Learn How To Forgive

All praise be due to Allah and his praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad his family, his companions, and his followers until the Day of Judgment. I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad his last and final messenger.

The Bedouin and the Prophet's Gentle Response

Anas ibn Malik narrated: One day I was with the Prophet and he was wearing a بُرْدُ نَجْرَانِيّ غَلِيظُ الْحَاشِيَة (a thick Najirani garment with a rough border) around his neck and on his shoulder. It's like what we might call today a long coat or a long robe that people used to wear on the top. It was made of very rough material—not smooth at all—rough material and quite thick. While the Prophet was walking with me, a bedouin came from behind and grabbed the Prophet. He grabbed the two sides of the rope and the garment and pulled the Prophet so hard from that rough material that it was almost like shaking someone. He pulled the Prophet to such an extent that Anas said he could already see a mark on the Prophet's neck from this rough material.

Then the bedouin looked at the Prophet and said: يَا مُحَمَّدُ، مُرْ لِي مِن مَالِ اللَّهِ (O Muhammad, give me from the wealth of Allah—for it is Allah's wealth, not your wealth. Give me some money. I need help. I'm poor and I need help). The Prophet looked at him, and the Prophet smiled. He looked at the companion and said: "Give him. He is in need."

In this incident, the Prophet demonstrated a high level of self-control and a remarkable ability to let go, to forgive, and to show tolerance. He is indeed the best of manners. He followed the footsteps and embodied the same character and the same manners of the Prophets and Messengers before him. But as he was the best of all the Prophets, he was the best in all areas.

The Concept of Forgiveness

The concept I want to talk to you about today is the concept of learning how to forgive, how to let go. And that's something that is not easy. It's easy to say the word "forgiveness"—just let it go, move on. These words are easy. But it is hard when it comes to reality.

The Story of Yusuf

When I read the story of Yusuf, the entire surah talks about the suffering and the plotting against Yusuf. At the end of the surah, after all this suffering, they just tell their brother to forgive them. Just a few lines before that, they were saying: "O Benjamin is a thief like his brother Yusuf." There was no remorse. But at one point, they said: "You know what, we are wrong and you are right. Forgive us."

What did Yusuf say? Yusuf said:

"There is no blame on you today. May Allah forgive you. He is the most merciful of the merciful." And he let it go.

The Prophet's Conquest of Mecca

In Nabi, he used the same verse and this phrase after he conquered Mecca. He saw the leaders of Quraysh after all these years—13 years in Mecca and now 8, 9, or 10 years in Medina—suffering from the plotting of Quraysh and the animosity of Quraysh. Almost 20 or 21 years of suffering. And he told them: "What do you think I will do to you?" They said: "You are our cousin, your brother." Then he said: "I will say what Yusuf said to his brothers: no blame on you today, may Allah forgive you, and he is the most merciful of the merciful."

More Examples from the Prophet's Life

Nabi demonstrated this in many occasions. You know the story when the Prophet was sleeping and a man sneaked into the camp of the Prophet and picked the Prophet's sword that was hanging on a tree. Then he woke up the Prophet, pointing the tip of the sword at the Prophet's throat, and said: "Ya Muhammad, wake up! Who can protect you from me today?" The Prophet said: "Allah." The man said that the land started shaking and he was shaking so hard that he dropped the sword. The Prophet picked up the sword and pointed it at him and said: "Now who can protect you from me?" What the Prophet did was let it go. When the Sahaba came to attack him, he said: "No, let him go. He is forgiven."

You know, when he conquered Khyber, a woman put poison in his food. When he took the first bite, the meat spoke—the bone spoke—and it was a miracle. He said: "Ya Rasulallah, I am poisoned. Don't eat me." Then the Prophet spit out whatever he took, but it was filled with sauce, so the Prophet already had observed some of that poison in his body. That's why two of his companions died. They brought the Jewish woman who gave him the food. She cooked for him. They asked her: "What part of the sheep does the Prophet Muhammad love the most?" She said: "الْكَتِفُ" (the shoulder). Then he said to her: "Why did you do what you did?" Then she said: "I was trying to test you to see if you are a prophet or not. Because if you are a true prophet, Allah will save you. And if you are a liar, you deserve to die."

Can you imagine this being done to any president or king or leader? What did the Prophet do? He said: "Ya Rasulallah, let her go." He forgave her, demonstrating another level of forgiveness.

The Key to Forgiveness: Acting for Allah's Sake

If I think about anything that made the Prophet and everyone who wants to learn how to forgive, there is one point I saw so clear, consistent, and repeated in these stories: Muhammad and those who want to be like him need to learn that all their actions—what they do and what they don't do, what they give and what they take, what they say and what they don't say—they do it for the sake of Allah. The moment you learn how to live like this, the moment forgiving will be so easy. Because you don't forgive because of yourself—it is because of Allah. So no matter what it is, you will be able to let it go, to forgive, and to move on.

Why in the world would you give in a time of hardship? Logically, you should hold the money. You should keep it. You should save it. But when you do it for the sake of Allah, your calculation is different.

Never forget: one of the brothers in this community came to me and said: "During COVID time, I lost most of my employees. I'm about to fire or basically let go all my staff. I'm just making du'a that I can keep them because I don't want to close the door for rizq, for provision, for them. But sheikh, I can't. It's hard. And now, the time for me to give my yearly donation to the masjid and to some Islamic organizations that I give to—it's hard. But you know what? I took from my savings and I gave. Not maybe as much as I gave before, but I gave. I still committed."

Logically, you say this makes no sense. You should save your money. You don't know what the future holds. But when you do it for the sake of Allah, you calculate things in a different way. Alhamdulillah, Allah blessed him with more jobs and more money.

The Prophet's Final Words on Forgiveness

In Nabi, right before he died, he told the companions: "Whoever I've done anything wrong to, forgive me. And whoever has done wrong to me is forgiven." That's why Hassan al-Basri said: "Forgiving people is the best quality that can ever exist in a believer."

And today, I know we hear a lot about what the Prophet did or said in regards to this. We never get bored with these stories. But I want to share with you in this khutbah examples of the Sahaba and their successors, moving on in the history and the life of those who are role models for us. There is so much wisdom and so much of what I'm going to be sharing with you today. To see that this is something not only the Prophet is capable of, but also people who follow the footsteps of the Prophet can do.

Examples from the Sahaba and Their Successors

Abu Bakr al-Siddiq

Once, Abu Bakr al-Siddiq had a man tell him: "I'll curse you. I'll say bad things about you. This will follow you until you enter your grave, and it will go with you to your grave." Abu Bakr said: "My grave? No, it will follow you to your grave. Your curse and your bad words will follow you, not me to my grave. Because it will be in your record."

Umar ibn al-Khattab

Umar ibn al-Khattab said right before he died: كُلُّ النَّاسِ مِنِّي فِي حِلّ (All people are forgiven by me). He said: "Umar, anyone that ever said or done anything bad about me or due to me is forgiven."

Umar gave excellent advice. He said: إِذَا سَمِعْتَ كَلِمَةً تُؤْذِيكَ فَطَعْطِ إِلَيْهَا رَأْسَكَ (If you heard someone say something bad, something that bothers you, something you felt insulted by). Umar said what you do: طَعْطِ إِلَيْهَا رَأْسَكَ (let it go over your head). Don't let it hit your heart. Don't let it stay in your head. Just try to move and let it pass.

Umar ibn Yasir

Umar ibn Yasir at Siffin found a thief in his tent, stealing from him. This thief was from the enemy camp. So when they captured him, the guards in charge of guarding his tent said: "He's from our enemy. Let's cut his hand off." Because, as you know, you cannot cut the hands off your own soldiers or apply punishment to them during war because you need the soldiers. But he said: "He's from the enemy, so let's apply the punishment on him." But Umar said: "No. بَلْ أَسْتُرُ عَلَيْهِ لَعَلَّ اللَّهَ يَسْتُرُ عَلَيْنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ (Rather, I will forgive him. Maybe Allah will forgive us and cover us in this dunya and in the akhira)."

Sheikh Ibn Baz and the Thief

My teacher Sheikh Ibn Baz, once in one of the classes, heard noise in his house at night. You know, he's the Grand Mufti with an official position in Saudi Arabia, so he always had guards 24/7 at his house. He wakes up as usual in the middle of the night or way before fajr to pray, and he heard some noise. There was a bell—he pushed the button to alert the police. They came and he said: "There is some noise in the back." The police went and they found the thief actually trying to steal something from the backyard. They captured him. But they never informed Sheikh Ibn Baz about what happened.

He prayed fajr and he said to the guard: "What happened?" They said: "There is a thief stealing this and that from the backyard." Then the Sheikh said: "What happened to him? Where is he?" He said: "We took him to the police station." He said: "No, go get him. It's my house. Go get him." So they went and got him from the police station back to Sheikh Ibn Baz. And he said to him: "What are you doing in my house?" He said: "I didn't know it's your house, Sheikh. I was just looking for something to steal so I can make some money."

He said: "Why wouldn't you make this money differently?" He said: "Sheikh, I never stole in my life. You can look at my record. But I need the money. My mom is in the hospital." He made a story about his family members, his mother needing money to go back to his country and to pay for her hospital, and so on. Then the Sheikh said to him: "How much is it?" He said: "4,000 riyal." At that time, that was a good amount of money. Then the Sheikh talked to the police. He said: "You let him go. He will be given an exit visa from Saudi Arabia and banned from coming back." Then the Sheikh gave him 4,000 riyal. He said: "Don't steal. Ask. There is much halal that you can get whatever you want." He gave him the money and let him go. So this man took an exit visa, the only exit visa from Saudi Arabia, and was banned from coming back.

Five years later, this man came back to Saudi Arabia with a new passport or whatever. Then he came to Sheikh Mubaz with an envelope and gave it to him. Sheikh Mubaz immediately recognized him. He's blind, Sheikh Mubaz, but from the voice, he said: "Are you so-and-so?" He said: "Yes. Sheikh, this is the 4,000 riyal that you gave me. I'm an honest person. I really stole because of my mother's situation. And I worked hard and made the money. I made the commitment to go back to Saudi Arabia to pay you back because of the way you treated me."

Then Sheikh Mubaz said: "No, I don't need the money. You can keep the money. You're an honest man, but don't steal. That's not how it is." He said: "Sheikh, I would never do that. But I came back asking for one thing from you." He said: "What?" He said: "I want to work for you." And actually, that person was Sheikh Mubaz's driver until the Sheikh died. He was one of his drivers. And he only told the story after Sheikh Mubaz passed away.

Learning how to forgive people makes you win people so many times.

Abdul Malik ibn Marwan and Raja ibn Haywa

Abdul Malik ibn Marwan was in a fight with Ibn Ash'ath and he captured so many of his soldiers. So they brought them with their hands tied behind their backs in front of him. Then he looked at Raja ibn Haywa, one of the Muslim scholars at that time. He said: "What should I do to them?" Then Raja said: "Ya Amir al-Mu'mineen, Allah has given you what you love—which is to win the battle, to capture your enemy. So now, do what Allah loves. He did to you what you love, now do what Allah loves."

Then he said: "What is that?" He said: "To let them go and to forgive them and to give them a second chance." Then he said: "You're all free to go. Don't ever pick up a sword against the Muslims again." That's another level of akhlaq.

Amr ibn Dhar and Ibn Ayyash

Sufyan Al Thawri reported that Ibn Ayyash used to say bad things about Amr ibn Dhar. Amr ibn Dhar was an older, well-known, well-respected person in al-Kufa. But Ayyash used to say bad things about him. So Amr ibn Dhar once met him in the street and said: "Hey, take it easy. Don't talk so bad about me. Don't talk too much bad things about me. Keep a space for a peace or one day we might make it up. One day maybe we will forget and forgive each other."

You know what? There is nothing better than when someone disobeys Allah in the way he treats you, you obey Allah in the way you treat him or her. I'll say that again: There is nothing better than when someone disobeys Allah by the way he treats you. In return, you obey Allah in the way you treat that person. Don't be equal. There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

Amr ibn al-As

Amr ibn al-As—a man told him once: لَا تَفْرُغَنَّ لَكَ وَاللَّهِ (I will focus on you. I hate you so much and I'm going to focus on you, expose you, talk bad about you, trash you). Like today, just you know, online nothing. He is basically saying: "You are my target. I will free my time for you." He said: "That's not freeing your time. That's occupying your time with the worst thing you can ever be occupied with."

Then he said to him: "Are you threatening me?" Then Amr ibn al-As said: "No, I'm not." He said to him: "Ya Amr, be careful. If you say one word, I will return with ten. I will say ten." Amr ibn al-As smiled. He said: "Son, if you say ten, you will not hear one from me. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." And that's why Amr ibn al-As was a strong man.

Ali ibn Abi Talib

One of the most amazing statements I heard in regard to this issue was what Ali ibn Abi Talib said. He said: If Allah gives you the ability to win over or to win against your enemy, the way you thank Allah for that blessing is to forgive your enemy. Allah gives you the power. You broke him. Forgive him. Move on. Allah gives you the power to divorce this person. Khalas, let it go, forgive him. Allah gives you the power to take your money back from that person. How do you thank Allah for allowing you to be like this way? It's to forgive that person. You got your right. And just move on in your life.

Ali ibn Hussain ibn Ali

Ali ibn Hussain ibn Ali was walking out of the masjid one day, and somebody came to him and he cursed and said bad things about him. People jumped from every corner: "Why did you say this to the grandson of the Prophet?" He said: "Let him. He said: 'Son, what you don't know about me is way worse than what you know about me. But Alhamdulillah, Allah covered my mistakes. What do you need? Why are you so angry? What is it that you want?'" The man felt shy. Then Ali ibn Hussain took him on the side and gave him money—1,000 dirham and a shawl that was on his shoulder. He said: "Take this. Just be happy. Whatever made you upset with me, just either tell me or just forget about it. Whatever you heard about me is not true, basically."

The Difficulty and Power of Forgiveness

It's not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you. It makes you in control—not controlled by your anger and grudge and frustration and hate.

The Trap of Unforgiveness

Sometimes you need to learn that when you forgive, you always think: Sometimes when people are around you, they're only around you because you have something to give. He said why? إِذَا أَعْسَرْتَ لَزِمُوكَ وَإِنْ أَعْسَرْتَ تَرَكُوكَ (When you have money they always hang around you, hang out with you, get free meals, free Starbucks, free dinners, free rides. You don't pay. Guys, they give you food. They do gifts. Traveling. You have money, they're always hanging around you. But when you are poor, when you don't have much money, they don't even contact you. They don't even care about you). You know, like you see how we don't do that, but just for a joke—like in Ramadan, I always reach out to certain people: "Hey, how are you doing?" Right before Ramadan, yeah sure, because it's Indonesia. I don't do that, but just as a joke, some people maybe do. I don't know what that laugh means. Okay, and she said: "When you don't have much money, we don't see them around. What a worst friend you have."

I love this kind of attitude. He doesn't want to poison himself from inside because you can't think about it this way and build on this and become frustrated and angry. But look at his reaction. He said: "That's actually—they are good people. They come when they know that I am able to serve and to help. But when they know that I can't and I will be embarrassed, and I will be in hardship, and I will have to go all out of my way because I have to take care of them, they know I don't have the ability to do that. So they don't come just because they don't want to embarrass me." You see how he sees it from a completely different perspective?

A man said something bad to someone, then he wrote to him a line of poetry: "As much as I'm hurt about the bad things that he said about me, but at least you thought about me." Ibrahim said: "Look for 70 excuses for your brother. If you couldn't find one, just make the last excuse be that you forgive him—even if there is no excuse. Because forgiving is not about excuse. Forgiving is about: even if you have no excuse, I forgive you." Some other people said: "Make the excuse that you couldn't think of an excuse." That's not being dumb, by the way. That's somebody who wants to protect his heart, her heart, from being poisoned and filled with anger and frustration for no reason. That doesn't mean that you don't take your rights. You don't hold people accountable. Somebody made something wrong to me. Forgiving him doesn't mean that person becomes my friend. Somebody did something bad to me. It doesn't mean forgiving it means we hang out tomorrow. No. I let it go. But you know what, you're going away. I learned my lesson. You will not be a noble person until you learn two things: you don't look at what people have in their hands, and you will let things go when you forgive.

Closing Du'a and Salawat

You heal and when you let go you grow. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make us among those who grow in manners and give us the ability and the strength to forgive. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala forgive us whatever mistakes we have done—what people know of our faults and what they don't know. And to guide our parents and to guide our children and to gather all of us in Jannat al-Na'im. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bring peace and tranquility and prosperity and safety to our homes, to our community, to our country, to our city, and to the Muslim world and to the world.

And we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to make the coming days in our life better than the days that are behind our backs. And we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to keep us in Islam and sunnah until we meet him while he is pleased with us.