Nasihah : The Way of the Believer

Nasihah: The Way of the Believer

I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.

O ye who believe! Have Taqwa of Allah with the Taqwa that is due to Him, and don't die except in a state of Islam, except in a state of submission to Him.

O people! Have Taqwa of your Lord, who created you from one soul, and created from it its spouse, or its mate, and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And have Taqwa of Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Surely Allah is ever over you an observer.

Whomever Allah guides, none can misguide, and whomever Allah misguides, none can guide. I bear witness that there is none worth worshipping but Allah, alone, with no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad ﷺ is His Servant and Final Messenger.

The Du'a of Mu'adh ibn Jabal

O Allah! Help me, so that I can remember You, so that I can thank You, and so that I can perfect my worship of You.

(Sunan Abi Dawood, Hadith 1522 — Hasan)

On the authority of Mu'adh ibn Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him — the famous companion of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ — he said: One day the Prophet ﷺ took him by the hand, so lovingly, and said, "O Mu'adh! Wallahi, I love you. I swear to God, I really love you." And then he said, "O Mu'adh! I'm going to give you some advice." And he said ﷺ: after every prayer, don't leave that moment, except you make this du'a.

This is a du'a many of us say, Alhamdulillah, and if not, I recommend memorizing it. This is something we teach our children. This is something, if you don't know it already, learn it. It's a very, very good du'a to say at the end of each prayer, after finishing, after your salam.

But SubhanAllah, the context of this famous, famous du'a is something that I want us to just pause upon, SubhanAllah, for the next 15 minutes or so.

What is Nasihah?

This idea of nasihah, and it being the way of the believer — or some would say, the forgotten way of the believer. And this khutbah is not about giving nasihah or advice, speaking truth to power after the recent elections. This is not about speaking to political leaders, elected officials. This is not about religious leadership. This is not about institutional leadership. This khutbah is about me and you.

About how we interact as individuals with one another. Because that daily grind and those small one-on-one interpersonal relationships — in our friends circles, in our families, when extended family is going to come and visit in a couple of weeks, or we're going to go visit them, in our communities with the people that we usually attend halaqat — that's where, SubhanAllah, there is a grand opportunity for change.

Nasihah is, SubhanAllah, a word that encompasses many different meanings: sincerity, sincere concern. I just want to focus on two aspects. One is, if you see someone doing something wrong, displeasing to Allah, harmful to themselves — then advising them against it. And the second aspect is, if you see an opportunity for khayr, like, Akhi, I think you can do this. Or, sister, I think you can do this. I think you can level up — whether it's the fara'id, or going beyond in the nawafil, beyond the obligatory.

Those two aspects. And just seven pieces of advice, insha'Allah, within this khutbah of advice — how we can apply this today, every single one of us, bi-idhnillahi ta'ala.

Seven Pieces of Advice on Nasihah

1. Do It

Give nasihah. I was attending a lecture as I was thinking of this khutbah — writing it over the past few months — and I remember attending a class over a decade ago. And the scholar saying, "We don't have nasihah these days." Why? Because everyone wants to say, "That's not my problem." You see that brother over there and he's dealing with interest, and he's doing this, and it's a really bad situation. Not my problem. You see that sister over there, and she's starting to get into drug abuse, or what not. "It's not my problem. You do you."

The individualistic culture that we have, where there's no longer the sincere concern for one another. Whereas, when we read Surah Al-Kahf every Friday, we see the story of Dhul Qarnayn, who traveled the lengths of East and West — doing what? Giving da'wah. We read in Surah An-Naml about Hudhud, a bird — not even a human being, not one of the angels, not one of the Muslim jinn — a bird, who traveled from Sham to Yemen, back to Sham, back to Yemen, back to Sham — four times — about 2,000 kilometers, SubhanAllah. Why? Because he saw a people in the time of Sayyidina Sulaiman, peace be upon him, who were worshipping the sun instead of Allah. And he was so concerned with that, that he traveled, and he took this very seriously.

So how about our fellow brother, or our fellow sister — and wanting to advise them, wanting what's best for them? Just as an example, an issue that's being talked about these days is the use of performance enhancing drugs amongst our teenage boys — a very serious issue that's affecting them long term, SubhanAllah. Having that opportunity, as a teenage boy, or as a father, or as an uncle in the community, or as an elder in the community, or as one of the youth leaders in the community, to advise against it and say, "Hey, this is going to ruin your health permanently." Having that sincere concern, and not thinking, "You know, forget about it."

2. Focus on the Act, Not on the Person

You know, this whole culture we're seeing right now of — burn the house down, because you don't like the owner, or you don't like something about them. It reminds me of — and you might have seen this yourself amongst your own children or kids playing around — one might meticulously and carefully build something with blocks, with magnet tiles, and suddenly, SubhanAllah, another kid comes, like Godzilla, and boom, tramples it all in one second. The 15, 20, 30 minutes it took for them to build — destroyed completely.

It's easy to destroy a person. It's easy to talk about a person because they made one mistake. You see them doing something that is terrifyingly haram, is wrong. You want to advise them. It's easy in the mind to say, "This is just a bad person." But it's much more difficult to say, "You know what? This person is now doing something that is displeasing to Allah. How am I going to come, and tactfully and wisely, advise them in private? I want them to accept this. Make du'a for them. Do all of these things, because I care about them. This is my brother, this is my sister, I see them at the masjid, I see them at the dawas, at the az'ima, at the family gatherings. I want what's best for them."

We need civility, SubhanAllah. Let us as a community keep at bay the lack of civility, the vitriol, the toxicity, that we're seeing, SubhanAllah. Because it's easy to hurl insults at one another. But it's much more difficult to hold back, and have some self-restraint, and hilm — forbearance.

3. Be Sincere

That's the core of nasihah — sincerity. Not waiting for some audience to give a clap. Not waiting for a mic drop at the dinner table when family's over, when you advise this person — one-upping them, or doing this, or doing that. But actually be sincere.

And I haven't found, SubhanAllah — I've been thinking a lot about this — of how do you be sincere, how do you sense sincerity. And I just want to go back to something that Dale Carnegie said over a hundred years ago, which is: if you're sincere, if you really care about the other person, they're going to sense it. So just from your heart, be like, "Hey, I'm trying to help this person." I see that they're lagging a little bit in their prayers — every time it's prayer time, they're kind of not really into it. Let me take them aside and say, "Hey, Akhi or Ukhti, prayer — it's the first thing Allah is going to look at on Yawmul Qiyamah. It's so important. I want to encourage you to do this. Or come with me to the masjid. Let's go grab some coffee. Let me figure out a way to get you there."

4. Gain Knowledge

In Islam there are qat'iyyat and zanniyyat — things that are unequivocal: you have to pray five times a day, consuming wine is haram, alcohol is haram — all of these things are very clear. And there are some things where there's a difference of opinion: machine-slaughtered versus hand-slaughtered chicken, moon sighting versus astronomical calculations. Your nasihah shouldn't be in the realm of things where scholars have differed.

So how do you know? You have to gain knowledge about it. So when you see this act and you're like, "I want to encourage this person, or I want to dissuade them from this" — gain the knowledge. Go ask, ask your local imam, if you're from another community. Go online, search. Try to have people of knowledge around you so that they can advise you: is this something I should advise on, or should I stay silent about it?

5. Receive Advice Graciously

Sometimes, SubhanAllah — and I'll tell you — one of the first khutbahs I gave, I still remember it. In my hometown, I was around 18 years old, still in high school. Right after I got down from the minbar, I got yelled at. I still remember that. One brother came and started yelling at me about how I looked and what I said. And I still remember one of my teachers saying: when someone advises you, even if it's bad advice, in the worst way, just smile and say — it's really hard. But sometimes someone, maybe an elder in our family, might give us advice that's not the best advice. But try to receive it graciously, and then move on, bi-idhnillahi ta'ala.

6. Humble Yourself

You know, Abu Hurairah got advice from Shaytan — from a devil. And the Prophet ﷺ said:

"He told you the truth, even though he is a liar." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2311)

So sometimes we might be thinking, "Who is this person coming to give me advice? Who are you? You're terrible." But try to humble yourself. Past scholars learned from highway robbers, SubhanAllah. It might be in a public setting, it might be amongst friends, it might be really hard to swallow our ego — but try to take it.

7. Build Closer Relationships

We live in an age where it's so easy on a messaging app to send a mass text, a forward, to share something online — to be like, "Alhamdulillah, I'm doing da'wah. Alhamdulillah, I'm advising people. Alhamdulillah, I'm encouraging people." But it's much more difficult to maintain one-on-one, face-to-face relationships.

And so think about it — over the next week, who are you hanging out with from your friend circle? If no one, ask someone. Say, "Let's grab some coffee, let's get together, let's do this" — so that you can have mutual nasihah amongst one another. And think about your friend circle: are they holding you accountable? Are you kind of stagnant, not really improving? Are you regressing because of that group? Think about your environment, and how you can change it.

Recap

So, SubhanAllah, a recap:

1. Do it. Give nasihah.
2. Focus on the act, not the person.
3. Be sincere about it.
4. Gain knowledge to know if this is something you should give nasihah about or not.
5. Receive advice graciously.
6. Humble yourself when you're on the receiving end. It could be that they're telling the truth — it could not be — but at least humble yourself.
7. Build those close relationships.

You know, SubhanAllah, we pay professionals for life coaching, athletics and exercise, for marital counseling, for therapy. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing — there's value in that. But consider the person who advises you with nothing to gain. With nothing to gain. Let us be those people. Let us advise one another.

Our Brothers and Sisters in Gaza

And let us not forget — I want to never, ever forget in our khutbahs, during this time — our brothers and sisters in Gaza. May Allah free them. May Allah grant them peace and prosperity, and always be at their aid.

A recent story I heard was: someone was stealing — they said, was stealing because of a desperate situation regarding food and supplies. And when they caught them, they took it back, and just said, "Akhi, I understand that you're in a desperate situation. I advise you: don't steal. I'm not going to harm you — there's no prosecution, there's no legal system right now — but I'm just going to tell you, don't do it. I understand. And here's some food."

SubhanAllah — how can we show that empathy toward one another as well, as a community? Alhamdulillahi Rabbil 'alamin.

Second Khutbah

All praise be to Allah, the Sustainer of the heavens and the earth. And may peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, the truthful and trustworthy. O servants of Allah, have taqwa of Allah.

Allah says — quoting the words of our master Nuh, peace be upon him, to his people:

"And I gave you sincere advice."

And the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"The religion is nasihah — sincere advice." (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 55)

"Verily You are the Bestower. Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us a leader for the righteous."

"Glory be to your Lord, the Lord of Honour and Power, above what they ascribe to Him, and peace be upon the Messengers, and all praise be to Allah, Lord of all the worlds."

And establish the prayer.