Back Biting

The Major Sin of Backbiting (Al-Gheeba)

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ. الحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ. وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى رَسُولِهِ الْأَمِينِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ.

Amma ba'd — today our khutbah is about al-gheeba, it is about backbiting. Meaning speaking about someone, saying something bad about them while they are not present. And Allah in Surat al-Hujurat says:

Allah says: do not spy on one another and do not backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? And then Allah says, surely you would hate that — فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ — because the answer, of course, is that everybody would hate something like that. وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ — so fear Allah. إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ — indeed, Allah is forgiving and merciful.

Backbiting — or al-gheeba — is from al-kaba'ir, from the major sins.

The Linguistic Root of Al-Gheeba

Linguistically, الغِيبَةُ مِنَ الغَيْبِ — it is from the root of something being unseen, وَهُوَ كُلُّ مَا غَابَ عَنْكَ — it is whatever is from the unseen, from that root of something being hidden. And it is whatever happens while you are not there, or what happens behind your back.

And even in English it is called backbiting. And even that term comes from a place of something regarded as unsportsmanlike — it goes back to when they used to have dogs fight with bears, and the dog might attack the bear from behind. And even that was regarded for animals as unsportsmanlike, to attack from behind.

The Prophet's Definition of Backbiting

The Prophet ﷺ defined it for us in the hadith. The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 70 — also recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4874)

"Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." He ﷺ said, "It is when you mention your brother that which he dislikes." So it is specifically that which is not good, or that which they would dislike for you to mention about them.

So sometimes someone will come to you and say, "Last night we were backbiting you — we were saying all these good things about you." That is not considered gheeba, it is not backbiting. And it is not backbiting if the person is okay with it, even if it is something negative. For example, someone has one eye or one arm and he always jokes about himself — he calls himself "one-eyed Ali" or whatever it is. Since he is completely okay with it, it doesn't offend him, and he calls himself that — then it is not gheeba in that case.

So then the companions asked the Prophet ﷺ, "What if what we say is true?" Because many people confuse gheeba with saying something that is untrue, thinking that if it's true, then it's not gheeba. The Prophet ﷺ said: إِنْ كَانَ فِيهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدِ اغْتَبْتَهُ — if it is true what you are saying, then you have committed gheeba. That is the exact definition of gheeba. وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدْ بَهَتَّهُ — and if it is not in him what you are saying, if it is not true, then you have slandered them. You have spoken an untruth about them.

So the first one — speaking something true that is negative about a person — that is the essence of gheeba. That is the exact definition of gheeba.

Quranic References to Backbiting

In the Qur'an, Allah says:

A number of the mufassireen, including Qatada and Mujahid, and Imam Malik and Al-Shawkani rahimahumullah — all these scholars said that al-humaza here is referring to eating the flesh of others, meaning they are referring to backbiting. And you see the example of eating the flesh mentioned a number of times.

The Story of Ma'iz ibn Malik

The companion Ma'iz ibn Malik — when he was stoned for adultery upon his own insistence, not by the court, but he insisted to be stoned so he could be expiated from that sin — the Prophet ﷺ overheard two men talking about him. And they said:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4428)

"Do you not see this one? Allah shielded his sin from the public, but he insisted until he was stoned like a dog." So the Prophet ﷺ remained quiet. And as they were continuing, they came upon the carcass of a donkey — a dead donkey. So he said, أَيْنَ فُلَانٌ وَفُلَانٌ — where are the two men? And he said, انْزِلَا فَكُلَا مِنْ جِيفَةِ هَذَا الْحِمَارِ — dismount from your riding animals and eat from this carcass of this donkey. So they said, يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَنْ يَأْكُلُ هَذَا؟ — "O Messenger of Allah, who eats something like this?" He said: what you just said about your brother is easier and lighter in the sight of Allah than eating from this carcass — which is haram, it is a dead animal and it is a donkey — and that eating from it is easier in the sight of Allah than what you just said about your brother.

So you wonder how something that is so serious has become so easy upon our tongues. And the Prophet ﷺ admonished Aisha رضي الله عنها for saying something much lesser and lighter than that, and then what we hear in our gatherings.

The Admonishment of Aisha

Aisha رضي الله عنها said, حَسْبُكَ مِنْ صَفِيَّةَ أَنَّهَا قَصِيرَةٌ — referring to Safiyyah, the other wife of the Prophet ﷺ, she said that she is short. That is all she said. And the Prophet ﷺ told her:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4875; Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2502)

"This word that you have spoken — if it materialized and we mixed it with the water of the sea, it would contaminate the water of the sea." It is powerful enough to affect the water of the entire sea or ocean. So it is very serious.

Being Present in a Gathering of Backbiting

Backbiting is so serious that if you are sitting with people who are backbiting — they are backbiting, you are not backbiting — you are still blameworthy and sinful, even though you did not open your mouth. Why? Because your job is to advise them to stop, and you did not. Or, you get up and you leave that gathering. The scholars likened it to when Allah mentioned that if you are sitting with people who are ridiculing and mocking the ayat of Allah, Allah says in the Qur'an:

So they said the same ruling applies here. You either get up and leave, or you advise them to stop backbiting, or you can abruptly change the subject. The scholars also say the person sitting may not take part in it, but he is just happy in his heart to hear it because he does not like that person anyway. And in his heart he is happy that someone is saying all these things about him, even though he himself is not speaking. But he is still blameworthy and sinful.

And they said the only exemption — the only person who would not be sinful in that gathering — is the person who is in a position of weakness. For example, someone is sitting in the gathering of the khalifa and the khalifa is backbiting. If he says اتَّقِ اللَّهَ, his head will get chopped off. He is weak in this position, so he is not blameworthy.

Engaging in Whatever Others Engage In

And likewise in the Qur'an, Surah Al-Muddaththir, Allah mentions — upon the tongue of the people of the Hellfire — when they were asked why they are in the Hellfire, they mentioned a number of things including that they did not pray. And then they mentioned:

"And we used to engage in whatever people engaged in." Here, the mufassir Qatada rahimahullah says: كُلَّمَا غَوَى غَاوٍ غَوَيْنَا مَعَهُ — whatever someone delved into, we delved into it with them. And so they were held responsible for being part of that sin.

The Punishment of Backbiting

From the punishments of backbiting is that there is punishment in the grave, as we know from the famous hadith when the Prophet ﷺ passed by two graves and heard — or rather, Allah allowed him to know — that they were being tormented. In one narration, one of them used to not shield himself from his clothing being contaminated with urine. And in the other narration, the Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 216; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 292)

The other one is punished because of his backbiting. And in the akhirah, there is a punishment for that as well. And the Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4878)

"When I was taken up to the heavens, I passed by a people who had huge nails made of brass, and they were scratching their faces and their chests constantly, tearing them up. So I asked Jibreel, 'Who are these people?' He said, 'These are the people who eat the flesh of people' — meaning they were backbiting people — 'and they slander them as well.'"

Sins Against People vs. Sins Against Allah

One of the most dangerous things about backbiting, brothers and sisters, is that it is from the sins that are against people. The scholars say you can break sins into two categories. One: there are sins that you commit that are against Allah — and we know how forgiving Allah is if you are sincere in repenting. But the other category is sins against people. And the dangerous thing about backbiting is that it could be that Allah will forgive you for committing that sin, but that does not cancel out the damage you have done, nor does it cancel out the rights of the person that you hurt. So they could still get it from you on the Day of Judgment.

So in the second khutbah insha'Allah, we are going to look at how to expiate this sin. If you have been backbiting, how can I get that erased from my book of deeds? And how do I correct it? And when is it permissible to talk about someone and it is not backbiting? And then how to stop yourself from falling into it?

أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ الْعَظِيمَ لِي وَلَكُمْ مِنْ جَمِيعِ الذُّنُوبِ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Ask Allah for His forgiveness — indeed, those who ask for His forgiveness shall prosper.

Second Khutbah: Expiation, Permissible Cases, and Protection from Backbiting

الحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى رَسُولِهِ الْأَمِينِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ. أَمَّا بَعْدُ.

How to Expiate Backbiting

So what do you do if you have spoken about someone — spoken ill about someone when they were not present — backbiting? The first thing, in any case, is you always make your personal tawbah to Allah between you and Allah, where you resolve to not go back to it. You stop doing it, you say "I am never going to do this again," and you have some sort of remorse and feel bad for what you have done.

But in the case where what you said about the person has not reached them — where the person is oblivious to what you have said and has not heard that you were saying bad things about them — in this case you seek forgiveness for them, not from them. You seek forgiveness for them. Meaning: I spoke about so and so, and one of the ways to expiate what I have done is I ask Allah to forgive so and so for his sins. "O Allah, forgive him for his sins and pardon him for his mistakes" and so on. You make du'a asking Allah to forgive that person — that is one thing the scholars mentioned.

The other thing they said: you mention them with good in the same gathering and in front of the same people. If you were backbiting and said bad things about him in front of four people, make sure you go back to those four people and say good things this time. This is in the case where the person has no idea that you even said these bad things about him.

But in the case where the news reached the person — because there was a shaytan from among the humans in the audience who rushed to tell them what you said — in this case, how do you expiate? If the news has reached them, then you ask for their forgiveness. As we said, in any case you ask Allah's forgiveness. But now, you also want to get them specifically to pardon you. And the Prophet ﷺ said in Sahih al-Bukhari:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2449)

Whoever has done some kind of injustice to his brother — and of course these kinds of hadith include the sister as well — you should get them to forgive you. The Prophet ﷺ describes that on the Day of Judgment there is no dinar وَلَا دِرْهَمٌ — no gold dinars, no silver dirhams, no currency to pay someone back. It will be taken from your good deeds. And if you have no good deeds, they will take their bad deeds and throw them on you.

So you ask that person to forgive you. And what is important here is that you do not have to go into severe specific details. Sometimes you can simply say, "I spoke ill of you and I am asking you to forgive me. I made tawbah from that and I think highly of you," and so on and so forth. Sometimes people come and give excessive details of the nasty things they said, and that angers you more.

Now, if someone comes to you and says, "I was backbiting you and I said this and that about you" — don't start an investigation. تَفْتَحُ لِمَحْضَرٍ طَيِّبٍ — "Why did you say that? And who else was there? And then I'll go to that person — why didn't you defend me?" تَفْتَحُ مَحْضَرًا كَامِلًا — a full investigation. Don't do that. The person came for you to pardon them. If you are capable of doing so — and you should — then just pardon them and do not go into further details.

When Is It Permissible to Speak About Someone?

So then when is it acceptable to talk about someone and it is not gheeba, not backbiting? There are some obvious ones:

1. Bringing a complaint to a judge or arbitrator. If you are bringing a complaint against someone to the judge, then you are going to say the bad things that person did, but you are bringing it to the judge or the arbitrator or the imam who is going to fix the problem for you — in this case it is not gheeba.

2. Seeking assistance to change a munkar. If you are three very close friends and you discover something bad about one of them, and the other friend is able to help you in changing this munkar or in advising the friend, you let him know: "I found out that so and so is addicted to this or commits that sin — we need to talk to him together." Yes, but you cannot go — and Allah knows what is in people's hearts — to someone who cannot help, just wanting to spread the news, making it look like "help me with so and so" when you know that person cannot help in this situation. That is using it as a cover to spread the bad news. But Allah knows. When it is sincere, it is not considered backbiting.

3. Warning of someone's evil or giving nasiha when asked. The Prophet ﷺ — when Fatima bint Qais رضي الله عنها came to him asking about three men she might possibly marry — told her: the first one has no money, the second one hits women, and go for Usama ibn Zayd, that is the best one. Is this backbiting? She was asking for nasiha. And when someone asks you for advice, you can give them nasiha. This is the same category the scholars use in the field of al-jarh wal-ta'dil, when they evaluate men — who is trustworthy, who is truthful, who is a liar. This was done to preserve the religion and the ahadith, and it is not backbiting.

In the same way, if someone says, "So and so wants to go into business with me — do you think I should?" and you know that person is very bad with money or perhaps dishonest, you can tell them these bad things about the person and it is not backbiting. However — once you have given them enough examples and they are convinced that that person is not a good business partner, any extra information now is considered backbiting. I give you the first point — you're not convinced. I give you a second point — still not convinced. I tell you a third story — now you are convinced. If you say, "Okay, I am not going to go into business with him," — then that is it. If I then add a fourth and fifth point — no, that is backbiting now. The purpose was reached, the person is convinced, and anything extra earns you a sin.

4. Someone who is already public about their sins. Someone who is public about their sins, posts them on social media, talks about them openly, with no repentance and no sign of righteousness — when you speak about their wickedness, there is no backbiting in this kind of situation.

5. Warning about a heretic or innovator. As the scholars also mentioned, someone who is a mubtadi' and is upon falsehood and calling people to misguidance — warning people of this type of person, or saying that they are that type of person, is not backbiting in this case.

Can You Backbite a Non-Muslim?

The last thing we discuss is the non-Muslim. Many people will say you can backbite the non-Muslim because they are non-Muslim. The correct opinion is: you cannot do that. Because it is not about them being Muslim or non-Muslim — it is about you. Is this a khuluq, a characteristic and a behavior that befits the believing man or woman? So it does not matter what the other person is. Do you go around backbiting people? That is the first thing.

So the scholars say: yes, you are not allowed to backbite a non-Muslim. So at the office, going around attacking everyone — "They are non-Muslim, they are non-Muslim." Do you curse them? Do you lie to them also? Do you use profanity against them? Because those are akhlaaq — mannerisms — that you do not want in yourself. It is not about the other person, whether they are Muslim or not, or whether they deserve it or not. It is about the mannerisms that you want to have within yourself.

So with that we ask Allah to make us of those who hear the truth as clear truth and follow the best of it, and to make us of those who recognize falsehood as clear falsehood and abstain from it.