I Used To Be Indecisive But Now I'm Not Sure

Opening

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ وَحْدَهُ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى مَنْ لَا نَبِيَّ بَعْدَهُ، نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلِّمْ اللَّهُمَّ تَسْلِيمًا كَثِيرًا، أَمَّا بَعْد

وَإِنِّي أَشْهَدُ أَنَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلِّمْ وَبَارِكْ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلِّمْ اللَّهُمَّ تَسْلِيمًا كَثِيرًا، أَمَّا بَعْدُ عِبَادَ اللَّهِ

All praise is due to Allah and his praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, his family, his companions and his followers until the Day of Judgment.

I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad ﷺ is his last and final messenger.

The Story of Abu Talib: A Life of Indecision

The Prophet ﷺ walked into his uncle's house, Abu Talib, witnessing the last few moments of Abu Talib's life. And he sat right next to Abu Talib and he said:

"Uncle, say a word — a statement — so I can argue on your behalf on the Day of Judgment." What did he want him to say? أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ. But all these years Abu Talib had been thinking about it. And he knew that this was the right decision. But he had always been hesitant to take that decision.

(Words of Abu Talib, recorded in Seerah literature)

"I know that the best religion is the religion of Muhammad ﷺ. But I am worried about people's reactions, what they will say — otherwise I would declare my belief in the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ." That is what he said.

Guess what?

He ended up dying as a mushrik. And the Prophet ﷺ could not take him out of that state — of being indecisive, being unable to make that decision and take that step and accept Islam.

"I will continue to ask Allah to forgive you unless Allah stops me from doing so." And immediately Allah told Muhammad ﷺ:

Allah says in the Quran: it is not allowed for the Prophet and for the believers to seek forgiveness for those who die upon kufr, as they clearly die in front of them and they die as people of kufr. They belong to the hellfire.

The Other Side: The Story of Usairim of Bani Abdul Ashhad

On the other side of the coin, I would like to share a very different image.

Abu Huraira رضي الله عنه used to tell his companions:

(Reported in Seerah and fiqh literature; referenced in Ibn Hajar's Fath al-Bari)

"Who knows the man — the companion — who entered Jannah yet he never prayed a single prayer?" Then he said: "He is Usairim of Bani Abdul Ashhad."

Mahmood ibn Labid was asked: "Who is Usairim of Bani Abdul Ashhad? Who is this man?" He said: "His name is Amr ibn Thabit ibn Waqaysh."

This man — what is his story? This man was always thinking about Islam. Should I be Muslim? Should I not be Muslim? Think about it. And in the Battle of Uhud, when the mushrikeen came to Medina, all of a sudden he entered his house and he said, "You know what — that's it." He went and took his sword, put his sword around his neck, and went to the battlefield. And he started fighting, and he got injured so badly. His people witnessed the last moments of his life.

They said: "What brought you? Did you come and join the battle because you want to defend your people, because you're fighting the Meccans — or what?" He said: "No. I decided to be a Muslim and to join the deen of Muhammad ﷺ." He declared Islam and went to the battlefield right away. And he got injured so badly, and he died. Then the Prophet ﷺ said: he is in Jannah. He had not even prayed a single salat yet. He couldn't.

What is the difference between this man and that man? The second one had the ability to make the decision and to move forward. But the other one couldn't make that decision. Couldn't take that step. Couldn't bring himself together to move with what he knew — or thought — was correct.

The Problem of Indecision

Being indecisive — indecision — it's a big, huge problem that we face sometimes in our life. And it is a big obstacle in front of our success in any area. It is one of the biggest obstacles that hold you back and prevent you from going forward and going higher. "Hmm, I'm not sure." We all suffer from indecision at times. If we are not careful, this can become a depleting problem which feeds on itself, and it becomes a cycle of doom.

Many people have missed great chances to grow — financially, spiritually, within their family, in many areas — because they couldn't take that decision. And later on they regret that. I think that requires from us to reflect upon that problem a little bit.

Why Are We Indecisive? The Root Causes

1. You're Not Truly Convinced

I believe one of the big reasons — one of the main reasons — for people to be indecisive and not able to make decisions at the right time, is that sometimes deep in your heart you're really not interested in doing that thing. You're not really, truly convinced to do it. And if you're not convinced to do it, that's why you're always hesitant. And if this is the case, you need to gather more information so you can make a decision. Either I go with it, or I don't go with it. But I don't stay in that limbo.

2. Lack of Self-Confidence

Another reason is the lack of self-confidence. We worry that we're not good enough for this. And I keep telling myself: "Maybe I'm not worth that. Maybe I'm not good enough for that game, for sports. Maybe I'm not good enough for this college. Maybe I'm not good enough for this man to marry. Maybe I'm not good enough to start this business. Maybe I'm not smart enough to do that." And I keep just beating myself up and looking down upon myself. "I'm not going to be able to learn the deen. I'm not going to be able to do this."

Lack of confidence, by the way, can be in very different areas in your life. People have so much confidence in certain areas, but they have very low self-esteem when it comes to other areas of their life. If you really want to be successful, you have to accept yourself and you have to trust yourself. You can't ask people to trust you if you don't trust yourself. You can't ask people to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself.

I love this du'a which the Prophet ﷺ used to say in the morning and the night — asking Allah to protect him from two things:

Al-'ajz — inability — and al-kasal — laziness. Why? What prevents you from doing what is right: either something from outside you — and that's what makes you incapable, something outside your control — or sometimes you don't achieve what you want, not because it's something from outside, it's from inside, which is kasal, laziness. What prevents you from being successful is coming from inside you. And part of that is not being confident.

Practical Steps to Become More Decisive

1. Admit You Have the Problem

If you have this problem, please admit it. At least don't try to deny it. As this guy said that day: "I used to be indecisive, but I'm not sure if I am anymore." You are — you're just admitting it. Sometimes you just try to deny it. And sometimes you deny it in a smart way. How? "Oh, this is wisdom. I'm just being a wise person." And you justify this problem, you put it in a frame — a frame that sounds correct but isn't. "I'm just being careful. I'm just being smart. I'm just being wise." Indecision may or may not be a problem. But if it is a hindrance, if it is preventing you from moving on and you stay in that limbo — it is a problem, and a bad thing.

2. Set Clear Goals

If you want to move on, make sure you have goals. People who are always indecisive — people who have this problem — don't have clarity in their goals. That's why they are in limbo. Be inspired by these goals and dreams that you want to achieve. If there is something that makes you confused, ask yourself: would that help me to reach my goal? Would that help me to achieve that goal? And you will find yourself moving forward with your decisions. Goals are a very strong energy — they give you very positive energy. Those people who are goal-oriented can move quickly and faster.

Also, as you put a goal, you have to have a plan — how am I going to achieve it? And the moment you start thinking this way — "I have a goal and I have a plan to achieve it" — you will find yourself moving faster and more decisively.

3. Take Action

One of the things that will help you get rid of this problem: take actions, take actions, take actions. They say: conquer your fear through actions. 100%. Learn how to take action.

I learned in my life that indecision is often worse than wrong actions. I'll say that again. I learned in my life that indecision — many times in my life — is worse than making the wrong decision. Being in that limbo is worse than making a decision. Because this is my attitude, and I wish we all have this attitude: my attitude in life is — I always win. If I get it right, I'm winning. And if I get it wrong, I learn. So either I win or I learn. So I'm always a winner.

So many times when you stay in that limbo and waste so much of your time, energy, and effort, and you never move — you lose so much, and you lose people around you, especially if you're in a leadership position. Sometimes both options can work anyway.

4. Let Go of Perfectionism

One of the most self-destructive things you can ever have is perfectionism. It is the art of blaming yourself. Just being a perfectionist — everything has to be 100%, 200% correct. Even our rules in Sharia are not based on 100%. Our rules in Sharia are based on what is most likely to be the right thing. Almost 95–97% of all rules in Sharia are like that. That is how life is. That attitude of perfectionism is what makes people unable to make decisions and move on.

5. Change Your View of Mistakes

Sometimes we are indecisive because we are always afraid to make a mistake. But so what if you make a mistake? Everybody makes mistakes. Just change your view of what mistakes mean. Mistakes are an opportunity for you to grow, an opportunity for you to learn, an opportunity for you to improve yourself — they call it "experience" these days. An opportunity for you to repent. There is always a positive dimension to it. Your fear of making a mistake will destroy your life. We have to know how to deal with our mistakes, not to run away from them.

6. Stop Living for Other People's Opinions

One of the things I have found will help you a lot in this area: when people are indecisive, they always think about what other people think of them. So they pause — "I don't know, how will people see me? What will people say about me? What will people think of me?" Somebody wants to buy a car and he keeps saying: "I don't know, people will see my car — what will they say about me?" And his whole life is controlled by other people. And those people are enjoying their lives, while you are suffering because you think about them so much.

That is a disease you need to get rid of. That is a wrong way of thinking about life and about people. So that requires from you to decide: I am not going to hand control of my life to someone else.

7. Avoid Superstition — Build Tawakkul

Sometimes this indecision and inability to move forward comes from fear and superstition. "What if people give me the evil eye? What if someone does sihr on me? What if this happens?" I am surprised by the number of people who let superstition run their lives — everything can be bad luck, a sign of this, a sign of that. "I'm worried about someone giving me the evil eye, doing hasad, envying me." This will again keep the person in that limbo, unable to move on.

What you need to do is to have tawakkul in Allah, trust in Allah, especially in this area. Don't let your life be controlled by someone else. Don't worry about what others think of you or expect of you.

May Allah grant us and you thabat — steadfastness — and quwwah — strength.

أَقُولُ مَا سَمِعْتُمْ وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ

Second Part of the Khutbah

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ وَحْدَهُ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى مَنْ لَا نَبِيَّ بَعْدَهُ، أَمَّا بَعْدُ

8. Seek Counsel from the Wise

Sometimes indecision can go round our minds in circles, creating a downward spiral of indecision. When this occurs, it might be a good idea to speak to a friend, to seek counsel from someone of experience, someone wise. Ask someone, talk to a friend about it. Let them help you get out of that circle, that dark hole, that dark area. But make sure that you don't go to someone who adds to the problem — "Thank you, now it gets even deeper."

9. Set a Time Frame for Your Decision

Another thing I will advise you: if you have this problem, when you come to an issue and want to make a decision, put a time frame for yourself. "I'm giving myself a week. After a week, I'm going to make a decision. That's it, I'm going to move on." Set a day and that's it — that is the day I will make that decision. "I'm not sure if I want to marry this woman, marry this man" — back and forth. But you know what: "By the end of this month, if it doesn't work, I'm going to move on." Just don't stay in that limbo.

10. Build Confidence Through New Experiences

One of the things I'll advise you — especially if you detect this problem in your kids at an early age — teach them, expose them to new experiences, new hobbies, new goals. Doing things they've never done before. Why? Because that will make them conquer their fear, build their confidence, and get out of their comfort zone into new territory. Push yourself out of that comfort zone. Because the moment you start dealing with new experiences — new hobbies, new travel, whatever it may be — you find yourself increasingly forced to make decisions quickly, and it helps you grow.

11. Know Your Priorities

Make sure you set your priorities clearly. In life, there are always things we won't have time to do. We can't do everything, nor should we try. What is important is to have a clear idea of our priorities — my deen, my family, my relationships, my inner life, maybe sports, whatever you have in your life. When you have these clear priorities and you are faced with a decision, you can quickly refer to them. So I can make that decision and move on.

To give you an example: I've been getting a lot of pressure to commit to a conference in the upcoming holiday season. These people have been calling me, saying: "Sheikh, we've been asking you to our conference for the last five years." They've been sending messages, sending people I know — the sweetest words ever — and people that I really love and respect. There's been so much pressure, and I've been delaying my answer for a while.

So today, while preparing this khutbah, I made my decision. You know how I made it? I said: at Thanksgiving, what is my priority? To spend time with my family. So sorry — I can't attend the conference. Clear. I was able to make the decision quickly, because that is genuinely my priority. Maybe at another time, my priority is to make money — so I'll accept the job because that's a critical moment in my life. Your decisions usually reflect your priorities. So be careful — because your kids are watching you, your spouse is watching you. Where do they sit in your priorities?

12. Tawakkul, Du'a, and Salatul Istikharah

One of the best cures for this problem is to have a sense of tawakkul and trust in Allah. Take the necessary means. Expect nothing but good from Allah. Make du'a. Ask Allah to help you. Ask Allah to put barakah in your decision. Pray Salatul Istikharah.

By the way — a lot of people don't know that Salatul Istikharah is not about asking Allah to choose for you. It is about you choosing for yourself, but asking Allah to bless your choice. That is what Salatul Istikharah is. It is like when you ask a friend — you're not asking him to choose for you, you're asking him to guide you. But you choose for yourself.

Closing Du'a

May Allah guide us always to what is best for us in our deen and our dunya. May Allah give us the strength always to be productive. May Allah give us the strength to always be able to move forward, to correct ourselves and improve ourselves, and to grant us the best of manners and the best of akhlaq.

May Allah forgive us our sins. May Allah have mercy on us. May Allah forgive us. May Allah guide us. May Allah honor us. May Allah forgive us and our parents. May Allah forgive us and the believers — the living and the dead.

May Allah grant victory — a quick victory — for our brothers who are oppressed in Palestine. And may Allah turn the tide against those who have wronged and deceived them, يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ. May Allah correct the situation of the Muslims everywhere, and remove the fire of war and fitna from them, يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ. May Allah be our strength, يَا عَزِيزُ.