2015-03-13 - Friday Prayer - Family Relations & Spirituality - Sheikh Abdul Nasir Jangda

Family Relations & Spirituality

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

Alhamdulillah. Allah created us in this life and in this world with a very simple objective. It has challenges and obstacles along the way in fulfilling it. But the objective itself is very straightforward. And that is to earn the pleasure of Allah. That is to live a life that is pleasing to our Creator. And to be worthy and deserving of the mercy of Allah in the life of the hereafter. That is our goal, that is our objective and our purpose. And it can't be put or said or stated any more simply than that.

However, there are certain components that are necessary in order to achieve this goal. There are a lot of things that can help achieve that goal. There are a lot of things that can deter us from that goal and that objective. But there are very few things that are absolutely vital and necessary to achieving that goal. And Allah states them very, very clearly. When He talks about our creation — not only how we were created but why we were created.

The Two Components of the Formula

When Allah tells us in Surah An-Nisa: O mankind and humanity, be conscious of your Lord and your Master, who created you from a single soul. And He created a spouse and a partner for that soul from that soul. And many men and women came forth from that initial pairing of human beings — that man and that woman.

But now Allah says, regardless of how abundant you become, and how many people have spread throughout the earth, and how far and wide people may be, and how diverse and varied your experiences may become — the formula will be very simple at the end of the day. Be conscious of the one about whom you are asking. Be conscious of Allah at all times.

Live a life of consciousness. Not a life of perfection. Not a life of absolute principles and realities. But live a life of consciousness. Live a life of cognizance. Live a life of awareness. Always be mindful and aware of Allah. And then try to do the best that you can in light of that. That is the first part of the equation.

But what's really remarkable is that we would assume, we would expect, that that's where the equation ends. That's the end of the formula. That is the secret recipe to success — be conscious of Allah. But Allah added a second part of the component there. He said وَالْأَرْحَامَ — and family relations.

There are certain fundamental values, universal values, that extend even beyond this ummah. We have certain values as an ummah. We have certain obligations as an ummah — the followers of Muhammad, peace be upon him — that are very fundamental and absolutely necessary. We talk about praying five times a day. We talk about fasting in the month of Ramadan. We talk about paying zakat annually once a year, two and a half percent, so on and so forth. But these are things that in their exact prescription are unique to the followers of Muhammad, peace be upon him. Yes, the people before us prayed, and the people before us fasted — but not exactly in the way and in the fashion and manner in which we pray and fast.

Universal Values: The Covenant with Bani Israel

But one of the things that Allah tells us about in the Quran — so that we never lose sight of one of the fundamental values that make us who we are — is that there are certain fundamental values that are universal. They were preached and they were taught by all the prophets of God, not just Muhammad, peace be upon him.

Allah introduces us to this in the Quran when He says: We took a covenant from Bani Israel. And at the very least, the narrations make it very obvious and apparent that there were at a minimum tens of thousands of prophets that were sent amongst the people of Bani Israel, the children of Israel. And Allah says, We took a covenant in regards to certain fundamental universal principles from all of them.

What was the very first one? That you will never worship anyone other than Allah. And the second thing was: be good and beautiful to your parents.

Al-Birr: The Highest Spiritual Achievement

Every single part of the Quran is guidance and is necessary — we need it, we require it. However, within the Quran itself, the scholars who dedicate their lives to the study of the book of Allah, the Mufassirun, explain to us that within the Quran itself there are certain verses, certain ayat, that are more fundamental than the others. There are certain verses that talk about very specific things and aspects of our religion — very important, specifically addressing specific issues within the deen. But there are certain ayat that talk about the overarching principles, the foundation of the religion itself.

One of those ayat is in Surah Al-Baqarah — Surah number 2, Ayah number 177. Allah deconstructs a very important word for us in this ayah. And that word is al-birr — which means piety. Some of the Mufassirun and the scholars of the Quran say this is the highest spiritual achievement that is mentioned within the Quran. This is the highest spiritual level that is mentioned within the Quran. You have things like Islam, Iman, Ihsan, Taqwa, God-consciousness — you have all these varying levels of faith and belief, or aspects of Iman, that are mentioned. But the culmination of all of them equals birr and piety.

Allah, in Surah 2, Ayah 177, deconstructs this idea for us so that we understand how to reach this level. He first tells us: let me first explain to you what piety is not — to remove any misinformation, misguidance, or misunderstandings you might have about the topic.

Piety is not to simply turn your face physically to the east and the west. Meaning, piety is not mere physical ritual. Physical rituals do not equal piety. Some of the physical rituals are a part of the process, but they don't equal piety in and of themselves. It is the underlying values, and the soul and the spirit that those physical rituals are supposed to embody, that equals piety.

Rather, contrary to what you may have understood previously — let me tell you what piety is. Allah says: first and foremost, piety is knowing what you believe. To believe in Allah, to believe in the Day of Judgment, to believe in the angels of God, the books of God, the prophets and messengers of God — this is piety, first and foremost. You have to know what you believe in. You have to be an informed, educated believer. Without being informed and educated, you can't reach a level of piety.

And then the second thing Allah mentions here is: وَآتَى الْمَالَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِ ذَوِي الْقُرْبَىٰ — somebody who gives money, who spends on their family members, and what motivates them to do so is the love they have for Allah. To put it into simpler words: somebody that is good to their family members because Allah told them to do so. This is the second step in piety that is mentioned.

And then Allah says: وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينَ وَابْنَ السَّبِيلِ — and also being good to the orphans, to the poor, and to those who might be in difficulty. Then He talks about establishing prayer and giving charity.

A fundamental principle that we have in the tafsir of the Quran is that sequence in the Quran is not coincidental or incidental. Sequence in the Quran is not by accident. It is specific and it is precise and exact — it is exactly in the order that God meant for it to be, and He meant for it to be understood in. So the fact that Allah, after He talks about faith and belief, then talks about family relations, then talks about being a benefit to your community, then talks about the rituals of worship like prayer — there is a profound wisdom in that sequence.

The Prophets and Their Family Relations in the Quran

The point and the objective that I wanted to drive home is that when we look within the Quran and we study the process of coming to the lifestyle that is pleasing to Allah — the goal and the objective — that necessitates and mandates that first and foremost you figure out your relationship with Allah. And the next item on your agenda is figuring out your relationship with your family members.

Family is not something that is an extra part of our deen or religion. Family is not something conveniently or inconveniently separate from our lifestyles. The Islamic paradigm and the Islamic view of family is that it is critical, crucial, and absolutely a part and parcel of our deen and religion.

One of the obvious realities that we are aware of is that family is so absolutely critical and effective. Our relationship with our family members affects us physically, it affects us psychologically, it affects us emotionally — and what's most important, what I can speak about here today, is that it affects us spiritually.

One of the most remarkable things — in my own very little, minor, humble study of the Quran — one of the things that I was very blown away by is that we know that Allah tells the Prophet, peace be upon him, thereby by extension telling us:

Each and every single one of the stories of the Prophets that We are telling you — this is to strengthen you and your heart. And Iman rests within the heart. So Allah tells us that the stories of the Prophets are a direct source of guidance for us. They are our reminders, they are an inspiration for us. And their stories are meant to strengthen our faith and our Iman and our practice of Islam.

When you look in the Quran, every single Prophet whose story is told — even in a little bit of detail — a family member always comes up in the story. Let's do a quick survey.

Adam ﷺ

Adam, peace be upon him — the ayah that I mentioned in Surah An-Nisa, his wife is mentioned alongside of him. In Surah Al-Ma'idah, Allah talks about the sons of Adam and their relationship with one another, and how their relationship went bad.

Nuh ﷺ

We look at Nuh, peace be upon him, and his relationship with his son. وَنَادَى نُوحٌ ابْنَهُ — Nuh, peace be upon him, and his son. When everyone boards the ark and the world is being flooded, the typhoon has come, and Nuh, peace be upon him, is calling his son:

Nuh, peace be upon him, tells his son: board the ship with me, son — don't disbelieve in Allah, don't reject faith in Allah — board the ship with me, join us. And his son refuses. And the difficulty and the tragedy that Nuh, peace be upon him, had to endure of his son not joining him.

Ibrahim ﷺ

Ibrahim, peace be upon him — how many family members! From a very early age, his conversation with his father and their disagreements about what they believe. Then Ibrahim, peace be upon him, with his wife. And then Ibrahim, peace be upon him, constructing the Ka'bah with one of his sons:

Ismail ﷺ

Even Ismail, peace be upon him — Allah tells us:

Allah tells us that Ismail, peace be upon him, used to pray and encourage his family members to pray with him.

Yaqoob ﷺ

Ishaq and Yaqoob, peace be upon them — Allah tells us: remember the situation of Yaqoob:

Yaqoob, peace be upon him, when he was dying, is asking his sons: who will you worship after me?

Yusuf ﷺ

Yusuf, peace be upon him, and his relationship with his brothers:

There are huge lessons in Yusuf's relationship with his brothers.

Dawood and Sulaiman ﷺ

Dawood, peace be upon him, and his son Sulaiman, and vice versa — Sulaiman and how he interacts with his father Dawood, even when they disagree on what judgment they should make in a case.

Maryam and Isa ﷺ

Maryam, peace be upon her, with Isa ibn Maryam. When Isa, peace be upon him, is talked about, Maryam is also spoken about. And even when Maryam is spoken about, her parents are spoken about:

The parents of Maryam are even mentioned. So when you look throughout the Quran, every single time Prophets are spoken about, their family members are an integral part of the conversation. It's remarkable. It is not a coincidence after a certain point.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

Even our beloved messenger Muhammad, peace be upon him — how many times is his family talked about in the Quran? Both in terms of the good and the bad. يَا نِسَاءَ النَّبِيِّ — Allah directly addresses the wives of the Prophet in the Quran. And even:

An uncle who rejected belief in the Prophet, peace be upon him, is reprimanded in the Quran.

Family Is a Reflection of Our Spirituality

So what we realize is that family is absolutely a part and parcel of our spirituality. And our relationship with our family members is a reflection of our relationship with Allah. And it will have an impact — good or bad — on our relationship with Allah.

The idea that I can be completely oblivious or careless or negligent to my relationship with my family members — which is a trust and an amanah and a gift and even a test from Allah — but I can still be good with God, I can make sure that my relationship with Allah is alright — that is a fallacy. That is incorrect. That is a mistake.

Allah told the Prophet, peace be upon him:

Command, teach, tell your family to pray — and you pray with them. There is a huge overlap and an intersection when it comes to spirituality and our relationship with our families.

The first and most important point that I wanted to make here today — that maybe none of this is new information to any of us — is that what we have to understand and realize is how crucial and how critical the conversation about family is to a conversation about spirituality and Islam. We cannot separate between the two. We have to understand and respect and be cognizant and aware of the overlap between the two. And if we intend to improve ourselves spiritually and realize our Islam practically, that will involve paying very close attention and fixing things at a family level as well.

Second Khutbah: Seeking Practical Solutions

Alhamdulillah rabbil 'alamin, was-salatu was-salamu 'ala sayyidil mursalin, wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi wa man tabi'ahum bi-ihsanin ila yawmid-din.

When addressing and talking about these issues of family that everyone deals with — and that's why Allah, like He shared beautiful relationships, the beautiful relationship of a father and a son like Ibrahim and Ismail, and Luqman and his son in the Quran — Allah also shared with us difficult father and son relationships, like Ibrahim with his father, like Nuh with his son. There will be difficult relationships, and there will be difficulties that we will face at different points in our life in different relationships.

But what is very important is — just like we treat any other problem — we give it time, we give it attention, we educate ourselves about it, and we seek out help and assistance when necessary. It is very important that we treat these family issues the same way.

Salah in the Middle of a Passage About Divorce

A whole other topic for another khutbah is an ayah in Surah Al-Baqarah in which Allah speaks about the importance of maintaining, preserving, protecting, and improving our prayer:

But what's very profound and remarkable is that this ayah — which obviously says safeguard and protect and improve your prayers — is in the middle of a passage that is talking about divorce and about problems within the home and the family. Scholars at length have discussed the wisdom of why Allah again — to my simple eyes, to my simple mind — it seems like Allah switched the topic and then went back to the topic. But Allah never left the topic. It's been divinely placed there.

Because we understand that if my prayer is not correct, I have to put time into it, I have to pay attention to it, I have to pick up a book or listen to a lecture or take a class or a course — I have to educate myself about how to pray properly. And if need be, I have to go to somebody knowledgeable who is qualified in that area — whether it be fiqh or khushu or spirituality, whatever it may be. I will go to somebody qualified and I will seek help and assistance. "Can you please help me? I have these questions about my prayer. I don't know how to fix this in my salah." We understand that reality and we're open to that reality.

And one of the many wisdoms of why Allah places this ayah in the middle of that passage is because we are very stubborn when it comes to these family issues and problems. My way of solving the problem is by completely ignoring it and pretending like it doesn't even exist — not giving it more time but giving it even less attention and time. Like somehow if I ignore it — it's like a fire — if I look away for long enough it will burn itself out. But it keeps on spreading and it keeps getting worse till there's nothing left.

Then we're so stubborn in this area that when we have a problem, rather than paying attention to it, we ignore it. Rather than educating ourselves about it, we like to pretend as if there's no problem at all — it doesn't even exist. And instead of getting help, we're ashamed and embarrassed of it. We want to sweep it under the rug. We want to hush it up. We don't even want to whisper it to anyone, let alone get any type of professional help or assistance in this regard. And so this is deeply problematic and this only exacerbates the problem.

So Allah is making the connection: like you solve and fix your spirituality through practical solutions, solve and fix your family problems through practical solutions. Go and get the help and the assistance that is needed and necessary.

In my case — an imam or a teacher is not able to help you in these areas of family relations. I'm not qualified. But Muhammad Rasulallah, peace be upon him, was qualified — he was qualified by Allah Himself. And subhanAllah, what you find in the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace be upon him — just as much as the Sahaba used to come and ask him questions about spirituality, they would similarly come and seek assistance and ask questions about their family issues: their relationship with their parents and their spouses and their siblings and their children. And they would ask advice and they weren't shy and embarrassed of it. Because they understood that this is part of improving yourself. The embarrassment is in neglecting the problem and refusing to solve your problem — that is what's embarrassing.

The Research: Family Problems and Crisis of Faith

And many times — many times — experienced imams and community leaders can tell you this. There is research and there are surveys. One particular research I read from the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor that specifically talked about crisis of faith — the issue that we often times call apostasy in the Muslim community, the issue of crisis of faith in the Muslim community specifically. It identified — the number they put on it was something like 65%. They surveyed thousands of people and they said 65% of the people that they spoke to who were actively born or raised as Muslim, who were Muslim at a point in their lives, who now actively and vocally were saying "I am no longer a Muslim" — the root of that problem they readily admitted were family issues and problems, problems within the home and the family.

If we do not mature about this issue and we do not get serious about this issue, we are risking even our own Iman and the Iman of our family members — particularly our children. They are being traumatized in this environment. They will start to associate the difficulties in the home and the trauma to Islam. "Islam not only doesn't have a solution for this problem — Islam is the reason for the problem" is what they become convinced of. Because of our stubbornness. Because of our refusal to seek out assistance and help.

That's why it's vital and it's important and it's necessary that we understand the critical nature of this issue and we seek out assistance in regards to this — spiritually but also professionally.

Community Services Available

And so inshallah after the prayer — I came here specifically to make an announcement about an issue, but it's not in the realm of fundraising or anything like that. But because I thought it was truly beneficial for the community — alhamdulillah, the IACC has provided a practical solution to this problem. They have the social services committee, alhamdulillah, that is providing different services to families and community members who might be struggling in these areas. They have a referral and mediation-based program that assists in things like family mediation, domestic abuse, medical help, marriage mediation, and psychological assistance. All of these services are made available. They have a 24-hour hotline where you can call and get assistance. They have a referral-based program where they can get you in a room with a professional counselor and a therapist and get you the help that you need and require, and the education that we need in regards to our families.

So please, please, please take advantage of these services and make sure that you fully avail of this opportunity. Inshallah after the salah, as you leave the masjid, there will be a table and information that will be given out. Please take it with you, take a couple of extras with you, and pass it on to friends and family members who might also be able to benefit from this amazing service and khidmah that the masjid is providing to the community inshallah.

Du'a

May Allah grant us all the ability to practice everything that was said and heard. May Allah grant us happiness and tranquility within our homes. May Allah make our family a means of us going to Jannah and paradise. May Allah keep us together with our families in this world, and may Allah reunite us with our families in Jannatul Firdaus al-A'la. May Allah make our homes like the home of the Messenger, peace be upon him, and may He allow us to be in the company of the Messenger, peace be upon him.

May Allah grant Islam and Muslims peace. May Allah guide us and make us a means for those who are guided. May Allah grant us the ability to remember Him and thank Him and worship Him. May Allah grant us a good end in this world and save us from the humiliation of this world and the torment of the hereafter. May Allah guide us to what He loves and is pleased with.

Remember Allah and He will remember you. And call upon Him and He will respond to you. And the remembrance of Allah is the greatest. And Allah knows what you do.