Hijrah and Our Mental Health

Hijrah and Our Mental Health

I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger. Allah says in the Quran:

He says: O believers, have taqwa in Allah — which means that we should be conscious of Allah, of our Lord. We should be aware of Him. And we should protect ourselves from His punishment and His wrath. And we should not let ourselves go without being in a state of لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ.

I begin my khutbah by asking Allah first and foremost to send blessings and prayers upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ. I ask Allah in this blessed day of Ashura to bring nothing but goodness, prosperities and blessings and serenity and tranquility to ourselves and to our homes and to our communities. آمِينَ يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِينَ.

The Month of Muharram and the Hijrah

My dear brothers and sisters, this month is the month of Muharram — which is the first month in the lunar calendar. The month that reminds us of the migration of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. The Prophet ﷺ went on a journey with Abu Bakr as-Siddiq, migrating from Mecca all the way to Al-Madinah.

And just to give you a little background about this migration, this hijrah — the Prophet ﷺ along with his companions were going through a series of difficulties and hardships. They were actually getting tortured. The da'wah was suffering badly. The Prophet ﷺ himself was tortured, was humiliated. The Prophet ﷺ himself was losing some family members, you name it. Going through that painful journey of even seeking help from within his people — they refused. He went outside of Mecca seeking help outside — he got rejected. Painful journey that the Prophet ﷺ went through at the beginning stage of da'wah, along with his sahaba.

Now Allah said, describing part of the journey of the migration:

Allah is talking about the hijrah here. He is saying that the Prophet ﷺ along with the Muslims were forced to leave Mecca. And then there came a situation where the Prophet ﷺ was in the company of Abu Bakr as-Siddiq. And Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu anhu was going through a phase of sadness. And the Prophet ﷺ looked at Abu Bakr and told him:

Don't be sad, because indeed Allah is with us. That is, wallahi, a beautiful statement. And if we think about it, if we dig a little bit deeper into this statement...

Depression and Anxiety Are Real

If we want to look at it from the angle of Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu anhu — he was going through a phase of sadness. Along with the Sahaba, they are all in a very bad situation. And wallahi we can relate to this. Either we are going through some phase of depression, some phase of anxiety.

By the way, depression and anxiety are something that at some point every human being will experience. This is just the nature of the human being. Allah has created us, and He knew that humans will at some point experience sadness, at some point experience anxiety, at some point experience depression. It is a fact. If the Prophet ﷺ went through sadness — and that is shown in the seerah of the Prophet ﷺ when he lost family members and what not — then the rest of the creation of Allah, the rest of the human beings, will experience at some point these kinds of feelings.

And so when Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu anhu was experiencing sadness — and I am very picky with the words I use, because I cannot really say that Abu Bakr as-Siddiq was in a state of depression, because I have to be very careful with my terminology — but for sure he was sad. And that is shown in the ayah. Allah said that the Prophet ﷺ told him, "Don't be sad," which means that he was sad.

And by the way, this is beautiful, because the Prophets came with human characteristics. They feel what we feel. And Allah was able to send angels as Prophets, but if He were to send angels, then we cannot really relate to those Prophets. Because these Prophets are humans — they experience all of what we experience. And so we can relate to them. We can learn from them. We can actually navigate the way they used to navigate these kinds of feelings.

Lessons from Abu Bakr's Angle: Don't Stay Alone

So let us see how Abu Bakr dealt with his sadness. We are going to look at it from two different angles: Abu Bakr's angle and the Prophet's ﷺ angle.

Abu Bakr as-Siddiq did something very needed, very crucial, when somebody goes through any of those ill feelings. Number one, first and foremost, he decided not to stay alone. Abu Bakr as-Siddiq was in a desperate state waiting for the Prophet ﷺ to migrate, to travel, so he could be in his company. In the seerah we learned that he was sitting waiting for the Prophet ﷺ. He wanted to hear the good news that the Prophet ﷺ would take Abu Bakr with him. He wanted the companionship of the Prophet ﷺ because he knew for a fact that being alone was not going to help him. And he needed the guidance and the companionship of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

So number one, first and foremost: when we go through any kind of feelings that are actually affecting our daily activities, never stay alone. Seek people around you. Seek a support system. Talk to somebody who you like or you love. Talk to a family member. Talk to a therapist. Seek help.

So the Prophet ﷺ was with Abu Bakr as-Siddiq. Abu Bakr said, "You know what, I am going to go with the Prophet ﷺ, and I will express my emotions to the Prophet ﷺ." How did the Prophet ﷺ know that he was sad? At some point Abu Bakr as-Siddiq showed something that made the Prophet ﷺ realize that Abu Bakr was going through a phase of sadness.

Controlling Your Thoughts and Actions

Number two, we also learn from Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu anhu. Experts talk about this many times. They say there are three things that we really need to think deeply about: there are emotions and feelings, there are actions, and there are thoughts. Everyone has these three things — all of us here in this room.

Experts say: you and I have no control over our feelings. We do not decide how we feel. But they say we decide how we think, and then eventually we determine our own actions.

This is very crucial. Experts will say: when you wake up in the morning feeling a little depressed, feeling a little demotivated — you do not want to do anything, you just want to stay in bed — experts say you actually cannot change that temporary feeling. What you feel, you cannot change it. But there is a solution: you can control your own thoughts.

So maybe you can actually force yourself to say:

"Ya Allah, I thank You. I acknowledge Your blessings upon me. And I know for a fact that I will be resurrected to You, Ya Allah. Ya Allah, I am refreshing my faith. I am acknowledging all the blessings that You have bestowed upon me."

You start your day with this du'a. Now you are actually controlling your thoughts. Now you are thinking positively about Allah. You are thinking positively about your day. You are thinking positively about your affairs. You are just acknowledging everything — all the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you. The fact that you woke up, your spouse is next to you, your kids are, alhamdulillah, safe and sound. Alhamdulillah you have food on the table. Alhamdulillah you have health. Alhamdulillah you can walk. Alhamdulillah you can get out of your house and take your kids to school. Alhamdulillah you are able to function — all of this. You are actually thinking about all of that. The first thing you think in the morning: thinking positively about Allah. That is controlling your thoughts.

And then you get up, and now it will have an impact on your actions. You also get to control your actions. You get up, and you go to Salatul Fajr, and you pray Salatul Fajr, and then you start off your day.

In another scenario: you sit down, demotivated, you do not want to think positively, you pull up your phone, you go from app to app, you watch short clips, and then you stay for one hour, two hours, just demotivated, not wanting to do anything. Now you are actually giving up one of your rights, one of your abilities — the ability to control your thoughts — and therefore it will have a negative impact on your actions.

Here is the beautiful part: once you control these two things — your thoughts and your actions — guess what? That will have an impact on your feelings, the ones you do not get to control. Remember? We said at the beginning: I do not get to control my feelings. Yes. But now you got to control your thoughts, you got to control your actions, and therefore it will have a direct impact on your feelings.

Lessons from the Prophet's ﷺ Angle: How to Support Others

My dear brothers and sisters, this is a subject that needs multiple khutbas, insha'Allah. But just for the sake of the time, if we look now from the angle of the Prophet ﷺ during the hijrah — how did the Prophet ﷺ deal with somebody who is going through a difficult time? We will have to experience this at some point. Some family members going through a difficult time, ourselves or other people around us, our beloved ones — it is going to happen. How do we deal with this?

1. Acknowledge Their Feelings

Number one, first and foremost, the Prophet ﷺ did something amazing: he acknowledged what Abu Bakr as-Siddiq was going through. He did not say, "Abu Bakr, come on, man up. All of your companions, we are going through this together." He did not underestimate the feelings of Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu anhu. He actually acknowledged it. And how did he acknowledge it? By saying لَا تَحْزَنْ — "I feel you. I understand what you are going through. I am giving you this emotional support that you need now."

2. "We" Not "You"

And another beautiful thing that the Prophet ﷺ said after لَا تَحْزَنْ — what did he say? إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَنَا. First, he is saying: "We are going through this together. We are here for you." مَعَنَا — not مَعَكَ. If it were مَعَكَ, then that is your business.

Sometimes we are very dismissive. Somebody comes to us with a real issue, and what do we do? We are very dismissive — "Okay man, best of luck. What am I going to do? I cannot do anything." Very dismissive. But the Prophet ﷺ said: "I feel you. We are here together. اللَّهُ مَعَنَا — Allah is with me and with you." SubhanAllah.

3. Do Not Accuse Them of Weak Faith

And then the Prophet ﷺ did not accuse Abu Bakr as-Siddiq of having low faith and low iman. That is very important. Sometimes as parents, we make this mistake. We talk to our kids. We see that our kids are sometimes going through a difficult time. And we look at them and say, "Well, it is because you are not praying."

Is there anything wrong with saying to your child that he should pray? Absolutely not. Is it appropriate in this context? Absolutely not. Why? Because you are associating two things now. You are associating what he is going through — whatever he is going through — to the prayer, to the ibadah. A, you are accusing him of having low faith, even though all the Prophets went through difficult, painful journeys — Prophet Musa, Prophet Yusuf, you name it. So if it were about faith, then the Prophets should never have felt anything like sadness. But that is not the case.

Number two, what you are doing is building resentment around salah. Because that child will always think about salah negatively, just because you associated his depression or anxiety to the prayer. And he will grow up hearing the word salah in a negative light — always constantly thinking about it in a negative manner. So do not associate these two things.

Seek Help When You Need It

My dear brothers and sisters, the last message insha'Allah — there is some level of depression and anxiety that can actually cripple you, that can make you not able to function, not able to go on with your day and carry out your normal daily activities. At this point, my dear brothers and sisters, you definitely, definitely need to seek help.

I am not sure if it is very common for a sheikh to actually ask people to go and seek medical help. But wallahi, this is our reality. I am dealing with youth on a daily basis. And I am telling you: depression and anxiety are real. These are real issues that we actually face in our community. I know it might sound difficult to process. I know it might sound harsh. But wallahi, this is our reality.

The fact that depression and anxiety are invisible does not mean that they do not exist. They do exist. And it is an issue. So please — just as the Prophet ﷺ checked on Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiAllahu anhu — please let us make sure that we check on our spouses, our children, and make sure that we provide to them any help needed.