Other Considerations Besides Haram

Other Considerations Besides the Haram

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him and seek His assistance. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil within ourselves and from the evil of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him. Yet whomever He allows to go astray, none can guide him. And I bear witness that there is no God worthy of worship except Allah alone. He has no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His messenger.

O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except in the state of Islam.

O you who believe, fear Allah and speak the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive your sins. And whomever obeys Allah and His messenger, he has indeed achieved a great achievement.

Amma ba'd — the best of speech is the Book of Allah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad ﷺ. The worst of affairs are the newly invented matters, and every newly invented matter is an innovation, and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.

Brothers and sisters in Islam, the topic of our khutbah today is other considerations besides the haram. Many people, they only take one thing into consideration when they're making a decision. And that is whether or not this thing is haram or not.

Today we're talking about other things that people need to consider besides the haram. Meaning the haram is not the only thing you take into consideration when you're making a decision.

First Consideration: The Makrooh

What about the makrooh? A makrooh is something that is disliked or even hated by Allah. The ruling of the makrooh is that if you don't do it out of obedience, you get rewarded. And if you do it, you are not under the threat of being punished by Allah. Like sleeping on your stomach or drinking with your left hand.

There has not been any narration mentioning or threatening a punishment if you eat and drink with your left hand, or if you sleep on your stomach. But it is something that is makrooh — it is something that is disliked. But one should still avoid doing that which is hated by Allah or disliked by Allah.

Some people, all they care about is: is it haram or not? So they ask you, what's the ruling on this thing? You tell them it's makrooh. "Oh, so it's not haram." Yes, but it's makrooh. It's hated or disliked to be done. "Yes, but it's not haram." That's all they care about. And that's not the only thing you should consider.

One of the most amazing descriptions of the companions of the Prophet ﷺ — they said that the companions, not once, if the Prophet ﷺ told them "don't do this," they never once said, "Ya Rasulullah, is it haram?" or "Don't do it — is it just makrooh?" Never. They never asked that question. And that's amazing. Because today people just want to be right on the border of the haram. Just let me be right on the edge there.

And the question is: why didn't the companions ever question that? Because the scholars said all prohibition — when you tell someone "don't do something" — it means you don't want them to do that action at all. If you tell someone "don't do this," it means you're forbidding them from doing it. You don't want them to take that action. So when Allah and His Messenger ﷺ tell you not to do something, the understanding is they don't want you to do it. You shouldn't do it. Whether there's punishment or not, you should stay away from it.

But then indications later on come to show that it's not as severe. For example, drinking while standing — the Prophet ﷺ said don't drink while standing. But then on more than one occasion he drank while standing. So how do we understand when his action goes against his saying? That means ﷺ he's trying to teach you that it's not forbidden — meaning haram — but it's better to avoid it. So unless we have something that decreases the level of severity, the whole idea was to not do this action in the beginning.

And the scholars warn of something else that's very important. They say that constantly falling into the makrooh can eventually get you to fall into the haram. So this is like an area before the haram border that you should try to avoid as much as possible, so you're not walking just on the edge of the border of haram.

So the first thing to consider besides the haram: is it something that is makrooh? Something that is disliked by my Creator, or that the Prophet ﷺ disliked for me to do?

Second Consideration: Which Category of People Does It Place You With?

Number two, you also consider which category or group of people does it place you with? Remember in this khutbah we're not talking about anything that's haram, but we're talking about things that are inappropriate, unbecoming, not befitting.

So imagine one of our shuyukh — Shaykh Walid Basyuni or Shaykh Ibrahim — they dressed up like they're part of a biker gang. They put on denim jackets or a leather jacket, and spikes and boots. There is nothing haram about leather jackets or denim jackets or boots. Or a young man dressed like a goth — another example. There's nothing haram about the outfit itself. But is this how a believer wants to be recognized? Your imam of the masjid — do you want him to be confused with someone in a biker gang? Or do you not want him to be placed in that category?

Or someone wants to wear a lot of gold chains. Gold he knows is haram, so he'll get something that looks like gold. But what's the look you're trying to go for? Why do you want to look like a rapper with lots of chains on your neck? What's the intent here?

The problem is, because after all this someone will say, "What's the problem? Let him look like a biker and live his life." But the problem is: we aim low. Let's aim high.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Reported by Ibn Mājah and others with supporting narrations; see also al-Ṭabarānī in al-Mu'jam al-Kabīr)

"Should I not inform you of the best of you?" They said, "Yes, O Prophet of Allah." He said, "Those of you that when people look at them, the people remember Allah."

Can you imagine this level of righteousness? That someone is so righteous that his very presence makes other people remember Allah. His face — or her face — makes people remember Allah. That's aiming high.

Imam Malik, rahimahullah, said that whenever his iman would decrease, when he was a student of knowledge in al-Madinah, he would say:

He said, "I would go to Ibn Hurmus" — who was one of the great scholars and from the Tabi'een — "and just look at him, and that would admonish me for days." Just looking at his face. The taqwa on his face. You remember Allah just by looking at certain people. This is aiming high.

And there is a story that is the exact opposite of that. It's one of the singers from the Arab lands who made tawbah and stopped his singing and dancing. They asked him why that happened. He said, "I was at Hajj. I'm still a singer and I'm at Hajj." He said, "While we're near the Ka'bah, suddenly in the crowd, I came face to face with a man who recognized me as a singer. So the man without thinking, the first thing he said was أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ and walked away."

He said it affected him so much that he reminds people of evil — that when they're in a righteous place and in a righteous act of worship, and they saw his face, it reminded them of ma'asi and sins and disobedience. So the man said أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ, just as if he were a shaytan or something. So it made him rethink his entire career. When he came back from Hajj, he had made tawbah from singing and all the other things.

So — we want to be with which category? Of the righteous believers? Or do you want to look like a rapper when you're walking down the street? Or like someone from a biker gang? Or a goth? Or a rocker? Or whatever categories of people are out there.

So the first thing we said: consider if this thing is makrooh or not. The second thing: consider whom it makes you look like, and which category of people does it place you under.

Third Consideration: Khawārim al-Murū'ah — Things That Undermine One's Dignity

The third thing is what the scholars call خَوَارِمُ الْمُرُوءَةِ. Khawārim means something that takes away from something else. Al-murū'ah is chivalry — but here the scholars defined it as:

They said it's leaving off or avoiding what Allah and the believers hate or dislike of actions and sayings. Notice — what Allah and what the believers dislike of actions and sayings. Leave those kinds of things that are hated by Allah, hated by the righteous and the believers. And some said it's almost like what we say 'ayb — something shameful, or lā yalīq — that is inappropriate, unbecoming, unbefitting.

Some of them are agreed upon, and some change based on culture, place, and time. Agreed upon things are like an old man behaving like a child — purposely — that's not acceptable; it's from khawārim al-murū'ah. Making fun of people, whether you're young or old — that is from khawārim al-murū'ah.

And some of them change based on place, culture, and the person. Chewing gum is halal, but is it appropriate for the khatib to be loudly chewing and popping gum while he's giving the khutbah? It's not. So the place changed it and made it inappropriate. Or wearing shorts to the knees is halal, but is it appropriate for a scholar in his 80s — a grand mufti, the mufti of the city — to be wearing sneakers and shorts and running around people? It's halal. We said this khutbah is not about anything haram. But is it appropriate for someone of his stature and his age to be wearing something like that?

So there are some values as you're reading some Islamic books — you might find some things mentioned that are frowned upon, but they don't apply to our culture anymore. At the time of the Prophet ﷺ, if you were anyone of position in society, you never ever left the home with your head uncovered. So that was the culture then. But this value doesn't exist today. So it's okay to leave the home with your head uncovered.

Likewise, eating in public. You read in a lot of classical books that they used to look down at someone who eats in public — eating and chewing in front of people; they used to see that as a very bad thing. Today we don't see anything wrong with that. This value doesn't exist today. But a lot of times young men especially will read this in a book, and you tell them, "Let's go to a restaurant," and they'll tell you, "No, I don't eat in public." But this value doesn't exist. You eat in public, don't eat in public — it doesn't matter anymore.

Examples of Khawārim al-Murū'ah

The scholars made a list of examples. They said, for example:

• Always coming to the salah in the last rak'ah. Someone who never comes before that — always in the last rak'ah. That is from khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Always skipping the tasbih after salah. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Taking advantage of the guest. You invite a doctor over for dinner, and then while your wife gets the tea ready, one by one you bring the children for free checkups. That's taking advantage of your guest. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Burping out loud. And in some cultures, people don't suppress the burp at all. That is from khawārim al-murū'ah. It's not good; it's not appropriate.
• Abandoning the witr prayer. Someone who never gives any attention to the witr prayer. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Kissing the wife in front of people. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Always showing up uninvited. Someone just always at your front door — nobody invites him; he's just always inviting himself. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Sitting on the roadsides and people's pathways. The Prophet ﷺ explicitly said: do not sit on the roadsides and people's pathways, except with its rights — and then he explained the rights of sitting on the road: you give salaam to people, you lower the gaze. But today this is a hobby. You ask people what they like to do, and they say, "I like to people watch" — just sit and stare at people up and down. This is from khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Profiting off your friends. Your friend tells you, "If you're at the store, can you get me something? I'll pay you back when you come." You pay five dollars for it, you come and tell him seven fifty. You profit two fifty off of him. The two fifty is not haram money, but it's inappropriate for you to benefit and profit off a good friend of yours.
• Talking indirectly about intimacy with the spouse. You'll see people sometimes being indirect, but it's clear what they're talking about. That is inappropriate. It's from khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Asking too many personal questions. A man came to Imam Malik and asked him, "How old are you?" Imam Malik was not happy with that question — why are you asking me my age? It's none of your business.
• Taking over a majlis. You're at a gathering and you take it over, you dominate the conversation, while you know there's someone more knowledgeable than you in the gathering. There's a doctor in the audience speaking about his experience, and you — because you watch two-minute videos on YouTube — you think you're an expert and you take over and dominate the conversation. Or there's a sheikh and a scholar, and people want to listen to him, but some young guy wants to show that he knows some things also, and starts interrupting. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Mentioning inappropriate things over a meal. Some people — the minute the food comes — they start talking about bathroom experiences while the food is in front of people. Inappropriate. From khawārim al-murū'ah.
• Talking to an older person with no regard for their age. Be careful, young people, because this happens a lot. Someone who speaks to an adult or someone much older than them as if they're the same age, with no regard for their age whatsoever and for their wisdom.
• Dancing — for males especially. Generally, we're speaking about a man shaking his hips and his shoulders and gyrating and twisting. From khawārim al-murū'ah.

The Example of Vaping

I want to mention another example, and it's something that has afflicted a lot of our youth: vaping. Now, we're making the example about things that are not haram. So someone vapes and he tells you, "There's no nicotine in it. There's no this and no that." So he's removing all the haram elements. But what's in it? Flavor. And he tells you it's not haram — there's no nicotine, no tar; it's just a flavor and he's just puffing it away.

Is that the only thing you take into consideration — whether it's haram or not? There are other things to consider. Why do you want to appear like that? When someone stands in front of the masjid and puffs on something and a plume of smoke shoots out around him — are you trying to resemble the righteous? Or do you just want to look like a smoker? Or do you want to look like someone who smokes even though you don't really smoke? Why would you do that? Is that appropriate? It's from khawārim al-murū'ah, for someone to stand and vape even if it's halal.

And they argue with you just using the word haram. We're arguing with them using the word inappropriate. People doing it now in front of the masjid and doing it casually — don't do it. Don't do it at home. Don't do it publicly.

So these are some other things to consider besides whether or not something is haram or not. And inshallah, make sure you share them with your family and teach them to your children.

Fourth Consideration: Your Parents' Approval

We said, when making a decision, consider whether or not the thing you want to do is makrooh or not. Consider the category of people that it places you with — do you want to be identified with this category of people? And is it from khawārim al-murū'ah or not — things that are shameful, inappropriate, unbecoming, unbefitting.

And number four — consider, and this is especially for the young people — consider your parents' approval. Sometimes you want to do something that's completely halal, but your parents disapprove. In this case, don't do it. This is part of al-birr. This is the part of obedience and righteousness to parents. It doesn't matter if it's halal, and it doesn't matter if it's not haram. If your parents don't want you to do it, then don't do it.

We've either heard of someone, or in our own lives experienced, where we go on a journey or a trip or an event where your mother said, "Don't go." And you still go. It's not haram, so you go. And it ends up to be a complete and utter disaster — full of calamity after calamity. Because the mother wasn't pleased. It doesn't have anything to do with whether it's halal or haram. If your parents are not pleased with something, stay away from it.

And al-birr — being obedient and righteous with your parents — that is what will bring you barakah and blessing in everything else you do in your life. Any endeavor you want to undertake, if your parents give you the green light, you'll have more blessing. And if it's something they adamantly told you not to do and you do it — even if it's halal — there will be no blessing in it.

There is a true story of a man who was working in a farm. His father comes to him — the sun is hot, and this is in our times. So his father said, "Let's go inside; it's really hot, the sun is hot, let's go." The son insists, "No, I want to continue working." And the father insisted, but the young man insisted to keep working. So then his father goes inside, and he brings out that man's young boy — his son — and puts him out in the sun. So the boy's father says that his child is small and the sun is very hot. So his grandfather tells him: "If your heart is filled with concern for your child, my heart is filled with concern for you. The same concern you have for your child — you are still my child. I have the same concern for you."

One of the beautiful things, brothers and sisters, is not to grow up in front of your parents. You are still their child. So don't be a grown-up in front of them.

In Surah al-Isra, Allah says:

And make yourself submissive gently to them with compassion, and say: "My Lord, have mercy on them as they had brought me up when I was little."

The scholars said: why mention that you were little? Why mention being young here? They said it is so that you remember — once you remember that you're older now, you ruin the equation. Because you're older, you're not in need of them, you're not in need of their direction, you're mature, you have your own children. But you recall — and to make it gentler and softer in the heart — you recall the time when you were little, when you were in need of their mercy. And that's why the du'a mentions when you were little specifically, not when you're older.

This is a true story: one of the multimillionaires in one of the Muslim lands — and he's in our times — he is extremely wealthy. He gives his parents a stipend of a hundred thousand a month. Every month he gives his mother and father a hundred thousand of their currency. But it's still a huge amount of money. And he says every now and then — this multimillionaire — he will purposefully leave his wallet at home. He'll come and ask his father for some money. Or he'll take his mother out shopping, and he'll ask, "I don't have my wallet — can you pay for it?"

When they asked him why, he said:

He said, "Just to make them feel that I am still in need of them. I'm still little in your eyes. I'm giving you the money, but I'm asking you — just to make you feel that you have the upper hand."

I refer you to Shaykh Walid Basyuni's khutbah on parents. It's arguably the greatest khutbah ever given in this masjid, and it's available on our YouTube channel. You may review it and keep it in the forefront of your mind — the high place that we should keep our parents. And when we realize their place, you understand why their approval is so important. Even if it's halal. Even if it's not haram. Your parents don't want you to do it — leave it.

وَصَلِّ اللَّهُمَّ وَبَارِكْ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا الْمَبْعُوثِ رَحْمَةً لِلْعَالَمِينَ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ. وَأَقِيمُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ.