Sha'ban, a month for forgiving

Sha'ban: A Month for Forgiving

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. My dear brothers and sisters, this is the month of Sha'ban. And this time next week, insha'Allah, we will be halfway through the month of Sha'ban.

And in Sha'ban there is a very special night. According to the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, as reported by Musnad al-Imam Ahmad and Sunan Ibn Majah, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1390; Musnad al-Imam Ahmad)

In a manner that suits His majesty, He gazes at His creation on the middle night of Sha'ban, and He will bestow His forgiveness upon all of His creation. He will forgive everybody — except for two kinds of people: an individual who associates partners with Allah in worship, and the one who is having rancor and holds a grudge against other believers.

The Authenticity and True Message of This Hadith

Now, in terms of authenticity, a lot of ulama say this hadith is actually weak. However, collectively they say — and Ibn Taymiyyah says — that even though in terms of its authenticity it might not be as strong as you would wish for, still the meaning of it, because of the number of ahadith collectively and the number of virtues mentioned in these ahadith, at least we take into consideration the value of this particular night.

But what is the value of this night? I know a lot of people — the only thing they think about on this night is doing siyam: they fast that day, they do qiyam on that night, and they make a lot of du'a. Now, jama'ah, we're missing the point in this hadith. We're missing the real point.

People think in this hadith: you wait the whole year, and on that particular night you do all that you want to be forgiven. It doesn't work like this. What does it mean exactly? It's a build-up. You build up throughout the whole year so that when you get to this point, your heart is clean — you have no grudge against anybody. Because how is it going to happen in one single night that you drop all the grudge you have against people? Is it even possible?

Allah Made Us Different — and That Leads to Disputes

Allah says in the Quran:

If it was the will of your Lord, He would make people — all of them — the same. Meaning no differences. We would all be the same: the same looks, the same patterns, the same level of education and intelligence. But He said they will always remain in disputes. Allah made us different. And with these differences come disputes, issues. And as a result, people start having issues with each other. And it's not easy to forgive one another.

So that is why Allah, over and over again, in the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, is reminding us of the virtue of forgiving.

Sha'ban: Training for Ramadan

My dear brothers and sisters, this month of Sha'ban is a month for forgiving. Why is that? What are we looking for in Ramadan? When Ramadan arrives and we get engaged in all these ibadat — we fast long days, we stand up long nights, we get fatigued and tired, we give a lot of our money, alhamdulillah, for the sake of Allah — what exactly are we trying to get out of all of this? To be forgiven. We would love to be forgiven. Especially in the last ten nights of Ramadan we make even extra effort. We stand up with even longer nights. We stay up all night, even until Fajr. Some of them quit their jobs for these nights, just to make sure they would be among those who witness the Night of Qadr.

Why? If you want to be forgiven, Allah is teaching us a lesson: you want to come in Ramadan to be forgiven? Then forgive the people. This month is your training — right now. Can you arrive into Ramadan with a clean heart? Because if you cannot, it's going to be very hard to really enjoy and benefit from the month of Ramadan. If your heart is already carrying all that grudge against this brother, and this sister, and this son, and this daughter-in-law — if your heart is already carrying all that grudge, what space is left there in your heart to enjoy the month of Ramadan?

And that's why the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ is a reminder for us to build that culture of forgiving — that you are always forgiving. So when the middle night of Sha'ban comes, just a couple of weeks right before Ramadan starts, whatever is left, it is a final reminder. Whatever is left in your heart — look, we know that you've been doing a great job — but now two more weeks until Ramadan starts. Can you just let go of everything left in your heart? Just let go of that. It's a training, my dear brothers and sisters, so that when Ramadan starts we are ready, insha'Allah, to enjoy it.

Quranic Verses on the Virtue of Forgiving

Allah in the Quran is teaching us the virtue of forgiving. I want to share with you insha'Allah a few of these ayaat.

Allah commanded the Prophet ﷺ:

Forgive them, ya Muhammad. It is a command from Allah. And when do people forgive anyway? You forgive when you can retaliate. If you have the power to reciprocate their wrongdoing with another wrongdoing, and you choose to forgive — that is the power. That's when forgiving counts. It doesn't count when you cannot retaliate because you have no other option anyway — that's not forgiveness, that's probably weakness. But the true power is when you have the ability to retaliate and you choose to forgive. That is the power.

Allah says: خُذِ الْعَفْوَ — take the way of forgiveness. And وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ — command in that which is right, that which is equitable and reasonable. وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِينَ — and stay away from those who are ignorant. Because if you don't follow this path, you will be counted among the jahileen.

There is a saying: لَا تَكُنِ امَّعَةً — don't be a copycat. إِنْ أَحْسَنَ النَّاسُ أَحْسَنْتَ وَإِنْ أَسَاؤُوا أَسَأْتَ — if people do good, you do good; if they do bad, you do bad. Rather: وَطِّنُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ — train and condition yourselves: if people do good, you do better; and if they do bad, don't repay them in kind. That is again the power of forgiving.

Allah says:

Allah is telling us: إِن تُبْدُوا خَيْرًا — if you do good and make it public, أَوْ تُخْفُوهُ — or you keep it hidden and do it privately. Allah mentioned all acts of good deeds collectively in an general way. But then out of all the good deeds, He chose one specifically to highlight. What did He say? أَوْ تَعْفُوا عَن سُوءٍ — you forgive those who wrong you.

Doesn't forgiving count as a good deed? Of course it does. It's part of the good deeds done publicly or privately. But He highlighted it explicitly here — أَوْ تَعْفُوا عَن سُوءٍ — because it is extremely important. Whenever we think of good deeds we think of giving charity, something physical — fasting, helping someone with your hands. That's what we think of as good deeds. But not so many people think of good deeds as: sitting at home, reflecting, looking at your relationship with people, and deciding to say, "You know what? It's not worth it. May Allah forgive them." What an amazing ibadah — an act of worship — to sit down and just let it go.

Three Levels of Forgiveness: 'Afw, Ghufran, and Safh

Allah says:

Three words. Three words in one single ayah. Each one highlights one shade of forgiveness — a level of forgiving. He says: تَعْفُوا and تَصْفَحُوا and تَغْفِرُوا — that is 'afw, safh, and ghufran. Honestly, I tried to look for words in the English dictionary to give the true meaning of these words. I couldn't find anything. They all use the word "forgive" or "pardon" — nothing specific to give that deep meaning of these words.

In the tafsir, the ulama say the difference between الْعَفْو, الْغُفْرَان, and الصَّفْح is as follows:

First — الْعَفْو (Al-'Afw): Forgiving is when you don't pursue the person for punishment. "I forgive you" — that doesn't mean your heart is clear. I'm not going to go after you. But still, you might hold a grudge or hold blame in your heart against that person. That is called forgiveness. And may Allah accept that from you.

Second — الْغُفْرَان (Al-Ghufran): There is a level better than that. You forgive the person and you also get rid of that grudge from your heart — no longer keeping blame against them. Forgiving and forgetting. That's what it means.

Third — الصَّفْح (As-Safh): This is something extra. Whenever you see that person, you never ever let them feel that you remember. Because you know some people — every time they see you they feel guilty, even though you forgave them, even though you did ghufran. So instead, you do safh.

As Allah said to the Prophet ﷺ:

You deal with them with complete, perfect, excellent safh — completely forget it as if it never happened and it doesn't even cross your mind anymore. Who can do that, jama'ah? Who can really reach that level? This is the level of the anbiya'. Prophets get to that level. But it has also been offered to us to practice this as human beings.

The Prophet's ﷺ Example: The Conquest of Mecca

An example from the life of the Prophet ﷺ of how he never held a grudge — how he forgave people and practiced safh. Many different stories and examples come to mind, and one of those is the example of the conquest of Mecca — a massive act of safh, an amnesty to the people of Mecca.

When he conquered Mecca ﷺ, it wasn't too long ago that they had murdered his companions in the Battle of Uhud, and mutilated the body of his uncle, Hamza radiyallahu 'anhu. And the Prophet was still grieved about this. But then when he conquered Mecca and had the fate of these people in his hands — thousands of them — he said to them:

(Seerah — narrated by Ibn Hisham and others)

"What do you think I'm going to do to you?" They said: "We know you — a noble brother, son of a noble brother." He said: "Go ahead. You are all free." He set them free completely. That was something they never expected. They expected some kind of ransom or compensation. He said it as if nothing had ever happened.

They realized that this level of forgiveness, this level of safh, is divine. It can't be of this world — you're getting nothing out of this. That was a sweet moment for him to take revenge, and he decided not to pursue it. They said: this man is not looking for anything from this world. It is a divine level of forgiving. And that's why they said: لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ.

And later, the Prophet ﷺ interacted with some of the people of Mecca who had really wronged him — very badly. One of them was the wife of Abu Sufyan, Hind bint 'Utbah — she is the one who had mutilated his uncle Hamza. But she still came asking the Prophet ﷺ questions, and he dealt with her as if nothing had ever happened before. She never felt awkward going to ask the Prophet ﷺ because she knew that when he forgives, he is real about it — he is genuine. It is as if it never happened. Who can get to that level of safh? It is truly divine.

Forgiveness Brings You Closer to Taqwa

But that is indeed for those who are looking for their reward from Allah. Because Allah says:

If you forgive, that brings you closer to taqwa — to being righteous. And in Ramadan, the purpose of fasting is what?

So that you might acquire righteousness and piety. Here is an opportunity — that you forgive the people. Allah says:

The one who forgives and reconciles — فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ — your reward is with Allah. If you put a price tag on your forgiveness, if you expect something in return for forgiving people — something from this dunya — they will always disappoint you. Always disappoint you. But if you expect your reward from Allah, because I forgive not because I owe it to you — I forgive because I owe it first of all to Allah because He commands me to do so, and then to myself. Not because of you. It's because of who I am. My forgiveness of you is because of who I am, not because of who you are.

Allah then said:

Let them forgive. Let them practice safh — pretend it never happened at all. Don't you love that Allah forgives you? Because Allah is telling us: if you want Allah to forgive you, why don't you forgive the people? Take it easy on these people. It's not worth it to live a life holding a grudge the entire time because someone wronged you one day.

And just to let you know — the grudge that you hold in your heart is not really yours. It's not for you, really. Unfortunately, as a result of the grudge you hold in your heart, you're living someone else's life, not yours. You're always worried: "What are they going to say? What if they hear about it? What if this? What if that?" Who cares? Just let it go and move on with your life. You'll find yourself light and easy to move, insha'Allah, into the month of Ramadan.

May Allah give us the ability to forgive. We ask Allah to make our hearts clear. We ask Allah to give us the ability to be in the month of Ramadan, to fast the month of Ramadan, and to have our ibadah accepted in the month of Ramadan. I say this, and I ask Allah for forgiveness for me and for you and for all the Muslims. He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.

The Story of Yusuf: Forgiveness in the House of the Prophets

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. Peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and companions.

My dear brothers and sisters, one of the beautiful examples of forgiveness that Allah has shown us in the Quran is in the story of Yusuf 'alayhis-salam — family feuds. Don't tell me you don't have a family feud in your life. Probably everybody has some issue with somebody in the family, whether local or someone farther away. We always have some issues — we're humans after all. And even the house of the Anbiya' had some issues.

The house of Ya'qub 'alayhis-salam — his brothers almost killed their own brother Yusuf. Can you imagine how bad that is? SubhanAllah. When the moment came for him to take revenge, what did Yusuf do? He forgave them all. He said: no harm, no blame on you. "Don't worry about it — I'm not going to blame you for it. It's over." He placed the blame on who? On the Shaitan. He told his father: "Father, remember my dream? This is it. Remember what happened when the Shaitan got between me and my brothers and caused us that problem, that issue." But he didn't blame his brothers. He blamed the Shaitan.

Do I Have to Forgive?

Now, finally — a question on the minds of many people: "Do I have to do that? I don't want to forgive them. It's too painful for me."

Here is the distinction: reconciling is wajib — it is mandatory that you try the path of reconciliation by whatever means possible. Forgiving is recommended — it is not obligatory, but it is highly recommended. And Allah says: don't you want Allah to forgive you? If that's what you really care about — if you care about what Allah wants from you rather than what people say — then forgive.