Jummah Khutbah - A Winning Personality

A Winning Personality

I'm hoping to highlight an aspect of Islam that I feel has made Islam so beloved to the hearts of millions. From Baltic to Burma, from the Horn of Africa to the shores of Indonesia, it is this feature of Islam that has given Islam so much acceptance amongst young and the old alike, that has allowed this religion which started in a desert to take deep roots in the most tropical of areas. Now naturally you're wondering what magnificent aspect of Islam is this? Well, why don't I let the Prophet ﷺ tell us.

The Prophet ﷺ in a hadith in Tirmidhi, he says:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2002)

That the heaviest thing to be placed in your scale on the Day of Judgment are your beautiful manners — how you treat each other.

In another narration the Prophet ﷺ says — I'm paraphrasing the meaning — should I not tell you about a person who Allah has made haram upon the fire and fire has been made haram upon him or her? Like oil and water, they actually won't mix. Of course the Messenger of Allah ﷺ — who is that person? The Prophet ﷺ says:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2488)

Every individual who is soft, easygoing, tender and gentle with people — that person won't even come near the fire.

In fact, in a hadith in Muwatta Imam Malik, the Prophet ﷺ defines his entire mission of being sent to this earth by saying:

(Muwatta Imam Malik, Book 47, Hadith 8)

I was sent for the very reason of refining your manners, reforming your character and to teach you genuinely how to be a beautiful human being.

You all know — or maybe some of you don't know — that Indonesia today is the most populous Muslim country in the world. About 225 million Muslims live in Indonesia. Historians are puzzled as to how Islam started in Indonesia. Was there an invasion by an army? Did a Khalifah send someone to take over? What happened? How did Islam make inroads in the land of Indonesia?

The most widely held theory is that historians say Islam was introduced in Indonesia in the 13th century at the hands of the Muslim merchants. When these Muslims interacted with Indonesians, and these Indonesian folks are subhanAllah looking at the honesty of a typical Muslim businessman, when they are seeing the exemplary manners of a day-to-day Muslim, when they see the prophetic personality exuding from them — Islam went viral in Indonesia, and it is the largest, most populous Muslim country in the world today.

So naturally the question for us is: how do you and I get better when it comes to our akhlaq? Akhlaq is an Arabic term that captures it all — beautiful manners, noble characteristics, etiquette, all the beautiful attributes you're supposed to have. As we say in English: being a class act, being a classy person. All that is encompassed inside the word akhlaq.

How can you and I get better when it comes to akhlaq? We all have room for improvement. But the reality is that the field of akhlaq is so vast. Where do you start? You could focus on your akhlaq with your parents, with your spouse, with your kids, with your neighbors, with your guests, with your cat. Is there something short and sweet that if you could master would help you in all of those fields?

Let me share with you something incredible I came across in my studies. We have a famous scholar by the name of Abdullah ibn Abi Zayd al-Qayrawani, one of the great Maliki scholars of his time. He is considered Imam Malik the junior because of the services he gave to the Maliki madhhab. He, after studying the ahadith of the Prophet ﷺ, concludes that the summary of all good manners can be found in four statements of the Prophet ﷺ — each a sentence or less.

So in the remaining part of my khutbah I'd like to share with you these four statements in Arabic and English, and I'll share something inspiring about each of them. Your job: stay awake, and hopefully you'll leave this khutbah with all of these statements internalized so you have something actionable to take home today — so you can inshallah start changing your life for the better right away.

The Four Prophetic Statements

First Statement: Verbal Hygiene — Guard Your Tongue

The first statement of the Prophet ﷺ, as narrated by Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه:

Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let that person either say something good or just be quiet. Let that person either have something positive to say and contribute, or let him just embrace silence.

Notice, my dear brothers and sisters, the first step to developing a winning personality is to embrace and master silence. Allah says in the Qur'an:

We have given you one tongue and two lips — so you can shackle this tongue, so you can monitor what comes out of here. In other words, the first step to building a proper foundation of a wonderful personality is learning to control your tongue — or as I like to call it, learning verbal hygiene. We've got to clean up, folks, what comes out of here.

Imam al-Ghazali رحمه الله, in his famous book Ihya' Ulum al-Din, says that by monitoring and guarding our tongue we can avoid up to 20 different vices — from lying and backbiting and gossiping and cheating and cussing and slandering and false remarks and false promises and inappropriate comments. So much trouble you and I could avoid just by restraining our tongues.

In one hadith, in three words, the Prophet ﷺ says:

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 6481; also cited in Jami' al-Tirmidhi)

Whoever mastered silence has succeeded.

So if you are someone who struggles with controlling your tongue — if your tongue is like a loose cannon that just destroys everything in its path — what can you and I do to get better? The key tip I'd like to share is that we've got to burn into our minds and on our hearts that anything that comes out of our mouth gets written down. Allah says:

Not a word is uttered except there are angels ready to transcribe what comes out of your mouth. You know if you've ever gotten into a sticky situation with police, you know how they say whatever you say or do can be used against you in the court of law? Well, it's kind of like that. Whatever comes out of your mouth can potentially be used against you in the court of Allah.

I remember when it was time for my citizenship interview with USCIS, my father sat me down for some advice. He said: look, when you go in, the officer is going to ask you a lot of questions and you've got to be concise with your answers. No need to get loosey-goosey. Make sure you're not going on tangents. You don't know what will slip out of your mouth that they can use against you to ruin your case.

So our mouth — whatever is coming out of it — you and I have to be careful because it is in a sense being monitored. Whatever we say gets subtitled by the angels that are assigned to us. And we live in a culture where cussing is like breathing, so whatever nastiness oozes from our mouth is getting subtitled, folks.

That's why Umar ibn al-Khattab رضي الله عنه used to say:

Whoever talks more slips more. And that's why one of the students of Abdullah ibn Mas'ud رضي الله عنه — his name was Rabi' ibn Khuthaym, one of the great luminaries of our past — used to actually carry a diary with himself, and throughout the day whenever he would get into a conversation he would take notes on what the conversation was about, what words he may have used, what expressions he utilized, what false claims he may have made. Then at night he would take himself to task and ask Allah for forgiveness for whatever useless speech came out of his mouth. That is the attitude of caution that you and I need to have.

Second Statement: Mental Hygiene — Mind Your Own Business

The second statement of the Prophet ﷺ:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2317; Ibn Majah, Hadith 3976)

It is from the excellence of a person's Islam that you learn to leave alone that which does not concern you. It is from the signs that your Islam is good to go that you have learned not to stick your nose in every issue and every development. In other words, you have learned to filter things out and to mind your own business — to filter what occupies your mental real estate.

My dear brothers and sisters, I promise you the world will go on just fine and it won't stop functioning because you and I chose not to participate in an issue and decided not to comment. Allah has not asked us to keep up with every tweet and every post and every latest fad and fashion.

I was reading about the leading cause of depression in America. Researchers after studying this conclude that one of the leading causes of depression is that people are constantly keeping up with the Joneses and the Kardashians. They're always looking at these celebrities — their clothes, their homes, their babies — and because they're constantly looking at them, it is an internal reminder of how much those celebrities have and how little you have, and that leads to ungratefulness, bitterness, and resentment in your heart — this inferiority complex. So folks, you and I don't have to keep up with every snap. We don't have to stalk every photo. Live and let live.

And to further drive home this point, let me share with you what the Prophet ﷺ has told us as to what will happen on the Day of Judgment. The Prophet ﷺ says a man will come on the Day of Judgment with mountains of good deeds — so many good deeds that this person has accumulated. This person is probably looking at those good deeds thinking, I'm set to go to Jannah. As he's standing in front of Allah, a man pierces through the crowd and comes forward and says: Ya Allah, I want justice today. This person right here, with all of his good deeds — this person used to always be up in my business and used to always violate my privacy. Ya Allah, I want justice today.

So the hadith says that Allah will take good deeds from this person and give them to this claimant. This claimant hasn't even fully turned around yet when another person pierces through the crowd and says: Ya Allah, this person used to dishonor my family and defame me and my wife. So Allah will take more good deeds and give them to this person.

Another person walks up: Ya Allah, this person used to expose my secrets. More good deeds are given out. Another person walks up: Ya Allah, this person used to be my in-law and he kept meddling in the relationship between me and my wife to the point that we ended up breaking up. Ya Allah, I want justice today. More good deeds are doled out.

Until the hadith says not a single good deed was left. And Allah says about such deeds:

Gone with the wind, as we say in English. And what's shocking? Even after all the good deeds have disappeared, people are still stepping up asking for justice. Can you imagine? This person's understanding of Islam was that if I just pray and fast and give charity, I'm good to go. No — Islam is asking you to be a decent human being as well. To not be an obnoxious person from whose tongue and hands no one else is safe.

A man steps up and says: Ya Allah, this person photoshopped a picture of my daughter, humiliated her on social media — she never received any marriage proposals after that. I want justice for that. Now there are no more good deeds to be given. So what happens? The Prophet ﷺ says that Allah will ask this claimant to take his own bad deeds and dump them onto the account of this person. And what seemed like a person destined for Jannah will be dragged on his face to hellfire.

So my dear brothers and sisters, we have to be careful and we have to learn to filter.

Third Statement: Emotional Hygiene — Control Your Anger

The third statement of the Prophet ﷺ. A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: O Messenger of Allah, give me some advice. The Prophet ﷺ very simply told him:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6116)

Don't get angry. So the person repeated the question again: O Messenger of Allah, give me more advice. The Prophet ﷺ said again: Laa taghdab — don't get angry. And he kept repeating his question, probably frustrated at receiving the same response. And the Prophet ﷺ kept saying: that's the point. Don't get frustrated. Don't get angry.

Notice, my dear brothers and sisters — I'm trying to connect all the hadith for you. In the first hadith, we learned verbal hygiene — got to clean up what slips from our mouth. In the second hadith, we learned mental hygiene — not to get involved in every affair. And now what are we learning? Emotional hygiene. We have to keep our negative emotions in check.

Some people misunderstand this hadith. When they hear the Prophet ﷺ saying Laa taghdab — don't get angry — they say: what do you mean don't get angry? We're human beings. Anger is a natural part of being human, like fear. It's part and parcel of humanity. So the scholars explain that when the Prophet ﷺ says Laa taghdab, he actually means: don't act out on your anger. When you feel the surge of fury inside of you, you've got to keep a lid on it — because one moment of action in anger often results in a thousand moments of regret.

That's why Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak, when asked by people to give a summary of all good manners in one statement, said: I'll give it to you in two words — watch your anger.

I know I've interacted with individuals — such kind, beautiful human beings that you just love to be around. They're always smiling, always have this beautiful vibe and a nuclear smile. Yet when that person gets angry — oh goodness — as if they're possessed: flipping sofas, throwing furniture, transforming into a completely different human being. So many relationships have been broken, so much domestic violence has occurred because someone lost control of their anger.

That's why the Prophet ﷺ has left behind so many statements to motivate us to keep a lid on our anger. He says, for example:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2021; Ibn Majah, Hadith 4189)

There is no swallowing more beloved to Allah than a person who swallows his or her anger.

So if you are someone who struggles with controlling your anger, what can you and I do? One key tip: we have to ask ourselves — do we want Allah to keep his anger away from us? Do we want Allah to give us an easy accounting? We all have skeletons in our closets, slips and sins we're not proud of. If we want Allah to shield us from His anger on the Day of Judgment, then let us shield people from ours. What could be a greater motivation to chill and relax when dealing with people?

And if you are in the fist of anger, then the Prophet ﷺ has taught us to change your posture. If you're standing, sit down. If you're sitting, lie down. Be as close to the earth as possible. If that's not helping, the Prophet ﷺ says go make wudu — the water of wudu will extinguish the fire of anger. And if that's not helping, then take anger management classes. There is no taboo in seeking professional help.

We ask Allah to make us people of patience.

Fourth Statement: Emotional Hygiene — Love for Others What You Love for Yourself

My final statement — the grand slam of all. The Prophet ﷺ, as narrated by Anas ibn Malik رضي الله عنه, says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 13; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45)

None of you have truly believed until you love for your brother and sister what you love for yourself. The famous golden rule.

Now to bring all four hadith together — and again, I'm doing this so inshallah it sticks in your mind:

In the first hadith, we started out by learning verbal hygiene. Then we learned mental hygiene. Then we moved on to emotional hygiene part one — keeping a lid on and control of negative emotions. Now we're learning emotional hygiene part two — bringing on positive emotions like love, sympathy, selflessness, and empathy.

We all know the golden rule is not easy to practice. To be selfless takes a lot of sacrifice, a lot of discipline, to prefer for others what you prefer for yourself. That's why Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen رحمه الله said something so powerful. He says: anyone who is married — if you want to know whether you're treating your wife with kindness and fairness, it is mandatory upon you to ask yourself a question. Imagine you had a daughter and you married that daughter to a husband. Now, when you're treating your own wife, ask yourself: the way I'm treating my wife right now — would I be okay with my son-in-law treating my daughter like that? If not, you've got to change something.

Very difficult rule to master. It takes training, conditioning — like anything else. You have to have a spiritual workout to get yourself there. But the good news is we have all the training opportunities we need around us.

Next time you come to the masjid and the temperature is a little too high or a little too low, before you go yell at someone, ask yourself: if I were the facilities manager here, would I appreciate being yelled at like that? Next time a baby is crying in the back, before you decide to give a death stare to the parent, just ask yourself: would I appreciate being looked at like that? Or you're on your way to the masjid and someone cuts into your lane because they need to make an emergency left turn — before you go on a honking rampage, ask yourself: didn't I need to make these difficult turns at some point in my life?

Next time you are in the masjid and you see someone new — seems like their first time — and maybe their kufi isn't on properly or their hijab isn't on properly, before you decide to give them an angry lecture on modesty, just ask yourself: would I appreciate being welcomed to the masjid for the first time like this? Is this how I want to be received in a new community?

At the time of the Prophet ﷺ, Mu'awiyah ibn al-Hakam رضي الله عنه, when he first became a Muslim and came to the masjid of the Prophet ﷺ during Asr prayer — the prayer is in session, the Prophet ﷺ is the imam — and Mu'awiyah, this new convert, is standing in prayer, and someone sneezes. Maybe not knowing any better, he decides to say alhamdulillah out loud in the middle of the prayer. People start giving him glances — signaling him to be quiet. When he saw people looking at him, he became even more upset and said: may your mothers lose you, why are you looking at me? And now people are hitting their knees, signaling him: be quiet, the Prophet is leading the prayer.

After the prayer was over, Mu'awiyah ibn al-Hakam was worried: the Prophet is going to make an example out of me — I was acting like a child in the middle of a prayer. He says: when the prayer was over, the way the Prophet ﷺ treated me — I have never seen a teacher more gentle, more loving than him. He didn't yell at me. He didn't criticize me. He didn't chastise me. He just told me: Mu'awiyah, in this prayer of ours, it is not appropriate to have a conversation. This prayer is only suitable for takbir and tahmid and tilawat al-Qur'an.

This was our Prophet ﷺ — always thinking: how would I love to be treated in this situation?

We ask Allah to give us beautiful akhlaq. We ask Allah to make us people of good manners.

بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لِي وَلَكُمْ فِي الْقُرْآنِ الْمَجِيدِ، وَنَفَعَنِي وَإِيَّاكُمْ بِالْآيَاتِ وَالذِّكْرِ الْحَكِيمِ

Second Khutbah

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ، وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ، وَمَنْ تَبِعَهُمْ بِإِحْسَانٍ إِلَى يَوْمِ الدِّينِ

As I wrap up my khutbah, my dear brothers and sisters, I don't need to remind you of the serious challenges facing the Muslim community in America. We are at a very critical juncture in our history, and we have to keep in mind that the very thing that helped and transformed the ummah at the advent of Islam is the very thing that will help and transform us today. And that is that spirit — my dear brothers and sisters — of being a tender, kind-hearted, beautiful human being.

That spirit that I am my brother's keeper and my sister's keeper. That spirit that we turn to each other, not on each other. That spirit that before I am Pakistani or Palestinian or Malaysian, I am first and foremost a Muslim. That spirit that our differences pale in comparison to all that we have in common.

And I end my khutbah by sharing with you a small anecdote that really summarizes all that we have talked about today. This anecdote occurred at the time of Umar ibn al-Khattab رضي الله عنه, when the Roman armies and the Muslim armies were colliding, and the Roman armies were taking crushing losses at the hands of the Muslims. So their leader, Heraclius, summoned an emergency meeting where he brought all the military commanders and governors, and he posed a question: how are we losing to these desert dwellers? Weren't these the same people 23 years ago we didn't even bother invading, because they were so primitive? Are they beating us — the Roman Empire, the superpower of the world? Our professional armies being defeated at their hands? What is going on?

There was silence in the room. Nobody wanted to answer. So he once again posed the question: are they not humans like us? They said, of course they are. Are they greater in number than us? No — they're far outnumbered. We outnumber them in every encounter. So then why are we losing? Once again, deafening silence.

And then finally an old man stood up in the back of the room — a wise elder statesman — and he said: your honor, talking to Heraclius, the reason we are losing is because these people know Allah and we don't. These people stand up for prayer in the night and they fast during the day. It is because they fulfill their promise and we don't. It is because they enjoin what is good and forbid what is wrong. And above all, they are kind and wonderful to each other. So Allah is on their side and not ours.

So for us as well in the 21st century — if we want the winds of divine providence to once again blow in our favor, then we have to grab onto this beautiful spirit of being wonderful human beings and adopting these beautiful mannerisms.

I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to make the Valley Ranch community a beacon of light. I ask Allah to make our community a standard bearer for the rest of the communities in America.