look of the Anbiyā' and the Awliyā'? Is this the way they looked? And then realize that this outward expression is just a fraction of the ugliness that I harbor inside when I am enraged. Insha'Allah, if we do that, it will also help us to calm down.

4. Seek Refuge from Shaytan

With that also, of course, the prophetic advice about controlling anger. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was sitting with his Companions when he saw one man arguing with another man, using very hurtful, abusive language. The man's face had turned red due to anger. And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to those sitting with him:

I know of a statement — if this man were to say it right now, this feeling would go away from him. If he were to only say: I seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan, the accursed one.

Somebody went up to that man and told him what the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had said. The man replied: innī lastu bimajnūn — I am not a lunatic! He refused to say it. So the trick is to say it. To say:

Don't try to rationalize — just say it, and keep repeating it. Insha'Allah, that will help calm you down.

5. Sit Down or Lie Down

In another piece of advice, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

(Sunan Abī Dāwūd, Hadith 4782)

If one of you is angry while standing, sit down. And if the anger still does not leave, then lie down on your side.

Often times people start arguing while standing up — in the parking lot, in the lobby, at home somewhere. Sit down. And if you still feel the heat of anger and you are having a hard time controlling yourself, lie down on your side. And in the hadith already mentioned, he said, peace and blessings be upon him, to get close to the earth. Because anger is from Shaytan, and Shaytan is made from smoke and smoke elevates. We are made from earth, and earth is down below. So getting close to the earth also helps us control our anger.

6. Perform Wudu

And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, also said:

(Sunan Abī Dāwūd, Hadith 4784)

Indeed anger is from Shaytan, and Shaytan was made from fire, and fire can only be put out by water. So when one of you gets angry, go and perform wudu.

How many of us do that? Just ask yourselves — how many times have you gotten angry and you have actually gone and made wudu? Try it, insha'Allah. These are the words of Rasulullah, peace and blessings be upon him, who was given knowledge of the unseen by Allah. Go and perform wudu. Do some of these things.

Closing: Developing the Qualities of the People of Taqwa

May Allah help us all control our anger. May Allah help us all be among the people of taqwa. And may Allah help us all attain the fruit of fasting. Ameen.

Brothers and sisters, as I mentioned, Allah has made fasting an obligation upon us so that we can attain taqwa. And the people of taqwa are defined by Allah. If we want to know whether we are fasting properly, we need to ask ourselves how many of these qualities we are developing and enhancing in this month of Ramadan.

The first quality mentioned in Surah Āl-ʿImrān of the people of taqwa is:

These are people who spend their wealth for the sake of Allah, in times of prosperity and in times of adversity — when times are easy and when times are difficult. And as I told you, today you have an opportunity to do that. After Salatul Jum'ah, insha'Allah, I am going to ask you to contribute towards your own masjid — this masjid right here. Not some cause overseas, not some other masjid, not some other institution. Your own masjid. Our masjid. You will have an opportunity to do that in this blessed month of Ramadan — to strive to develop taqwa by giving fī sabīlillāh.

And the second quality is those who control their anger. May Allah make us among those who listen to the words of admonition and follow the best of them.

أَقِيمُوا إِلَى صَلَاتِكُمْ يَرْحَمْكُمُ اللَّهُ