Cultivating an Easy-Going Character

Cultivating an Easy-Going Character

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Today I want to speak to you about one aspect of character development, and that is how to have a generous, easy-going personality, easy-going character. And before that, I just want to talk about two or three different dichotomies which I have seen in our Muslim brothers and sisters, including myself.

Character vs. Reputation

Whatever I'm going to speak, I'll focus on character, not reputation. Most of us, when we talk about improving, it's actually improving our reputation, not our character, and that's a problem. Reputation is how people see us.

Character in Islam is how Allah sees us. And we have this dichotomy, unfortunately, the entire day. We're going to have the grumpy face, but for one second, because you want to update your Instagram or TikTok, you will have a smiling face — and that is very fake.

The entire social media technology is not helping. So we are consistently working on reputation, and we forgot about our character. And we have this dichotomy in such a way that some of us, unfortunately, we have the face of Musa in public, but in private, we have the face of Fir'awn.

And for some of us, they don't even have this dichotomy. They are consistently Fir'awn, whether in public or in private. May Allah protect all of us. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

And then there is one more surprising hypocrisy which some of us have — and may Allah protect all of us from having this. Ameen, Ya Rabb. And that is when we are at work, when we are at school, in the outside realm of the masjid, dealing with different people, the mainstream American community, dealing with the Davids and Samantas of the community — we will have a smiling face. We're going to hold the door for our supervisor. We won't honk all the time in the work or school parking lot.

Respect, courtesy, smile. But the same Abdullah, the same Maryam, the same Fatima, the same Abdulrahman — when they come to the masjid, when they come to the Valley Ranch Islamic Center, all of a sudden they start honking. All of a sudden, lack of patience will be reflecting in their character. The smile will be gone. No respect. The way we use the restroom of the masjid — إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ. This tells a lot about our character.

I'm not generalizing, but may Allah give us seamless harmony between our public and private life. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

The Hadith: Three Traits that Forbid Hellfire

So how to have this easy-going personality — this is one aspect of character development, and this is my khutbah's topic. There are many different hadiths about the importance of having an easy-going personality, but one of them is where Rasulullah ﷺ said:

(Reported by Abu Hurairah; see Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2488)

Abu Hurairah reported that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said — and I want you to pay close attention to this hadith because a very good glad tiding is coming — he said: if a brother or a sister have three traits, three qualities, then they will be forbidden from hellfire. And there's no rocket science. It's very easy. You don't need a PhD to understand this.

What are those three traits? First trait: لَيِّنًا — they need to be kind-hearted, kind and soft people. Second: هَيِّنًا — they need to be lenient in their dealings and in their actions and in their words. And third: سَهْلًا — they need to be easy-going people.

Rasulullah also added a fourth in one narration: قَرِيبًا — they are easily approachable, easily accessible. So if you are a kind-hearted person, if you are lenient in your dealings, if you are an easy-going person, and if you are easily accessible to the community members and to your family, easily approachable — according to the الصَّادِقُ الْمَصْدُوقُ, according to Rasulullah ﷺ, hellfire will be forbidden on you. May Allah give us all these qualities. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

What is an Easy-Going Personality in Islam?

By the way, what is an easy-going personality in Islam? When we are talking about it in Islam, it's different than modern psychology, and I'll tell the difference in a minute. In Islam, the easy-going person — you will be considered as an easy-going person if you are humble, if you are approachable, if you are easy to deal with, if you are easy to talk to, if you are easy to work with. Such a person does not compromise on morality and principle, but yet they are easy to deal with with their colleagues and co-workers. That person will be called an easy-going person in Islam.

We don't compromise on the first principles. Because as Malcolm X said, if you do not stand for anything, you will fall for everything. So we have our firm foundations, but yet we are easy-going people.

One misunderstanding before I tell you three or four methods from the Sunnah on how to develop this: in Islam, being an easy-going person is not synonymous with being a naïve, lazy, or cowardly person. It doesn't mean that this person just avoids conflict, even when it comes to oppression and social justice issues. When it comes to oppression, we have to be firm in our standing.

For example, if you are walking outside and you see someone pulling the hijab of our sister, you cannot say, "I'm a non-argumentative person, I'm an easy-going person, I'm a non-confrontational person, therefore I won't interfere." No. At that point, your easy-going personality is becoming an obstacle for you to stop the oppression.

That's the difference between us and modern psychology where they don't believe in God. Easy-going personality, easy-going character — all these characteristics and traits are just the means to achieve the higher goal, and that is the pleasure of Allah. But once you remove the higher goal, once you remove Allah, then these traits become the goal in and of themselves, and there is no higher goal to pursue.

How to Develop an Easy-Going Character: Lessons from the Sunnah

1. Stay Positive — Stop Complaining About Small Things

First, in order for us to be easy-going people — in the masjid, in the community, wherever we are — we have to start by staying positive. Just do not keep complaining about small, small issues. If we are that person who just complains about small, small issues, wallahi we will be very difficult people to deal with. There are people who will just complain about everything and everyone except themselves. It means that we have some serious deficiency in our character. Stop complaining, be positive, have a positive vibe in your surroundings.

Abu Hurairah reports about the easy-going personality of Rasulullah ﷺ. He said: Rasulullah ﷺ would never complain about or criticize any food given to him. If he liked it, he would have it. If he didn't like it, he wouldn't have it. But he wouldn't criticize.

Many of us have become so picky about these small, small materialistic things. I have seen brothers and sisters coming for iftar in the masjid — Ramadan is coming — and they are talking in their discussion after the iftar that today this or that masjid only had one or two items. Astaghfirullah. We should say astaghfirullah after listening to this conversation. So picky. As I'm speaking, in other parts of the world, in the Middle East, there are our brothers and sisters who cannot have access to clean water. And just because we don't get sodas or juices or snacks — and most of them are garbage anyway — we'll complain. There is our easy-going personality.

We all know this hadith in Sahih Muslim — that one day Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reports: Rasulullah ﷺ, after praying Salatul Fajr, came to her and asked, "Aisha, do you have anything to eat?" You know what Aisha said? She said, "We don't have anything." Look at what we have in our pantries. Aisha said, "We do not have anything." Rasulullah ﷺ said, "If you do not have anything to eat, then I'm fasting." Didn't make a big deal. The next day, he assumed there would be nothing, so he fasted. But after Salatul Fajr, he went to Aisha again and just checked: "Aisha, do you have anything today?" And Aisha said, "Yes, actually today we got something." So you know what Rasulullah ﷺ said? He said, "If that's the case, I will break my fast. I was fasting. I was prepared that we wouldn't have anything today."

Such an easy-going couple. Aisha didn't complain about her circumstances. Rasulullah ﷺ didn't complain about why there was nothing. And most of our arguments and fights in family and community are happening because of these small, small materialistic reasons. May Allah give us the tawfiq to have this easy-going personality. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

2. Be a Genuine Listener

The second way we can develop this easy-going personality and character: when we are listening to people, we have to listen in a genuine way. Do not just keep speaking. In a gathering — at a walima, in a masjid, in a family — you will see a few brothers who think that the universe revolves around them. Me, my achievements, my goals. They won't even listen to other people. Everyone has their story. Be generous. Be a good listener. Be a genuine listener. Let them speak.

Rasulullah ﷺ — in Sahih al-Bukhari — was giving the Jumu'ah khutbah. By the way, in the Jumu'ah khutbah, who is supposed to speak? The khatib. Even if you are talking about useful things — not TikTok, about useful things — even that is impermissible. Rasulullah ﷺ was speaking in the Jumu'ah khutbah and one companion stood up and said during the khutbah, "Ya Rasulullah, our properties have been destroyed. Can you make du'a for us?" Rasulullah ﷺ could have said that during the Jumu'ah you are not supposed to speak like that. But do you know what he did? He raised his hands and made du'a. Easy-going personality. And that's why some scholars use this and say that in the case of extreme emergency, you can speak.

3. Be Generous in Giving Compliments

Third, in order to have the easy-going characteristic, easy-going akhlaq and character, you have to be generous in giving compliments. Unfortunately, we are living in a capitalistic environment where generosity — غِنَى — is linked to money. So the generous person is the person who donates. In Islam, we don't link generosity only to finances. That's capitalism, Habibi.

In Islam, we say generosity is a spiritual concept. And that will reflect in your finances, that will manifest in your words — how generous you are — and that will reflect in your actions — how generous you are. That is generosity. Be generous when it comes to giving compliments to others.

We are very generous, mashallah, when it comes to finances. But we are not very generous when it comes to giving compliments to our community members and our family members. Actually, let me say this — some of us are very stingy when it comes to giving compliments. But when it comes to criticizing, we are very generous, mashallah. Very, very, very generous. Mashallah, look at our social media polemics. We have to be generous in complimenting. This will bring easy-going personality.

There are so many examples of what Rasulullah ﷺ used to do, but we don't have time. I'll just mention one. Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) — we know his background. Rasulullah ﷺ asked him, "Bilal, tell me what you are doing. I heard your footsteps in front of me in Jannah." Is he complimenting? Yes. Is he encouraging? Yes. This is Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

And about a female companion, Rasulullah ﷺ said, "Whoever wants to marry a lady of Jannah, they should marry Umm Ayman." Is he complimenting the lady? Absolutely. Compliment, encourage. This is going to bring an easy-going personality in you. May Allah give us all tawfiq and success. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

4. Have an Empathetic Attitude

The last thing we need to have in easy-going personality and character is that we need to have an empathetic attitude towards each other. We need to know where other people are coming from. The ability to understand another person's perspective and where they are coming from is essential to having an easy-going personality.

Sometimes people in your life — in the masjid, in the community, in the family — might be upset with you because of the struggles they are facing in their own life. You just need to know where they are coming from. If the boss is screaming at you, instead of feeling bad, if you know that the boss is going through a tough divorce, you will feel sorry for the boss. So if you know where people are coming from, that will help you a lot to have an easy-going personality in a consistent way.

And Allah says — regarding the servants of the Most Merciful — when ignorant people make a scene, the easy-going people, the servants of Allah, they say salaam. They de-escalate the conversation in a peaceful way.

Bringing Allah Back into Character and Ethics

Modern society has officially removed Allah from all the collective spheres of life. They have removed God from politics — hashtag secularism. They have removed God from economics — hashtag capitalism. And now they also only worship a symbolic God in the private spheres of life.

Which means — I was speaking about character and akhlaq — if you take Business Ethics 101 in college, that doesn't have to do anything with religion, because God is reduced to the category of religion. And the category of religion is made to have nothing to do with the category of akhlaq, ethics, character, and so on and so forth.

We, Muslims, don't believe in this false dichotomy. For us, character and ethics also have to come from Allah. Because we don't have a substantivist definition of religion — we have the functionalist definition of religion.

With that, I will tell you the final thing and inshallah I will end. Whenever I talk about having an easy-going personality, you need to have it because of Allah, not because of your own ego or your own reputation. Ending the khutbah where I started.

If we are keeping a smile on our face, if we are working on our character for the sake of Allah, there are many benefits — but one of them is that it will be consistently good character. But if you are working on your character not because of Allah, but because you want a raise at work, or you want this reputation that this brother or sister always has a smiling face — you know what will happen? You will have a smiling face when things are good. But as soon as things become challenging, and your ego is poked, you will have a grumpy face — because it was not for Allah.

But if it's for Allah, whether times are good or bad, easy or challenging, you will remember that smiling is Sunnah. That's why — bring Allah back into your life. Because ultimately, we don't worship these character traits. We worship Allah, and these are only the means.

I ask Allah to give us all wisdom. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

Du'a

Please make du'a for the entire Ummah. Next weekend, we have Dr. Yaqub Ahmed — Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. Dr. Yaqub Ahmed is an Ottoman historian who is coming from Istanbul to the INT Richardson Masjid for a Friday night program and a Saturday–Sunday seminar on why the Ottoman Empire collapsed, how the nation-states came from that, and how various Islamic movements reacted to nationalism. It's a very important and extremely relevant topic given current global events. Please come with your family and attend all three days inshallah. You will be receiving flyers as you leave the masjid.