Abdul Rahman Chao - 8-23-24

Anas ibn Malik the companion of the Prophet ﷺ tells us that his mother Umm Sulaym on the occasion of the Prophet ﷺ marrying Zaynab ibn Jahsh that when he got married she made some dessert called Hayas. And Hayas is like a date paste that you add butter in it and milk in it and sugar in it. It already has a lot of sugar from the dates.

But it's like a sweet dessert and it's very filling. So to celebrate the wedding of the Prophet ﷺ he was given this, you could say like a vessel filled with Hayas, this dessert. She said to her son, give this to the Prophet ﷺ. It is my humble gift to him and send him my Salam.

Anas ibn Malik brings this to the Prophet ﷺ and the Prophet ﷺ accepts this wedding gift. And he said to Anas ibn Malik, go ahead and invite from Medina the people you want to invite but also invite certain people that you want. So the total number of wedding guests at the Zawaj of the Prophet ﷺ for this occasion was around 300 as narrated by Anas ibn Malik.

So the guests started coming to the house of the Prophet ﷺ and obviously all of them couldn't fit. And so they would come in batches, 10 at a time. There would be that dessert and they would come in, they would eat and then they would leave.

And Anas ibn Malik says that whenever one batch of people would leave and I would lift the vessel, he said that he was not sure how much there was left. Because he never thought that this would be enough for 300 people. But it was from the miracle of the Prophet ﷺ that this little amount of hayas was enough for 300 people.

من دلائل النبوة, from one of the signs of the honesty and the miracles of the Prophet ﷺ. But at the very end there was a group of them who were talking and lingering in the apartment of the Prophet ﷺ. And the Prophet ﷺ was, to put it simply, was annoyed from them. Because they had finished eating and they were just talking and staying. In fact they were staying so much that the Prophet ﷺ got up, left his house to go and talk to some of his other family members, to his other wives like Aisha رضي الله عنها.

And he came back and they were still sitting there. And another Aisha رضي الله عنها, he left again to send them a signal that it was time to leave. Because they were sitting around and kind of waiting for more conversations to happen.

And on the second time when the Prophet ﷺ came back, then they got up and they left. And for this occasion Allah sent down a verse and he says,

O you who believe, do not enter upon the dwellings of the Prophet ﷺ, except when you are permitted to do so. And except when he invites you for food, not that you are coming early in advance waiting for the food to cook.

وَلَٰكِنْ إِذَا دُعِيتُمْ But when you are invited, then enter. And when you are finished eating from the meal, then disperse and leave. And do not stay around looking for conversation.

For verily that indeed annoys, bothers the Prophet ﷺ. And he is too modest. فَيَسْتَحْيِي مِنكُمْ He is too modest. He is too shy to tell you to leave.

But Allah is not shy from the truth.

The Characteristic of Al-Haya

Brothers and sisters, this verse teaches us about this characteristic of الحياء, of modesty. That even the Prophet ﷺ had great amount of حياء ﷺ. That even though something was bothering him, he didn't lash out at his companions.

Brothers and sisters, الحياء, this word, is very difficult to translate into English. Because it depends on the context in Arabic. And because of that, the English translation will be different.

So sometimes in certain context, in certain hadith, it will mean modesty. In certain context, it means shyness. In certain context, it means embarrassment.

And in certain context, it will even mean shame. Not the toxic kind, but something that you feel a little bit bad about.

Brothers and sisters, this word of الحياء, it comes from the Arabic root word of life, حياة.

It's from the same root. And Ibn al-Qayyim, he remarks on this. And he says that it is because modesty and shame, modesty and having shyness, is a noble characteristic that if you have it, it will give life to your heart.

And when you don't have this characteristic, this kind of adab, this kind of mannerism of having shyness in your heart, it actually can kill your heart. It makes your heart die.

Modesty as a Branch of Faith

Brothers and sisters, the Prophet ﷺ tells us that الحياء, modesty, is a part of our faith.

Faith is not just something that is inside the heart, but it's something that manifests. It's both ways. And the Prophet ﷺ says,

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 9)

Faith is 70 or so number of branches. And in a separate narration, 60 or so. It is not about the number, but it's to show you the plethora of how vast faith is, and how it is expressed. أعلاها قول لا إله إلا الله. وأدناها إماطة الأذى عن الطريق.

والحياء شعبة من الإيمان. The highest of iman is saying لا إله إلا الله. There is no God worthy of worship except Allah.

And the lowest of iman is to remove a harm or something foul or something harmful from the road. And the Prophet ﷺ, what does he say? والحياء شعبة من الإيمان. And modesty is a branch of iman, of faith.

Perhaps if we were to look at all of the good characteristics that the Prophet ﷺ teaches us, all of those good characteristics, the bedrock of it is to have modesty. And the Prophet ﷺ, he says,

(Ibn Majah, Hadith 4181)

For every religion, there is good manners and good characteristics. And the characteristic, you could say the core of Islam's adab and characteristic is الحياء, to have modesty.

Born and Acquired Modesty

Modesty is something that you are born with and something that you learn as well. And we know that from the story of Adam ﷺ, which is proof of in itself, that Allah gives every human being a level of modesty. So when Adam and Hawa, when they ate from the tree and it exposed their private areas, they automatically had a level of modesty.

So they started what? Taking the leaves from Jannah to cover themselves. As for modesty as being something that is acquired, that is something learned. The Prophet ﷺ one time said to this companion, and I know that there are various versions and narrations.

He said to him, you have two characteristics in which Allah loves. And he said, what are they? And he said to this companion, he said, It is الحلم والحياء. He says it is forbearance, to have emotional calmness and equanimity, not freaking out.

And الحياء, and to have modesty. And the companion said, Oh messenger of Allah, is this from a long time back? Was he born with this? Or is this hadith? Or is this new? That's something that I've acquired. He said ﷺ, no, it is from before that you were given these two qualities.

So this companion said, الحمد لله, that Allah has given me these two qualities that He loves.

The Prophet's Example of Modesty

Brothers and sisters, how modesty is practiced depends from culture to culture. But more importantly, it is what Islam teaches us.

The Prophet ﷺ one time passed by a man who was berating his brother, his fellow brother. Stop having so much modesty, stop being so shy, stop being timid. And the Prophet ﷺ said, No, don't say that to him.

Leave him alone. For modesty brings nothing but goodness. And in another narration the Prophet ﷺ says, For modesty is a part of iman.

The Prophet ﷺ, our example, paragon of virtue, the best of mankind. He was one of the most modest people. He had the most amount of haya and shame and shyness.

He was never vulgar. In fact, many people misunderstand this hadith. Because there's a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ in which he is described as, having more modesty than an unmarried woman in her private chambers.

This hadith is not saying that the Prophet ﷺ is a woman. Hasha. It's saying that the characteristic of modesty is not something only limited to women that we expect of, but it is a characteristic men should also have as well.

Because we live in a society, Muslim or non-Muslim, where they say that women should be demure and quiet and have shame, and men should be loud and brazen and what not. The Prophet ﷺ is being described as this. Why? It's not being described as an unmarried woman.

It's that it is in her silence. So the Prophet ﷺ when he saw something that he didn't like, he didn't just started blasting people. But the hadith says, if he didn't like something, we could see it in his face.

We could see it in his face, but he didn't become vulgar and start cursing and start swearing.

True Modesty with Allah

Brothers and sisters, We live in a time where many people compartmentalize hayat in the way how it manifests. So sometimes people think of hayat in the way how someone should dress, how a sister should dress, how a brother should dress, or perhaps the way how they speak.

But brothers and sisters, having modesty is all of that, but more importantly to have modesty in your heart towards Allah. Because when you don't have modesty towards Allah, then everything else depends on it. Then those things are in jeopardy.

The Prophet ﷺ in a narration, he said to his companions, he said, Have shame, have modesty, have shyness from Allah. So the companion said, Oh Messenger of Allah, we all have shame and modesty and shyness.

The Prophet ﷺ says, Not in that way that you think. The Prophet ﷺ says, If you want to have hayat from Allah, the true meaning of hayat with Allah, it means you are careful with what is in your mind. How you think, what goes into your mind, what you learn.

And you are careful with what goes into your stomach. And you are careful and you remember, you frequently remember death, and whoever wants the akhira, whoever wants the akhira, they will leave the glitter of this dunya. And whoever does that, they indeed have inquired this characteristic of having true modesty towards Allah.

So having hayat with Allah, brothers and sisters, means that even when you are alone, you stay away from what is haram.

Just because no one sees you, no one can recognize you, maybe you are not a visible Muslim, it doesn't mean that all gloves come off and you can be foul and rude and immodest.

Modesty in the Digital Age

Brothers and sisters, we live in a time where Elon Musk has told us, and he has packaged freedom of expression as a bedrock of democracy. Where he says that Twitter, now known as X, is the de facto public town square.

So anyone should be able to say anything. No matter how racist it is, no matter how vulgar it is, no matter how disgusting it is, no matter how rude the pictures are, there should be no censorship because that's freedom of speech.

And brothers and sisters, think about what social media has done today. Things that people would not say to your face are being done behind a computer screen, behind a cell phone. Bullying that would not be done brazenly to your face is now done. People will just destroy a person's reputation over social media.

Someone posts something vulgar and rude on Instagram or any of these social media companies and you have people that are just completely shameless.

And so brothers and sisters, when it comes to الحياء, it means that you apply it correctly. So when it comes to learning the truth and learning what is correct and knowing what is right and wrong, teaching your kids about what is puberty, teaching them how to clean themselves, there is no حياء in that.

You shouldn't be embarrassed of that. If you are embarrassed from teaching them that, then you are leading them astray. You have to teach them the truth.

Having حياء also means that you speak up for what is right when something is right. And when something is wrong, you speak up and say that is wrong.

We ask Allah to bless us with this characteristic.

أقول قولي هذا وأستغفر الله لي ولكم، أقيموا الصلاة.