Divorce in Our Community - Shaykh Zakaullah Saleem

Opening — Khutbah al-Hajah

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا، مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ، أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

Introduction — The Crisis of Family Breakdown

My dear brothers in Islam, in today's khutbah, I would like to address an issue that is damaging our community. It has already damaged it, and the damage is going to the next level. And this is the issue of the breakage of families through divorce, khula' or faskh.

How many families do we know in our communities that have broken? What are the reasons and what is the solution? The topic is very big and it is impossible to cover it within 15–20 minutes. But I would like to highlight some of the main reasons for these breakages in families.

First Reason — Forced Marriage

One of them is that which is unfortunately practiced by some so-called Muslim cultures, but in reality has nothing to do with the religion of Allah. And that is the forced marriage. Parents — fathers and mothers — force their daughters and their sons to marry someone they do not want to.

And there are many reasons for that. One of them is that the parents want to establish or enhance their relationship with distant relatives — whereas they themselves, in the first place, ignore their relationship with their own children. And they completely forget their responsibility and their duty towards their own children.

How is it possible for a father and mother to give preference to your niece and your nephews over your own son and daughter? You want to bring them over here in this country — from your home country, from Pakistan, Bangladesh, Somalia, or any country — at the expense of damaging the life of your own son and daughter. This is nothing other than a zulm. Rasulullah ﷺ did not approve such marriages. And this is unfortunately what happens. It has happened in our community. It has damaged our community.

And unfortunately, when we get together in any sitting or gathering, we talk about the unity amongst the Muslims and the whole ummah. What about the unity within your own family? The ummah — what is it? You and I, we are part of the ummah. The families are part of the ummah. And if the families are broken, how can you have unity within the ummah?

A woman came to the Prophet ﷺ by the name of Khansa bint Khizham رضي الله تعالى عنها. She came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my father has given me in nikah to someone that I did not want. I did not want to marry that person, that individual, but my father has forced me to marry him. So what do I do?" And the wording of the hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari is that the Prophet ﷺ rejected her marriage.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5138)

In another narration it is said that the Prophet ﷺ gave her the option, and he ﷺ said: "It is up to you. If you approve it, then you can continue with your marriage. Otherwise, you have the full right, the complete right, to cancel this marriage." But she said: "No, I would like to honour the decision of my father — but I just wanted to prove that the father, the parents, have nothing to do when it comes to forcing their daughters and their sons to marry someone they are not willing to."

So my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, as a parent, you have great responsibility towards your children, towards your sons and daughters. You are the guardians, you are the protectors — act as a guardian. Don't be a dictator. Don't force them. The forced marriage, Wallahi, has nothing to do with the religion of Islam. And unfortunately such people have given a bad reputation to this very religion. This religion is based on balance, and this Ummah is the Ummah of balance.

Second Reason — Marrying Without the Guardian's Consent

But it does not mean that daughters have the complete right to ignore the decision of their parents, or that they cannot even consult with their parents — and particularly the guardian, the father. This is another reason that many families break. The son and daughter go ahead, they establish a relationship without marriage, and they are in constant contact through emails, text messages, phone calls, and meetings here and there. And then after one or two years, they think that now they have tested each other's compatibility and they are ready to marry. Now let's approach our parents.

And then if the father rejects the proposal, the daughter says: "My father has rejected without any religious grounds." What ground did you have when you were meeting with a non-mahram without the permission of your father? This is what actually happens. In our community, unfortunately, daughters go ahead without the permission, without even the consultation, and without seeking the consent of the father and guardian.

They go ahead and they marry — and then a few weeks or months later, they start having problems. Nikah is not valid without the permission of the Wali, without the permission of the guardian. The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 2083; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1102 — graded Sahih)

Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian — her nikah is batil. It is null and void. It holds no value.

Yes, if the guardian rejects the proposal without any solid and valid reason according to the Sharia, then his guardianship is taken away — he cannot act as a guardian anymore. But it does not mean that you, as a son or daughter, completely ignore the decision of your parents. And this condition particularly applies to daughters. We talk about women's rights — and this is what Islam has given as a right to women in order to protect them, in order to protect their chastity, their lives, their dignity and honour. It should not be seen as snatching the freedom of women. Rather, the sole purpose of this is to protect them.

But if your father has a valid reason, then you, my dear sister, need to listen to your father. He is older, he is your guardian, he is your protector, and you should listen to him. And try — if you are so convinced with the proposal that you have presented before your parents, before your father — try to convince him. Get someone involved within the family. Approach the Imam to intervene and try to convince your father.

On the other hand, the father should not be stubborn. He should not reject the proposal without any valid and solid reason — and those reasons must be based on the rules and regulations of the Sharia.

It is true that there are some women who do not have their guardians, or whose guardians do not fulfil their responsibilities towards them. Then in this case, who should be the guardian? Rasulullah ﷺ has again given us the rule and the principle. He ﷺ said:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 2083; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1102)

The ruler is the Wali — the guardian and protector — of those women who have no protector, those who have no guardian. Obviously, living in this country, we do not say that the ruler should act as your guardian. But as the scholars have said, the community leaders — someone who is seen as a leader in the community — can fulfil this role. It is then for you, my dear sister, to approach someone who is seen as a leader within the community. Then that person — whether it is the Imam or someone other than the Imam — again has the responsibility to verify that proposal, to see if they are both compatible, and then to perform the nikah and give his consent.

Third Reason — Marrying Without Knowledge

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people within our community do not understand these rules, regulations, and principles within Islam. And this is the third reason — people go ahead with marriage without understanding their responsibilities and the rights of each other. Rasulullah ﷺ said that nikah is half of your iman. How can you initiate this relationship knowing nothing at all? This is half of your religion.

The way you perform your Salah — can you stand in Salah without knowing anything? A person converts to Islam, he enters into the fold of Islam and he doesn't know anything. Can you expect him to perform the Salah according to the Sunnah? No — because he first has to learn. And you need to seek knowledge about the prayer, the fasting, the Zakah, the Hajj and Umrah — and in the same way you have to seek knowledge before getting married.

But unfortunately, these types of issues are neither addressed by the masajid in the khutbahs, nor does our community — or the individual in our community — try to seek knowledge about these issues. And later on, they fall into problems and then the family breaks.

May Allah give us tawfiq and ability to understand our religion. May Allah protect us as a community and may Allah protect our families.

Second Khutbah

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا، أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، أَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

Fourth Reason — Building Marriage on the Wrong Foundations

One of the reasons for the breakage of families is that the relationship of marriage does not begin on solid foundations. And solid foundations means that when you try to find or seek a proposal — a potential husband or wife — you must not ignore religion, Islam. And religion does not simply mean that you look at the aqidah and the prayer of the person. The sister wears the niqab — that's it, she is practicing. This can be one of the signs. The brother has a long beard and wears the thobe all the time — yes, it can be one of the signs. But this is not what Rasulullah ﷺ meant when he said: whenever you find a suitable proposal for your daughters, find someone who is good in his religion as well as character. This is very important.

We look for everything — the job, the qualification, the age, and even the height, and the colour of the skin, and the tribe, and everything. But the very last thing that someone considers is the religion. Rasulullah ﷺ said that a woman is married for mainly four reasons:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5090; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1466)

Because of her beauty, because of her lineage, because of her wealth, and because of her religion. And he ﷺ said: "If you want to be successful, if you want to have a successful marriage, then give preference to the religion over everything." It does not mean that you ignore other things — no, it does not at all mean this. It means: give preference to the religion, and look for the other things as well. Because the Prophet ﷺ has encouraged us to see and to consider compatibility. And if you find a compatible proposal, then you must go ahead with it.

The Solution — Patience and Sabr in Marriage

And then finally, my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, once you are married, you have to have great patience. The person you have married is not an angel. He and she are going to make mistakes. And this is something you must bear in mind right at the beginning of your relationship — right at the beginning of the day of nikah. Allah said in the Quran in Surah Al-Furqan:

We have made you for each other a fitna and a trial. Every one of us is a trial towards others. Likewise, husband and wife — they are also fitna and trials for one another. Then what is the solution? Break it? No. Have patience. Have sabr.

May Allah give us tawfiq and ability to understand our religion. May Allah give us ability and tawfiq to follow the path of Rasulullah ﷺ and to abide by his instructions and his teachings so that we have a successful and happy life. May Allah protect us from the evils of Shaytan. Ameen.