EPIC Community Q&A Session | Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi | EPIC Masjid
By Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi | 2026-06-04T21:12:50.238609+00:00 | Topic: Khutbah
EPIC Community Q&A Session
I wanted to resurrect something I used to do pre-COVID days and that is an open Q&A. I used to have regular open Q&A so we should resurrect this inshallah. So no lecture today, raise your hand as long as it is a respectful question that's not going to get us into trouble because there's many sensitive questions these days. بِسْمِ اللَّهِ. So who wants to be first? Any question about Islamic anything? بِسْمِ اللَّهِ. Open Q&A, yes go ahead.
Sheikh Salah is here mashaAllah from FISCO. If I had known we would have had you leave but love us inshallah. Okay so our Sheikh Salah asks a fiqh question that he should be able to give us fatwa on inshallah ta'ala.
Question: Zakat on Women's Gold Jewelry
It is one of the classical controversies and believe it or not all four madhhabs have four different opinions on this issue لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ. Sometimes some issues are so confusing that even within the four madhhabs you have different opinions. So he asks about a woman who owns gold what should she do? A woman who owns gold in terms of zakat what should she do?
So in a nutshell the scholars have divided amongst themselves into a number of issues like the majority opinion is that believe it or not a woman who uses gold for her decoration and jewelry does not give zakat on it. But there is another opinion which seems to have a lot of evidence and that is that since gold is something that you can use as money if the situation gets difficult. So gold then takes the ruling of money even if you use it as decoration.
Okay so this is an interesting point of fiqh and usul of fiqh because so I'll explain it to you this will benefit you inshallah. Zakat is not due on the items you use daily. You don't pay zakat on your microwave. You don't pay zakat on your car. You don't pay zakat on your shawar kameez or thawbs. Even if you have 20 thawbs in your closet and you only wear one thawb you know one thawb only on Eid you don't give zakat on the fancy thawb right? And you give zakat on money correct? Now what do you do when there's an overlap? When money is used as decoration and that only happens for gold jewelry for women because gold is not allowed for men right? So what do you do with gold jewelry? This is where that clash occurs.
So if you ask me the safer position is that she should give zakat. So then they would require her it's only 2.5%. They would require her to sell the smallest item and that would be 2.5% and to give zakat. Nonetheless if you were to give her the fatwa based on the other madhhab that she is wearing gold and she is utilizing it actually the majority opinion is that she would not give zakat. But in this case Ibn Taymiyyah the Hanafi's for all of us Pakistanis we know this because the Hanafi madhhab is the one that says there's zakat on gold right? So we know we have to give zakat on that. But the other madhhab are actually more more lax in this regard. But in this issue I'm Hanafi actually. So in this issue sorry guys brothers I know.
And by the way brothers brothers you don't have to bribe me I'll tell you something. Zakat is not due on you for your wife's gold. However if you want to have a good marriage you had better pay zakat. So fiqh is one thing and love is another okay? The two are not going to mix here. I give you fiqh but to save your marriage you should give zakat on your wife's gold. Next question.
Question: Zakat on Long-Term Investments
Okay so once you set the tone all the questions will be on zakat now okay? Long term zakat. The question is long term zakat. I'm sorry long term investments. Long term investments right? Long term investments that you just are not monitoring day by day. The fatwa from amjad and the fiqh council is both the same in this regard. And that is that you consider long term mutual funds and investments that you are not monitoring day by day to be zakatable but not the full amount. Why? For reasons that are complicated.
The simple equation that many modern Islamic finance experts give is that because mutual funds and stocks are varied this is I'm just giving you the answer I'm not going to explain why. Zakat is due on one third of that amount not the full amount. That's just a simple answer. Long term investments assume one third is zakatable. New English word zakatable. So if you have mashaAllah $100,000 in a mutual fund sitting there or even in a 401k sitting there long term right? This is my opinion but again multiple opinions. Long term your zakat is due on 33,000 not on 100,000. So 2.5% of one third of that amount. And if you are a day trader you are monitoring you're buying you're selling you are seeing the value and you're just waiting to sell and buy and sell then in this case zakat is due on the 100%. Okay so this is in a nutshell as for the reasons why.
Question: Zakat on Precious Stones
Let's change from zakat because this is the problem now. Ramadan is over zakat is finished guys another one on zakat. Zakat okay not on diamond because diamond is not a currency. Zakat is not due on platinum. Zakat is not due on rubies. Zakat is not due on emeralds because it is a decoration. As for gold and silver it is currency for the bulk of human history actual currency was gold and silver. Only recently paper money has taken over and fiat currency has taken over. Okay any non-zakat بِسْمِ اللَّهِ in the back.
Question: Making Up Ramadan Fasts on Mondays and Thursdays
Non-zakat. Excellent so can I make up my fast of Ramadan by fasting Mondays and Thursdays right? So is that your question right? Fasting Mondays and Thursdays and also to get the ajar of that and the fasting of Ramadan.
Yeah so if you have fast to make up in Ramadan you may choose Mondays and Thursdays to follow the spirit of the sunnah and you will get the reward for doing so. However you cannot use the same concept for the six of shawal because the six of shawal are a separate category. Mondays and Thursdays are empty slots so if you fill the empty slot with nafil good and if you fill the empty slot with a qada okay good no problem. As for six of shawal these are not empty slots these are extra tokens. You have to buy them separately you have to do them separately. It's not buy one get one free. So six of shawal you cannot have dual intention. You either choose qada or six of shawal.
Now the question that is I'm going to extrapolate and this is especially the sisters ask it and maybe some brothers were falling sick. If I have fast to make up from Ramadan can I do the six of shawal before making up the Ramadan or must I finish Ramadan before doing six of shawal? This is the question that I'm extrapolating even though you didn't ask it. The response it is better to finish up Ramadan before the six of shawal but it is not necessary. It is better why? Because the higher priority is qada but it is not obligatory because even if you have to give zakat you may give sadaqa and give zakat next week right. So even if you have a wajib as long as you intend to fulfill the wajib you are not sinful. So you may do this but the better is to finish up Ramadan inshallah okay.
Question: Reconciling the Fitrah Hadith with Prophet Nuh's Statement
Back on this I'll go have a smell he's covered yes. Yes okay so I'm being asked by somebody used to teach me Sunday school 40 years ago mashaAllah. Our uncle used to teach me in back in Houston in 1990. Sunday school mashaAllah. So I owe him a lot of respect mashaAllah.
So he's asking me the question the ayah in surah Nuh that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that Nuh says if you leave them and you don't destroy my people then they will only give birth to fajrun kafara. How do we reconcile this with what the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said Every child is born upon the fitrah.
The response is that Nuh alayhi salam is talking about what will happen to these children when they grow up. He's not talking about their state of birth. We all believe a child at the state of birth is innocent and a child is upon the fitrah. So Nuh alayhi salam is saying their children will become fajr and kafar not their children are born fajr and kafar. This is the end result not the beginning inshallah.
Question: How to Pray Witr Salah
Next question. Anybody on this side? بِسْمِ اللَّهِ. Anybody on this entire side? Yes go ahead. بِسْمِ اللَّهِ. Loudly. So the question if I heard it correctly is explain how to pray witr salah.
Yeah so there was a controversy going on online in another country which is obviously you cannot have only one country when a controversy happens it trickles into our country as well about the issue of some people are saying that the way that one madhhab prays with it is wrong and they say that the sunnah says this is the right way to pray the witr and I have said this multiple times that we need to beware of fanaticism and arrogance when it comes to following mainstream fiqh and madhhabs. All of the madhhabs are trying to follow the sunnah.
So for any one person to say oh that madhhab is contradicting the sunnah should not be said. Do you really think the imams of the madhhabs want to disobey the sunnah? I explained to you last week it is online you can listen to it about the moonsighting issue. I gave the explicit example of one hadith in the lifetime of the process and the sahaba disagreed about how to understand it. So this rhetoric should be avoided. No madhhab intentionally disobeys the sunnah. Every madhhab wants to follow the sunnah and every madhhab has evidences in the sunnah for its opinion and the beginnings of the differences of the madhhabs goes back to the sahaba.
Ibn Mas'ud by and large represents more Hanafi madhhab. Ibn Abbas by and large represents more Shafi'i madhhab. This is just a fact. Go look it up. So if Ibn Abbas and Ibn Mas'ud could differ and love each other then we will continue to differ and love each other.
So if you ask me about that controversy I will politely say the critics themselves are misunderstanding the hadith. To claim that what the Prophet ﷺ said contradicts that madhhab. I don't want to get too explicit because it's very sensitive but that's what you're asking about right? Yes that's what you're asking about. To claim that that hadith contradicts the mainstream madhhab is their interpretation of the hadith. It is their interpretation of the hadith and for that madhhab to pray three rak'ah and have qunut in the witr automatically makes it different than Salatul Maghrib. Automatically it's not the same as Salatul Maghrib.
So the brother is saying there is a hadith that the Prophet ﷺ said don't pray witr like Maghrib. So some of the critics say those madhhabs that pray three rak'ah with two sitting down and then standing up they're contradicting the hadith. Firstly Ibn Mas'ud prayed witr that way that's why that madhhab does it. Do you think Ibn Mas'ud is contradicting the sunnah? Secondly the fact that they have the witr in it they have the qunut in it automatically makes it different from Salatul Maghrib. And thirdly and this is a bit more technical how that hadith is understood to be different from Maghrib is also contested and how the critics are understanding it is but one interpretation of many. That's all I'll say because I don't like doing advanced stuff in the masajid.
Question: Different Zabiha Standards
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ in the back go for it بِسْمِ اللَّهِ. It's a very sensitive question. The question is some people follow stricter zabiha laws than others. When you are invited to another person's house can you abstain from their food?
Well this is a very awkward question because the default is that we don't question a Muslim's slaughtering. But here we are not questioning his slaughtering. Here we are taking into fact that Muslims themselves disagree about the proper technique of slaughtering. And as you know there are multiple opinions. And I have an entire lecture on EPIC's YouTube channel and my YouTube channel about the different opinions over meat slaughtering. I have a whole detailed lecture. Some scholars allow the meat available in the market and they say it is ahli kitab. Some scholars allow meat that is slaughtered with بِسْمِ اللَّهِ and also stunned.
Halal Meat and Different Scholarly Opinions
And some scholars allow only if it is non-stunned and hand slaughtered. These are the three main opinions. So reality is even if it is awkward if you are very strict about an opinion in this regard to find out the position of your host is not questioning his iman. Why? Because questioning the iman would be like oh did you slaughter the animal properly. You have to realize in the past for you to question a Muslim about the meat it is as if you are saying that he did not slaughter it properly. But in this case nobody slaughters the animal themselves. In this case we are following a particular opinion and the host might follow another opinion.
So the way that I would advise you if you are strict. And again it is not for me to tell you which opinion to follow. All of these opinions have their bases for them. For the record you can listen to my lecture. I personally follow the position in which the بسم الله (Bismillah) is required but I allow stunning even though I don't like it and I prefer hand slaughtered. And if I am able to I will get hand slaughtered and it is without a doubt the safest opinion. Without a doubt.
But the way that I have studied this issue Allah knows best. Stunning is makruh and not haram. So if stunning is makruh then the animal is by makruh for the Hanafis is makruh tanzeeh not tahreemi. So it is best to avoid but it does not make the animal haram.
But nonetheless if you are strict then in this case it is permissible for you to gently without offending feelings make it a joke. Say Akhi you know that we are very strict and we only eat hand slaughtered. You just make a joke about it and laugh at yourself. So if you don't mind you know if you are not going to get that no problem I will just eat the other food there. Everybody has vegetables and what not like that. So don't make it a big deal. Go and participate. Be a part of the gathering. And if you feel very strict then for that one meal mashallah become vegetarian if you really want to. But don't cause a scene. Don't make it a big deal and understand people have different positions wallahu a'lam.
Understanding Makruh and Mustahab
Makruh and mustahab means these actions whoever leaves them for the sake of Allah makruh. He knows it's makruh. He leaves it for the sake of Allah. He shall be rewarded. But if he were to do it in and of itself it is not going to constitute a sin. And mustahab is the same is that whoever does it for the sake of Allah will be rewarded and whoever leaves it will not be sinful. This is makruh and mustahab.
Zakat and Loans
Long term loans are not taken into account for zakat. Short term loans may be taken into account for calculating zakat of that year. So if you owe somebody some money ten thousand dollars and he wants it immediately then you may deduct that from your total assets because you have to give it back and you will give it back in a short period of time.
Al-Isra and Al-Mi'raj: Clarifying the Journey
So the brother is asking did the marriage take place via a ship or something or how did the marriage take place. So a lot of misunderstanding. The animal known as Al-Buraq. Was the animal that the Prophet ﷺ used to be transported from Mecca to Jerusalem and from Jerusalem back to Mecca. Al-Buraq was used on this earth. Al-Buraq is a physical animal. Al-Buraq is flesh and blood where Al-Buraq lives. We don't know.
Jibril brought Al-Buraq to the Prophet ﷺ as an animal. Al-Buraq had a harness. Jibril was holding the harness. And when the Prophet ﷺ came close to Al-Buraq as any new person comes the animal reared backwards and snorted like every animal does like a new rider and Jibril gently smacked it and said shame on you. No rider has ever ridden you more noble than the one that is about to ride you.
So Al-Buraq is an actual flesh and blood animal. When I say flesh and blood I mean from the makhluqat of Allah from the substances of this earth. That's why Jibril was not riding Al-Buraq. Al-Buraq went for the Prophet ﷺ. So the Prophet ﷺ needed Al-Buraq and the miracle of Al-Buraq. Some people say Al-Buraq had wings. Actually the stronger opinion is there's no wings. The miracle of Al-Buraq every leap of the hoof is as far as the eye can see. So it's literally one step is like I don't know 20 miles or something right. The next step 20 I don't just giving example right. So every step will be as far as the horizons. So it'll just jump jump jump and they're just going to traverse the earth. So within milliseconds within minutes from Jerusalem to Mecca Mecca to Jerusalem this is Al-Buraq.
Now as for Jerusalem to the heavens this is called Mi'raj. Mi'raj did not take place on Al-Buraq. It's a common misconception and you have some of these Farsi Sufi paintings the Prophet ﷺ riding Mi'raj in the heavens we should not be there anyway should not do it. No all of this is fairy tale. Al-Buraq was tied to a post in Baitul Maqdis and the Prophet ﷺ prayed did Mi'raj came back untied Al-Buraq went back to Mecca.
So Al-Buraq was the animal on earth as for Mi'raj. Mi'raj is the name given to the instrument used. What that instrument is we have no idea. But consider it like a type of you know heavenly teleporter if you like that the Mi'raj name is the name of that instrument. It is a ladder to the higher heavens. That's what is called Mi'raj and the Prophet ﷺ was given access to this ladder and he used this ladder to go through the Makhluqat of Allah the seven heavens until he got to Sidratul Muntaha and then from there Mi'raj is finished and Allah spoke to him then he came back down via Mi'raj then he used Al-Buraq. So there's no spaceship and no winged horse up there inshallah.
Wudu and Masah on Socks
Excellent question if I want to make Wudu on my socks must they be leather? Again realize anytime you ask me a question about Islamic law I should tell you there's a diversity of opinion now is not the time to go into all the details so you're asking me I'll give you the quick answer no it doesn't have to be leather and the evidence for this is that the Prophet ﷺ was once wearing socks made out of cloth and he did Masah over them and so this is a position that I follow.
Now I know some other Madhhabs are stricter good for them no problem you're asking me I say no there's only one condition that condition is you have to have Wudu before you put them on. So as long as you have Wudu before you put them on and they cover the ankle obviously any sock that doesn't cover the ankle that's not a sock right so it has to cover the ankle and if you have Wudu you may do Masah on the top and you may pray inshallah ta'ala.
EPIC Community Q&A Session
Yes Sameer, behind the back. Bismillah, Sameer. Oh okay, yes, difficult. Okay, so these types of very specific questions should not be answered generically. I'm sorry, sisters in the back. Firstly, my apologies - you should have a microphone, you're right. And you all know me sisters, I always try to give you a microphone back and forth, but today was impromptu. Secondly, any time there is a very specific scenario, it is not appropriate that a generic fatwa be given without finding out more information and the facts. So have the sister come to me or come to my office hours - we'll find out more details. Otherwise, generically it should not be given. And also, this is a very problematic question because it interferes and intersects with Islamic law and civil law - that's another problem. So I will not answer until I get more information.
The Names of Qabil and Habil
In the middle, brother, yes. You have to be louder. The Quran does not mention the name Qabil and Habil. Where do these names come from? They are mentioned in the hadith literature. The Prophet ﷺ mentioned them by name - that Qabil and Habil are mentioned, that the first murder that took place. So the Prophet ﷺ mentioning them makes them something that we do, number one.
Number two: many of the names of these stories are found in the Old Testament, and the Prophet ﷺ allowed us to narrate their stories as long as we don't believe them to be certain - we leave them vague. They might have happened, they might not have happened. So the Prophet ﷺ said: "Narrate from the children of Israel, there's no sin on you," but then he did say: "Don't say that it is truthful and don't negate - let it be." So we are allowed in Islam to say: "In the Old Testament it is mentioned this story of the Prophet," but we have to say "in the Old Testament," and everybody should be aware - could have happened, could not have happened. So we can leave it this, as the details of the story are not mentioned in the Quran or Sunnah, but the names are mentioned in this one.
Drinking Water While Standing
Okay yes, brother, you're raising your hand very enthusiastically - go for it. In the back, yes, in the back. Yeah, yeah. Drinking water while standing - no doubt it is better when you're able to sit down. However, there are a number of traditions in Sunan At-Tirmidhi, for example. Ali Ibn Abi Talib (رضي الله عنه) drank water while standing, and then he looked at somebody staring at him, and then he said: "I saw the Prophet ﷺ drink water while standing" - literally, you're telling me, "I saw the Prophet ﷺ drink water while standing."
So what our scholars say is that when you are - not forced to, but when the circumstances warrant it - like in the drinking fountain, what are you gonna do? Or you go to your office and the water cooler is there and everybody's there - no problem. But if you are at home and you have the luxury and whatnot, then it is better out of adab to sit down, but it is not something that is mandated.
Working for Banks
Okay, yes brother, go ahead. It is okay to work for a bank? The vast majority of ulema say no - you should not directly work for an institute that is primarily based on interest.
The Wise Man and Prophet Sulayman's Throne
Okay, yes, your brother. So the brother says that the Quran mentions a wise man who was able to acquire the throne in the twinkling of an eye for Sulayman and Sheba, and there's a lot of back and forth about this issue. In the end of the day, we do not have definitive knowledge of that. However, what seems to be a very sensible position is that Allah is demonstrating that knowledge and taqwa is more powerful than brute force.
How so? Because Allah - if rit of the jinn - one of the most powerful jinn - said: "I will bring you the throne of Sheba before you stand up from your place." Sulayman had a majlis that lasted two, three hours. The if rit said: "Before your majlis is over, before you stand to go for lunch, before this gathering finishes - maybe one hour left - before you stand up to go back home, give me permission, unlock my chain, and I will..." Sulayman was in Jerusalem, Sheba was in Yemen. If rit says: "I will travel all the way to Yemen and I will physically pick up that throne and I will transport it back, and it will be done within an hour."
Then Allah says - most likely this is not a jinn, because Allah says "if rit" when a jinn, then Allah عز وجل gets out of the jinn, says قَالَ الَّذِي عِندَهُ عِلْمٌ مِّنَ الْكِتَابِ - "I will bring it to [you] in a millisecond." The jinn said an hour, and this human says millisecond.
There's a lot of controversy and there's a lot of mystical opinions - if you get my drift - Allah, those groups love this ayah. I'm not of that strand. Those who are, mashallah, go ahead and enjoy all of that. For me personally, I'm simple - I just appreciate academic knowledge and whatnot. And the way that I see this is that Allah is showing that when Allah wants to gift you with a karama, with a mini miracle, no power on earth can beat you.
So this is a righteous man - a rajul salih. If you want to use the term wali - men only Allah, no problem. But a wali doesn't mean that a wali can do magic tricks. A wali does everything with Allah. A wali doesn't snap his fingers and the sky, clouds open and the thunder happens - no. Wali doesn't mean you are becoming a mini God. A wali means Allah might answer your dua - this is what a wali means. A wali [is] somebody that has reached such a high level of iman that the potential for their dua to be answered is much more than my dua, your dua.
So in all likelihood, this appears to be a righteous man who has experienced Allah answering his duas. And how did he become a wali? A wali is somebody who has ilm and taqwa combined. That's why Allah says:
You cannot be a wali without being knowledgeable of the Quran and of the Sunnah. In our Sharia - in the past Sharia you were knowledgeable of their books. Allah سبحانه وتعالى says in the Quran:
It is the ulama who fear Allah سبحانه وتعالى. So a wali is somebody who has ilm and taqwa together. Allah says in the Quran:
The awliya are those who believe and have taqwa. And Allah says the people who fear Allah [are] the people of ilm. So ilm and taqwa is how you become a wali together. So it appears Allah wants to demonstrate to us in this story that no power is more powerful than the power of Allah, and that therefore ilm and taqwa is more beneficial to win battles and wars than physical strength - even though you need physical strength. Wallahu a'lam. This is my analysis. Wallahu a'lam.
Signs of an Accepted Ramadan
Okay, so no, we have more than one last [question]. On the back, all the way on the back. Firstly, then you, then you. Go here, go ahead. Yes. What could be the sign of an accepted Ramadan? Very good question. One simple answer: that your current lifestyle right now is better than your lifestyle before Ramadan. Allah says in the Quran: Allah accepts from the people of taqwa. So if Allah has accepted from you, this means you have taqwa. If you have taqwa, it will be demonstrated in your actions. That's the sign.
Wiping Over Socks (Masah)
Go ahead, brother, you had a question. So if you wore your socks after doing wudu, no matter how long the time frame was, but you had wudu, you may do masah on them. However, if you broke your wudu, then you cannot wear socks and do masah over them. So if you did wudu at home and for whatever reason - let's just say you wore your sandals, but your shoes are in your car - you wore your sandals, you're driving two, three hours to another city, you did not break your wudu, you get to the other city and in that city you wear your socks and your shoes and you have wudu from home - no problem, do masah. However, if you broke your wudu, then obviously you cannot wear your shoes and do masah with them.
Self-Defense in Islam
Okay, brother in the back, yeah, go ahead. So Texas law is "stand your ground," right? So the Sharia is similar - no problem. If somebody's threatening you and the only way to save yourself and your family is to push back, to defend, that is not considered [sinful]. But that must be an actual threat, not a perceived threat that is unjustified - an actual threat. And you have to use your common sense. Somebody approaches you with an instrument, with a knife, with a gun - that is an actual threat. Somebody raises his hand to smack you, you will smack him back - no problem. But if he's gonna slap you and you take a gun and you kill him, even the Sharia would say this is unjustified. Does that answer your question?
Inheritance Between Husband and Wife
Okay, in the back, yes. Brothers, we'll ask you three more questions and we're done. Inheritance, yes. So this is a complicated question. Husband and wife inheritance is complicated in this country because you are intersecting Islamic law with normal law here, and also because one needs to ask: did the wife invest in the house or not? If the wife put her money as well in the house, that complicates things. So I cannot answer your question until I know specific details. Sorry, inshallah.
A Hadith About Good Deeds Being Thrown Away
Back here. We'll just do three more and then we're done, inshallah. Okay, too many questions, hands raised, man. Yalla, in the back. Didn't you already ask? You already asked one? You didn't? Okay, bismillah. Okay, good. You're gonna have to repeat yourself, brother. Raise your voice. Hadith of... which hadith of Thawban? There's multiple. I did not understand your question, but honestly, can you raise your voice because it's very quiet, or come closer?
Somebody did hasanat by himself, it'll be thrown away? Yeah, it's not registering which hadith you're saying. So can you quickly look it up, the Arabic, so that I know, inshallah? Oh okay, okay, yes. So this hadith in Tirmidhi that you're talking about - is this the one... he cannot hear, nobody can hear anybody else.
Okay, yeah. Firstly, that hadith in Tirmidhi - everybody has agreed it is daif. Secondly, even if it were authentic, you cannot take one hadith and ignore all the other hadith - it's not the way fiqh and aqidah is derived.
So the only explanation will be that the sins that he does are sins that impact other people - dhulm of other people - because that's the only sin that will eat your good deeds. Otherwise, your personal sins will never harm your personal good deeds. But if your sins harm other people, then it has the potential of destroying your good deeds as well.
So if you do dhulm, if you do ghibah, if you do something that was gonna ghish, or you're doing something that is gonna makr, khayana - that is gonna impact other people - then you will lose your good deeds. However, your personal sins that is between you and Allah is gonna be on one side of the scale, and your personal good deeds will be on the other side. So that hadith [must be understood in that context].
Vanilla Extract
Okay, yes brother, go ahead. Bismillah. Vanilla extract - simple question. I love vanilla, I eat vanilla, vanilla ice cream is my favorite vanilla, and especially Madagascar vanilla is the best vanilla. Okay, so does that answer your question? I eat it all the time and I know how vanilla is extracted. Does that answer your question?
It does not have 35% alcohol when you eat ice cream. Believe me, I'm an ice cream expert. You can eat as much ice cream as you want. So I'm telling you about the final product, I'm telling you about the final product. No food product that is flavored with vanilla is going to be intoxicating due to the vanilla. You can eat large quantities of vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream...
vanilla anything and it will not be even close to intoxication so the Prophet gave us the rule that ما أسكر كثيره فقليله حرام - whatever intoxicates in large quantities by large we mean what a normal person can consume so ten glasses is large a thousand glasses is not large it is impossible if something does not intoxicate in ten glasses but a thousand glasses you will die you will not be intoxicated so we don't judge based upon that vanilla extract when used in any food item is not going to intoxicate at all and I have a whole long lecture you can listen to online about extraction because the same ruling applies to what we call that nutmeg the same ruling applies to nutmeg I have a whole lecture that explains the fiqh of this in the back brother بسم الله go for it make sure my answer doesn't reach your parents but I'll answer this with a final question because we can go on and on the question is as follows very sensitive, very important I'm going to make a lot of friends with this question and I'm also going to lose some friends with this question so bear with me the question is the brother is saying how strong are the rights of the parents my parents are asking me to come home but I have obligation and responsibility over here I'm earning a career, I have an income I cannot get back there, I have children over here listen to my response in this regard factually speaking the Qur'an and the Sunnah has never commanded blind obedience to parents I got some friends right here I thought the teenagers would be happy when I wasn't expecting the elders to be happy I thought the teenagers would jump for joy teenagers, all of this doesn't apply to you until you pay rent on your own when you pay rent then you come to fatwas as long as somebody else pays your rent is that clear?
Obedience to Parents: Understanding the Balance
Listen to me carefully, let me explain this. The Qur'an and Sunnah never unconditionally say, "Oh child, obey everything your mother and father say." The Qur'an and Sunnah say: be good to your parents.
هناك فرق كبير بين الطاعة والبر - There is a big difference between obedience and being good to parents.
Allah never commands طاعة (obedience) blindly. In fact, Allah actually says when they command you to do shirk:
Allah commands good conduct. Allah does not command blind obedience. This is a common misconception.
Now, generally speaking, good conduct implies listening to your parents, and that is the default. However, if your parents are unreasonable for unjustifiable causes, you are not obliged to listen to them.
Ibn Taymiyyah's Conditions for Obedience
Ibn Taymiyyah has a nice passage in this regard, and Ibn Taymiyyah says that obedience to parents only becomes obligatory with a number of conditions:
First Condition: They Must Command Good, Not Evil
Number one: that they command you in that which is good and not evil. So if they command you to divorce your spouse, that is not good. And if every single son obeyed his mother, there would not be a single marriage on earth lasting. It will get me into trouble, but it is a fact - it is a factually correct statement. No mother is happy with the lady that their son chooses, right? And ironically, that daughter-in-law, when she becomes the mother-in-law, she herself will follow exactly what she hated in her own mother-in-law. This is a cycle of life.
So our job is to respect our mother and placate our wives - that's our job. Between the two, we are volleyballs, that's the reality. And that's why we are men - we cannot take sides between mother and wife. They are both our responsibility. We treat both of them: the one with love and the other with بر (birr).
Second Condition: It Must Benefit Them
So Ibn Taymiyyah says number one, it has to be in معروف (ma'ruf), something good. Number two: it has to be something that is beneficial to them and not irrelevant to them.
So if you are an adult and you are working at this corporation and your mother says, "I don't like this corporation, you should go to that one" - what business is it of hers which company you are working at? It's no business of hers. If your mother visits, your father visits and says, "I don't like your furniture, change your furniture" - are you obliged by Allah to change your furniture because your mother didn't like your furniture? It's not their concern, it doesn't benefit them.
So the second condition: it has to be related to them, they have to benefit from it. They need you for something, not something to do in your life between you and your wife, between you and your job. It's not their business to do that. They could ask, but you don't have to obey them. If you do obey your mother, good for you, but are you obliged to obey your mother if she says, "Your color furniture irritates me, change your furniture" and you just spent three thousand dollars on it? You see, this is the point - Allah is not being unreasonable here.
Third Condition: It Must Not Cause Excessive Hardship
The third condition: it is something that you are able to do without too much hardship on yourself. If you're going to cause immense hardship on yourself and your parents can live without this request, you are not obliged to bring harm to yourself or your family to bring partial benefit to your parents. So you have to weigh the benefit and the harm.
If you are the only son and your mother needs you and the only reason you're here is because your monetary income is more, in this case an argument can be made you must obey your mother - cut back on your lifestyle, have a lower salary, but obey your mother because she needs you, you're the only son.
However, if there are, mashAllah, five or six siblings and she just misses you and she has people to take care of her - it's a valid concern, she misses you - but you can say, "Mother, I really want to be with you, but I cannot go back. I don't have a job back home, I'll be jobless, I have to take care of my kids, my education. I will visit as much as I can," and you politely give a reason. And you have to answer to Allah, so you have to weigh the pros and cons in this regard.
Understanding Obligation vs. Excellence
You are not obliged to obey. Now, if you do, I'll be the first to say Allah will bless you, I'll be the first to say. But this is fiqh, not adab. Fiqh says what is wajib, and it is not wajib if the harm to you outweighs the good to them.
If you are supposed to go back to a country that might harm you, imprison you - you're not going to go back. Some - I don't want to mention it, but you know which country I'm talking about - you don't want to go back right now, and that country is heading towards fascism and whatnot. It's not wise to go back, especially if you're young and you have your future ahead, you have your children ahead of you. Why would you risk that?
Maybe you politely decline, but even if you don't agree, never do you have the right to be rude. Never do you have the right to be harsh and mean.
The Qur'anic Guidance on Difficult Situations
And Allah says - with this we conclude - if they ask you too much, this is in the Qur'an, if they ask you too much, your parents, then give them optimistic good words: "InshAllah I will do my best, inshAllah." Don't be nasty even if they're over-demanding. And Allah says give them sweet words. Notice Allah doesn't say obey them - Allah says just make them happy, be good to them, don't be rude, but you don't have to give them everything that you don't have.
Summary and Practical Advice
So bottom line: obedience to parents is not obligatory unconditionally. It is only obligatory if:
Number one: they're commanding you in something that is overall Islamic.
Number two: it is dealing with their existence and their benefit and not neutral to them.
And number three: that it is reasonable for you to do without a loss that is more than the good they will gain.
And in the end, you have to answer to Allah, not to me, not to anybody else. So if you can stand on the Day of Judgment and say, "Ya Allah, I know my mother asked me for this, but I know her situation. It was a desire (خواهش) and I have a حاجة (need)." And a desire and a need are not the same.
And you can always make up by visiting more often. Wallahi, I say to you: spend money to please your parents even if it comes at some loss to you. Prioritize visiting her over any vacation, for example. Prioritize making expensive phone calls - these are all free now.
Once upon a time, when all of us remember, our kids don't even know, we had to save money to make phone calls back home. Our kids are clueless, they have no idea. We had to save money to call back home because it cost - how much was it? Three dollars or something back then? Four dollars? We had to buy those long calling cards with fifteen digits, and our kids just pick up the cell phone, Skype this and that. Alhamdulillah, they have no clue as to the hardship we went through. We all did it, we did it for our parents.
Bottom line: do your best to please your parents, but you don't have to obey them unconditionally. But you can never be rude, and the better you are to them, the more Allah will bless you.
With this, jazakumullahu khair. InshAllah we will have these Q&As every once in a while. InshAllah. Jazakumullahu khair. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.