Can we Change the way we Are? - Sheikh Aqeel Mahmood

Can We Change the Way We Are?

As-salamu alaykum. Can I just humbly request that everybody stands up and moves forward. Fill all the gaps, please, brothers and sisters, inshallah. We're expecting a large crowd. So to help us accommodate everybody into the building, please, if you can stand up and move forward and fill all the gaps.

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

Opening — The Adhan and Khutbah Introduction

Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah. I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. Come to prayer. Come to prayer. Come to success. Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest, there is no god but Allah.

I seek refuge with Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, none will misguide him, and whom He misguides, none will guide him. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, and that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.

O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except as Muslims.

أَمَّا بَعْدُ، فَإِنَّ أَصْدَقَ الْحَدِيثِ كِتَابُ اللهِ، وَخَيْرَ الْهَدْيِ هَدْيُ مُحَمَّدٍ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، وَشَرَّ الْأُمُورِ مُحْدَثَاتُهَا، وَكُلَّ مُحْدَثَةٍ بِدْعَةٌ، وَكُلَّ بِدْعَةٍ ضَلَالَةٌ، وَكُلَّ ضَلَالَةٍ فِي النَّارِ

To proceed: Verily, the most truthful of speech is the Book of Allah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, peace be upon him, and the worst of matters are newly invented ones, and every newly invented matter is an innovation, and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.

The Miracle of Human Uniqueness

From the greatest miracles of Allah — and in fact one of the blessings of Allah — is that each and every single one of us is his own unique individual. Each and every single one of us has his own unique appearance, the way he looks. Allah says:

And from His signs are the creations of the heavens and the earth, and the varied and different languages that you have, and the different colors that you have. We see next to us brothers and sisters who may be from different parts of the world — their skin colors are different. And not only this, but even our own family members, maybe our own children, they'll look different; their appearances will vary from person to person, even though their parents are the same.

And on top of this, not only is the outward appearance different with regards to every single one of us, but also with regards to our personality. Every single one of us has his or her own personality. One of us may be someone who's talkative; another one may be someone who's very quiet. Another individual may be someone who's serious; someone else may have a good sense of humor. Someone may have a short temper — he becomes angry very quickly. Another one may be mild-tempered — it takes a lot for that person to become angry. And Allah has created each and every single one of us in this manner, and this is from the blessings of Allah, from the beauty of His creation.

The Prophet's Hadith on Distributed Personalities

The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, talked about the fact that every single one of us is different, and he said in a hadith that Allah has distributed amongst you your specific personalities, just like He has distributed amongst you the wealth that you attain — the money that you make in this dunya.

So each and every single one of us, brothers and sisters, we're unique with regards to our personalities. And sometimes an individual sees other individuals and he doesn't interact or get along with that person as well as he may interact or get along with other individuals. Each and every single one of us has his own specific personality, and we may mix with other people better than we may mix with others. This is from the nature of a human being.

"This Is the Way I Am" — An Excuse?

And sometimes when a person has a specific type of character, a specific type of personality, he uses this on certain occasions as an excuse. Some people may say: "This is the way I am. This is the way I've been created. This is my personality, this is my character, this was how I was born — and if a person doesn't like the way I am, if a person doesn't like my character, then there's nothing I can do about it." And sometimes a person may use this to act a specific way, to interact with others in a way which isn't appropriate.

When we think about this, we have to ask ourselves the question: our personalities — the way we are, each and every single one of us, our different characters and personalities — are they things which we're born with, or are they things which we develop over time?

Where Does Personality Come From?

Sometimes we recognize our children have different types of personalities — from one child to the other, a brother and a sister, or two brothers, or two sisters — but they'll be different with regards to their personalities. Sometimes we recognize certain personalities when they're born. A child, a baby, for example, screams quickly, becomes angry quickly, and we say: "This child takes after the father" or "This child takes after the mother." We recognize certain traits.

So with personalities, brothers and sisters, the scholars talk about where personalities come from. Does it happen over time, or is it something which takes place as soon as one is born — that we know that individual is going to have that character from the moment he's born?

The scholars say that part of our character, part of the personality that we have and possess, comes from the time that we're born — things that we're born with. Akhlaq fitriyya, as they say — you're born in a specific way, you have certain personalities which you have from the moment you were born. And then there are types of personalities which are developed over time.

Hadith: People Are Like Gold and Silver

The first type — when a person is born a specific way and has certain characteristics as soon as he's born — is also something which the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, mentioned in many hadiths. He said in a hadith:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3493; Sahih Muslim, Book 44, Hadith 2638)

The people are like gold and silver — they're like minerals, like gold and silver. And he said that those who were best in jahiliyya — in the days of ignorance — will be the best in Islam if they accept Islam. And those who were bad in jahiliyya, those individuals are bad — they are people who have bad etiquette, bad personalities — and it is something which may be in the nature of an individual. But that doesn't mean that those characteristics can't change.

Hadith: The Souls Are Like Recruited Soldiers

The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, continued in the same hadith and said:

The souls are like recruited soldiers. They mix with certain souls — when the souls are lifted from the body when we go to sleep. And this is why sometimes when we meet an individual we've never seen before, we don't recognize him, we've never seen him before, but when we meet him for the first time it's as if we've met that individual before. It's as if we recognize him, and we sometimes ask: "Have I seen you somewhere before?" — and even he may have the same feeling. He may say: "I think I've seen you somewhere before," even though you've never met each other before. Because the souls intermingle with one another when we are asleep — sometimes they get along with other souls and sometimes they don't.

This is why sometimes we have this déjà vu feeling when we meet others that we've never met before. And sometimes we meet people and we get along with them straight away — as if we've known them for years. We mix with certain individuals and it's as if we've known them for many years, we get along with them like they're our best friends. And at other times we may meet an individual and straight away there's some friction between the two of you — there's nothing specifically wrong with him, but it's just that you don't get along. Certain things don't settle well. He's not the kind of person that you would mix with. Birds of a feather flock together, as they say — certain people will mix with others.

Hadith: Adam Was Created from Different Parts of the Earth

The Messenger of Allah mentioned in another hadith the fact that there are certain traits of our personality that come when we're born. He said in an authentic hadith:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4693; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2955)

Verily Allah created Adam from a handful of the earth — He created Adam from a handful of the earth itself. And even the handful that He used to create Adam was taken from different parts of the earth: some parts of the earth were of a red type of color, other parts were of a black color and a white color. And then he continued the hadith — when he was talking about this type of creation, the creation of Adam which was created from different types of colors, he also talked about the traits and the personalities. And he said: some of them — some of the children of Adam — are easy-going, some of them are good, and some of them are evil with regards to their personality and their characteristics. Meaning they have certain traits with regards to their personality which aren't as good as some other personality traits they may have.

So this shows us, brothers and sisters, that there are some things with regards to our personality — some things with regards to our character — which are inside of each and every single one of us from the time that we're born.

Hadith: The Companion Born with Patience and Deliberation

The Messenger of Allah was once talking to a companion and he said to him: "Verily there are two traits that you have that Allah loves." And he mentioned these two traits and said: "You're someone who's patient — you have patience — and you're forbearing. You're able to withstand certain things. And you're someone who's deliberate — deliberation in things — you take your time and you think about things."

This companion, when he heard this from the Messenger of Allah, said: "Ya Rasool Allah, was this something that I was given from birth, or was it something that I developed over time?" And the Messenger of Allah said: "No, rather it's something which you had from birth itself." And so the man praised Allah and said: "Glory be to Allah who gave me these things from birth."

(Sahih Muslim, Book 1, Hadith 25; narrated by Ashajj Abd al-Qays)

So we can see, brothers and sisters, that there are certain traits — certain characteristics with regards to our personality — that we have from birth. There are things that are in the nature of every single one of us. And then there are certain things which we acquire — muktasaba, as they say — things which are acquired over time. And that depends on a number of factors: the place where we're raised, our environment, the things that influence us.

Hadith: A Man Is on the Religion of His Friend

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4833; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378)

The Messenger of Allah mentioned in a hadith that a man is on the religion of his friend — so look at who you become friends with. Meaning, depending on who you socialize with, it's going to affect your deen, it's going to affect your worship of Allah. And if that's the case with worship, then even more so with a person's personality and character. Depending on who you socialize with, depending on who you mix with, how you're raised, who you're raised with — it's going to affect your personality. Your personality and your character is going to change.

Can We Actually Change?

So when we look at what people say with regards to their character — and sometimes people use this as an excuse and say: "This is the way I am, this is the way I've been created, this is who I am, this is how Allah created me, and I'm not going to change for anyone" — they say that a person who is the same when he's 40 years old as when he was 20 years old has wasted 20 years of his life. Because the whole purpose of life itself and of an individual is that he's improving as time goes on through experiences which he has.

So when a person says "this is the way I am," the question now is: can he change the way he is? Can we change the way we are? Can we change our personality? Can we change our character? A person, for example, has a short temper and maybe he's known for this. Sometimes we meet people and we behave a specific way because we know that person is serious or has a short temper. And we behave differently when we see someone who has a good sense of humor — before we've even started to talk to him we're happy to see him, we smile, maybe before we've even met him, because we know he's a specific way.

So the question is: can we change the way we are? Are we born this way and it's something which we're stuck with for the rest of our lives? Can we change these types of personalities — those things which are from birth and those things which we acquire over time?

Hadith: Knowledge Comes by Learning, Patience Comes by Practice

The Messenger of Allah mentioned in a hadith:

(Al-Mu'jam al-Awsat of al-Tabarani; classified as hasan by al-Albani in Silsilat al-Ahadith al-Sahihah, Hadith 342)

Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by making oneself patient. Patience comes by making oneself patient. And whoever seeks good — whoever strives to attain something which is good — he will be given it by Allah.

So this shows us, brothers and sisters, that our character, our personality, the way we are is not something which is fixed and not something which we can't change. And of course, depending on what kind of personality we have, some things may be harder to change than others. But there are things which we can change — it's in the nature of the human being to be able to change these things, even though those things may be difficult for him to change.

The Prophet Was Sent to Perfect Good Character

And this is why the Messenger of Allah was sent to perfect good character, as he said:

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 8952; Al-Adab al-Mufrad of al-Bukhari, Hadith 273; classified as sahih by al-Albani)

I was not sent except to perfect good character.

So it shows us: no one has perfect character. No one is born perfect. Rather, a person strives to perfect his own character.

The Guarantee of a House in the Highest Parts of Paradise

The Messenger of Allah said:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4800; classified as hasan by al-Albani)

I guarantee for the individual a house in the highest parts of paradise for the one who perfects his character.

The Prophet's Du'a When Looking in the Mirror

The Messenger of Allah, whenever he would look in the mirror, he would say:

O Allah, just as You have perfected my outward appearance, improve and excel and perfect my character.

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 3823; classified as sahih by Ibn Hibban, Hadith 959)

So this shows us, brothers and sisters, that our personalities — the way we are — is not something which is fixed and which we can't change. It's something which we can change. And the harder an individual tries to change himself, the more he's going to be rewarded by Allah. The more he strives to change and improve his own self, the more Allah will reward him.

Ihsan — Striving for Excellence in Character

And this is the pinnacle of Islam — Ihsan, excellence. Achieving the best. Aiming for the top. This is what each and every single one of us should be aiming for, even with regards to our personality. This is something we can change. So when a person has a bad type of characteristic, a bad type of personality, don't think that that's something which we just accept — especially within our own selves. Any type of shortcoming that we have, any type of weakness that we have with regards to our character, this is something which we can change. This is something which isn't fixed forever. It's not something which is permanent.

The Prophet's Du'a for Guidance to the Best of Character

The Messenger of Allah would make du'a and supplicate and say:

O Allah, guide me to the best of character, for none guides to the best of character except You.

(Sahih Muslim, Book 6, Hadith 771)

And this is the Messenger of Allah himself saying: "Guide me to the best of character." This shows us, brothers and sisters, that one's character — the way that an individual is — is something which is naqis in its nature. It's something which isn't going to be perfect. Rather, an individual aims to achieve excellence in every aspect of his life — not just with regards to his worship, but also with regards to the way he is, with regards to his personality.

Conclusion — Do Not Accept Deficiencies in Yourself

We talked about how an individual when he's born — or when he has a child — that child possesses a specific type of personality and characteristics which are specific to that child. And each and every single one of us is different. Even our own children, for example, will be different from one to the other. And sometimes we'll ask ourselves: "Where did he get this from?" or "Where did she get this from?" — because we're not like this. And we'll see that every single one of us is different and unique with regards to their appearance and with regards to their personality.

And we talked about how one's personality is divided into things which he's born with — things which he has and possesses from the time when he's born — and there are other things which he acquires because of the environment that he's surrounded by and the people that he mixes with. So character is of two types: things that we're born with, and things that we acquire over time depending on who we mix with and our environment.

And we mentioned that both of these types of characteristics — both of these types of personalities — can change. A person shouldn't accept deficiencies which he has inside of himself, because he should know that those things are things which he can change, those things are things which he can improve by the permission of Allah.

And moreover, on top of this, brothers and sisters — when we deal with other people, when we interact with other individuals, a person should realize and remember that every single one of us is different. We all have our own specific types of personalities and characteristics. This is why, as I mentioned...