How the Prophet (SAW) Dealt with Problems at Home

How the Prophet Dealt with Problems at Home

All praise due to Allah and his praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, his family, his companions and his followers until the day of judgment. I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad ﷺ his last and final messenger.

My dear brothers and sisters, there is no doubt that inside our homes, there will always be times of challenges. Every home and every house will have some issues — things will not go smooth: disagreement, argument, fight sometimes. Every house has this problem. The problem inside the house is part of the package, part of life. Even in Nabi ﷺ's house, it was not free from these challenges, from these moments of tension, of disagreement, between him and his family members ﷺ.

So the issue is not whether you have a problem or not. The point is how you deal with the problems. The point is not whether you're going to have challenges in life or not — we're all going to have challenges. But how you deal with these challenges. The point is not whether you're going to fail or not. The point is how you can stand up again on your feet.

There will always be challenges in life. The thing that we need to focus on is how to deal with them, how to deal with these challenges, and how to fix the things that have gone wrong. And this is very clear in the Prophet ﷺ's life.

Lessons from the Prophet's Life at Home

1. Cooling Things Down with a Smile

So many times Nabi ﷺ would cool things down immediately by just smiling and presenting a pleasant and calm face. He would smile and would let things go.

Once, Aisha رضي الله عنها asked him, "Where were you?" He said, "I was at Umm Salama's house." She said to him, "You never get enough of Umm Salama — always Umm Salama, Umm Salama, Umm Salama." And Nabi ﷺ smiled and just changed the subject. He didn't say, "How dare you say that." He understood she became jealous.

In another incident, Nabi ﷺ was sitting in one of his wife's house with his guests, and food came from another one of his wives. The wife who was hosting felt jealous and insulted — "Why did she send food to my house? I know how to take care of my guests. Why does she want to show off in front of the Prophet ﷺ?" She got jealous and kicked the plate from the servant's hand. The plate fell, broke, and the food landed on the floor — in front of the Prophet ﷺ and the Sahabah.

Can you imagine how you would react if this happened to you? The Prophet ﷺ smiled, looked at his companions, and said, "Your mother is jealous." That was it — with a smile. And he collected the food, put the two broken pieces of the plate together, placed the food in it, and brought it to them to eat.

The Prophet ﷺ had many such incidents where he would end the conflict instantly by simply smiling and allowing things to calm down.

2. Letting Small Things Go

Sometimes the Prophet ﷺ would let things go. He noticed it, he saw it, but he would not pick on everything. Nine out of ten times you need to learn how to let things go — and I am talking about small things. Don't pick on every little thing. Don't pick every fight. You can't — it's so exhausting.

Your husband is not going to be 100% perfect. She is not going to be 100% perfect. We need to let small things go. Sometimes the Prophet ﷺ would not engage in back and forth. He would just let it go, and later on he might address it, or it would simply die out.

3. Not Letting Tension Control the Whole Day

Once the Prophet ﷺ was sitting with his wives Aisha, Hafsa, Zaynab, and others at Aisha's house. Zaynab tried to hold the Prophet ﷺ's hand, and Aisha objected, and their voices became raised. The iqama was called for prayer. Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه heard the raised voices, came inside and said:

Meaning: "Put dust in their mouths — come on, let us go to the prayer." And the Prophet ﷺ made no comment, did not reprimand anyone. He simply walked to the masjid, led the prayer, came back, and things were much better.

Aisha رضي الله عنها said afterwards, "Now my father will finish the prayer and come to reprimand me so harshly." And he did — Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه taught her a lesson about how she should not behave. But the Prophet ﷺ understood she was young and that it was a tense moment. Later, Abu Bakr saw them laughing with each other and said, "I was part of your war, so now I should be part of your peace."

This is another method the Prophet ﷺ used: when there is a moment of tension, he would not allow it to control the whole day. It would last for a short period, and then he would engage in another conversation and move on. If you have a tense moment between you and your son, your daughter, your spouse — you don't need to keep repeating the same thing the whole day and the next day. There are so many other things to talk about. And the Prophet ﷺ was smiling and laughing and having a good time with them afterwards.

4. Engaging in Dialogue and Explanation

Sometimes the Prophet ﷺ would engage in talking and explaining. Sometimes you cannot just ignore something or just smile and move on. Sometimes you need to talk, to explain yourself, to hear from the other person. The Prophet ﷺ would do this in many incidents.

For instance, Aisha رضي الله عنها said that one night the Prophet ﷺ left and she became jealous and was watching for him. When he came back and saw her, he said, "Are you jealous?" She said, "Why wouldn't I be? Someone like me would definitely be jealous over someone like you." Then the Prophet ﷺ said that her Shaytan keeps whispering to her, making her upset, making her worry — the Shaytan puts thoughts in your head that have no basis, just to make you angry, to ruin your moment, to give you anxiety. Then she asked, "Do I have a Shaytan with me?" He said, "Yes, everyone has a Shaytan." She said, "What about you? Do you have a Shaytan assigned to you?" He said, "Yes, but Allah has protected me against my Shaytan."

Another example: one of the Prophet ﷺ's wives — before she married him and before she became Muslim — said that she had hated the Prophet ﷺ intensely, because he had killed her husband, her father, her uncle, and her people. Then Allah opened her heart to Islam, she became Muslim, and the Prophet ﷺ married her. One time he made a point to clear the air — he said, "Do you know why your father was killed? Because your father was actively recruiting the Arabs and bringing them together against me and against the Muslims, and he betrayed the Muslims." And she said, "That explanation from the Prophet ﷺ cleared my mind and heart completely, 100%."

5. Giving Admonition When Necessary

Sometimes the Prophet ﷺ would give admonition. Sometimes you need to advise your son, your daughter — not lecture them, but remind them of Allah. Remind your wife, your husband of Allah. And you don't do this because "I am your husband" or "I am your father" — no, you do this for Allah first and foremost, knowing that Allah will hold you accountable.

Once, Aisha رضي الله عنها and others were mentioning Safiyyah رضي الله عنها, and she made a gesture indicating that Safiyyah was short. The Prophet ﷺ became angry, because backbiting is not allowed. He said to her:

"You have said something — if it were mixed with the sea, it would make the entire sea rotten and foul-smelling." It was a backbite, and it was not allowed. He reprimanded her so strongly, and she repented to Allah from such a statement.

Sometimes certain things cannot just be left without making a point, making a comment, and reminding people of Allah — that this is haram, this is not allowed. Not everything can simply be left. But also, if you have a son or daughter, a husband or wife, and they do many things that are not correct, you also cannot pick on all of them. Because every time they see your face, it's always something — the hijab, the phone, the company they keep, the pictures. Every time they see your face, you bring something up.

You have to choose your battles wisely — with your children, your in-laws, your spouse, your friends. You cannot deal with all of them at once, even if they involve something haram. You have to be smart about which battle you choose to pick.

6. Checking Assumptions Before Judging

Another thing I found very clear in the Prophet ﷺ's life: he would check assumptions. So many times we rush to accuse, rush to judge. I know one of my daughters has a habit of always forgetting to close things — the freezer, the bread bag — and things get dry or go bad, and I get a little upset. So every time I see it happen, I say, "Didn't I tell you before to seal the bag or close the box?" And she says, "Baba, that wasn't me." But I already accused her — and that is wrong. Don't accuse. Just ask. Clarify before you judge.

You remember the story of the father who saw his son had two apples. He asked, "Can you give me one?" The son took a bite from each one. The father began giving him a lecture — "I bought all the apples and you won't even share one with your father?" Then the son said, "No, Baba. I was just trying to see which one was sweeter so I could give you the better one." Check your assumptions. Don't rush to judge.

So Nabi ﷺ — when the incident of ifk (the false accusation) happened — he asked Aisha. When something is raised, ask and clarify before you judge.

7. Being Fair and Just

The Prophet ﷺ was fair and just. When the wife broke the plate — the story I told you earlier — the Prophet ﷺ said, "Now take one of your plates and give it to her. You broke her plate, you give her one of yours." Fair — ﷺ. Even while he was sick, he would be carried by his companions from one house to another so that he could be fair and just with all of them.

One of the worst things in relationships, especially in marriage, is when each person stands firm and says, "I am not going to compromise." It does not work that way. Everybody needs to be willing to do some compromising. We need to meet somewhere in the middle.

When Nabi ﷺ compromised, it was not in matters of the deen. For instance, when one of his wives complained about the smell of a food that he loved to eat, she said:

"I smell something unpleasant from you." The Prophet ﷺ said, "Alright — by Allah, I will not eat this food again." He did not say, "That's your problem." He said, "Okay, I will not eat it." If something can be compromised, compromise. And by the way, compromising cannot always be expected from one side only — from the husband or from the wife alone. It has to be mutual.

8. Giving Options

Another thing the Prophet ﷺ would do is give options. When the situation with Sawdah رضي الله عنها reached a difficult point, he gave her the option to stay as a wife or to be divorced. She said, "I will stay, Ya Rasulallah, but I will give my night to Aisha." So it was an option she chose.

Also, when some of his wives came to him demanding more money — saying that life was very hard and they needed more — the Prophet ﷺ said, "If you cannot live this lifestyle, you have a point. This lifestyle is not for everyone. But if that is what you cannot do, and you want to live a regular life with income and money, I will give you that and let you go — but you cannot be my wife. Because I am not going to turn into someone who runs after the dunya." He gave them an option.

9. Divorce as a Last Resort

Divorce was sometimes the Prophet ﷺ's way of solving a problem. For instance, he divorced Umaymah bint Nu'man. She was very arrogant, considered herself something special and beautiful. When she married the Prophet ﷺ and saw the other wives who were younger, she was not comfortable. When the Prophet ﷺ approached her, she said, "O Allah, protect me from you." The Prophet ﷺ said, "You have sought refuge from someone who is the Most High. Go back to your family." He also divorced Hafsa رضي الله عنها at one point, then took her back.

So divorce can be a solution to the problem. Don't rush to it — but it can be. Because what I don't like to see is when people come to me with clear signs that it is not going to work, yet they stay. Then five or six years later, they come back to me in the same office. And I say, "I told you six years ago that this was not going to work. Now you have two extra children." Sometimes you have to acknowledge: this is the solution. I need to move on.

But don't rush to it, because we are living in a time when divorce has become too easy, almost like a trend.

10. Never Using Physical Force

You will find that Nabi ﷺ never used physical reprimand — ever. He never raised his hand. Problems cannot be solved by beating and hitting — not with your kids, not with your spouse. It does not work that way. Being insulting and disrespectful does not solve problems either.

11. Temporary Avoidance

But sometimes the Prophet ﷺ solved the problem by simply avoiding the person. For one whole month, he stayed in his masjid and did not go to his wives' homes. He just avoided them until they rethought themselves and things returned to normal. Sometimes that can also be a way to solve the problem.

Conclusion

There is so much to learn from the Prophet ﷺ. But we must look at the Prophet's ﷺ life as a source of guidance in all aspects of our lives — and this is one of the most important. A strong family means a strong community. A strong community means a strong society.

May Allah fill our homes with happiness and success. May Allah fill our homes with mercy, love, and peace. Ameen.