The Rights of the Parents - Ustadh Aqeel Mahmood

The Rights of the Parents

I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.

O ye who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except as Muslims.

O ye who believe! Fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul, and created from it a wife, and spread among them many men and women. And fear Allah, whom you ask about, and the wombs. Verily, Allah watches over you.

O ye who believe! Fear Allah, and speak a firm word. He will set right for you your deeds, and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great triumph.

As for what follows: the best speech is the Book of Allah, and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. And the worst of things are its innovations. And every innovation is a newly invented matter. And every newly invented matter is a misguidance. And every misguidance is in the Fire.

The Status of Parents in the Quran

Allah says in the Quran:

He says that your Lord has decreed that nothing should be worshipped except Him. Yet we see, even though Allah has decreed this, that people don't worship Allah. So what does Allah mean when He says وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ — "And your Lord has decreed"? When Allah says this in the Quran, it shows the emphasis and the obligation and the importance of worshipping Allah first and foremost, before anything else. The most important thing is to worship Allah. And it's so important that Allah has decreed it. Nothing should be worshipped except Allah.

In this very same ayah, when Allah emphasizes the importance of tawheed, emphasizes the importance of worshipping Allah alone, not worshipping anything else — not committing shirk, not associating partners with Allah — the very foundation of our faith, the very foundation of Islam — Allah mentions something else after this. Straight after worshipping Allah, straight after tawheed, straight after not committing shirk, Allah says:

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him — and that you be good and dutiful to your parents.

Look at the level and the status of the parents in Islam, where Allah mentions the parents straight after tawheed, straight after لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا اللَّه. This shows us, if anything, the status and how important it is to obey, to be respectful, and to be dutiful to our own parents — because Allah has placed it straight after tawheed. And how many of us have parents who are still alive, yet we neglect them, we don't listen to them, we don't honor them, we're not dutiful towards them, we're not obedient towards them. When they say something, we ignore them. When they ask us to do something, we don't listen to them.

The Mother: The Most Deserving of Our Best Treatment

A man came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, one day and he said: "Who has more right to be treated the best? Who should be treated the best out of everyone?" And the Messenger of Allah said:

"Your mother." And the man asked: ثُمَّ مَن؟ "Then who?" And the Messenger of Allah replied a second time: "Your mother." And then he asked for a third time: ثُمَّ مَن؟ "Then who?" And the Messenger of Allah for a third time replied: "Your mother, your mother, your mother."

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5971; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2548)

And this shows us the status of the mother in Islam. The status of the parents in Islam. Look how Allah has raised the status of the parents. Why is it so important? Because if it wasn't for the fact that our parents raised us the way they raised us, we might not even be here today. Because of their education, because of their tarbiyah, because of their nurturing, because they fed us, and they clothed us, and they looked after us when we were young. And so Allah mentions the parents in this high esteem in the Quran. And the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would always talk about the importance of the parents in Islam.

Obedience to Parents: The Example of Ibrahim and Ismail

From the things that we should be doing as sons and as daughters to our parents is obeying them. Listening to what they say. Doing those things which they ask us to do. Not complaining over the things that they ask us to do — so long as it's something which isn't haram.

Ibrahim, peace be upon him — when he had that dream. Of his son being slaughtered. Of his son being sacrificed. His only son, Ismail, peace be upon him. He went to his son and he asked him. He said:

"I saw in my dream that I was sacrificing you. I was slaughtering you." And we know that the dreams of the prophets are true — they're real. So he said: "What do you think?" And this shows us the importance of the parents having a relationship with their children. Ibrahim, peace be upon him, didn't need to say this. He didn't need to ask him, "What do you think?" This was an order from Allah. Yet Ibrahim, through his hikmah, through his wisdom with his children — this is how he used to have this relationship with his own child. Asking him what he thought. "What do you think? What's your opinion?" And when we have children, we need to have this relationship with them. We need to talk to them, ask their opinion — "What do you think of this? What do you think of that?" — give them a sense of responsibility.

So Ibrahim, peace be upon him, said to him: "What do you think?" And Ismail, peace be upon him — how did he reply?

"O my dear father, do whatever you have been ordered to do. You will find me from those who are patient."

And if you think about this — if one of our parents came to us and said exactly the same thing, we'd say you're crazy. There's something wrong with you. We'd go to the police station. We'd complain about him. We'd say our father is trying to kill us. And Ismail, peace be upon him — look at his obedience towards his own father.

And this shows us that if a person wants his children to obey him, then he needs to be obeying Allah first and foremost. If a person isn't obeying Allah, then how does he expect his own children to obey him? How does he think his children are going to obey him when he isn't obeying the Creator of the heavens and the earth? His own Creator.

A person, if he wants obedience — and he wants harmony in the household, and he wants his children to be good to him, and his children to listen to him — then first and foremost, he needs to make sure that he's doing those things which Allah Himself has ordered him to do. With regards to salah, with regards to his prayer, with regards to all the other things that he should be doing — fasting, and giving zakah, being good to his own parents. If a person is obedient to Allah, and he does whatever Allah has told him to do, and he stays away from those things which Allah has told him to stay away from — not looking at those things which are forbidden to him, not saying things which he shouldn't be saying, backbiting and gossiping and swearing and using filthy language — if a person stays away from these things and obeys Allah's orders, then his own children will start to obey him. And so we see this relationship between Ismail and Ibrahim, peace be upon them both.

Helping Parents Financially

From the rights of the parents, brothers and sisters, is that they should be helped financially. Allah says:

Allah says: they ask you about who they should spend on, who they should spend their wealth on. Say: whatever you give in good, then it should be for the parents first and foremost. When you spend, you should spend on your parents. When they need something — even when they don't need something — buy something for them. Then spend on your parents, and then those who are close to you, your relatives. And the orphans, and the poor people. But first and foremost, the main priority was giving and helping financially your own parents.

There's a story that's mentioned about a man who had his own family. And he would buy things for his household — for his wife, and for his children, and for the household. Whenever he would buy something for his house, he would always buy two sets. If he bought groceries, he would buy two sets of groceries. If he bought items of furniture, he would buy two sets of that furniture. Anything he bought, he would always buy two sets. Why would he buy two sets? He would buy one for his own household, and he would buy another set for his mother's house. Whatever he bought. And sometimes he would buy something and his mother wouldn't need it. And she would tell him: "I don't need these things. You know, you're buying these things — I don't need them." But when a person spends on his parents, gives money, spends on his parents, then as a result of this, Allah will increase his wealth. And so he was adamant. He would always buy two of the same thing — one for his own household, and one for his mother's house. As a result of this, because he would do this, Allah blessed him in his wealth. He became someone who was wealthy.

Many of us would think: if a person buys two sets of everything, he's going to waste money. He's going to lose his money. He's not going to have any money left. But as a result of his obedience to his parents — being good to his parents, being dutiful to his parents, spending on his parents — Allah blessed him in his wealth. Put barakah in his wealth as a result of his obedience to his parents, as a result of spending money on them.

The Consequences of Disobeying Parents

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, mentioned that from the worst things that a person can do is disobeying the parents. Not listening to the parents. When your parents tell you to do something, a person should be obeying them and listening to them straight away.

And Allah mentioned in the very same ayah we mentioned at the beginning:

Be good to your parents. If one of them becomes old, and he becomes weak, and he becomes feeble — or both of them reach this age, when both of your parents are alive and they're of an old age — then don't even say to them, when they ask you to do something, when they want you to do something: "Oh!" Don't even make that sound. Do whatever they want you to do. Obey them. Show respect towards them. At this very old age, they need this help. They need to be looked after. And after everything that they do for us, it's our duty as Muslims to look after them.

The Story of the Man Who Carried His Mother

A man once came with his mother from Yemen, and he carried his mother on his back for the pilgrimage. And he went to Makkah and he did the tawaf while his mother was on his back. And Ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was there at the time. And somebody asked him: "Has this man repaid the debt that the parents have given him?" — meaning, has that person repaid what his parents have done for him throughout his whole life, by carrying her on his back and performing the pilgrimage? And Ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, he said: "No. Not even one push when the mother gives birth to the child." He hasn't repaid the debt — not even one push that the mother gives when she's giving birth.

So we are indebted to our parents. A person has to make sure that he shows obedience to his parents and looks after his parents, even at a young age. And it's a shame nowadays that people send their parents to old people's homes. They neglect them. They don't even want to look after them. They may visit them once or twice a year.

The Old Woman in the Care Home

A man once mentioned that he went to an old people's home for some business — he was going to buy a building. And he said: "I went to this old people's home and I saw an old woman. And this old woman, she was putting makeup on. She was putting lipstick on. She was doing her hair. She had very nice clothes on." An old woman. And so the man kept wondering: why is she doing this? She's on her own. There's nobody else here. So the man asked one of the nurses. He said: "Why is she doing this? What's wrong with this woman?" And the nurse said: "This woman — she's getting ready. She's putting on all this makeup. She's getting dressed. She's doing her hair in this way. Because her son is coming to visit her. And her son only visits her once every single year."

SubhanAllah. Once a year, the son comes to visit her. And the mother wanted to look good. She wanted her son to be pleased when he sees her — so maybe in the future he might come more often. SubhanAllah. Is this the level we've gotten to? When a son won't even visit his mother more than once a year. She's like in a prison. We won't even visit her. SubhanAllah.

What to Do If Your Parents Have Passed Away

From the rights of the parents, brothers and sisters — if our parents aren't alive anymore, for those of us who don't have any parents, for those of us whose parents have passed away and we aren't able to get the reward of being dutiful to our parents, looking after our parents — from the things that we can do is asking forgiveness for them, making du'a for them, supplicating for them. The child who makes du'a and asks Allah to forgive his parents — that du'a that the child makes is answered. And so if a person's parents have passed away, he should make du'a for them. And we ask Allah to forgive all of our mothers and fathers who have passed away.

From the things that the person can do if his parents aren't alive is to perform the hajj, perform the pilgrimage on their behalf. And also a person can give charity — he can give wealth to the poor on behalf of the person who is deceased, on behalf of his deceased parents, his mother or his father who isn't alive anymore.

What Goes Around Comes Around

There are many consequences when a person is good to his parents. And there are many consequences when a person is bad to his parents. When someone is disobedient to his parents, there are going to be consequences as a result of this. There are going to be things that are going to happen in his life. As Allah says:

Is there any reward for good except good? When a person does good, good is going to come to him. When a person does something bad, that's going to come back to haunt him one day.

The Story of the Two Brothers from Ta'if

It is mentioned that there were two brothers who lived in the city of Ta'if. And they lived in the city of Ta'if and they had their own families. But one thing was burdening them — one thing they found very awkward and very difficult, and they wanted to get rid of this problem. And this problem that they had was that they had a father who was elderly. He was old and he was sick. And he couldn't do anything on his own. If he had to go to the bathroom, they had to take him. If he wanted to eat, they would have to feed him. They had to look after him. If he wanted to go somewhere, they had to take him. And so they were tired of this. They thought: "Why do we have to do this every time? We've got our own business, we've got our own families, we don't need this." Every time he had to go somewhere, they would have to put him in the wheelchair and take him.

So they said: "Let's get rid of him somehow. Let's figure something out. We don't want to look after our parents anymore. What can we do?" So they agreed that they would take him to the city of Mecca to perform pilgrimage. And their intention wasn't something good — their intention was to leave him there after they performed the Umrah. And Mecca was about two hours away from Ta'if. So they told their father, and their father became happy: "My children are taking me for Umrah. They're going to take me on this amazing pilgrimage."

And so they took their father. They performed tawaf with him. They pushed him around the Ka'bah. And in their minds, they're thinking: "This is the last time I'm going to have to push him." And then they performed the Sa'i with him. After they performed the Sa'i, they spoke to their father. They told him: "We've got some business meeting in the city of Mecca. So we're going to leave you here in the Haram. We're going to go to this meeting and we'll come back and take you after we're finished. And you can worship Allah, you can read Quran, you can do whatever you want to do while you're here."

And so they left him by a pillar — one of the pillars of the masjid in the Haram in Mecca. And the father, when they left him there, said to them: "Don't leave me at this pillar. Leave me at that pillar over there." And so they thought: "What difference does it make? All the pillars are the same." So they took their father to the other pillar, thinking maybe he's going crazy in his old age, maybe there's something wrong with him.

While they were walking away, they kept thinking: "What's the difference between this pillar and that pillar? Let's ask him." They went and they asked him: "What's the difference between this pillar and that pillar? Why did you want to stay at this pillar?" And he said: "Because when I was younger, I left my father at this very same pillar that you're leaving me at now."

SubhanAllah. So what goes around comes around, brothers and sisters. If you're not obedient to your own parents, then don't expect your children to be good to you. If you're disobedient to your parents, it's going to come back to haunt you one day. And it might be at a time or at a place when you need your children — when you need your children to look after you. But it's too late by then.

If a person wants a good family, and he wants an obedient family, and he wants harmony in the household, and he wants a good, peaceful family — a family that's together — then he needs to make sure that he's looking after his own parents, being good and dutiful to his own parents. We ask Allah that we are all dutiful to our own parents, and as a result of this, our own children are good to us.

Cutting Off Relations and Its Consequences

My argument to a person who is disobedient to his own parents and doesn't look after his own parents is that as a result of him cutting off relations with those who are related to him — not speaking to them, not talking to one's parents, not looking after them, not visiting them, not seeing them, not communicating with them, not having a relationship with them — as a result of this, a person won't be able to enter paradise, because he's neglectful to his own parents, he's disobeying his own parents. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

The one who cuts off relations will not enter paradise.

And also from the bad consequences of someone who treats his parents badly is that his own supplications won't be answered. When we want something done, when we ask Allah for something, when we want Allah to answer our own prayers — if we're neglectful to our own parents, then Allah won't respond to our du'a. He won't respond to our supplications. Whereas on the other side, if a person is good to his parents, he's dutiful to his parents, then as a result of his duty towards his parents and him being good towards his parents, Allah will respond to his du'a, Allah will respond to his supplication.

Uwais al-Qarni: The Best of the Tabi'in

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, he said:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2542)

He said: "The best of the tabi'in" — those people who came after the companions, those people who never saw the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, but they saw the companions — "the best of tabi'in is Uwais al-Qarni." And he talked about Uwais al-Qarni. And he said that this man had a mother, وَهُوَ بِهَا بَرٌّ — and he would be obedient to her, he would look after her.

And he said that Uwais al-Qarni had an illness — a skin disease where the pigment and the color of the skin would change, all over his body. And so he made du'a to Allah as a result of this illness. And when he supplicated to Allah, when he made du'a to Allah to cure him of this illness, Allah cured him — except for a small mark on his back the size of a dinar.

And as a result of this du'a, as a result of his good behavior towards his mother, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, himself mentioned this man — who wasn't even a companion. He wasn't even a companion of the Messenger of Allah. The point being, brothers and sisters, that this man — due to his obedience to his own parents, due to him being dutiful to his parents, being good to his parents, being good to his own mother — as a result of this, when he made du'a, when he supplicated to Allah, Allah answered his du'a. Because he was in need. And because he was dutiful to his own parents.

The Benefits of Being Good to Your Parents

From the benefits, brothers and sisters, of being good and dutiful to your own parents — as we mentioned earlier — is that Allah will bless that person in his wealth. He will give him more wealth. He will give him more money. He will give him more provisions. He will give him more rizq in this life. He will make his life more comfortable. And He will also increase his own life. When a person is dutiful to his parents, he looks after his parents, he keeps relations with his family members — as a result of this, Allah will increase his own life. And Allah will give him more wealth.

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, he said:

Whoever is pleased that he is given more wealth, whoever wants more wealth and wants his life to be prolonged — then let him keep his ties of kinship. Let him have good relations with his own family members: with his parents, with his children, with his brothers and his sisters, with his cousins, with his aunties and his uncles — whoever it is. Let him or her have good relationships with his or her family members. And if a person does this, Allah will bless that person in his wealth and will give him long life.

And every single one of us wants a long life. And if a person wants a long life, Allah will bless him with this — if he is dutiful to those who have already spent their lives nurturing you, and educating you, and looking after you.

We ask Allah that He gives us the ability to be respectful, dutiful and obedient to our own parents. And that as a result of this, Allah blesses us in our own lives in this life. And He also rewards us in the akhira.

Du'a

Verily, Allah commands justice, and good conduct, and giving to relatives; and He forbids immorality, and bad conduct, and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.

So remember Allah, the Great and Majestic — He will remember you. And call upon Him with His blessings — He will increase you. And the remembrance of Allah is the highest, the most worthy, and the greatest. And Allah knows what you do. Establish the prayer.