Protecting One's Self

Opening — Khutbah al-Hajah

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

The Strongest Fitna for Men

Brothers and sisters in Islam, today — because this is the last Friday of our winter break and it is known that there will be a lot more youth in the audience today — we decided to talk about women. Specifically for the men, the danger of women, meaning staying away from women. We begin with this verse in Surah Al-Imran:

In this verse, Allah is saying that what has been made attractive to people is the love of desires, and then Allah mentions and lists a number of things that people desire in this world. The first thing Allah mentions is النِّسَاء — women — and then He mentions children, and then storing heaps of gold and silver, in other words money, and horses — or for our times, cars — and cattle and cultivated land. Those are the enjoyments of this life, while Allah has the most excellent return with Him.

So the first desire that was mentioned, and undoubtedly the strongest desire for men, will be women. And this is also confirmed in the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ that is mentioned in Sahih al-Bukhari through Usama ibn Zayd رضي الله عنه:

"I have not left any fitna — any test, trial, or temptation — that is more severe, more harmful to men than women."
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5096; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2740)

And the scholars said this is not just speaking about strangers or women who are not your mahram — meaning not your relatives or your wife — but unless they are righteous, even the wife can be dangerous. And how many stories have we heard, and how many times have we seen with our own eyes, that a wife will manipulate her husband until he stops giving his mother any money or any assistance, until she goes out and begs in the streets or starts working in people's homes? Or a man who will not speak to his sisters for years because they don't get along with his wife and she doesn't want him to speak to his own sisters? Or stepchildren — that a man will kick his own child out of the house because his wife doesn't like them? And all these kinds of things. Or the mother herself — and how many times have we seen in our lives that a man divorces his wife or can't get along with his wife because of his mother and her manipulations?

So obviously — and it's unfortunate that we have to make disclaimers like this — we're not talking about all women being like this. We're talking about those who are not righteous and how they can be a strong temptation and a strong test for men.

Our Relaxed Attitude — and the Example of the Righteous

So it is the strongest fitna — no doubt the strongest temptation — yet we are very relaxed with that. We have our youth and we put them in the worst place in the world that we could possibly put a child, and that is an American public school. And don't try to convince me after the khutbah — in my mind there is no place on the planet worse than an American public school. We put them with these other children or youth who are amoral. Not immoral — what's the difference between amoral and immoral? An immoral person has a moral compass, a sense of morality, but they don't act upon it. An amoral person doesn't even have that. So we put them in these — for lack of a better term — relaxed atmospheres and then we expect that nothing is happening to them.

So we're very relaxed with this issue, with the temptation of women, and very confident in ourselves. But the righteous before us did not behave that way.

Abdullah ibn Umar ibn al-Khattab was a young boy at the time of the Prophet ﷺ, and he later became one of the great scholars. He had a servant known as Nafi' al-Daylami, and Nafi' himself became one of the great scholars of the Tabi'een. Nafi' says that the Prophet ﷺ pointed to a door and said we should leave that door for women. So Nafi' says Abdullah ibn Umar never ever entered nor exited from that door until he died. From a young boy until — and he lived up to a hundred — he never once, even if the masjid was empty, walked in from that door or left from that door, because the Prophet ﷺ said we leave it for women — obeying the Prophet ﷺ and fearing the strongest temptation.

Nafi' also narrates that after the salah he saw the men and women from the companions walking back home. They were not talking to each other or joking or anything, but they were just walking — there would be a man, and a few steps behind there was a woman walking to her home. And the Prophet ﷺ said the men should walk in the middle of the road and the women walk on the edges, on the sides of the road. And from that point on, they said the women would walk so close to the edge of the road that the walls would snag onto their clothing.

Imam al-Hasan al-Basri said: "I would never be alone with a woman, even if it is to teach her Quran." So we have a righteous man and a great scholar at the level of al-Hasan al-Basri, and he wouldn't even be alone with a woman to teach her Quran. And today — compare that to the things that happen in our lives.

Listen to what Sa'eed ibn al-Musayyib rahimahullah said. He said:

"I have reached the age of 80 and I still fear for myself the temptation of women — I am still afraid of that." Even though he is 80. And then — and this is the real point — he said:

"And the Shaytan has given up trying to enter upon the righteous — the Shaytan couldn't find a way to get to the righteous — except from the door of women. Through the issue of women, the temptation of women. That's the strongest thing the Shaytan has against the righteous." Not against the normal people, the laymen. And that is why the righteous were very cautious in their dealings with women.

Abu Hanifa rahimahullah — the Imam — used to sell fabrics, so a lot of his customers would be women. He would tell his students and those working for him: "If you describe the size of the shoe of a woman, that means you have described her foot." He would teach them fine, refined manners that probably don't even exist today. He would teach his student: if a woman gets up from a seat, don't sit immediately behind her, because you will be sitting on her warmth. Things like this — today we would ridicule this. "What is her warmth doing? So what?" But he would tell them: don't sit on her warmth, wait till the seat cools off before you sit down. And where are we from these types of etiquettes and manners?

A righteous man by the name of Hassan ibn Abi Sinan went out on the day of Eid, and when he returned his wife asked him: "How many beautiful women have you looked at and seen today?" So he tells her: "Wayhaki" — "may Allah have mercy on you" — "I didn't look at anything besides my thumb since I left." What does it mean? He was occupying his eyesight, looking at something — he was looking at his thumb the whole time since he left until he came back. Lowering his gaze. A righteous man, a known individual, but very careful and very cautious with something that we are very relaxed with today.

The Danger of Minor Sins Piling Up

And we're not just addressing the youth and the single brothers — we're addressing the single and the married as well. And even if you're married to four, it doesn't matter. The scholars said: if a man marries all the women in the city of Baghdad, then a woman from Damascus enters upon him, he would think that she probably has something the women of Baghdad don't have — even though they're all the same. And that's why the scholars, in this context, said: whoever is not satisfied or sufficed with one woman, well, a hundred women would not suffice him or satisfy him. He is always looking, always hungry. So single and married are in the same boat.

We belittle being friendly with women. We belittle chatting with women. We belittle texting women. Let's play a fun game — everyone unlock your phone and hand it to the person next to you. Let them look through your messages. How many people would want to play that game? How many people, for them, death and their wife grabbing their phone are the same thing — because of البلاوى الزرقاء that are in that phone?

So Imam Ahmad narrates from the Prophet ﷺ:

"Beware of the minor sins — for they gather upon a man until they destroy him."
(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 22813)

Beware of muhaqqarat al-dhunub — the minor sins — beware of compiling and piling up the minor sins. Not the major sins. They will gather upon a man until they ruin him.

In another narration, the Prophet ﷺ says it's like a people who are travelling and then stopped at a place and started to gather twigs or branches to start a fire. So this man grabs one, and this one grabs another, and this one grabs another, and then they light a fire. What's the size of that fire? It started with little ones but it became a huge fire. And that's exactly what the warning is — beware of piling up your minor sins, because they will pile up until they ruin and destroy a person.

And scholars added to that: they said that the minor sins will eventually and inevitably lead to the major sins. And other scholars said an extra point — that the minor sins can become major due to belittling them. Not giving them any weight, not caring that Allah is watching. When it becomes just a normal part of life and it's not even a minor sin in your mind — that belittling can cause it to become a major sin in the sight of Allah.

I say what you hear and I ask Allah to forgive me and you from every sin, so ask Him for forgiveness — the one who asks for forgiveness has succeeded.

Second Khutbah — A Story of Warning

Of course we're not suggesting that everyone has to leave public school, but we're reminding ourselves and everyone that we need to be very cautious and keep a distance from the opposite gender — for men and for women. Not to be so relaxed. Not to chit-chat, not to have phone numbers, even if we're working for Allah. Muslim student associations — everyone will have everyone's number, and they will chit-chat, and there will be discussions outside of working for Allah.

One of the solutions — and we've dedicated an entire khutbah to this — is lowering the gaze. You lower your gaze like a champ, meaning you put serious effort into it, and you will not even feel the fitna. The other solution — the famous one from the Prophet ﷺ — if you're not able to get married, and in some cases even if you're married, what will help you? Fasting. Fasting. But how many people fast? The young man that we're most proud of fasts Mondays and Thursdays. You go to public school and you fast Mondays and Thursdays — you think it's enough? Wallahi, if you fast every day it's not enough. But every other day is what we're suggesting — the most beloved of fasts to Allah, the fasting of Nabi Allah Dawud.

Allah says in the Quran:

And رُبَّمَا here doesn't mean "perhaps" but it means "indeed" — that there will be a time when those who disbelieve will wish that they were Muslims. Some of the scholars — the mufassireen — said this is at the time of death for the non-believer, when the angel of death comes towards them and they will wish that they were believers, that they were Muslims while they were alive on earth. Other scholars said it is on the Day of Judgment, because on the Day of Judgment they understand that they were in the wrong and they will wish that they were believers. And other scholars said the more accurate view is that this will be in the Hellfire, because Allah will gather believers who were sinners and the disbelievers in the Hellfire. So the kuffar will say to them: "We didn't believe in Allah and that's why He put us here — but you were Muslims and He still put you here!" But they don't know that they're only in the Hellfire until it expiates their sins, and then anyone who says لا إله إلا الله eventually leaves the Hellfire. And so when the sinful Muslims are finally taken out of the Hellfire and there is no one left in it except for the non-believers, they will wish that they too were Muslims.

The Story of the Man Who Left Islam for a Woman

Imam Ibn Kathir mentions a story about a man, and he begins by essentially making du'a against this man. His name was Ibn 'Abd al-Rahim. He said this man was a mujahid — meaning he always sought out jihad — and he was going from one battlefield to another, constantly fighting against al-Rum. Al-Rum would typically refer to the Europeans. So he said that in one of the battles they had laid siege to a group of al-Rum, and he saw a beautiful woman peer over the wall of the fortress. So he asked her: "How can I reach you? How can I be with you?" And she said: "You will not be with me unless you become a Christian." So he became a Christian. She showed him a way into the fortress, and he left the army of the Muslims and stayed with that woman.

Ibn Kathir mentions that the Muslims were very sad and very distraught. He was a hafiz of the Quran — he had memorized the Quran — he was a mujahid, and one of their friends. And now he had left Islam because of this woman. Then they said the siege was dismantled and they moved on. And years later, they came back — some of those mujahideen came back by that exact same fortress. So they remembered him, and they began to call out to him. He peered over the wall and they asked him: "What has become of your Quran?" — he used to be a hafiz — "And what has become of your jihad? And what has become of your knowledge? And what has become of your salah? What has happened to all that?"

So he cried and he said: "Wallahi, I have forgotten the entire Quran — even Surat al-Fatihah, I have forgotten — the entire Quran. But I remember one verse:"

And also:

He said: "That's the only verse I remember." This is the power and the strength of the trial and the fitna of women.

Closing Reminder

I'm not going to put a to-do list for everyone. Everybody knows what they need to do in their life. Everyone knows which boundaries they need to distance themselves from and sever in order to improve their relationship with Allah and to stay away from this fitna — whether it's on their phone, whether it's online, whether it's at work, whether it's in the classroom. We are far too relaxed with this.

Wallahi, I didn't want to make this khutbah about horror stories — horror stories from our youth, horror stories from married men, their wives complaining about what they catch them doing and who they've caught them with, and all that. We didn't want to make the khutbah about that.

It suffices to say that we should be wary and cautious, and every one of us knows what they need to fix. With that, we ask Allah to make us of those who hear the truth as clear truth and follow the best of it, and to make us of those who recognize the falsehood as clear falsehood and abstain from it.