Being Grateful to Others

Being Grateful to Others

It happened that we carried some food to that particular house. And as we were coming in, the people — subhanAllah — so dignified and so honorable. So they would insist on serving you before you leave, so at least a cup of tea. So we sat down there with them for that cup of tea, at least to give them the pleasure of serving somebody. So we did. We talked a little bit and we enjoyed the conversation with them for a few minutes. And as we were about to leave, we told the gentleman — the man of the house — "Is there anything we can help you with before we leave?" And he says, "Alhamdulillah. We have everything."

And me and my colleagues were looking around — what is he talking about? There was literally nothing in there. One or two mattresses — like cushions — they sleep on them during the night and just use them as their couches during the day. And then maybe a few utensils here and there. And the possessions that they have in this world were literally nothing, for us. For him, he said, "Alhamdulillah. We have everything."

But it's not his words that really struck me so hard. It's the way they came out. They came so genuine. Like he literally meant it when he said that — Alhamdulillah, we have everything.

Today I asked someone living in the midst of this — mashAllah — fancy, beautiful area: "How are you doing?" He said, "Alhamdulillah, I cannot complain." I said: you already complained. What does it mean to be grateful? What does it really mean to be grateful?

The Essence of Gratitude

Last time I talked about why we're looking for peace and tranquility in our relationships and how we can get that. And the answer to this was: being grateful, really showing gratitude — because we feel emotionally unfulfilled if we don't feel appreciated enough. And if you don't feel appreciated, why? Because you don't hear it enough. That sense of gratitude is not there.

So how can I be really grateful? What does it mean to be grateful? How can I have that inner peace that this man had — who had absolutely nothing in terms of the possessions of this dunya? We brought them food. The basics he didn't have — we brought him the basics to his place. And when you ask him, "Anything else we can help you with?" he would say, "Alhamdulillah, we have everything." The way it comes out — it comes out from the heart. That's what matters.

So when it comes to talking about gratitude, my dear brothers and sisters — us here, as we have, alhamdulillah, so much of this dunya — yes, we lack other things, but we have so much in this dunya to be grateful for. How can I show my gratitude in the right way, and at the same time be grateful to those who are around me? So I can have that inner peace in my life — with my loved ones, with my family, with my children, with my spouse, with myself, with my community, and above all with Allah.

So when it comes to understanding what it really means to be grateful — honestly, it's not just an action. I know when we say "what does it mean to be grateful?" we usually translate that by saying: to be thankful by saying thank you. And that is the basic of it. That's the basic. To show that you're grateful — if someone does something good to you, what do you say? Thank you. Jazakallahu khayran. That's the basic. If someone does something good to you, you try to help them out and serve them as a show of gratitude. Someone is trying to give you something, you kind of try to outdo them by doing something for them. Like there's a transaction over here between you — they do something for me and I do something for them. But that's not the essence of gratitude.

The essence of gratitude is an inner feeling. It's that sense of peace — that sense of peace that you get because you are genuinely being grateful for what those around you have done for you, and what you are taking out of all this transaction with the people. That inner peace that you find — that is the essence of gratitude and being grateful. That satisfaction — Allah named it in the Quran. He says:

Allah shall give you until you're pleased and satisfied. What does that mean? Content and being grateful — like you're getting enough, enough to make you grateful. But are you?

وَلَسَوْفَ يَرْضَىٰ — the essence of that gratitude is to have that sense of contentment. Contentment with my family, with my spouse, with my children, with my job. All of that — I'm just pleased with what I have, alhamdulillah, because I'm positive. I always think about what I have. I'm not worried about what I don't. I'm just thankful and grateful for what I have.

So the essence of it is really to find that peace and tranquility inside me because I'm content. Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamin. When I say it, I really mean it. When I do something in return for something I received from someone, I do it genuinely because I really mean it.

Today, whenever someone does something good for us, we feel obliged — obliged that I have to return that favor back. Otherwise, if they keep that favor upon me, that means they have the upper hand. So we always vie and compete: who has the favor upon the other? And yeah, maybe we're doing it because we're grateful for the service they're doing for us. But if it's not coming from the heart, it's void. It wouldn't count. It doesn't make you feel better either. Because when it comes to being grateful, you're doing it from your heart with absolutely nothing attached to this dunya.

Why Be Grateful?

So why do you need to be grateful anyway? Because it'll give you that sense of inner peace — that is given, and that is what Allah promised: He shall be pleased. That is what Allah says. It'll also give you that sense of being positive in this life, always focusing on what you have — like what the Prophet, صلى الله عليه وسلم, says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6490; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2963)

Don't ever look at those who are above you in this dunya. Look at those who are below you in this dunya. Why? Because if you keep looking at those who always have more than you, you will never ever appreciate what you have.

So we need to make sure that we focus on the positive side. Alhamdulillah. You know what? I look at those who don't have much, those who have less, and I have so much in comparison to what they have. So I'm grateful for all these things. Do I miss other things? Probably I do. But if I keep focusing on what I don't have, I'll never be appreciative of what I already have in my hand — no matter what that is. Appreciate that.

Why do we need that sense of gratitude? It's one of the most important things for us as Muslims, because that gives us a connection with something beyond this world. Like when I'm being nice to people — why am I being nice to them? Is it because I owe it to them? If you try to do that because you owe it to them, they will always disappoint you. Any relationship that you have with people, if you focus on them in that relationship, they will always disappoint you, because no matter what you do, there's no price tag on what you do for them. And if you try to put a price tag, you will feel disappointed.

That's what Allah says about giving. He says:

"We only give you for the sake of Allah. We expect no thanks in return. We expect no reward from you — no thank you, no reward, nothing physical that you give us in return. Not even verbal." We don't need that. Why? Because we are expecting it from Allah. And if you're going to expect that from people, guess what? They will always disappoint you.

So when it comes to being truly grateful, it's looking for that bigger purpose. I'm doing it because it helps me connect with the people, connect with the world, and connect with Allah.

I can't escape that video I watched a while back — a Bedouin man in the desert, subhanAllah, a shepherd. A guy came by and asked him, "Do you want anything? Can we give you anything?" He goes, "Alhamdulillah, no — the blessings are coming down and they're too many." And watching him and his condition and what exactly he was talking about — that's the meaning of being grateful. It's something in the heart. That's the meaning of being grateful.

When it comes to being grateful, according to the Harvard Medical School report on the subject, they said the most important thing about being grateful is what it gives you: meaning. It gives meaning to things in your life that you can't find a meaning for. Like what? If someone does something good for you and maybe you don't even know that person at all — so why do I have to be appreciative to them? There's no connection with this person. But it gives it a meaning. It gives that human bond between you and this person. If it was your spouse, if it was your child — maybe they don't deserve it — but I still want to do something to show that I'm grateful. There's no explicit meaning to it, but the feeling of being appreciative gives the meaning when there is no meaning in that kind of transaction with people.

And obviously, for us, the biggest meaning is what? To please Allah.

So overall, when it comes to talking about gratitude — it really, when you listen to it, sounds like: attitude. Which is truly what it means. It's an attitude — towards everything around you. Being positive about these things and focusing on the beautiful things that you have and own in this world.

To Whom Should I Be Grateful?

1. Grateful to Allah

First and foremost — Allah. Am I doing enough gratitude to Allah? When I say alhamdulillah, do I really mean it? Or do I answer like many, many people — "Alhamdulillah, I cannot complain" — or other words I hear from people: "Alhamdulillah, it could be better." Like — alhamdulillah — what does that mean? I can't tell if you're okay — you're complaining now.

So when you say alhamdulillah, what does it mean to you? Is it coming from the heart? Allah says:

Even if you try to go and enumerate and count all the blessings that have been bestowed upon you from Allah, you will fail counting. You will never be able to count them all — too many. Which means: too many to be grateful for, and I cannot give enough of that. So don't forget to be grateful to Allah.

When your words in the morning come — alhamdulillah — do you really mean it? After Salah, when you finish your Salah today and say subhanAllah — and then you say alhamdulillah — do you even know what you're saying? You remind yourself 33 times: alhamdulillah — that means, ya Allah, I'm grateful to You. That's what it means. Do you mean it when you say it, or are you just counting it, ticking the box of dhikr after Salah, and moving on? You have to focus on it when you say it so it really comes with great meaning.

2. Grateful to the Prophet

You're grateful also to Rasulullah, صلى الله عليه وسلم. Why is that, O jama'ah? Allah sent Rasulullah, صلى الله عليه وسلم, as rahmat al-'alamin:

"O Muhammad, you have not been sent to mankind but as a mercy to mankind." That is who he is, صلى الله عليه وسلم, for us. We're grateful for the ni'mah that Allah sent to us through the Prophet Muhammad, صلى الله عليه وسلم.

Rasulullah, صلى الله عليه وسلم, is so keen and so careful to deliver to you what is best for you in the dunya and the akhira. As Allah described him in the Quran:

"There comes to you a messenger from amongst yourselves — azeezun 'alayhi ma 'anittum — whatever afflicts you, it hurts him. He feels with you, صلى الله عليه وسلم. No matter what it was, he will feel with you. Harisun 'alaykum — he looks after you." Even when Allah wanted to send something down, the Prophet, صلى الله عليه وسلم, would defend the ummah and ask Allah to make it easy for the ummah. Bil mu'minina ra'ufun rahim — for the believers, he is very compassionate and merciful. May the salawat and salam of Allah be upon him.

And that doesn't stop in the dunya — in the akhira as well, he will be there standing before Allah, defending his ummah. Shouldn't we be grateful to him, صلى الله عليه وسلم? Make sure that you send salawat upon him, especially today on this Friday.

3. Grateful to Your Parents

I should be grateful to my parents. Allah made it very clear in the Quran:

He made it very clear — it's part of His commands — that you worship none but Allah, and when it comes to parents, you are dutiful to them. How? The least that Allah is saying is: don't ever hurt them physically or even emotionally. Emotionally — like what? Saying "uff" — just blowing air in their face, that sense of discomfort with them. It's painful. Even that is not acceptable from you. You need to be grateful for the blessing that Allah put for you and around you through these parents.

4. Grateful to Your Spouse

You should also be grateful to your spouse — to your husband, to your wives. Be grateful to them. SubhanAllah — how much effort they put in there, and how hard they try.

You might say, "Well, sheikh, you don't know my husband." I don't need to know your husband. But no matter what the situation is — if you always focus on the positive that we can get from this relationship, hopefully we will find some hope in these relationships. Otherwise, if you always focus on what we're missing in that relationship, we will never be satisfied with any relationship in our lives. I'm not saying that you're not trying to fix your situation — you should. Go and ask for help. Go for counseling — it's alright. But let's focus on what is positive.

Rasulullah, صلى الله عليه وسلم, was most appreciative — even to Khadijah, radiAllahu 'anha, long after she was gone. Every time he received gifts, he would send some to the friends of Khadijah. Why? To keep her memory alive in the community — radiAllahu 'anha. He was getting nothing in return from Khadijah herself; she was gone. But that shows you the love and the appreciation he had for her — radiAllahu 'anha, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam.

5. Grateful to All the People Around You

Then you show your appreciation to all the people around you. As the Prophet, صلى الله عليه وسلم, says — in the hadith of Abu Hurayrah, radiAllahu 'anhu:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 1672; authenticated by al-Albani)

Whoever does something good to you, then give them a reward — reward them for it. If you couldn't find anything to give them, then make du'a for them. And the least you say is: jazakallahu khayran — may Allah reward you.

Closing Reminder

My dear brothers and sisters — remember, it's not about what you're saying. It's about how you're saying it, and where it's coming from. The why and the how matter much more than what you're saying. So make sure that when you show your gratitude and being grateful — to the loved ones around you, and to Allah — make it meaningful. Let it come from the heart.

Aqulu qawli hadha wa astaghfirullaha al-'azim li wa lakum wa li sa'ir il-muslimin, fastaghfiruhu innahu huwa al-ghafuru al-rahim.

Practical Steps: What Can I Do Today?

Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamin. Sallallahu wa sallam wa baraka 'ala nabiyyina Muhammadin wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'in. Amma ba'd.

My dear brothers and sisters — what can I do today? At least, if I would like to show some gratitude, inshAllah, from now until next week:

Number one: Get used to saying thank you more often. Make it a natural thing in how you deal with your spouse, with your children. You know, sometimes as parents we forget to say thank you even to our kids — no matter how little they are. You ask them to go and get you a cup of water, you ask them to do something for you, and you forget to say thank you. Even when you say, "Hey, can you give me a spoon or a plate?" — say, "Thank you very much." Get used to it. Learn that. Let them hear it from you. Let them know that you really appreciate the little things that they do for you. Do that with your spouse. Do that with your parents.

Before you leave this masjid — just take one extra minute. As you say alhamdulillah — why are you saying that? Think of a blessing that deserves to be thankful for. Can you count 33? See for yourself. If not, then you're missing a lot, because you're not paying attention to the ni'am that are around you.

You need to make sure that you value the things that you have in your life and the relationships that you already have before they are gone from your life. Make sure to be appreciative of that. Learn to forgive so you can set yourself free, inshAllah, and enjoy what you already have in these relationships. And make sure that you focus more on the bigger meaning beyond this world — and that is the reward from Allah.

Find someone today — inshAllah. Make sure to contact them. Call them, go to them, and show them how much you appreciate their presence in your life.