Few Tips for Peace at Home | Message In A Passage Ep.4 | Ustadh Mohamad Baajour

We ask Allah azza wa jalla to teach us what benefits us, benefit us from what you taught us and increase us in knowledge. Ameen, ya rabbal alameen. May Allah make us from the people at the end of the gathering. They will be told, قُومُوا مَغْفُورًا لَكُمْ قَدْ بُدِّلَتْ سَيِّئَاتِكُمْ حَسَنَاتٍ Get up, all your sins are forgiven and all your evil deeds are switched into good deeds. Ameen, ya rabbal alameen.

Introduction to the Series

We continue our series by taking an ayah of the Quran and explaining the reason, sabab al-nuzul, the reason for the revelation and what are some of the lessons that we learn from that ayah. And tonight's ayah is the first ayah in surat al-mujadila.

The ayah means that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala have heard your complaint or he heard the complaint of this woman who pleaded with you Ya Rasulallah concerning her husband and she appealed to Allah and Allah is the all hearing, all seeing.

The Story of Khawla bint Tha'laba

There was a sahabiya, her name is Khawla bint Tha'laba. The hadith is in Imam Ahmad. She said, I'm gonna read what she said:

"By Allah, Allah sent down the beginning of surat al-mujadila in connection with me and my husband Aus bin As-Samit. I am the wife of Aus and he was an old man whose temper was getting worse. One day when he came home, I asked him something. He became angry and said, 'You are like my mother's back to me.' This was a term used by people before Islam indicating divorce and was called Zihar.

After saying these words, he left the house, sat in a meeting place with his friends, then he came back home and he wants to have a relationship with me. Then I told him, 'Don't even think of coming close to me. By the one in whose hand is the soul of Khawla, you will not have your way with me after saying what you have said, until I go to Rasulullah ﷺ.'

He tried to force himself, but I was able to resist. I finally gave him a kick of a strong woman against an old man until he fell. I next hurriedly went to one of my neighbors, borrowed a garment and went to Rasulullah ﷺ, and I told him what happened.

Rasulullah ﷺ said, ابْنُ عَمِّكِ شَيْخٌ كَبِيرٌ فَاتَّقِي اللَّهَ فِيهِ 'Your cousin is an old man, have taqwa of Allah regarding him.'

Then I replied, 'I will not go home, Ya Rasulullah, until the revelation comes from Allah regarding me.' Suddenly, Rasulullah ﷺ received the revelation and fainted for a moment. Then he woke up and said, 'Ya Khawla, the Quran has been revealed regarding you and your husband.' Then Rasulullah ﷺ recited the ayat I recited."

The Solution and Kaffara

When the Prophet ﷺ conveyed to Khawla that her husband should free a slave in order to finish the Zihar, which after this became prohibited in Islam. الَّذِينَ يُظَاهِرُونَ مِن نِّسَائِهِمْ The one who tells you, "what does it mean you are like my mother's back?" It means I cannot approach you.

So, what is the Kaffara? Rasulullah ﷺ said, تَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍ "Freeing a slave." She said, "Ya Rasulullah, this guy is broke. He doesn't have anything." He said, "Okay, fast 60 شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ Fast two consecutive months." She said, "Ya Rasulullah, he is a very old man, he cannot do it."

Then Rasulullah ﷺ said, إِطْعَامُ سِتِّينَ مِسْكِينًا "Feeding 60 poor people." "Ya Rasulullah, this guy is hardly feeding himself." So Rasulullah ﷺ said, "We will help him." And he ordered, فَإِنَّا سَنُعِينُهُ بِعِرَقٍ مِنْ تَمْرٍ "We will help him with a basket of dates." She said, "I will also help him with another sack of dates." SubhanAllah.

Rasulullah ﷺ said, "That is good and very kind of you. Go and give charity on his behalf and take good care of your cousin." SubhanAllah.

Aisha's Account

Let me mention one more thing from Aisha that she said. Aisha said, "Blessed is the one whose hearing encompasses all things. I heard some of her words, but some of her words were not clear to me. When she complained to Rasulullah ﷺ about her husband, 'Ya Rasulullah, he has consumed my youth and I split my belly for him. I bore many children for him. But when I grew old and could not longer bear any children, he declared Zihar on me. Ya Rasulullah, O Allah, I complained to you.' And she continued complaining until Jibreel came down."

And she said, "Ya Rasulullah, إِنَّ لِي صِبْيَانًا إِنْ ضَمَمْتُهُمْ إِلَيْهِ ضَاعُوا وَإِنْ ضَمَمْتُهُمْ إِلَيَّ جَاعُوا 'I have little kids. If he took care of them, they're gonna be lost. And if I took care of them, they're gonna be hungry. I don't have enough food to support them.' And she insisted and kept on talking and complaining until Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala revealed the ayat.

The point from Aisha radiallahu anha, she is saying that, "I was literally next door, next room, and I could not hear what she's saying. And the Samee'a heard from seventh heaven and he sent Jibreel." SubhanAllah.

Lessons from This Story

Islam's Honor of Women

As you hear the enemies of Islam constantly complaining and accusing Muslims that they oppress women. Does this sound like a woman that is oppressed? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, He did not tell Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam, "forget about her, this is just another woman." He sent Jibreel alayhi salam from seventh heaven to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam.

This story could have been a side story, but it came in ayat, recited till the day of judgment, reminding everyone how much women mean in Islam. It could have been a hadith Qudsi, right? Ya Rasulullah, tell her this is taken care of. No! Ayat will be revealed till the day of judgment, recited in the salawat and everywhere. To show that this woman is in need, there's no difference between man and woman. Allah revealed a surah, named it after that, showing the importance of taking care of anyone who has been dealt with unjustly.

She was dealt with unjustly, he used her, he had babies from her and everything, and then all of a sudden, you don't want me anymore? You're just like that, a moment of anger?

Seeking Solutions

Second, look at this woman. She did not say, الحمد لله جابه "Alhamdulillah, he divorced me," finished. No. She said to herself, "I'm gonna ruin all my life on a moment of an angry husband, I'm going to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam." When we go through these matters, we go to the people of knowledge, and we ask them, what can we do?

Many of the people who come, and they say, "Shaykh, I divorced my wife. But Shaykh, let me tell you something. I was very, very, very angry." I say, "Ya habibi, have you ever seen someone walking to the house, and his wife came and kissed him on the forehead, and she said, 'ya habibi, welcome back home.' And then she prepared a very nice dish for you, and then you went inside, you made wudu, prayed two rak'ah, and you came, and she started feeding you with her hand, and you looked at her and you say, 'honey, you're divorced.' Have you ever heard of that before?"

Of course you were angry. Who's not angry when he says you're divorced? Of course you're angry. Nobody says you're divorced just like this. So, she insisted to find a solution.

Practical Advice for Today

The Severity of Divorce

Now, unfortunately, with what's happening in our homes, or whenever there's a dispute, or conflict, or an argument, number one, let me speak to the brother first. My habibi, the brother, the husband, please, think a million times before you utter the D word.

Rasulullah ﷺ said, ثَلَاثَةٌ جِدُّهُنَّ جِدٌّ وَهَزْلُهُنَّ جِدٌّ "Three matters, when you say them seriously, they are serious, and when you joke about them, they are serious. First, marriage. You know these people in the movies, they say, 'okay, let's go get married.' They're married. Divorce, if you're joking with your wife, you're divorcing, just joking. 'Oh, I'm just kidding,' she's divorced. There's no joking about divorce. This is how severe this matter is. And third, bring her back from divorce. You cannot say, 'I bring you back. Oh, I'm just joking.' There's no joking about these three matters. And they're all related to marriage."

(Hadith reference needed - commonly cited from various sources)

I mean, how much harder you want Allah to make it that the third divorce, your wife has to go sleep with someone in order to come back to you. Is there anything more severe than that? She has to go actually, not just a piece of paper, actually she has to marry somebody, and he can do whatever a man does with his wife in order for you. And then he divorce her, and then she wait for the iddah in order to come back. What does that mean? That's like, no man, real man, not a male, no man will accept that.

A Real-Life Warning Story

In one of the Arab world, a man divorced his wife three times. The third time, she has to go marry somewhere else. And he asked the shayukh, he said, "No, no, no, this thing with the piece of paper, it doesn't work. She has to actually marry somebody." So he looked around. He wants somebody he can trust. He has a driver for 25 years. He said, "You marry her, and then just one, two nights, you don't do nothing, she stays with me, and then you divorce her." He said, "Whatever you say."

Anyway, he married her to the guy. When they finished the contract, "Let's go." "Where are you going?" "She's my wife. 25 years since I started working with you. I've been making dua, ya Allah. Ya Allah. Ya Rabb, this woman, haram for me now, but ya Allah. Either her or someone like her." As-salamu alaykum, habibi. Wallahi, this happened in the Khaleej. He took her. He left. Your master become your wife. What else do you want? SubhanAllah.

So these things, we do not joke about. We do not play around with. And anytime, ya akhi, you get upset, because it happens. If you get upset, leave the room, leave the house, but do not say that word. Do not utter that statement, because it's very, very dangerous. You have two strikes. الطَّلَاقُ مَرَّتَانِ The third one, khalas.

The Importance of Appreciation

Third, in my sister's halaqa on Monday, I leave 10-15 minutes for questions. After all the questions, the last sister, she raised her hand, and she said, "We were talking about doing things for the sake of Allah, and do not expect, if somebody said thank you, alhamdulillah." So there was like, mashallah, 65-70 sisters. By the way, if your wife, your daughter, your sister, mother, Monday, every Monday at 11:45 a.m., I have a halaqa.

So, "Yes, sister." She said, "What if you work so hard at home, you cook, you clean, you make sure everything is perfect, and you don't even get a thank you from your husband." And you know, when she finished the question, the room was roaring. "Shaykh, yes, Shaykh, yes. She is our rep. She is representing all of us." I was shocked, ya akhwan. And you're laughing also? Habibi, these are your wives.

Ya akhi, الْكَلِمَةُ الطَّيِّبَةُ صَدَقَةٌ "A good word is a form of charity." Allah, ya akhwan, please, this is your wife. This is the mother of your children. Jazakallah khair. Barakallah fiki. May Allah reward you. May Allah bless you. May Allah protect you. They're free. And she's, مَن لَّا يَشْكُرُ النَّاسَ لَا يَشْكُرُ اللَّهَ "Whomsoever does not thank the people" - and what if that people is my wife?

And these words, it's a sunnah. The best of you is the best to his wife. Why did you pick the sunnah of the beard and you did not pick the sunnah of being good to your wife? Kindness, love, care.

A Light-Hearted Challenge

You know what? Let's try this now. Pick up, get your phones out. Take your phones out. We don't have much time. Take your phones out. I'm not gonna tell you, text your wife, "I love you," because I know the answer. Last time we did that, I told him, "Text your wife, I love you." The first response, "Alhamdulillah, me too," which is the majority. Then the second response, "What do you want?" Third response, "Who's this?" Fourth response, "Did Ustaz Bajoo tell you to text me?"