What is the difference of being grateful and ungrateful ?

Khutbah: What is the Difference Between Being Grateful and Ungrateful?

All praise is due to Allah, and His praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and his followers until the Day of Judgment. I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship, and Muhammad is His last and final messenger.

Introduction: The Concept of Gratitude

My dear brothers and sisters, as millions of Americans celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday — thinking about being grateful and thankful for so many blessings in their lives — I'm not going to go into the debate about what happened roughly 402 years ago when the first Thanksgiving celebrations were held. For me, when I look at this, I see what people do today: either you look at it as a family coming together to spend a happy time, eating a good meal, playing board games, celebrating the union of the family — or you think about it as something that happened 400 years ago where people celebrated either for the first harvest or because of a terrible, dark era in our history. However you want to look at it, it's up to you, and I'm not going to discuss that here.

What I want to talk about is the concept of being grateful, being thankful — the attitude of gratitude. It is that character trait that should be part of who we are as Muslims.

Surah Al-Insan: Grateful or Ungrateful

This is something we recited today in Salatul Fajr, and it is Sunnah to recite every Friday — Surah Al-Insan. In the beginning of it, Allah said:

We have guided them, We already showed them the way — whether they choose to be grateful and thankful to Allah, or they choose to be utterly ungrateful — Kafur. The verses that come after this one explain where the ungrateful will end up and where the grateful will end up, what kind of life the grateful will have in this life and the next, and what kind of life the ungrateful one will have in this life and the next.

That's why it is so important for us to take this opportunity — as we think and talk about Thanksgiving, thankfulness, and gratitude — to reflect a little about this concept. From the beginning, Allah said Shakir — thankful — and on the other hand, He said Kafur — meaning someone utterly ungrateful. And this is for a reason.

The scholars debated: why did Allah not say "so thankful" or "so unthankful"? Why "grateful" and "so ungrateful"? Many things come to mind. Number one: no one can ever claim that he has thanked Allah enough or too much. Allah says:

No matter how you try to count the blessings of Allah, you will not count them all. And no matter what you say, it will never be anywhere close to what Allah deserves.

Recognizing the Blessings Around Us

Look at how many blessings you could thank Allah for — even the blessing of being able to stand up and sit down. Thousands of people around you cannot rise from a chair without help, and it takes so much effort. Allah made it so easy for you to go to sleep and wake up, to have a roof above your head.

One of our brothers in this masjid — praying with us here — lost 16 members of his family in one incident, in five minutes or less. They were killed in Gaza, targeted by a missile. Just like that. All of a sudden he got a phone call: 16 cousins, uncles, their children. You cannot be thankful enough to Allah for all the blessings that we have.

The Prophet said: if you wake up in the morning safe, in your home, and you have enough food for the day — you are among the kings:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2346)

As if you have gained the whole of the world. No matter what you have — but you don't feel safe. No matter what you have — but you're not healthy. No matter what you have — but you don't have enough food for the day for yourself and your children.

Why are we so caught up in so many details, so many things on the side that are not major issues? We always focus on what we don't have, not what we have.

What Does It Mean to Be Ungrateful?

Being ungrateful is not only when someone does something good for you — whether Allah or otherwise — and you don't thank them for it. That's not the only form of ingratitude. Being ungrateful means that you always think about what you don't have, what Allah never gave you. And here is the bad news for you: no matter what you do, no matter what you try, you're not going to have it all. Otherwise there would be nothing left for Jannah. Otherwise there would be no such thing as trial, test, and hardship. That's how life is. And if you are living a wishful life thinking you're going to have everything you wish for and ask for, you are wrong about that.

When you start thinking this way, you stop thinking about the blessings you do have, the good things that Allah has given you. Gratitude is a conscious, positive emotion one can express when feeling thankful for something — whether that thing is tangible or intangible. It is that feeling, that satisfaction inside your heart.

Gratitude Starts with the Heart

One of the first points in relation to being shakir — grateful to Allah — is that it starts with the heart. It starts with how much, from deep inside, you say: "You know what, I'm happy with what Allah has given me." Yes, I want to grow. Yes, I want change. But I'm grateful for what I have — with all its shortcomings, all its difficulties, even if my job is hard and doesn't pay much. From the inside: Alhamdulillah, I am grateful to You.

There are so many people who don't have work. Your kids may have bad habits — and there is nothing wrong with trying to change them, nothing wrong with wanting them to grow. But it starts first with you saying: "Ya Allah, I accept what You have given me. I am grateful for what You have blessed me with." Then I try to grow, then I make the positive changes I want to make.

Prophets and messengers were always described as grateful. Allah says:

And Ibrahim, peace be upon him, was described as grateful, so grateful.

The Stages of Gratitude — According to Ibn al-Qayyim

My brothers and sisters, when we talk about blessings and gratitude, there are stages for this. Ibn al-Qayyim said it starts with the heart, followed by the tongue. The Prophet said:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4811; Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1954)

Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah. It starts in the heart — from inside, knowing:

Whatever blessing you have — it is from Allah. You are grateful for it. Allah gave you something, and you show your gratitude for it. Then it moves to the tongue. When you have positive energy and positive thoughts, your tongue will also begin to say positive words.

But if you are filled with rage, anger, ingratitude, negativity — if you just want and want and want and nothing satisfies you — your words will be: "It's not good enough. I'm not happy. I'm not like other people. I don't have this. That's bad. That's worse. I've never seen any good. I've never experienced anything good." It becomes generalization. Catch yourself.

If your words and thoughts are becoming so general, that is the first sign of being ungrateful. Grateful people don't generalize. Grateful people break it down. They see: "That's what I want, and that's what I want to grow. That's what I don't have, and I need to focus on what I do have in order to get what I don't have."

Recognizing the Goodness That Lies Outside Ourselves

Gratitude starts with recognizing that some sources of goodness lie outside yourself. It is so important to be grateful to your spouse, to your parents, to your children, to your community, to your society. It is so negative and so harmful not to recognize, not to have gratitude and appreciation for all the things and people surrounding you — and how they contribute to your success.

This is something that in today's world has become: "It's all about me." In the old days, people used to climb the mountain to see the world. But nowadays, we climb the mountain so the world can see us. That's the difference. That is the ungrateful attitude — it's all about me.

It is so sad for a Muslim who knows that there is no blessing you have unless it comes from Allah. When you look at psychologists and modern Western discussions about Thanksgiving, it is all about what human beings have done for you — what your spouse did, what your parents did, what your job gave you. But for us as Muslims, before all of this: what has Allah provided for me? The blessings of Allah are not only worldly matters — they are also religious blessings.

And that's part of being ungrateful: always thinking about the dunya and never thinking about the akhirah. Why do you think so many people became Muslims just from watching what was happening in Gaza and seeing the people of Gaza? People living in this materialistic world were woken up. That message woke them up — because it's all about the dunya. When they saw someone who had just lost their entire family, and that brother in this masjid said to me: "No, Shaykh, they didn't die. They are shuhada — because the martyrs are living with Allah." That is gratitude. That is the wake-up call you need to have.

Acknowledging Goodness Even When Things Feel Difficult

Acknowledging the goodness in our lives — even when things feel a little off — is so important. Try to think about all the blessings that Allah has given you, even the little things you might not normally think about. From a religious perspective: Alhamdulillah that you prayed today. Alhamdulillah that you are a mu'min. Alhamdulillah that you were able to teach your children how to pray.

You're angry at your husband. You're angry at your wife. Say Alhamdulillah that Allah has fulfilled half of your deen through this marriage. Someone recently said to me, "Shaykh, I don't know what it means that marriage fulfills half my deen." I said, "Habibi, being married to your wife — that is already enough to fulfill your half of the deen. You've already got it." But if you want that half to be more meaningful, more beautiful, more rewarding — start thinking about gratitude. Have the attitude of gratitude toward it. The reason you don't feel that way is because you don't have that feeling controlling your life, controlling your mind, and filtering everything through it.

Why Gratitude Is So Important

1. It Pleases Allah and Brings Barakah

Take it from your brother. Take it from your iman. Take it from someone who has been living in this life, experiencing so many different cultures and so many things. There is nothing — nothing — that turns things around like being grateful to Allah. You feel that barakah, those blessings from Allah, coming to you and to your life.

Allah is pleased with you when He provides you with food — not health, not your heart, not your eyes, not your ears, not money, not a house, not a job, not all the luxuries you are living with — just a meal. You eat it and say Alhamdulillah, and Allah is pleased with you for that.

Allah says:

If you are grateful, I will increase you. And if you are not, My punishment is severe — a punishment in this life and in the next. Do you want more of what you have? Thank Allah for what He has given you. If you want more of what you don't have, be more grateful for what you do have, and see how Allah will give you more of what you have and allow you to gain what you don't have. That is what Allah says in the Quran. That is what it means to be a Muslim — to listen to the guidance of Allah and His Messenger.

The Science of Gratitude

Regularly practicing and expressing gratitude has so many benefits — both short term and long term, in this life and the next. There are so many studies and research papers available. You can read them online, pick up one of these journals — they all talk about the attitude of gratitude and the concept of thankfulness. It is found to be among the main focuses of positive psychology.

Evidence suggests that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed. But why? Do you know why? Because gratitude literally changes our brains. Research has found that people who tend to be more grateful have more brain activity in the middle prefrontal cortex — the area associated with learning and decision-making. This area literally becomes more active. Some studies even suggest that this active part of the brain can last for a whole month just from expressing gratitude and talking about it.

That's why it was no joke when they tell you to say to yourself: "I am happy. I am blessed. Count your blessings." Its impact can last a whole month.

And amazingly, Allah — especially in cases of dispute — says in the Quran about divorce:

Don't forget about the goodness between you. And the Prophet said: if you hate something in your spouse, you will find something else to love. Why? It's to give you that gratitude — because it helps your brain to make the right decision.

Gratitude can overpower negative emotions. Feeling grateful boosts positive emotions like joy and compassion, and encourages us to look for and connect with what is good in life. That's why anger — and anger comes from Shaytan — when Shaytan makes you so angry, he does not allow you to see the goodness in others. When we don't see the goodness, we become ungrateful. When you become ungrateful and negative, you can sell everything short.

Gratitude and being thankful boosts our optimism, improves our health, and boosts our immune system. There are so many studies on this, and it is something you should look up. But more important than all of this, above all of this, is that Allah promised you goodness in the akhirah and barakah and blessings in your life.

Gratitude Does Not Mean Complacency

I want to say it loud and clear: being grateful to Allah, and being grateful for the blessings you have, does not mean that you live in misery. It does not mean that you don't seek change or improvement. It doesn't mean you don't look for more. No — that's not what it is. You can do all of this, but you filter it through the lens of being grateful and thankful, and you focus on: if you are seeking more, if you are seeking change, and the only thing coming to your mind is negativity — that is a sign of being ungrateful.

But if you seek improvement and growth while coming from the perspective of recognizing the good in others and seeing the world through a lens of gratitude — that is a sign of being grateful and thankful.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It makes sense of our past — we look at the past through a very different lens. It brings peace to today and creates a positive vision for tomorrow.

The Advice of the Prophet to Mu'adh

The Prophet once held the hand of Mu'adh ibn Jabal and said, "I love you." And I want to say to everyone who listened to me today: I love you for the sake of Allah. I love goodness for you. And that love is what led the Prophet to say to Mu'adh:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 1522; Sunan al-Nasa'i, Hadith 1303)

He said to him: "Always say, always beg Allah, always ask Allah — for what? To be a person who remembers Allah a lot, and who is grateful to Allah a lot, and who worships Him in the best manner."

Du'a and Closing

May Allah grant us all this. May Allah grant our brothers and sisters in Gaza peace and justice, and stop the killing, and bring an end to the war, and bring peace to that dear part of the world that is so dear to our hearts. May Allah accept their dead as shuhada. May Allah heal the wounded. May Allah provide for those who have been displaced. May Allah bring justice. May Allah free all the innocent hostages caught in the middle of this tragedy. And we ask Allah to bring safety and tranquility to all our brothers and sisters in that part of the world. We ask Allah to bring victory to them and to send those who will provide protection, victory, and strength.

We ask Allah to forgive our shortcomings, to forgive our ingratitude, and to help us always to be grateful and positive toward ourselves, toward our families, toward our communities, toward our society, and toward the world. And first and foremost, to always be grateful and thankful to Allah for all His blessings. We admit them all. We thank You for them all. And we ask You to increase us in goodness.