Cultivating Patience: A Path to Inner Peace and Mental Strength

Cultivating Patience: A Path to Inner Peace and Mental Strength

I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger. Allah says in the Quran:

He says: all believers, have taqwa in Allah — which means that we should be conscious of Him, we should be aware of Him, and we should protect ourselves from His punishment and His wrath. And we should never allow ourselves to die except in a state of submission to our Lord. لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ، مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

I begin my khutbah by asking Allah first and foremost to send blessings and prayers upon our Habib, our Rasul, our Nabi:

Amma ba'd — my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

A Quality Frequently Praised in the Quran

There is a quality of a believer that Allah frequently mentions in the holy Quran. He frequently speaks about this quality. And He actually says that this quality — which many messengers and prophets possessed, especially ulul azm, those who went through difficult times giving da'wah to their people, like Prophet Nuh (alayhi salam) or Prophet Ibrahim (alayhi salam) — Allah has described them with this quality.

This is the beautiful characteristic of the believers, as Allah says:

Obviously, we are talking about this concept of patience — of sabr. SubhanAllah, one of the most profound definitions of patience that I found — and I thought this is really interesting to address with this beautiful community — is that patience, or sabr, means this internal coping mechanism that gives us the ability to regulate our emotions and control our emotions.

What do I mean by this? Well, one of the real strengths that we have as human beings — this is how Allah has designed us, this is how Allah has built us and made us — is that we have strength. Everyone here has this internal strength, and that is called sabr. And sabr comes when difficult times strike. It comes when difficult times strike, and also it comes when you are about to make a very important decision in your life. Sabr will come into place.

Sabr and Decision-Making

Let me start with how sabr plays a factor in the decision-making of all human beings. As we make a crucial decision in our lives, sometimes we make these decisions according to our emotional state. And when emotions are high, what is down? Logic is down.

I have seen it — it is a recurring theme. Big decisions in our lives. "I want to marry this person." Now, my mind is telling me something and my heart is telling me something else. My emotions are attached to that person, but then my logic is telling me no — this is not the right decision. Many of us make this mistake. We make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. "I feel something now, I feel attached to that person" — even though I know that there are serious issues in this relationship, and yet I make that decision. Why? Because I let emotions control me.

Now, sabr comes into place because sabr regulates your emotions. It tells you: no, hold on. I am just giving marriage as an example, but you can apply this to all life aspects — you are about to get into a certain career, you are about to study a certain subject, you want to get your major in a certain area, or you want to make a decision about having children. Many, many aspects in life — you can apply this to everything.

Again, sabr comes into place and tells you: make the right decision. You see red flags, you see big issues in making that decision. Consider what is good for you. Even though it is painful, that pain is temporary — because sabr is the tool that actually builds this coping mechanism, that internal coping mechanism that allows you to get over that phase.

Let me rephrase this, because it is important. Sometimes you can see that a relationship will fail — why? Because there is no compatibility. But two people are just emotionally attached to each other. "Do I want to marry? I think she is an amazing person, and yet I see a lot of serious issues, but I think it will work out." "I want that white dress, I just want that day, I want to get married." "I think he is cool, I think he is a good person — and yet I see a huge issue in his financial situation, or I see a huge issue in his relationship with Allah. But it is okay, I think it will work out, we will work it out after marriage."

What are we doing here? We are letting emotions control us, control our decision. Why? Because we are afraid that once we let this go, we will struggle. Sabr tells you: no, make the right decision, and endure sabr, because it will give you the ability to get over this period of time.

So that is point number one. Sabr gives you this internal coping mechanism. It makes you jalad — it makes you strong — to go through it. To make the tough decisions, as long as they are the right decisions. You do not let your emotions play you and control you.

Sabr in Difficult Times

Point number two: when going through difficult times, many things happen — to our psychology, internally — things happen. One of these things is that we think: that is it, it is over. "This is a very difficult situation, I do not think I will get out of this position. I think it will take too long for me to get out of it." But then Allah tells you:

By the way, I just do not like the word "patience" alone, because it does not give justice to the word sabr. Sabr means consistent patience. It is not like you are just being patient a little bit now and then you will lose that patience. No — sabr is consistent patience, and that is a very unique quality.

When things go tough, when things go rough, as a believer we say: يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ — I will endure patience. I will know that this is a temporary feeling I have now, and eventually Allah will show me a way out. That is the thought of a believer.

The Prickly Pear: A Metaphor for Sabr

SubhanAllah, the old Arabs used to associate sabr with sabbar — the prickly pear. Why? Because the prickly pear grows in the desert. This plant can survive for years without water, and yet it knows how to survive. If you look at it from the outside, it has all of these thorns and it looks ugly. Why? Because of everything it has been through — years without water and sustenance. But what is inside? A sweet fruit.

That is patience. Sabbar is the mifa'al form of the word sabr — meaning consistent patience. I will be patient. I will protect myself with sabr from all of these ill thoughts and negative thoughts that are overwhelming me. I will be firm on the deen of Allah. I know that Allah is with the patient:

أَيْ فِي صُحْبَةِ الصَّابِرِينَ — in the companionship, in the company of the one who has sabr, Allah is with you. Allah is with you. إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ. What an amazing quality.

The Impact on Our Youth

You can actually see the impact of this on especially our youth — anyone who lacks this quality. Why is there such a high rate of divorce in the first five years? Why is there such a high turnover rate when fresh graduates enter jobs within the very first five years? Why are we too quick to quit? What are we lacking? Obviously there are legitimate reasons — I am not dismissing that. I am talking about the vast majority of the issues. What is making me quick to quit? You come back to the same concept that we are talking about — this concept of sabr, of patience.

The Poem of Imam Al-Shafi'i on Sabr

I will end with a beautiful poem of Imam Al-Shafi'i about patience, about sabr. He says:

(Poem attributed to Imam Al-Shafi'i)

He is telling us: do not worry about the qadr of Allah. Do not worry about things that you have no control over — you only have control over your means. And when things go wrong, and you know that it is beyond your capacity, be satisfied, have rida. Be satisfied. Go through it. Be tough and go through it. Know that Allah is with the patient.

And also acknowledge the difficult time that you are going through. Sometimes our internal mechanism is to deny what is happening in our lives. I myself, as a father of an autistic child — at the beginning it is tempting not to process everything, to just deny the fact that you have this challenge in your life. Imam Al-Shafi'i tells you: no, no, no. Have sabr and understand that this is the qada of Allah. Be tough, go through it.

وَلَا تَجْزَعْ لِنَازِلَةِ اللَّيَالِي — when going through a difficult time, you will eventually have to face this moment. This moment that brings you down, this moment that makes you feel like you are in the dark. These triggers that happen to anyone who is trying to heal from a trauma, from a difficult time they went through. When you feel this, when you go through this difficult time, remember: إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ. Allah is with you. Allah is next to you. Allah is supporting you.

فَمَا لِحَوَادِثِ الدُّنْيَا بَقَاءُ، وَكُنْ رَجُلًا عَلَى الْأَهْوَالِ جَلَدًا، وَشِيمَتُكَ السَّمَاحَةُ وَالْوَفَاءُ — beautiful, beautiful words of Imam Al-Shafi'i. When we are going through this difficult time, just remind yourself — always constantly remind yourself — that you have this tool, this strength that Allah has given you. And also show wafaa and samaaha.

Sometimes when we go through a difficult time, it has an impact on how we demonstrate our internal emotions to the outside. So sometimes we come across as tough or rough people, or we become disrespectful — there is just a lot going on, a lot of frustration. Imam Al-Shafi'i is telling us: no, no, just calm down and show samaaha and wafaa. When things get tough, remember — you are a believer of Allah, and with the sabr that you have, you show goodness to the people around you.

The Importance of a Support System

And I will end with this — wallahi al-azim. We always talk about a support system. Allah has mentioned it in the Quran. He said:

Yes — do not forget, while going through this difficult time and trying to maintain the sabr that we spoke about: be mindful of the importance of being around people who can actually help you get over this difficult time. Endure these difficult situations with sabr. Sabr gives you that too.

May Allah make us among the sabireen, ya Rabbal Alameen. Because Allah said:

Only one category of people will enter Jannah on the Day of Judgment without account — without Allah asking them about their deeds. You go without questions, you go to Jannah. Why? Because you embodied this beautiful quality of a believer: sabr, sabr, sabr. May Allah make us among the sabireen, ya Rabbal Alameen.

Second Khutbah: Sabr as an Ummah

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam — with all that is going on in the world, it requires also sabr. Sabr means: you do not burn out. Sometimes it looks overwhelming. It looks like the ummah is struggling, it looks like everything is going wrong. And as an ummah, that is a quality that we need to build — we need to build the quality of sabr. Because it is not about this current moment, it is not about our present. The ummah of Allah needs to look forward. It is not over yet. The ummah of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) needs to build this ability of sabr, the ability to survive, the ability to grow through difficult times.

Du'a

May Allah, in this blessed moment of يَوْمِ الْجُمُعَةِ, bring nothing but relief to our brothers and sisters in Palestine.

Ya Allah, we ask You in this blessed moment of Yawm al-Jumu'ah to grant us the ability to pray in Masjid Al-Aqsa. Ya Rabbal Alameen. Ya Allah, make us among those who will be able to pray in Masjid Al-Aqsa. Ya Rabbal Alameen.