Do I Have to Forgive Everyone Before Hajj | Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi | EPIC Masjid
By Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi | 2026-05-26T16:20:21.858536+00:00 | Topic: Khutbah
بسم الله الحمد لله وحده والصلاة والسلام على من لا نبي بعده أما بعد
So inshallah I'll be going for hajj in three days and we're having a conference call with the hujjaj. One of the hujjaj asked me after the call - she said that she's going for hajj and one of her relatives has done dhulm to her and she cannot find it in her heart to forgive this relative.
So this question is not related only to hajj. Today's topic will be about a reality that all of us face and that is when somebody has wronged us, what are our options in the Sharia? Because there is a notion and that's what this sister had that in order for the hajj to be accepted I must forgive everybody and everybody must forgive me, and that's why she was worried.
So today's talk is not just about hajj, it's about this reality and that reality is that the Sharia has given us a number of options and we must be aware of these options and then choose the one that we feel is the most munasib, the most appropriate.
Cultural vs. Religious Obligations
And by the way, the notion of asking people to forgive you before you go for hajj and making sure you are forgiven - this is good, nothing wrong with it, but understand this is a cultural thing. In other words, neither the Quran nor the Sunnah has anything like this. But you find in the books of... one of our early scholars Abu Talib al-Makki died in 380 something - he has Qut al-Qulub, so he has a book of Tasawwuf and Tazkiyah and he has in it that when the haji goes for hajj he should visualize he's returning to Allah and take care of all of his affairs before he goes.
From this Abu Hamid al-Ghazali in his Ihya Ulum ad-Din - he has a book called the secrets of hajj, Asrar al-Hajj, and in that book he says when the hajj is going to the house of Allah for the hajj and Umrah he should act as if he is never going to come back and then there's a long list. So one of them is he should go to everybody that he might have any huquq and make sure all of the huquq are taken care of, ask people for forgiveness etc. etc.
And of course then the whole concept began and we know even from books of history actually, and I don't see a problem with this. Imagine a hundred years ago, five hundred years ago, how many people would be going for hajj in a city, in a community? Maybe less than 1%, right? So the people that are going for hajj it became a mini festival before hajj and after hajj. And we find in the books of history - I read in one of the books that in India in the villages when they would go for hajj, the hujjaj had a procession, Mahmal, and the procession would go house to house and everybody would say "We are going for hajj, please forgive us, we forgive you" and they would be given sweets and crying and money. So it became an emotional thing like this. But all of this is culture and human nature in this regard.
But in the Sharia there's nothing specifically "if you go for hajj only then..." Actually this is a reality whether you're going for hajj or not, you have to think about if somebody has done dhulm or you have done dhulm. Our Prophet ﷺ said that if any one of you has any haqq that he owes somebody, he had better clear that haqq before the Day of Judgment when there will be no currency with gold and silver - the currency will be with good and bad deeds. So this hadith is in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim. It doesn't matter whether you're going for hajj or not - the concept should be there.
The Reality of Forgiveness
Now let us talk about what are our options. What is the reality of this notion of forgiveness? Because many people believe that I must forgive, and if I don't forgive then I am sinful. And let me be very clear here: there is no evidence that it is wajib to forgive somebody that has done dhulm to you. None at all. Zero evidence. This is not something that our religion commands.
Our religion encourages - there's a big difference between the two. There's a big difference between the two. That's why I'm giving this lecture so we understand. Our religion encourages forgiveness in most scenarios, but not in all. You do not forgive the tyrant. You do not forgive somebody who's gonna do more wrong to other people. So wisdom is there.
Understanding Human Nature and Trials
So what are our options? Before we begin those options, realize the tests and trials that people do to one another - this is a part and parcel of human existence. Nobody will be free of stress and grief that is caused by other people. Ibn al-Qayyim and others, they comment, Ibn al-Jawzi comments: if even the prophets of Allah they were harmed by their own peoples, then do you think you will be safe? If the prophets of Allah were irritated, harmed, slandered, lied to, dhulm, physical... maybe some of them were killed... you think you will be safe?
So understand it is a part of our existence. Allah says in the Quran:
"We have made groups of you to be tests for other groups. Do you have sabr?" This is a verse in the Quran and Ibn al-Qayyim comments on this: every group of people, every person has individuals that are a fitna for him and he is a fitna for them. Everybody has people that are taxing your patience, driving you crazy, but you are also driving some people crazy. You don't see that bit, right? Everybody has somebody.
وَجَعَلْنَا بَعْضَكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ فِتْنَةً أَتَصْبِرُونَ - this is a rhetorical question: are you showing sabr when this happens?
So my dear brothers and sisters, realize you will be slandered, your rights will be taken, people will make fun of you, backbiting will be done. In worse scenarios you'll be physically assaulted - may Allah protect all of us, it's gonna happen to some people. Your money will be stolen, embezzled. Your inheritance will be taken away by your blood relatives. Some of you - may Allah protect - but that's the reality. And Allah says we are doing this as a fitna. This is a part of our life, it's our test, our trial.
Quranic Guidance on Options
So what happens when somebody does dhulm to you? What are our options? Let us begin with only the halal - we're not gonna talk about the haram ones. The haram ones, somebody punches you, you stab them... we know this is obviously... we don't need to mention this right? So let's leave the haram ones out.
What are our halal options? Realize Allah summarizes these concepts in a number of key verses. Of them, you can write these down and memorize them. Surah an-Nahl verse 126 summarizes some of these concepts. Allah says:
"If somebody harms you, you may harm back to the same amount that harm has been done to you. But if you show sabr, indeed sabr is better for those that have it."
What did I say? Allah never commands you must forgive. The Quran is very clear.
Another very important section - and in fact this is the key, my whole next 20 minutes will be based upon this series - and that is Surah ash-Shura verses 38, 39, 40. Go read them in the Quran and they go as follows:
"The righteous are those who when transgression is done against them, they seek justice." Somebody takes your rights, Allah is saying you go and seek justice. This is not "immediately just forgive." Somebody slaps you? No, seek justice.
Then Allah says: "And the penalty of somebody doing an evil is that the evil be done in the exact same amount back." So Allah is saying about intisar, Allah's talking about sayyia... we're gonna go over all of these categories. Each one is a different category.
And then Allah says: "But whoever forgives and mends, his reward is with Allah." So there's a number of different options given - we're gonna go over all of them.
And Allah says in the Quran:
"Good and evil are never the same. Repel evil with good and if you do so you will find the one that is an enemy to you will become your best friend. And only the people of sabr will reach that level and only the people of piety will get there." So Allah is saying there's the darajat and the highest category for the people of piety.
The Example of Abu Bakr
One other verse before we go over the top six categories today - and this is not exhaustive but these are the main six - the one other verse which everybody should be aware of is the verse that was revealed with regards to Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu an. When his cousin Mistah was of those who slandered his own daughter Aisha radiAllahu anha, he repeated the slander, and Abu Bakr as-Siddiq would donate monthly sadaqa to Mistah. So when he found out that the person I'm giving money to is slandering me, he said "wallahi I will never give another penny to Mistah."
And Allah revealed in Surah an-Nur:
"Do not make qasam to Allah that you're going to stop doing good to your neighbor, to the relatives and the poor people and the muhajir." Mistah was a relative and he was poor and he was a muhajir. And Allah describes his good and Allah says: "Do not make a qasam to Allah that you're gonna stop giving money to faqeer that's a relative that's a muhajir. Forgive and forget. Don't you want Allah to forgive you?"
Notice it's not a command. "Don't you want?" It's an encouragement.
The Six Categories of Response
First Category: Seeking Justice Through Legal Means
So what are the six categories then? Let's go over them one by one. The first scenario - Allah says: وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَهُمُ الْبَغْيُ هُمْ يَنتَصِرُونَ - "When injustice is done to them, they seek justice." This is halal. Somebody embezzled your money, somebody slandered you in public, somebody denied you your inheritance - Allah says go to the court, seek the help of people that are enacting justice. Completely permissible. Sue them, take them... do what needs to be done. Yantasiroon - they get the help of others in the legal system, the correct mechanism. Allah saying there's nothing wrong with this.
Somebody's taking your right and you want it back, you go and you get it back. And if you get your haqq back then you will get reward for the emotional distress, but in the end of the day you got your haqq back. So there's nothing to settle on the Day of Judgment and whatever the person has done is between him and Allah.
And by the way, another caveat: we are talking about the huquq between ibad. We are not talking about huquq between him and Allah. Because if somebody stole your money, he has to answer to two: number one to Allah directly, number two between you and him. To Allah directly, that's tawbah. None of your business between him and Allah. The worst person who has stolen money and done this and that, he might be repenting between him and Allah and repentance means sincere tawbah, istighfar. But he might have to make up to you on the Day of Judgment - that's a separate reality. We're talking about between us two, we're not talking about between him and Allah.
So somebody stole your money, you took him to court, you get your money back - khalas, it's a done deal. On the Day of Judgment if he did not repent, maybe Allah will punish him. If he did repent, khalas, your two have been done.
Second Category: Personal Justice
The second scenario is you do not go to court but you enact in your own life with him your own justice. Now I'm not talking about US law - Islamic law allows it. Islamic law allows this. Somebody punches you, you punch back - it's allowed. Somebody makes fun of you in a crude manner, you have the right to make fun of him in a crude manner as well. But with the...
Levels of Dealing with Harm
The condition is similar - the same thing. What is that? وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِثْلُهَا - Allah is saying it's allowed, and the beautiful way how Allah phrases it: an evil can be responded to with the same evil. Allah called it an evil - you are not noble, you are acting in a manner that is evil, but your evil is canceled out by his evil and your evil is forgiven. It is still evil, it's still foolish, but because he started it, when you do evil, Allah will not call you to account.
So if somebody pushes you and you push them back, on the day of judgment neither here nor there - khalas, you have gotten your haqq, there's nothing you can do. Now somebody stands in a gathering, makes a crude joke about you, you stand up and you make fun of him back in a nasty way - khalas, okay, done deal. What does وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِثْلُهَا say? This is the equivalent here, and so once again it is canceled out.
Level One and Two: Legal and Direct Response
So number one, you go to court. Number two, you enact directly. Neither of these is praiseworthy and both are ja'iz - clear, no reward to you, but it is ja'iz. And the first one, by the way, scholars say if you intend to do this so that other people are not harmed, then it becomes praiseworthy. So you have a systematic thief, you have somebody that's harming a lot of people and you take him to court to stop harm to other people - that actually becomes praiseworthy because it's for the collective good.
Level Three: Making Du'a Against the Oppressor
Number three: you don't take him to court, you don't punch him back if he punched you, but you invoke Allah's curse - or what we call in order, bad du'a in English - bad du'a, literally bad du'a. You invoke a curse in your anger of whom has wronged you, and you are so angry you raise your hands to Allah. You say "O Allah, because he has harmed me, harm him. Because he has slandered me, do this and that." So you make a du'a against him and you see the effects of that du'a in front of you.
Realize making du'a against the Muslim - Allah will answer. This is prophetic hadith, this is very clear. The Prophet ﷺ said that the du'a of the Muslim, it goes up to the throne of Allah without any hijab. And the Prophet ﷺ says Allah has given: قَسَمٌ وَعِزَّتِي وَجَلَالِي - "I swear by my Izzah and Jalal, I will answer your du'a, the du'a of the Muslim, even if it is after some time, but I will not neglect your du'a." وَعِزَّتِي وَجَلَالِي لَأَنصُرَنَّكِ وَلَو بَعدَ حِين
So somebody embezzled your money, somebody slanders you, and in your anger your heart is full of rage - it is halal rage, you are a human being. By the way, the Prophet ﷺ made du'a against Abu Jahl, Musa made du'a against Fir'aun - nothing wrong with this. If you want to make du'a against these people, make du'a against them.
So if you make du'a against the person - now we're talking about, we're not talking about tyrannical regimes, let's talk about you and the person, let's get local here. Somebody slandered you, somebody embezzled your funds, denied you inheritance, and you're so hurt in tahajjud you raise your hands, you say "O Allah, show me the punishment that he deserves in this dunya." May Allah protect us from that type of du'a. Do not harm other people because that du'a Allah will respond to it.
SubhanAllah, you hear - and I swear, I don't want to give too personal - wallahi I swear to you, in my whole life only very few times people have done such dhulm I have made such du'a. I have seen the effects of this du'a, wallahi I swear to you. That dhulm that is done, you be very careful of this, very careful. And be very careful you also make du'a against a Muslim. And my whole life, only once or twice I feel dhulm is so unreasonable and have to make du'a. So this was done, you see that reality - a person's life is destroyed in front of your eyes, you see complete... and you might even feel pity at the end, but the guy did it. In the end, you made du'a against him.
The story of Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas: Somebody accused him of stealing funds when he was the governor - a massive slander, very evil slander. And Sa'd said: "O Allah, if you know this man is lying to Umar ibn al-Khattab just to make my slander, then O Allah, make him blind and give him a long life." The narrator says: "I saw with my own eyes that man became blind and he lived more than 90 years, just begging people for food. Every time somebody asked him what happened - you used to be a noble man - he goes: 'The du'a of Sa'd worked against me, the du'a of Sa'd worked against me.'"
When somebody stoops to that level that he slanders Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, you have lost the plot. In this regard, my point is: be careful. That is level three. So all of these levels, there's nothing left on the day of judgment - you're done with.
Level Four: Getting Your Haqq on Judgment Day
Let's move higher. Fourth scenario: you don't make du'a against him, you don't take him to court, you don't punch him back, but you also are so hurt that you don't mend your relationship. You withdraw from that person, but you don't want Allah to punish them in this world. Rather, you say "O Allah, let them until the day of judgment give me from his good deeds. I want this to be from his deeds so that he feels some pain on the judgment day, that he will see he might have done sadaqa, charity, he might have gone for umrah, hajj, and whatever dhulm he's done to you." On the day of judgment, from his bank account of good deeds, Allah will credit you from his bank account. And that is your option and that is something that you have the right.
In this world, let him be - nothing. But this isn't forgiveness, this is getting your haqq on the day of judgment. You are not sinful, but it is better than options one, two, and three, because in this world there's civil peace and you gain exactly what was taken from you. The pain, the suffering that happened to you, you will get exactly that amount in good deeds from his credit.
This is what the Prophet ﷺ told us will happen at the area called the Qantara. The Qantara is a special place on Judgment Day in which the credits between humans will be settled. And this is generally for the good people that will basically enter Jannah, but they still have some mini hisab to do, some minor crediting to be done between each other. And these are people that - and this is the reality, we all... may Allah protect all of us - this reality: to be careful, this is the righteous person who's praying, who's fasting, but they've done some wrong to somebody - not big dhulm, but you know it happens - and they don't ask for forgiveness and they don't clear their debts in this world. And the other person bears the grudge, and on the day of judgment: "hand it over."
As for the righteous, insha'Allah the righteous will not - this is not gonna take them to Jahannam, but it's gonna diminish their credit. So this is level number four, and that is you get the haqq from the person.
Level Five: Forgiveness Without Mending
Level five is where the reward begins. We're going from top to bottom. What is level five? Level five - and this is typically done for a close relative or somebody who might be pious in many areas, but between you and that person something happened. And this is very common in families that an elder might do something, it really hurts you, but you know they're not an evil person, but this one thing they did wrong and it's something that's really hurtful for you.
Level five is that you forgive but you don't mend or forget. So the relationship remains cold, the relationship remains awkward, but in your heart of hearts you're like "khalas, he's my cousin, he's my uncle, she's my mother. Whatever she did, may Allah forgive her, she also raised me." What happens? There are parents that are sometimes - you know, they have a sharp tongue and their whole life they're... you know what happens, you know - emotional abuse, it's the reality. But still, they are your mother, their father, your uncle, whatever it might be.
So in your heart of hearts you're like "I can't really mend the relationship, but I don't want Allah to punish them. So O Allah, for your sake I forgive. I will not ask them for my haqq, but I want a gift from you for forgiving them." This is 'afw, and this is what Allah says: that sabr and 'afw, Allah will reward.
Now what's the difference between four and five? Four: you will get the reward from the person's bank account. And five: you're like "no, no, let my brother keep his good deeds, let my mother keep her good deeds, I don't want to harm them." So my heart: "O Allah, khalas, clean for them. But I can't live a good life in this world, I'm still a little bit bitter, but khalas, for your sake O Allah, I'm not gonna ask my haqq back. But O Allah, give me a gift for all that I had to bear." And Allah says whoever does so, the ajr will be from Allah.
So the goal is that five will get you more reward than four. Five will give you a bigger bank account in your good deeds than four, and that requires you to be the bigger person. So number five: forgiveness.
Level Six: Complete Forgiveness and Reconciliation
And then the highest category: فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ - this is the highest category, 'afw wa islah. Also in Surat ash-Shura, Surat Fussilat, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that if you believe, ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ - respond to evil with good. And Allah says when you do so, you will find the one that was an enemy becomes your best friend.
Then Allah says: "Nobody shall get to that level except the really patient, and nobody shall get there except the very fortunate and lucky."
What is the highest level? You forgive and you forget for the sake of Allah. And this is especially done to people that have a mistake or two and are overall righteous people, and especially done to close family, close relatives. Khalas - forgiven, forget. Everybody does mistakes. "O Allah, for your sake I will not even ask on the Day of Judgment what this person did, and I will pretend in this dunya as if nothing happened. For your sake I'll mend the relationship. I will be the better person. I will give them gifts. I will visit them even if they made fun of me. I'll pretend as if it never happened, because at the end of the day, they're my uncle."
The Six Levels of Dealing with Wrongdoing
They're my father, they're my brother, they're my sister. Let me just come for the sake of Allah. That level - Allah says nobody gets there except very fortunate people, ذو حظ عظيم - very fortunate, very high pious people get to that level. That level is the level of ultimate piety, and of course the Prophets, all of them demonstrated this as a default. This was theirs.
Once in a while you get to the others, yes, because as I said multiple times, the Sharia is perfection. And if you always forgive, forgive, forgive, people are gonna take advantage of you. You cannot forgive all the time, but the default is forgiveness and the default is to be the better of the two. That is the prophetic default, and that's why the people of Mecca, all of them forgiven except five people, four people - everybody is forgiven except that small amount.
The Six Categories
So these are the six categories. Very quickly, go over them:
The first scenario: you seek justice in the public systems - the courts or other people.
Second scenario: you take the law into your own hands. And even in America sometimes this is legal, but usually you have to be careful. I'm not - I'm saying in the Sharia it is allowed. If somebody does something to you, do it back to them. That is allowed.
And the third level: that you invoke Allah's لعنة or make dua against that person.
All of these three levels, by and large, are not rewarding but they're not sinful. You are getting your حق. It is not واجب to go to anything other than this. You can stay here within these three and you will be content that you will see your rights being done. So خلاص, الحمد لله.
Higher than this is that in this world you keep the peace, but in your heart you keep the grudge against him. That's the fourth level. And then you say, "Oh Allah, on the Day of Judgment, from his account, because I want him to know that he caused this, so I will get pleasure by seeing his account credited to me." That's level four, and it's better than level three, but there's no أجر from Allah. You got your حق from him. Allah's not gonna bless you. So you will get what was taken from you from his account.
The Higher Levels of Forgiveness
But when you let go of the grudge, that is where you get to the levels of piety. When you say خلاص, "Oh Allah, for your sake," and if you're not able to mend relationships but just be civil, that's better than nothing. And you say, "I forgive him. Oh Allah, I want you to reward me. I'm not gonna ask my rights from this person." That's the fifth level.
And then the highest level: you mend completely and you go back to normal, and you then build the bridges.
It is reported by Al-Hassan Al-Basri: "The best أخلاق of the مؤمن is to forgive others" - is the best أخلاق of the مؤمن.
And Fudayl ibn Iyad, the famous scholar of the past, said, "Forgiving others is more blessed and better than extracting revenge. The one who forgives sleeps peacefully at night, and the one who wants revenge tosses and turns, thinks about how to get revenge." Forgiving gives you peace.
The Prophetic Teaching on Forgiveness
And we conclude with this hadith. The Prophet ﷺ said:
(Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Hadith 6264)
"I swear by the one in whose hands is my soul: giving charity does not make your money go less, and forgiving somebody only increases your عزة in the eyes of Allah." It's a hadith: giving charity only makes your money increase, never goes less, and forgiving others will increase your عزة in the eyes of Allah.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us the قلب سليم that we can learn to forgive those who deserve our forgiveness. We can be of those who عفا وأصلح. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make us of those who are ذو حظ عظيم.
Personal Note
And with this, I seek your forgiveness as well, going on Hajj. So we follow that custom. If I have done anything wrong, inshallah from my side you're all forgiven. There's nothing wrong happen, inshallah, and I will see you bi'idhnillahi ta'ala in around two and a half weeks, inshallah. Give me the khutbah that I'm heading out on Saturday, inshallah.
السلام عليكم