Looking for peace? Learn to overlook.

Looking for Peace? Learn to Overlook.

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Know, O servants of Allah, that the best of speech is the speech of Allah, the Blessed and Most High. And the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad ﷺ.

And the worst of matters are those that are newly invented, and every newly invented matter is an innovation, and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire. Then to proceed, O servants of Allah.

The Story of Yusuf and the Art of Overlooking

My dear brothers and sisters, do you remember Surah Yusuf and the story of Yusuf عليه السلام? What happened at the very beginning, when they were young and his brothers plotted against him, and they threw him in the water well. Remember what happened then — he was picked up from there by a caravan that was travelling towards Egypt, and there he had to go through some trials in the house of al-Aziz, and then he went into prison, until Allah blessed him to become the treasurer of Egypt.

He's holding the treasure of the world at that time, in control of the provision of the entire world. Can you imagine the power that was put in his hand? The prestige that was given to him, عليه الصلاة والسلام. But then there was an incident that Allah cared to mention in the story, in the surah, so that we can reflect on it.

Maybe it's not a big deal, but it's a very significant part of the story. That part of the story is when his brothers, after a long time — out of hunger and starvation, they were thirsty, they were hungry — they came to Egypt seeking provision and food. And there he recognized them.

He said, "Look, you have another brother — I want you to bring him with you." Eventually they did, for the following year. And when they did, he took his brother from them. He made a plan — he planted that measurement cup, put it in their caravan, in his brother's luggage. And as they were leaving, they called after them: "Hey, you thieves, you stole something from us!" And they said, "No we didn't. We didn't do any such thing." Eventually it was said: "If you're telling the truth, let us search you." They said, "Go ahead." And as they started searching, they finally pulled that measurement cup from the luggage of his brother, Binyamin.

And that's when they said something to him. They were shocked and surprised:

"If he has stolen — well, a brother of his had stolen before." They were referring to a story from when they were young, when they were little. I want you to put yourself in his position. Look what they had done to him when he was young. They almost killed him. He had to go through fear and anxiety — whatever you want to call it — when he was a little kid in that water well. Pulled out by strangers. Taken throughout the desert to a strange land. Living as a servant. And then in prison for no reason. For years. Then at the end, he came out and he became a king. Now he has all the power to finish them.

But what did he say? Allah mentioned that to us so we can learn from Yusuf عليه السلام:

Yusuf hid that from them. He kept it in his heart — he spoke to himself. His outrage was immeasurable in that moment. But he did not disclose that. He kept it to himself. And then in his heart he says: "You are in a worse position. You are worse people." But he wasn't speaking to them right now. In his heart he says: "Oh my God, you didn't change. You haven't changed after all these years. You're still holding a grudge against a boy that you probably thought you had killed. You're still speaking about him badly." SubhanAllah.

So in that moment he had all the right to seek revenge from them. But what did he do? He did something we call in Arabic: تَغَافُل — overlooking. Pretending it didn't happen. He didn't acknowledge that. Why? Because he's in a position where there are so many more important matters in his life than to go after these petty things.

The Art of التغافل — Overlooking

Brothers and sisters, Allah is teaching us in this ayah the art of التَّغَافُل — the art of overlooking, forgiving, tolerating all these petty things and moving on. There is no doubt that so many things happen in our lives. But if we are going to worry about every little thing, we're not going to live our own life. We will always feel depressed, anxious, worrying about what people say, and we will never enjoy a moment.

Brothers and sisters, التَّغَافُل is part of being tolerant and part of the عَفْو. And the word الْعَفُوّ is a name of Allah — الْعَفُوّ, the One who pardons, the One who forgives.

Allah says to us:

He says — O Muhammad — when you deal with the people, deal with them with عَفْو. Which means: keep overlooking. Keep forgiving. خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ — only speak in that which is right. When you give orders, when you speak, speak in that which is good. You have the right to retaliate and curse back if you want to. But Allah says: don't do this. Don't be like these people. Overlook their mistakes.

خُذِ الْعَفْوَ — take the path of forgiveness and tolerance. But when you speak, speak well. وَأْمُرْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِينَ — turn away from the ignorant ones. Which means: don't go to their level. Don't be like them. Don't ever come and tell me, "Well, they started it." That's childish. Allah is teaching us to take the high road — making sure that we live a life of tolerance. Why? Not because we are weak. It's because we can retaliate, but we choose otherwise.

The Leniency of the Prophet ﷺ

Allah even taught the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ about the people who are around him:

"It was by the mercy of Allah that you were lenient with them, so compassionate. If you were hard-hearted and rude to them, no one would have stayed around you — they would all have dispersed away from you." That's why Allah tells him afterwards: فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ — "Make sure that you forgive, you overlook their mistakes. Keep overlooking." وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ — "Seek forgiveness for them." وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ — "Still keep good connection with them."

This command to the Prophet ﷺ was also given to us. When Allah said to us:

"You need to forgive. You need to overlook." وَاصْفَحُوا — which means to forgive to the highest level.

Three Levels of Forgiveness

There are three levels for that:

There is مَغْفِرَة, there is عَفْو, and there is صَفْح.

الْمَغْفِرَة is when you forgive people by not pursuing any retaliation or any compensation for what happened to you. Like: "You know what, I forgive you." But it's still in the heart.

الْعَفْو is when you pardon something — you forgive and you forget. "That's it, I'm not going to hold a grudge in my heart. I'm done with this." However, you remain neutral towards that person.

الصَّفْح — you don't just forgive and forget. That's when you even do better than what is expected of you. You are nice to them, even though they wronged you. You're still being nice to them — not because you owe it to them, but because you owe it to Allah.

The Benefits of Overlooking and Forgiveness

What do we gain if we try to become overlooking and tolerant with people? The first thing — there is no doubt about it — is that you will please Allah. Because that's His command. He is asking you to do so, and He will reward you for being tolerant.

Then you will close the doors of harm and damage. As Allah says:

The retaliation — if someone wrongs you, you are allowed to seek justice by returning that equally. But then He says: "But if you forgive and you seek to reconcile, your reward is with Allah." So Allah is telling us: you can retaliate, you can seek justice, you might cause harm to them just like they did to you — but that's not what Allah wants from you and I. Yes, you have the power to do that. But He says what is more powerful is if you forgive and you seek reconciliation with them.

Brothers and sisters, if you truly tolerate the many things that happen around you, if you overlook people's mistakes and errors, you will have genuine inner peace. It reduces your own stress — because you are always worrying about what people think about you, what they're saying about you, how they're plotting against you. And probably they're just enjoying their time, and you're the one agonizing. Have that inner peace by not thinking too much about this. Overlook it. Be tolerant.

What also happens is it improves your relationship — with Allah first and foremost. Because now your heart is free. It's not occupied with all these agonies about other people. Your relationship with Allah will improve. Your relationship with your deen, with yourself, will improve. And your relationship with your family will improve.

Imagine some people — they are perfectionists. When they come home, they expect everything to be perfect — from their spouses, from their children. And as a result they don't tolerate mistakes. Thinking that mistakes are an insult to them. These mistakes mean: "You don't listen to me, you don't obey me, you're breaking your word to me." And as a result — اللهُ الْمُسْتَعَان — they break every relationship they have at home, with their spouse and with their children.

Even though Allah reminds us that sometimes it can be challenging, especially with our children and our families. As Allah says:

"O you who believe! Indeed, among your spouses and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them." What does that mean? Sometimes as you want to pursue the good in the dunya, your family may be more attached to the dunya than you are. So they keep dragging you — not to go to the masjid, not to fast on Mondays, not to do this, not to do that. That is like the act of someone who doesn't look after you. Not like they're your enemies literally, but they act as such. Sometimes your husband does that to you, sometimes your children do that to you. But what is your response towards them? Still عَفْو and overlooking. You need to forgive, you need to overlook — not stop at every little thing that happens in your life with them.

Why am I saying this, my dear brothers and sisters? Because I do a lot of counseling in this community and in other places as well. Wallahi, sometimes the stories that I get from people just baffle you. Why do we even have to talk about this? That ego — our ego is too big for us to forgive and tolerate our brothers and sisters, our in-laws, our parents, our children. And Shaitan takes advantage of that. He starts blowing into it, making it so big that it blinds you and clouds your judgment. So when you speak, you speak ill. When you act, you act wrong. And you never forgive people.

People don't like someone like this. No matter how much you think that you're doing right — if you're not doing it by the command of Allah, by the command and Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ — people will recognize that you're not an easy person to deal with. And no one likes to deal with difficult people. But with tolerance, with forgiveness, and overlooking, you have the reward from Allah in this dunya and in the akhira, and the love of the people around you.

أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ الْعَظِيمَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Second Khutbah: The Example of the Prophet ﷺ

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ، وَصَلَّى اللهُ وَسَلَّمَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلَّمَ تَسْلِيمًا كَثِيرًا، ثُمَّ أَمَّا بَعْدُ

My dear brothers and sisters, Aisha رضي الله تعالى عنها, when she was asked about the Prophet ﷺ, she said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3559; also recorded in Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2016)

"The Prophet ﷺ was never vulgar, and never pursued that behavior, never tried to be. He was never rowdy and loud, as many people like to yell and be loud. He did not retaliate — if someone wronged him, he did not go after them. But he always pardoned people and forgave them. He overlooked."

The Story of Mudhamam

Abu Hurairah رضي الله تعالى عنه gave us an example even from the time of Mecca. In Mecca, they almost killed him ﷺ. And when they spoke about him, they would call him Mudhamam. Mudhamam is the opposite meaning of the name Muhammad. Muhammad is the praised one. So when they spoke about the Prophet ﷺ, they would say "Mudhamam" — "cursed Mudhamam, this Mudhamam."

Some of the Sahaba were hurt by that — how they referred to the Prophet ﷺ as Mudhamam. So when they told the Prophet, "Ya Rasulallah, why don't you ask Allah to prevent them from going after your name?" — the Prophet, with a smile, said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3533)

"Don't you see how Allah diverts them from cursing me? They are cursing Mudhamam and insulting Mudhamam, and I am Muhammad." He was so at ease with it. Like: "They're not cursing me — they're cursing someone called Mudhamam. I don't know who that is, because my name is Muhammad."

Imagine if you are always at that level of tolerance — you are in control. When people upset you, they seek to control you. And the moment you respond the way they expect from you, you have lost yourself — you have lost your control to them. But by staying cool-headed, listening, forgiving and overlooking, you remain in full control.

Imam Ahmad on Well-Being

Finally, Imam Ahmad رحمه الله تعالى said something interesting about overlooking. He said:

"Nine-tenths of well-being — of living a good, well-rounded lifestyle — lies in overlooking faults." And then he corrected himself: "No, indeed it constitutes all well-being." Like: if you overlook, and forgive, and move on, you will always feel good — you will always live an amazing life.

A Final Call to Action

Brothers and sisters, before we leave this Salatul Jumu'ah, think about the people you have issues with. And make a commitment. Today — live an independent life. Not controlled by the grudges you hold against other people. Free yourself.

بَارَكَ اللهُ فِيكُمْ.