Resting the Soul and Avoiding Burnout

Resting the Soul and Avoiding Burnout

We begin by praising Allah and bearing witness that none has the right to be worshipped or unconditionally obeyed except for Him. We bear witness that Muhammad ﷺ is His final Messenger. We ask Allah to send His peace and blessings upon Him, the Prophets and Messengers that came before Him, His family and companions that served alongside Him, and those that follow in His blessed path until the Day of Judgment — and we ask Allah to make us amongst them. Allahumma Ameen.

What Does It Mean to Ask "How Are You?"

Dear brothers and sisters, if I was to walk up to someone who even speaks Arabic and say كيف البال؟ — "How is your baal?" — people would look at me funny, because you'd be more accustomed to "How is your حال?" — كيف الحال؟ كيف حالكم؟ — "How is your haal?" Now, of course, if you don't speak Arabic they sound very similar, and in fact they have very similar meanings — and I know that there are similar words in Urdu and other languages to that. Your situation. When you ask someone "how are you?" — what do you mean by that? And what exactly are you asking about?

If you walk up to someone and say "how are you?" — are you really interested in knowing how they are, or are you simply giving a greeting as an extension of your salam? You've already moved on to the next part before you could even let them answer.

كيف الحال؟ الحمد لله. كيف حالك؟ الحمد لله. How are you? الحمد لله. I'm doing well.

Now the word baal is a very interesting word in the Arabic language, and it is a little more comprehensive — and specific at the same time — than the word haal. So I want to break this down a bit and then I'll explain to you why I'm even doing that in the first place.

A lot of times there is an external part to you, and when someone asks "how are you?" what they mean by that is: is everything good with the family? Everything good with work? Everything going okay with your time? They're asking about predominantly external things. Fed well? You have your money? You're taken care of? Everything is good there?

They're not really asking too much about your emotional well-being. They might be, if they're really good friends, but they're not really asking about that for the most part. They're saying, is everything covered? As the Arabs used to say — he's taken care of. When I say كيف حالك؟ — "How are you?" — I mean: are you taken care of? Are you good for tonight? You have a place to stay? You've got something to eat? الحمد لله رب العالمين.

The emotional part of this — we don't talk about that part, right? They used to get mad at the Prophet ﷺ for kissing his grandkids. This is different to them, right? But go beyond that.

The Difference Between Haal and Baal

The word بال — which sounds very similar to حال — when used together, the Arabs meant that al-baal refers to your internal states. What's on your mind? What's in your heart? What's keeping you concerned? What's keeping you up? What's letting you sleep? What are you looking forward to? What are you worried about from the past? What's keeping you down? That's what they mean when they say your baal.

It refers more to the things that are not at the surface, whereas the haal — the situation of a person — refers to things that are more external. Very simple analogy: your baal would be what's on your mind. Your haal would be observable in some way — what's on your head. There would be an external notion of this. الفقر — poverty — is a haal, right? It's something that you can see on the outside that definitely has an internal component.

However, they are not the same. And to not get too technical here, but to also look at the spiritual dimension of this — a person's haal, a person's external, might be الفقر, it might be poverty — but their baal, their internal, might be غنى. I'm rich, الحمد لله, because غنى is غنى القلب — I'm rich in the heart. I am content, الحمد لله رب العالمين.

Whereas a person might have غنى on the outside — their external state might be wealth — but their internal state is complete bankruptcy, complete poverty, complete فقر, lost on the inside. And so there's an importance here that we should speak about.

Allah Will Rectify the Baal of the Believers

Why is this important in the Quran? When Allah says:

— that Allah will guide them and correct their baal, correct their internal, correct their condition. If you're reading a translation, the word is going to say "condition," most likely — their state or their condition. And will enter them into paradise, which He has made known to them.

What does عَرَّفَهَا لَهُمْ mean? The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 4455)

The Prophet ﷺ said: "I swear by the One in whose hand is my soul — when you enter into paradise and you need to go home, there is no Jannah GPS. You don't need to ask an angel for directions. You don't have to be like, which palace is mine? Do I go here or do I go there? Which bridge do I take?" As Ibn Abbas, commenting on this, said: you will go to your home in Jannah as a person who lived in a home their entire life — at no point in error, at no point confused, exactly where you need to go.

And that's from the mercy of Allah and that familiarity. Because if you get into Jannah, you might get overwhelmed — where do I go? Which one is mine? Is that one mine? Is that one mine? So part of the comforting part of this is: this is where you go. You're already programmed to go home, to go to your palace in Jannah. And nothing looks more beautiful than the palace that you are entering into.

Now the worldly reward of this — yuslihu baalahum — Allah will rectify their condition — means their internal thoughts, their internal state. Your mood could be your baal. Your emotional state is rectified as a result of that guidance. You have the right perspective, you have the right thoughts. There's something there that corrects you on the inside. And you feel a certain way. Contentment, tranquility — these are all things that we seek from Allah. يُصْلِحُ بَالَهُمْ.

Why This Matters: The Reality of Burnout

Why is this important to the discussion that we're about to have right now — about balance, about barakah, about blessing, about how to be proportional, about how to relieve distress, and where do I find these outlets when I feel overwhelmed? Almost every person you talk to right now is overwhelmed in some way. Work is overwhelming. Family is overwhelming. The pandemic is overwhelming. Something is overwhelming. I'm stressed out. I'm looking for something.

And I'm not going to belittle the mental health component that is there. The spiritual upliftment is part of it, right? But it does not negate it. There's something serious there. There is something that is real there. There is something called depression. There is an emotional component of you, a physiological component of you. And while it is connected to the spiritual, the spiritual does not tell you to neglect those.

However, when we talk about balance — when we talk about finding an outlet — one of the ways that we fail is that we restrict the discussion to time. Your family has a right upon you. Yourself has a right upon you. So you need to give more time to your family. You need to give more time to yourself. Which might be true. But the baal is not simply encompassed within time. Sometimes it's not about time. It's about the things that consume your thoughts and energy, even with less time.

So if you give more time to these things, but you don't treat the baal — you don't treat what it is that is consuming you — then you're not going to solve anything. It's not just a matter of giving more time here or giving more time there. It's not just a matter of taking more days off for vacation. It's not just a matter of taking more walks. All of that is good for you. But you can't treat this just in terms of time.

Finding an outlet for what burdens you — and removing what burdens you to the greatest extent possible — is what's going to actually make you a more complete person. Is what's going to actually bring you to a desirable state, one that gives you what you want in this life and one that gives you what you want in the next.

Outlets for the Soul

1. Worship as the Greatest Relief

When we talk about outlets for the soul and resting the soul, how do we approach this? To some, it's simply: worship Allah more. And you know what? If your worship can become a source of relief — الحمد لله — when worship is done best, it's not just a reward in the hereafter, it's relief in this world as well.

أَرِحْنَا بِهَا يَا بِلَالُ — "Comfort us with the prayer, O Bilal." I want to pray. I enjoy my prayer. Take me back to that prayer. Not just the du'a to get me out of the situation — du'a in and of itself is an outlet with Allah.

"I complain of my sadness and my grief to Allah." I have those moments where I can release and talk to Allah. The very act of du'a is comforting to me, whether I get exactly what I'm asking Him for or not. The very fact that I get to go into that du'a and have that conversation — I feel so much better.

Think about a person that you really love — just talking to them. The comfort of their voice, the familiarity of their voice. There's a release of tension there, a release of stress there, just because you got to talk to someone. What about when a person goes to du'a? Du'a is like that valve — just to go into du'a, whether I'm doing tasbih or istighfar, glorifying Allah or seeking His forgiveness, whether I'm asking Him for something of this life or asking Him for something in the hereafter. Release.

أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ — I take it to Allah. I am in those moments with ar-Rahman. Al-khalwa bil-Rahman — to be alone with ar-Rahman is the greatest rahma to our lives. Let it out. Complain to Allah. It's okay — as long as you're not complaining about Allah. Complain to Allah. Talk to Allah. Relief.

And that's what the Prophet ﷺ said: "Comfort us with it." So the greatest relief, if done right, is worship. The worst burden is sin. Sin bears consequences that burden you — they constrict the chest and they eliminate your reward in the hereafter.

2. The Rights of the Self: The Lesson of Salman and Abu Darda'a

There's a lot that is in between here. The greatest relief is worship done right. The greatest burden is sin. What about the other outlets in between — that Allah has made permissible to us, that Allah has opened up for us?

If you remember the hadith of Salman al-Farisi with Abu Darda'a, where the Prophet ﷺ pairs Salman with Abu Darda'a. And Salman is sleeping in his house. And he realizes Abu Darda'a is way overboard with the religiosity part. His wife is being left behind. He prays all night long, fasts every single day. He's got no time for his family, got no time for this world. All he's dedicated to is his worship, his spirituality.

And so what does he do? He forces Abu Darda'a to go and spend some of the night with his spouse. He forces Abu Darda'a to eat lunch with him. Some days you need to not fast. Spend some time with your family. And he tells Abu Darda'a:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1968)

"Verily your Lord has a right upon you. Your family has a right upon you. Your self has a right upon you."

Now, is part of giving yourself to your Lord not beneficial to the self? Of course it is. Again, worship done right — as Abu Darda'a would tell you — "I'm really liking my qiyam here. I feel fine. I don't need to go for a jog. I've got qiyam al-layl, I'm okay." So I'm giving my right to my Lord, but I'm also finding relief for the self. And if you are with your family, and you do for your family with the intention of pleasing Allah — isn't li ahlika also li rabbika? Isn't for your family also for your Lord?

So what do the scholars mention here? The "for yourself" part that the Prophet ﷺ confirms — by the way, when he says Salman told the truth — the "for yourself" part is primarily not something that is worship-oriented. You can make it an act of worship. But every human being needs some time. Every single person needs some share of relief, of de-stressors. They need time. They need leisure.

3. Abu Darda'a's Wisdom on Leisure

It's really interesting — Abu Darda'a took the advice. Abu Darda'a said:

It's one of my favorite sayings from him. And until today, quite frankly, I never connected it back to the incident that actually happened with him — talk about waking up to the reality. He says: "I find that my heart finds relaxation through some of lahwi." Lahwi — entertainment, amusements, leisure, some things that are lahwi. To indulge in it to excess can become sinful. But he said, "I find, sometimes, that I find relief in my heart from some of those things." And he said, "You know what — that makes me stronger in my dedication to the truth. That gives me the energy to do what I am put on this earth to do. It invigorates me, it gives me exactly what I need. I need those breaks."

Abu Darda'a is saying: I came to that realization. I need those breaks. And so if this great scholar and great worshipper is saying, sometimes I do those things — they're not necessarily acts of worship, but they're not haram either. I don't do disobedience and then worship. I do worship and then mubah, permissible things. So I can be better with my worship, better with my purpose. That's one outlet that even the Sahabah — and the Sahabah who were known for being distinguished by their worship — are saying: you've got to have that in your life.

4. Active Leisure Over Passive Leisure

As Imam al-Ghazali said: active leisure is better than passive leisure. The Sahabah preferred the throwing of spears, the shooting of arrows, swimming, horseback riding. They preferred that because there was an ibadah in that as well that was better. Active leisure is better than passive leisure. And by the way, even when it comes to mental and emotional well-being, active leisure is usually better for you than passive leisure.

However, even some of the passive leisure — sitting down, telling jokes, reciting poetry — they did that too. And they did it because it gave them an outlet. Need a break? Take a break, get that relief, and then go right back into what you're doing. The Sahabah needed those things.

However, when they got into passive leisure in particular, they did not stay there for longer than what they had intended. As al-Ghazali mentions: when they would recite poetry, they were mindful that they weren't going to miss their qiyam al-layl in a night of poetry. So they wouldn't binge poetry. They understood — let's sit for 30 minutes, let's sit for some time, let's share some poetry, let's joke around a bit, let's hang out. But they were mindful of the time. When they got into passive leisure, because sometimes passive leisure can go way past its time — they knew exactly how long they were going to spend in it. They didn't keep clicking the links. Keep going down the rabbit hole. Keep watching the next video and the next video and the next video. So it's halal in its nature, and there's a boundary that's intended before you even go into it.

5. Removing Destructive Distractions

The next thing we learn from the scholars in this regard is that one of the things that drains the soul — when we said we don't just address this with time — is destructive distractions. So there are the disobedient distractions, or the distractions that involve sin. There's the neutral halal, mubah — keep it limited, but have it as a part of your life. If you can be active, that's better. And then there are destructive distractions. Destructive in what sense? Destructive in how much energy, how much headspace, how much heart space they exhaust your soul with.

Imam al-Shafi'i said — and keep in mind, we're coming up on the 15th of Sha'ban — in the middle of Sha'ban, Allah will look out to His servants. And Allah forgives each one of His ibaad, each one of His worshippers. Not because of the lengthy nights of qiyam — no. Because they remove from their heart shirk, they remove polytheism, and they remove from their heart shahna' — they remove malice, grudges, they let it out. Clear your heart, empty it out before Ramadan — it needs to be filled with something else.

Imam al-Shafi'i said:

"Once I learned how to forgive as a habit" — and al-Shafi'i was a man who was frequently backbitten — "once I learned to just overlook and forgive, he said: أَرَحْتُ نَفْسِي — my soul just became so at peace." Raaha. We're not just talking about the reward.

"Don't you want Allah to forgive you?" Once I started letting stuff go — even the justifiable ones. It's not like Imam al-Shafi'i was someone getting into a bunch of fights. Even the stuff where he had reason to be bothered by it, reason to be drowned in it — it's like: once I learned to just let it go and overlook it, أَرَحْتُ نَفْسِي — my soul felt so much peace. مِنْ هَمِّ الْعَدَاوَاتِ — from the worries of enmity, the drama of grudges, the drama of enmity.

You know, people get into these disputes. You lose sleep, you lose time, you lose energy, you don't enjoy your life anymore — because all you're thinking about is the confrontation. That's not just a distraction. It's a destructive distraction. Go to Hawaii — you're still gonna have your phone, and you're still gonna be thinking about that. It's not gonna do anything for you. Go into Tarawih — Tarawih is not gonna solve your problem. Maybe temporarily. You just have to cut it.

I'm not going to let this exhaust me anymore. Exhaust my heart anymore. It no longer will find space here, because it's taking a toll on me — even if I'm justified. And then even when you're justified — this is not saying tolerate abuse. No, we have room for retribution and justice. But don't let it become so dominant in your life that it's all that occupies you. Keep it to the extent that you need to get justice. خلاص — move on. Find ways to get it out. For yourself, not just for the other person. And for the reward of relief of the soul in this life, not just for the great reward — which is even mightier — in the next.

Seven Steps to Overcome Burnout

Dear brothers and sisters, I want to end off with this, insha'Allah. We're talking about the outlets of the self — the solution to burnout. Because many people complain about burnout. And honestly, we're all feeling it. I don't want to project it on you — I'm feeling it. A lot of people are feeling it. I think most of you would say that you felt a little burnt out, that you felt like you're going through a lot, like it's been a tasking time.

The solution to that burnout is not more vacation time — because more vacation time from an unhealthy life is not going to solve the unhealthy nature of that life. By the way, vacationing is a modern concept — the last 200, 300 years. Taking off a few days, and especially now with everything that we take with us to our vacations — that totally defeats the purpose of physically putting ourselves in a different place. It's not going to be as beneficial. Not to say that vacations aren't good — I love vacations, and I'm sure you love vacations as well. But to say that it's not the solution, it's not the outlet, it's not in place of actually trying to find the daily habits and weekly habits of healthy outlets with Allah, healthy balance with our worship, with our space, with our time — so that we could have a better baal, so we could have a better state internally as well as externally.

So I give you seven things to recap this:

Number one: Avoid disobedience even when you're down. It's not a healthy outlet. It's only going to burden you more.

Number two: Get rid of the destructive distractions that waste time, energy, headspace, and heart space. The grudge is not worth it. The malice is not worth it. You get a greater reward in the next life, and you get relief for the soul in this life.

Number three: Active leisure is better than passive leisure, when you have that choice.

Number four: If you're going to engage in passive leisure — which you should sometimes — then discipline its time. Not just keep it halal. Discipline your passive leisure.

Number five: Bring remembrance — dhikr — into your silence and active moments when you can. Bring dhikr into your walk, bring dhikr into your time away, bring dhikr into your contemplation, into your relief, bring dhikr into your treadmill and into your working out. Masha'Allah, we had the brother who came and took shahada a few weeks ago. He said that he was listening to The Angel's Tears while working out. Man, he must have listened to it many times — masha'Allah, huge biceps. Bring it into your active, bring it into your passive, when you can.

Number six: Enjoy good company where you can, that does not cause you to transgress the limits. Company of joy. The Sahabah used to take along some of the funnier companions when they would travel, because they knew that they brought some relief on the journey. But they knew that when they're with those companions, they don't have to worry about backbiting and gossip and all the other stuff that's going to drag them into something harmful. So have people with you — engage good company where you don't have to worry about transgressing the limits.

Number seven: Make worship your greatest relief. Make worship your greatest form of relief.

May Allah let that be such for us.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَيَنْهَى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ، فَاذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ يَذْكُرْكُمْ، وَاشْكُرُوهُ عَلَى نِعَمِهِ يَزِدْكُمْ، وَلَذِكْرُ اللَّهِ أَكْبَرُ، وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ مَا تَصْنَعُونَ، وَأَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ.