20160422 - Second Khutba - Sheikh Omar Suleiman

Opening Praise

Allah is the greatest, there is no god but Allah. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, there is no partner for Him. He has the kingdom and the praise. He lives and does not die. He has the good in His hand and He is able to do everything. I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His messenger. He has fulfilled the trust, he has conveyed the message, he has advised the ummah, he has cleared the darkness, and he has left us on the white path — the night is like its day, nothing escapes it except destruction.

The Eternal Balancing Act

Finding time to dedicate to Allah while still being competent and good husbands and wives, while still being good parents, while still excelling in our careers, making sure to earn halal, and still maintaining the desire for the hereafter — it's a balancing act that each and every single one of us inevitably strives with their entire lives. You strive with it when you have any sense of responsibility in the worldly sense.

And obviously as you grow in life, you only gain responsibilities — until you get to a point in your life where you start to lose those responsibilities, or where you start to find that you're finally starting to experience some relief from those things. But from high school onwards, when you're making that decision as to what career you're going to pursue, what education you're going to pursue, to the decision on when to get married, and then once you do get married, when to have children, and then how much time you're supposed to give here and there — where do I find MSA work, where do I find masjid work whenever I'm past the college phase, and I'm dedicated to bettering myself in all of these different areas — it's a constant balancing act, and finding it is very, very, very difficult.

Now our fight with that balancing act is very different from the fight that the sahaba used to have to face. For us, for the most part, we try to find a way to squeeze religion into our already incredibly busy schedules. And the sad fact is, when I looked at this masjid — I came at the end of the first khutbah — and literally you can see people praying almost outside.

The parking lot was as it was. And this is the case with most of the masajid in America, and for many of us, we can be deceived by that sight, and we can start to think to ourselves, mashallah, the Muslims are growing and there are so many Muslims coming to the masjid. The sad reality is that the majority of Muslims in America don't even go to Salatul Jumu'ah — and that's a statistic.

The majority of Muslims in this country don't even go to a Friday prayer. So we can be deceived by that, but at the end of the day, even that decision is a difficult one for many Muslims. Even the decision to go to Salatul Jumu'ah — the decision of when to come to Jumu'ah — do you come at the beginning of the khutbah and actually benefit, or do you go at the very end just to get the Jumu'ah fard over with? Am I actually going there to benefit from something I'm going to hear, or am I just going to fulfill an obligation so that I'm not punished? There are many, many different measures and many different standards that we have to hold ourselves to.

The Companions and the Balance of Worship

We take this idea of balance from none other than the Prophet ﷺ himself. Because the companions had it in a different way. For the companions, they spent too much time in ibadah, too much time in worship, and not enough time on their careers and on their families — and that was their struggle.

So it's sort of the opposite of ours. So we have to take those hadiths about balance and implement them within our own capacity and within our own context. The Prophet ﷺ had to address three men — and according to another narration, those three men are Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-As, Uthman ibn Maz'un, and Miqdad, may Allah be pleased with them and have mercy upon them — who went to the house of the Prophet ﷺ and decided: you know what, he's the Prophet ﷺ, surely he has a balanced lifestyle, but he's safe, we're not.

So one of them vowed to fast every single day and never break their fast. One of them vowed to never sleep at night, to spend the entire night in prayer. And the other vowed that they would maintain prayer all the time. And so this idea of no balance comes to the Prophet ﷺ, and he has to actually chastise them and admonish them and tell them to calm down.

Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-As, may Allah be pleased with him, who used to pray so much and fast so much, that the Prophet ﷺ has to tell him that you need to give the right to your family, you need to spend more time with your family. And that was actually on the night that he got married, may Allah be pleased with him. You know there's a sunnah that when you get married you pray two rak'ahs with your spouse — the first thing you do together is pray two rak'ahs together.

Now for most people, when they pray those two rak'ahs, they read قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ and قُلْ يَا أَيُّهَا الْكَافِرُونَ — they read a few short surahs. Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-As, may Allah be pleased with him, read the first five juz' in the first rak'ah of that prayer, with his wife. I mean it was just too much for her to handle.

And the Prophet ﷺ had to tell him: give more time to your family. Which shows you that if there was anything that would deny our family a right upon us, it would be salah — it would be prayer. If there was anything that the Prophet ﷺ would say you don't have to be balanced about, it would be your prayer. But even there, you need to give your family a greater right upon you. You need to give yourself, your body, a greater right upon you.

The Hadith of Salman Al-Farisi and Abu Darda'a

And of course the hadith of Salman Al-Farisi, may Allah be pleased with him, where he told Abu Darda'a, may Allah be pleased with him:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1975)

"O Abu Darda'a, your Lord has a right upon you, and your family has a right upon you, and your body has a right upon you — so give each one their proper rights." And the Prophet ﷺ said: Sadaqa Salman — Salman has told the truth. That each one needs to have their proper rights. That Salman was right to tell Abu Darda'a not to pray the entire night. And Salman was right to tell Abu Darda'a not to fast every single day. To spend more time with his family.

Again, that's a different generation. That was their imbalance. Our imbalance tends to be to the other side. But the point is: how do you find that balancing act? Especially when it comes to your family. Especially when it comes to the people that are around you. Especially when it comes to those that have done great things for you.

Key Principles of Balance

1. Allah Alone Is Always Reasonable With You

The only one who will ever be reasonable with you is Allah. Meaning: if you give someone their full rights and you're actually good about it — if you actually are a good husband and a good father — they'll want more of you. And that's because of your ihsan to them, because of the goodness that you're showing to them.

You know, some people want more of their family members — they want more family time because of naqs, because of deficiency. Some want it because of ihsan, because that person is such a good husband, such a good wife, such a good brother or relative, that they long for more of your company. And that was the state of the household of the Prophet ﷺ. They longed for his company — not because he was deficient, not because he did not fulfill the rights of the household upon him, but because who would want to give up a moment of time with the Prophet ﷺ?

So sometimes it's because of ihsan they miss you, and sometimes it's because you're not doing enough, it's because you're failing to fulfill your obligations. You want to make sure that it's because of ihsan they miss you, and not because of naqs — not because of deficiency. It's because of your goodness, and not because of your failures, that they want more of you.

But at the end of the day, people will pull you in different directions. Your career will pull you in a direction, your family will pull you in a direction, your religious inclination will pull you in a direction, and you're constantly going to try to find out where to put that balance. And the only one that will always be reasonable with you is Allah. Allah does not demand from you anything more than what is in your scope:

Allah does not burden a person beyond their scope — not a single person. What Allah has given you is within your capacity. What Allah will hold you accountable for on the Day of Judgment is within your capacity. What Allah will charge you for is when you sinned, and when you failed to fulfill obligations that you were capable of fulfilling. Allah knows, and Allah is not unreasonable with His adab.

2. Never Run From Your Weaknesses Into Your Strengths

Many of us, what we try to do in our lives — and I want you to listen very, very carefully to this — we try to run to the things that we feel like we're doing well at, as an escape from the areas of our lives that we fail at. What that means is: if I'm horrible with my family but I'm good in my career, I will run away from family and spend more time in my career. I'll actually use my career as an escape from family. But the fact of the matter is that you being great in your career does not mean that you have the right to leave this in shambles. Because your family has a greater right upon you — you need to go fix this.

Sulaiman ibn Abdul Malik, rahimahullah, once asked a great tabi'i by the name of Abu Hazm: "Why do we hate death?" He said: "Because you've established yourselves in this dunya and ruined yourselves in the hereafter — so you hate to leave an area that you've established to go to an area that you've ruined." And that's how we treat all aspects of our lives. If we feel like we're doing good at one part of our lives, we use that as an excuse to keep on failing in another part.

But you have to give every part its due rights. You don't have an excuse to run away from one part because you're not good at it. You need to try to fix it.

The pulls will continue from all different directions, but it's still imbalanced. You could be great in the masjid — a great da'i, a great activist, a great scholar — but that does not absolve you of the rights that others have upon you. We have to be able to strengthen those areas. If I'm an amazing public activist, that does not absolve me of having to work on my personal spiritual flaws. And if I'm amazing with my personal spirituality, it does not mean that the community ceases to have a right upon me. I've got to balance those things out — activism and ibadah, my public activism and my personal worship. I have to try to strike that balance.

3. Do Not Ignore Those You Have Wronged

One of the beautiful things that Al-Hafidh Ibn Rajab, rahimahullah, said is that if thousands of people were to make du'a for you because you benefited them, but there is one person that you have wronged — one mazloom — and that person makes du'a, the du'a of that one wronged person is enough to void all thousands of those du'as of praise. If you truly did wrong that person, why? Because:

There is no veil between the du'a of the wronged person and Allah. Meaning: if I've actually wronged someone, I can't revel in the praise and the goodness that I've done to others and not deal with the zulm that I've committed towards that person. I need to go fix that zulm. I need to go fix that transgression.

On the Day of Judgment, the Prophet ﷺ mentions a person coming with all of their good deeds — lots of salah, lots of prayer, lots of fasting. But what causes them to be doomed? Their tongue — the abuse that they committed against others — causes those good deeds to be voided. And so what do we learn from that? That on the Day of Judgment, Allah will not take you to task because you didn't pray enough tahajjud. Allah won't throw you into hellfire because you didn't fast extra days. But Allah will punish you if you wrong somebody. Allah will take you to task for that.

So we can't run to the good relationships that we have and then fail to rectify the bad relationships that we have. If I've wronged someone, I need to fix it — especially if that person is someone close to me. I need to go and fix that, and not escape that uncomfortable situation by focusing on the good things. Allah is not interested in you winning a popularity contest.

The Prophet ﷺ says that when a person who is wronged makes du'a, Allah says:

Allah swears by Himself: "I will support you. I will support you even if it's after some time. I will not let your du'a go in vain."

So we have to think about that, dear brothers and sisters. There are certain areas of our life that we utterly neglect because we're not doing good at them. And a lot of times we delude ourselves by focusing on the areas of our life that we're actually successful at. And at the end of the day:

Give each one the right that they have upon you.

Your Family Has the Greatest Right Upon You

And no one, dear brothers and sisters, has a greater right upon you than your family members.

Those who are closest to you are most deserving of seeing your good behavior. We have too many people that are angels outside of their households and monsters at home. We have too many people who are able to smile at people in the masjid, say salam, do great things, and volunteer. If someone from the masjid calls them for an activity, they'll rush towards it. A friend calls you to help them move — you're there. Someone needs a loan — you're there. But to your own family, you're stingy and you're abusive. Even if you're not physically abusive, you're emotionally abusive. And your presence is harsh at home.

You go home and you're a shell of yourself. SubhanAllah — all the frustration that you had during the day, you take it home with you and you unload it on your family. They did nothing to cause you that frustration. It's not their fault. Now it's their time. They have a right upon you. You give them your all. You give them what you can. You don't bring that frustration home.

That is where your primary responsibility lies — after Allah — to serve them and to be there with them generously.

The Example of the Prophet ﷺ at Home

If anyone was exhausted outside of their house, it was the Prophet ﷺ. Think about what he had to deal with outside of his house — assassination attempts, six of his seven children dying, people killing his family members, persecution, insults, people stepping on him. Did the Prophet ﷺ ever come home and yell at Aisha, radiAllahu anha, because he had a bad day outside, because some Bedouin caused him harm? That's not Aisha's fault. That's the Bedouin's fault. What did Aisha, radiAllahu anha, have to do with that?

The Prophet ﷺ is described in his household as courteous. Aisha, radiAllahu anha, says:

(Referenced in Musnad Ahmad; similar narrations in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 676, and Sahih Muslim)

The Prophet ﷺ used to always laugh and joke — but in his home it was non-stop, alayhi salatu wasalam. Meaning, it was a positive presence — non-stop joking and laughter and happiness. He brought it home, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And he was in the service of his household. He didn't come home and lay down and say, "I had a long day outside. Oh Aisha, can you serve me this? Can you serve me that? Can you bring me this? Can you bring me that?" and then yell at them and admonish them when they didn't give him what he wanted.

The Prophet ﷺ came home with a good spirit because he recognized that they had that right to receive that from him, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. No one deserves to be treated badly because you had a bad day. They didn't do that to you. And so when you go home, recognize that you have a responsibility to that household. That's where your responsibility lies. You need to work on that. You need to fix that.

The Narcissism of "What About Me?"

We also find ourselves in this day and age completely self-absorbed, narcissistic — with our religion, with our families. When we no longer feel like we're on a pedestal and we no longer feel like we're getting everything we want, then we will abandon the entire world so that we can feel better. All of the messaging we have in this society now: "Do it for yourself." "You have the greatest right upon you." The other parts of the equation are gone. So if you're feeling uncomfortable, who cares about the wife and the kids? Who cares about the mother and the father? Who cares about any of those people? I need to be happy. What about me? What about me? That's the motto of this era.

Allah tells you: What about you? There is more to the world than you. There is your Lord who created you and brought you into existence for a purpose. There are people that Allah has put under your care.

Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. That's your flock.

Protect yourselves and your families from hellfire. That's your number one job. Serve those that are in your capacity. Serve those that are around you.

Gratitude: You Still Owe Her, You Still Owe Them

It's really beautiful that the Prophet ﷺ, every single time he explained the ihsan that he showed towards people, he also mentioned the excellence that they showed towards him — gratitude. This idea of gratitude, of appreciating people for what they have done for you in your low moments as well.

That woman at home, dear brothers and sisters — your wife — those of you who are married: if you got into an argument and if she showed you something that you didn't like one day, it does not void all of the years that she stood by your side as you were messing up in your career and as you were going through hard times. It doesn't void her carrying your child if you had a child. That was a difficult thing for her to do. It doesn't void all that. All of that doesn't go out of the window. You still owe her. You need to treat her like you owe her.

Your mother, your father — wallahi — even when they are old and when they have nothing to give you in this dunya, when they at this point in your life are nothing but a burden upon you. SubhanAllah, any of us who have lost parents know that the most beloved thing to us in this dunya would just be to have one more day to serve our parents. Just bring them back to us so that we can serve them one more day, so that we can show them better behavior, so that we can show them better gratitude. Too many times we wait for them to leave us and then we start crying over the past.

Those of us who have elderly parents — even if they cannot benefit you at all in this dunya — when you were a child, when you were a baby, you had nothing to benefit them in this world. But they served you lovingly. SubhanAllah, they were like slaves to you. They couldn't go out, they couldn't enjoy themselves, they couldn't do anything. And many of us — the sad thing is — we have little children ourselves, and we forget what our parents did for us when we were those little children. We know how burdensome it is and we still fail to remember.

The Story of Abdullah ibn Umar and the Yemeni Man

I tell you the story of Abdullah ibn Umar, radiAllahu ta'ala anhu. And this is a hadith — a very beautiful narration from Sa'id ibn Abi Burda, radiAllahu ta'ala anhu. He says that he saw Abdullah ibn Umar, radiAllahu ta'ala anhu, and a man from Yemen. In one narration, the Yemeni man was carrying his mother on his back, and in another narration, they were both carrying their mothers on their backs. And they are both authentic narrations.

In Hajj, throughout the entire process of Hajj — and we know how exhausting Hajj is in and of itself — can you imagine a man carrying his mother on his back through the tawaf, through the sa'i, without any air conditioning or fans or shelter or cooling tiles in the hot desert, carrying his mother through that entire process?

And subhanAllah, as he is carrying his mother, this Yemeni man says something very beautiful. He's saying to his mother as she's on his back: "I am her humble camel. If the rider becomes nervous, then the mountain does not become nervous." Meaning: if the rider starts to fear, the one who's carrying the rider doesn't start to fear. He is serving her with pride. He's saying this out loud.

Can you imagine the mother hearing her son say — not just "I'm carrying you, and mom, stay still and stop moving" — but looking at Ibn Umar and saying: "You see this woman on my back? I am her humble camel. I am her humble camel. If the rider becomes afraid, then the mountain does not become afraid." And the mother is pleased hearing her son say this: "I'm happy to serve you. I'm not just doing this because I have to, or because some sheikh told me I have to do this. I'm happy to serve you. I love serving you, because I know you served me in difficult times as well. And there's nothing that can do away with that."

And at the end, as he's carrying his mother, he says to Ibn Umar: "Ya Ibn Umar, do you think I've paid her back now? You see how I'm treating her? You think I've paid her back?" He says: "Not even with a single cry at labor." Your mother didn't just carry you for Hajj — she carried you for nine months and more. Not even for one shout at labor. Don't compare. Keep working. Keep being her humble camel. You owe that to her. And that's part of your spirituality — fulfill the rights of the people upon you.

And those that are closest to you have the greatest rights upon you. Wallahi, if the entire world were to testify in your favor, but the people that Allah has placed in your household were to testify against you — that is more harmful to you than had that equation been vice-versa.

Conclusion: Never Escape Your Responsibilities

We have to recognize that, dear brothers and sisters. Recognize the pull. Yes, there is a pull. We will always have shortcomings. We will always be pulled in different directions. But at the same time, never run away from that which makes you uncomfortable to that which makes you comfortable, because this is where you feel like you're doing a better job. Never escape your responsibilities by going to other good things and deluding yourselves away from the things that Allah has made mandatory upon you.

Du'a

We ask Allah to make us a people that are generous and loving with their family members and those that are outside of their homes. We ask Allah to make us a people who show ihsan to those in our houses and outside of our houses. We ask Allah to make us a people that worship Allah with vigor and sincerity when they're in private and when they are in public. We ask Allah to make us a people that serve their communities and do that to serve Allah — that serve Allah in the night through prayer and serve the people during the day with service. We ask Allah to keep Shaytan away from our families. We ask Allah to keep Shaytan — the one who loves to divide between a husband and a wife — away from our families. We ask Allah to keep Shaytan away from our children. And we ask Allah to keep Shaytan away from pitting our hearts against one another.

We ask Allah to put sakinah — tranquility — in our households, and tranquility in our masajid and in our communities. And we ask Allah to make us amongst those that do that all sincerely for His sake — to remove all distractions and all hindrances and all things that cause us to long for anything but Him. And we ask Allah to gather us with His messenger Muhammad ﷺ in the highest level of Jannatul Firdaus. Allahumma ameen.

فَاذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ يَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوهُ عَلَى نِعَمِهِ يَزِدْكُمْ وَلَذِكْرُ اللَّهِ أَكْبَرُ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ مَا تَصْنَعُونَ