Let's let go of our Ego

Let's Let Go of Our Ego

Alhamdulillah, we praise Allah, we seek His aid and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of ourselves and of our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide. And whomsoever Allah allows to be led astray, none can guide aright. And I bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship except Allah, the Exalted. And that Muhammad is His last messenger and servant.

O you who believe, be mindful of Allah and die not except in a state of submission to Him alone. O humanity, be mindful of Allah who created you from a single soul, and from that created his mate, and from that scattered many men and women. O humanity, do not cut off relations with your kin, your relatives. Indeed, Allah is ar-Raqib — the ultimate monitor — over you.

O humanity, be mindful of Allah and speak the truth in order for Him to forgive you of your shortcomings and accept you of your deeds. And whoever obeys Allah and His messenger has indeed achieved the greatest achievement.

As to what follows — indeed, the best speech is the Book of Allah. And the best guidance is that of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. And of the worst affairs in our doctrinal system of Islam are the newly invented ones. For every newly invented affair in this religion is an innovation, and for every innovation is a form of going astray, and for every form of going astray is in the fire of Hell.

The Power of "I'm Sorry"

Two words. Sometimes it's so difficult to say them. Sometimes we have to really dig deep to say these words. But these words have a meaning behind them.

The month of Ramadan is close. Even if it wasn't the month of Ramadan, we know that the akhlaq of the Muslim is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's something that the Muslim should be attentive of at all times. But these words — I'm sorry — even if you believe that you're still right, is an aspect of our iman that we have to consistently focus on.

Can we just overlook our problem? If I'm wrong, and if I've wronged you, please forgive me. Islam is bigger than the both of us. We don't want the following generations to take on the problems that we've had. As was said in khutbatul hajj — the sermon of need — be mindful of Allah and do not cut off relationships with your kin.

The Ego and Its Dangers

Brothers and sisters, it's important for us to let go of our ego. The healthy and spiritual trade-off of letting go of our ego. We know that ego was what Shaytan was full of when he refused and did not want to prostrate to Adam. This is a sign from Allah of the kibr — the arrogance — that was full in Shaytan, because he didn't want to prostrate to Adam.

Look at ourselves and see what we are willing to trade off when we look at our ego. The ego — roughly defined — is when someone is obsessed with themselves, to where Shaytan or their nafs, their desires, can play with them. To where confidence can become arrogance. To where you're confident in who you are, but you start to belittle others and use it as a means to strengthen your so-called confidence. It turns into arrogance.

We know that in the month of Ramadan, as the Prophet ﷺ said, the shayateen are tied in chains — meaning that the influence of Shaytan may be minimal. But we still have the nafs. You still have that portion of yourself that still calls you to do those things that you know are not good — that are not healthy for you, that are not healthy for your soul, that are not healthy for your relationships.

It's important that, subhanAllah, each and every one of us has to look and ponder over our relationships. Let's start with our family. Each and every one of us may have a family member — and I say may — that we cannot sit in the same room with. We may have a family member that we are jealous of because they wronged us when we were younger, they bullied us when we were younger, and we haven't gotten over it. We haven't sought therapy to talk about it, because we don't want to face the taboo of going to a therapist — to where people will look at us as if there's something wrong with us. We don't want to show it because we don't want to cause stress to everyone else. But it's still deep inside of us.

Or we may have been the person that has wronged someone. And we see the effects of that trauma that we have caused. And only Allah, myself, and that person knows. We haven't stepped up to the plate as a real man or woman — as a Muslim — to dig deep, to look beyond ourselves, our ego, our popularity, what we are known for, what we are respected for. But the basis of that respect is something false — it's counterfeit, it's not real. Because it's built on a satanic influence, built on an influence of ourselves and our desires, our shahawat.

The Hadith of Monday and Thursday

The Prophet ﷺ said a beautiful hadith — one we've probably heard in this month of Sha'ban — but it speaks to the generality of Yawm al-Ithnayn wal-Khamis, Monday and Thursday.

(Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 2565)

The Prophet ﷺ said: "The actions of the individual will be raised to Allah every Monday and Thursday. And He forgives every individual that does not associate partners with Allah, except the individual between whom and his brother there is enmity and malice." So it will be said: "Hold off on those two until they make up." In another narration, he repeated it three times: "Hold off — i.e., withhold forgiveness from — those two until they make up."

Every Monday and Thursday. How many Mondays and Thursdays have passed and we see the person's name in WhatsApp? We see their name in a group, in Telegram. We see their picture on Facebook. We see them in the masjid. And we try our best to go in the opposite direction because we don't want to face the reality of saying I'm sorry. We don't want to face the reality of digging deep within ourselves and making up, because Islam is bigger than the both of us. We don't want to face the reality that this ongoing feud between us will transfer over to our children — to where they will hate each other in the name of what?

Notice how the Prophet ﷺ said they will be forgiven except the one that — بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ أَخِيهِ — between him or her and his or her brother. Just think about that.

Do Not Wait Until the Deathbed

We all, subconsciously and — inshallah more importantly — consciously, know that we do not know when Allah will take us off of this earth. How many times have we heard of people on their deathbed who start to let out things they've never told anyone? Or they say, "You know what, I've always been hard on you as my son or my daughter — but I've always loved you." Do we want to wait until that time? Because that time is majhool — we do not know when Allah will take our soul.

Allah gives us many opportunities to let go of our ego. So let's start from today to ponder over our hearts and our actions. Because with that — when the heart is solidified, when it is clean, when it is pure, when it is soft, when it is munsharih, when it is open to the haqq, to the truth — then Allah will guide us inshallah.

The Hadith on Estrangement Between Brothers

Within Islam, subhanAllah, we may sometimes say from a good heart: "I need a practical solution." And sometimes that can imply that Islam does not provide one. But when I say Islam, I mean the Quran, the word of Allah, the implementation of the word of Allah being the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, and those who spent their lives to understand these two authoritative sources — the scholars of Islam. Do we make the effort to seek the truth within these sources?

It is important for us to let go of our ego in order to hold firmly to our iman. That's the trade-off: let go of your ego to hold firmly onto your faith. Because when you let the ego grow within you, it doesn't only hurt you, brother or sister — it hurts the people around you. If you're the father, if you're the mother, you make your children take a side. If you're the close friend, you make your other friends take a side, because of something that you do not want to be uncomfortable with. We are comfortable with enmity. Think about that. We are comfortable with enmity towards another human being, when we know subconsciously that Allah does not want that for us. Allah wants love — or at minimum, tolerance — amongst each other.

There is a hadith of Abu Hurayrah رضي الله عنه where the Prophet ﷺ said that it is impermissible for a Muslim to distance themselves from their brother or sister for more than three days — and in another narration, three nights.

"It is not permissible for a Muslim to distance himself from his brother more than three days, such that they meet and this one turns away from him and the other turns away from him. And the best of the two is the one who starts with the salaam."

Anything that is impermissible in Islam is something that will tear apart communities. Anything that is impermissible in Islam is something that will weaken the iman. Anything that is impermissible in Islam is something that will compromise the yaqeen — the certainty — between you and your Lord, when you continue upon an act you know is wrong.

If you have a problem with your brother or sister, you still believe that you're right — that's fine. But Islam is telling you: overlook that. Look at the relationship. If it's something of the dunya, if it's something where they said something about you in the religion, they wronged you — this happens; not to belittle that. Perhaps that person hasn't woken up and asked for forgiveness. But what about you? Look at yourselves and see how you can be better. Because you will go in front of Allah furadan — you will go in front of Allah alone.

He said it's impermissible for a brother to distance himself from his brother or sister more than three days — and then he gives a definition: this one turns his back on him or her, and the other turns his back. We just hope we don't see them at the gathering. And if we do, we go the other direction. If they're east, we're going west. We don't want to have to face the person giving us salam, or face giving them salam.

And then he gives a solution: the best of the two is the one who starts with salam. The one who at least sends a text and says Assalamu Alaykum. And the person on the other end thinks — what, when, where, how? This person is texting me and we have a problem. They're going to start to think. Shaytan can't even play with that person — he'll be thinking: why are they texting me? What do they want?

Many of us who have come into Islam, or those that have come back to faith — isn't it so impactful when someone does something good for you and they don't want anything in return? What they want is something you cannot provide — it is only what Allah can provide. When you reach the level of only wanting what Allah wants from you, you're not too concerned about what people think about you. You're not concerned that this person is going to think you're weak if you give salam, or come up and say Assalamu Alaykum to them with a smile.

No — this is salamat al-sadr. A pure, free heart. The Day when nothing will benefit them — not money, not children — except the person that comes with a pure, clean heart and salama. And Allah's name is as-Salam — meaning free from any 'ayb, any deficiency, any defect. There is no defect in your heart — no envy, no hatred, no jealousy, no malice. It is free. Because you are looking at the bigger picture.

Jannah: A Place Free of Enmity

May Allah make us from the people of Jannah. Jannah is a place where there is no lahw — no wasting of time, no ill speech, no speech that is not pleasing to Allah. Jannah is a place where there is no ghil — no malice, no hatred, no enmity, no 'adawa towards another.

Allah says in a beautiful verse in the Quran — in the chapter of Al-Hijr — when he talks about the statements of the people of Jannah. Allah uses two beautiful words I want to capitalize on, because when we go deep into the beauty of Arabic and these meanings, we understand the intended meaning — which brings forth a human reality, therefore helping us appreciate the Quran much more.

The word وَنَزَعْنَا — we have extracted. If we look at the chapter of An-Nazi'at, the word naz' means to pull something out with force — meaning it may be difficult, it may be hard. So Allah says:

"And We will remove whatever is in their hearts of resentment — as brothers — upon thrones facing one another."

And we have extracted from their hearts this enmity, for this is not allowed in Jannah, this is not present there. And then He says ikhwanan — as brethren, as brothers and sisters — upon beds, looking at each other, happy. Nothing in their hearts. Nothing.

And Allah says in the chapter of Al-A'raf, going even deeper, using the same words but then mentioning a statement of the people of Jannah — and this is very important for us:

Allahu Akbar. SubhanAllah. Allah uses the same beginning: "And We have extracted from their hearts this enmity." And beneath them rivers flow — meaning Jannah. But then what do they say?

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي هَدَانَا — "All praises to Allah, the One who has guided us." But He doesn't stop there: وَمَا كُنَّا لِنَهْتَدِيَ لَوْلَا أَنْ هَدَانَا اللَّهُ — "And we would never have been guided if Allah had not guided us."

If I thought it was up to me, then I am on a path of destruction. Why is this important? Let's take a step back. When you make an effort to please Allah, that action is an action of iman — therefore increasing your connection with Allah, meaning your faith will increase. Which can take you out of doubt and bring you to a level of certainty, or a level of being inquisitive, but your path of seeking is a path of trust in Al-Hakim — the All-Wise.

The Trade-Off: Letting Go of Ego to Strengthen Iman

Each and every one of us has asked God: why? Why are my parents still separated and there's enmity between them? You may be the person on the outside who is still affected. You may be the person that has done the oppression. But looking at the guidance of Allah, when we let go of our ego in order to hold firmly onto our iman — what are we really concerned with? What are we looking at? What are we striving for?

Brother, sister — Allah is going to take each and every one of us. But the enmity you have with that brother or sister who is still alive — it's still inside. We want at least for that person to say, "You know what, he did reach out to me." There will be a day when that person sits alone and says, "That person at least reached out. I can't even say I'm sorry to them anymore."

Make the effort, brother, sister — write a letter, send a text, tell someone else, send a gift — something to dig deep and look over your ego, to pass over it, to eliminate it, to lessen it, to weaken it. Because the opposite of the ego is huge: humility. Humility towards Allah — not humility to gain respect or love from people, but humility towards Allah. And humility linguistically comes from khumus — meaning low to the ground. O Allah, I am low before You. You are my Creator. My only goal is to do what You want from me.

There was a brother I met, subhanAllah. He said, "I forgave my father. But when he asked me to visit him, I couldn't do it. I don't want him to think that what he did was okay." You've got to dig deep. Each and every one of you has to ask yourselves: when am I going to take the shovel and dig deep within myself? Not anyone else — when? And it's not one time. It's consistently. But guess what — Allah loves the struggle. And your struggle, your efforts — Allah appreciates it. It is something that is appreciated.

Each and every one of us has those moments, inshallah. We have to ask Allah to increase those moments. And those moments increase when your iman — your faith — increases. But ask yourselves: what are you consuming yourself with? And by "yourself," I mean your heart. Because what you consume yourself with — on your phone, on the computer, with certain people — the more you do it, the more it will consume you and ultimately penetrate your heart.

So brothers and sisters, let's make the effort — especially this month of Ramadan coming up — to look over our ego and let go of it in order to hold firmly to our faith, to our love, to our certainty. To be closer with Allah. To where we will say:

Du'a

May Allah guide us. May Allah make us of those that are rightly guided. May Allah make us of those that continuously do the actions of guidance in order to be with Him, in order to be with the believers, inshallah.

O Allah, have mercy on the Muslims and the weak in every place and time, O Lord of the worlds. O believers, Allah commands justice, kindness, and giving to those close to Him, and forbids indecency, evil, and transgression. He warns you so that you may remember. So remember Allah — He will remember you. And be grateful for His favor — He will increase you. And the remembrance of Allah is greater.

وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ مَا تَصْنَعُونَ — And Allah knows what you do. Establish the prayer.